Invitation Only.

Well, thanks Liz and Starla,
That was quite an introduction that you gave.
Making me blush with all tha adjectives and adverbs,
Didn't know there was a Sexiest News lady Award...that trophy I will save.

I know you Mommys back in tha studio are jealous,
Wishing that you were in my Jimmy Choo's at this moment.
Getting paid to party, and bring tha entire Galaxy tha scoop live,
Who says that being a flawlessly beautiful doesn't pay off...this is why I don't eat donuts.

Cinco.

(Curtain Goes Up)

Tha Fifth Season is well under way in my life,

The one in tha middle of Fall and Winter Snow.

One in which everyday seems to feel like Christmas,

And also one where there's no regard for tha dough.

Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall,

Those four seasons are great without any doubt.

But living here in Miami, brings a whole 'nother element,

The 5th season has hit us, where its all smiles and no pout.

Tha Galaxia...Tha Whole Galaxia...And Nuthing But Tha Galaxia!

December The 19th, 2013...


What a day on today!  To be honest, it was full of a lot of emotions.  Some of which we are gonna get into here on tonight.  Feel a little tired, just because...I don't know.  We have given so much as of late to be "The Best" but lately our schedule has been really jacked up, so we haven't been able to do a lot of tha things that we would love to do at the level that we would like to do it.  But we'll get into that later on.

Hate Mail.

Can you hear me now?...Hello...Hello...Yeah, I gotcha.  I'm inside the building.  But for real dude, we have to somehow and someway get into that party this weekend.  It's a free invite, and there are gonna be some of tha hottest girls in Miami there...Huh?!!  Bro, I know it's your time to babysit, but forget that just...

(Click.  Mailbox opening.)

"Finally...Some Screen Time!"

Complicated:  consisting of many interconnecting parts or elements; intricate 

Let's try another one....

Flirt:  behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather than with serious intentions.

Huh....

Interesting.  Either one or both of these words have been associated with so much Miami drama tha last few weeks and months that it hasn't even been funny.  Boy, I feel like it might be one of those nights where I need to get me some Cog-"Yac" and sum Orange Juice and have a little sit down talk on this evening.  Cuz we have some wild things that has been going on in our Galaxy worthy of a few minutes of our time.  

Hollywood Nights.

(Tha Setting:  1960s Hollywood, California)

Glow Me!

I'm gonna write this thang as if its our last time,
Meaning I have to let it all on tha line.
So many good things have been happening in our life,
Yet tonight we're taking a backseat and let these words shine.

Doing something I never do, and u don't know it,
Just like understanding tha language of a Puppy's bark.
All of tha lights in our place, are on tha switch down,
Need to write this thang like never before...How about in tha dark.

(Whew!  Here we go...)

Tha Missing Piece...A Holiday Novel.

Tonight...Something for tha holidays!....Enjoy!

I hope I got everythang packed in my bag,

Having to work before taking a flight has got me all in a rush.

Got my pants, got my D&G bag, shoot I knew I forgot something,

Stupid me, how can I bring my hair gel, and forget my lucky brush.

Oh, well, no time to go back and pick that thang up,

My flight is about to leave in about 45 minutes flat.

Art Basel has got tha entire Beach area in a complete stand still,

I mean is there a discount on "Luv u long time's"...Or even 1984 crack?

"I'll Take Tha Stairs!"

Oh boy!  We haven't done this in awhile.  A seemingly good old fashion diary post, where it's just us.  Period.  No gimmicks.  No poems.  No stories...well, sort of.  But...I think this trail mix, I just ate, is making me sick.  Freakin' Target...Anyway, a whole lot has been going on.  And I can write for days about our "Galaxian Dream" lifestyle where everyday there's a party or money spent or episode with tha opposite sex, but tonight, there seems to be somethang hanging in tha air on this Saturday night.  So...we aren't gonna fight tha feeling, we're just gonna relax, relate and release (I totally need 2 get into some Yoga and Pilates classes really soon.  Can't wait 2 do those Tom and Jerry stretches...that's a cute joke for u Yogis!)...And let tonight speak for itself...There's only one question though...What shall we talk about? As Austin Powers would say, "Hummm?"  (The finger to tha mouth motion is totally sold separately!)

Today is tha final day of tha month of November.  But we've been living in fiscal year 2014 for about 8 weeks, , 3 hours, upteen minutes and 69 seconds now, so...Yeah, u read that right, we have our own time zone as well.  It sounds good, so just roll with me, Ok!....This is our diary, right?!!  So I can just say whatever comes to our heart cuz nobody but u and me, is ever gonna read it anyway, right?!!...Right?!!!...I said, Right?!!!  Now that I've made four square turns into tha full circle where I wanted to go with this thang, we are gonna make a statement that a lot of folks want to say, but may not want to admit...Please, I mean please don't let any 12 year old kids read what I'm about to say...

A Galaxy Hostage.

I guess it's only right, that I'm tha last one,
Out of all that have come before me on this site.
Seemingly everybody has been asked about this Galaxia fellow,
But somehow I've been forgotten, although I'm in his front pocket right.

With today being Thanksgiving and all, it's about time,
Nobody can tell this thing like I can do.
Galaxia has a lot to be thankful for, as we all,
Just lately my spirit has been down making my white skin look blue.

Why Tha Poker Face?!!

Here we go....

So I was talking to my Mom last night,
Discussing how so much of my life has been a dream.
Been places that not 2 many people could imagine,
Time has gone by so fast, at least that's how it seems.

Yet, even I, must admit that things have been tough,
Nobody could prepare u for tha journey 2 tha top.
The choices of stay in or go out, be quiet or speak up,
Not even gonna discuss the pressures about drinking water vs. drinking a pop.

Club Kids.

Galaxian Note:  Don't u luv it when we add these notes to tha beginning of tha posts!  Eye guess we just feel like the post writes itself, and we really don't have no control over it.  So these few sentences are perhaps our only chance to get intimate and personal before all tha madness begins!  Been a wild day!  But let's see what transpires on this evening.  Just got in a little bit ago, have no idea what really 2 jot about on today, so just like u, I'm eager beaver to find out what fun awaits following this upcoming exclamation point...Which is about to come in 3...2....1....Enjoy!

(Huge Breath...)

Tha Yasella Dominguez Show.

Galaxian Note:  Well, we always like to make history whenever we can, so this post does just that.  Something has hit us on today after watching this program on Single Ladies.  Yes, us guys do every once in awhile want to get inside of the minds of the female sector.  But something is bubbling inside which I can't hold back any longer.  So...before I start my Sunday which may include a trip up to Ikea and to pick up some other nick nacks on today...For the first time...we are gonna jot twice in a 12 hour period.  With this being tha second.  Absolutely have no idea what's about to be written, or who we might offend, but when it comes to dating and this love thang...You KNOW we got some opinions!  So let's all just sit back, and enjoy what's about to transpire...

Alright...Fingers do all tha writing on this one...

(Huge Blow...)

Novela(s) De South Beach.

A Late Night Saturday Night.  How exciting and we are in total, and we do mean TOTAL rest mode right now.  Aplogize for not writing that much within tha last few weeks but it has been wild down here in "Tha Land of Tha Beautiful People" of South Beach.  So what shall we jot about as we watch this USC/Stanford football game out in LA.  Something is telling us that we need to jot down a little rhyme on tonight...But what can we talk about.  Oh,Well...If nothing else, might as well just write about what's going on in this crazy Galaxy of ours.  Once again...this should be interesting.

(Huge Blow...)

Desert Takeover.

Hello, I bet you didn't expect this,

Another guest star writing in this special diary of a future star.

But this Austino Galaxia fellow is out doing his thang,

And invited me to talk about tha journey that can be so far.

Now Galaxia has never had any pets, or insects,

Although at his age he should have had at least a cat.

He's gonna laugh at that, cuz he's sensitive about getting old,

It ain't my fault that he was at the meeting when Tuesday became Fat.

An Interview With A Vowel.

Galaxian Note:  It's 9:52 am on this Saturday morning, and we have a lot of ways this thang could go.  But!  Even though I have no idea where this could lead, meaning things may get very interesting today, we're just gonna let tha keys on tha computer do tha jotting...Whew!  Here we go...Hope u enjoy!

I Luv Me. Me Luv I.

Another adventure continues on tonight.  Al...right.  So what do we jot about on this evening?  Hmmmm?  A very good question.  Give me a minute as I take another bite out of my "Stop Jivin' It's Turkey" pasta dish.  What to right...I mean, write!!  Aye Yai Yai!!!  This is gonna be an interesting diary entry on tonight.  

What has come over me?  I think this South Beach life has totally taken control of me.  I mean, now I'm making sure I chew a piece of chocolate at least 4 times before I swallow, just so I don't pimple out too early.  The other day I was in shopping and comparing tha stats on waffles like I was a judge on Dancing With The Stars.  'Ah...you have great movement in tha protein portion of ur routine, and tha gram count in your 1-2 salsa step is impeccable, but if you were to practice a little bit on that Sodium Dip of your partner of about 3%,  trust me, you'll be one of tha best to ever pop out of a toaster!!'  

Zoom!

Alright, I got a ham and cheese for you...Pablo, I got ur favorite sandwich a Cubano, or something like that.  Spokes, I got ur fried salami sandwich with mustard and barbeque sauce, just like u always love it.  And for me, I got me my turkey sandwich topped delicately with melted cheese from the finest farms in Wisconsin.  Along with sliced tomatoes imported from France, lite Italian dressing vinaigrette, and a pickle on tha side.

(Clunk!)

Tha Trick 2 Ur Treat.

I can't help but jot a little something,

On this South Beach Holiday of fright.

Everybody is out all dressed in costumes,

Some of which are not for a kid's sight.

But as I write on tonight briefly,

There's a question that is biting me in tha booty.

What is tha thing I'm most scared of?

For this I might need a gum stick of Juicy...Fruity.

This is our diary, u know so,

I'm sure what we say, is gonna be ultra private.

Things that nobody has heard us say before,

The words may turn u as cold as tha Arctic climate.

Let's get down to it, right now,

No more time for small preludes to destiny.

Just gonna let it rip, in our own way,

On tha count of One...Two...Three.

Prime Time Special.

Alright.  I'm kind of at a small crossroads as to what to write on tonight.  Part of me wants to be all cool, calm and collective.  While another part of me, wants to turn this diary upside on it's heels, and start calling out some names of some folks who have become part of...tha story.  What do u think we should do, hey???  Just gonna write from our heart and let tha chips fall where they may.  I got a feeling this is about 2 get interesting tonight.

Like A Movie.

Fingers, I'm letting u do tha work,

Whatever tha case, please don't fail me now.

Let this be a home run of a post,

Not ahead of this pitch, which will make it go foul.

Just relax on this Saturday Morning,

Wanting something special to be created.

Whether that'll make me loved like Mother Teresa,

Or whether I become Cyberspace's poster boy for tha Most Hated.

No idea what is gonna come of this today,

We're just writing from our heart and soul.

Somehow I think it's gonna be really, really good,

Get your snacks and popcorn...Matter of fact, make me a bowl.

Undercover Lover...The Return of Big C.

Last season on The New Adventures of Austino Galaxia....Click Here.

Boy, that was some kind of workout today.  Added a few new thangs, thank our Trainers for hooking us up.  We feel like we're in tha best shape of our life, for real.  People think we joking, but I not bulling around, I got a lot to prove in every single aspect of our life.  I want to share nothing, and I do mean nothing but love and fun, that's it.  I'm not like other people, you can be straight up with me.  Anyways, I used to live for love and fun, now not only do I live for it, but now I'm willing to die for it.  And believe u me, there's a big difference.  Talked to my brother Ant Skeezy on today.  Him talking about snow up North in Indiana.  We get so spoiled down here living in South Beach.  Great talk about tha good old days.  Now he's married with a kid...Wow.  Life is really something...

One-on-1

The feeling of a loss, 

It truly cannot be put into words.

Empty, unfulfilling at best,

The yelling of the other team shouting, "Yes Sir!"

Walking back to tha locker room,

Contemplating if I'm ever gonna simply...Win.

Is this tha reward for those early morning sacrifices,

Or looking at tha playbook late night in tha basement den.

Top Secret Thoughts.

I'm very anxious to see what we are gonna write about on tonight.  I had all intentions on going up North on tonight, 2 kick it a little bit...or a lot.  But things happen, so instead we are here at tha Crib watching "our boys" the FSU Seminoles play against Clemson in a big college football game.  Clemson just fumbled on tha first play, so it should be a good one.

Like we said, we really had no plans on writing on tonight, or even in the upcoming days.  You know its amazing how things can happen, and tha things that seem like...Let me explain.  I shouldn't really, but since it's our diary, I might as well.  

(Huff!)

"Whack!!!"

My field of work is not easy by a long shot,
Tight deadlines, aided by Cuban coffee in a shot cup.
They make it hard for me to advance up tha ladder,
I wanna be a Big Dog with a overcoat, like my hero, Mr. McGruff.

He wanted to take a bite of crime, which was so cool,
Bullying stinks, and he's always on tha neighborhood watch.
Why are kids so mean, by taking things from other kids,
I can see a pair of J's, or a Barbie backpack, but come on, a Capri Sun Pouch?

But I wanted to do something even better, something big,
So for me the choice could not be any more clearer.
Going to school to be a Reporter, to cover celebrities,
I not only wanted to see tha hot ones, but those considered even more fairer.

Tha Gurl I Sleep With...

Get out!  Get out!!  This Galaxia guy...See he just don't understand...Don't you be looking back at me like that!  I have no Goya beans about it being 1:07am in tha morning, right now, I just can't be with you on tonight.  See, Ladies, this is a little word of advice when u dealing with this Austino Galaxia guy.  U gotta be tough, u gotta be firm, and not allow all those past nights of his body laying on top of you make u soft.  See, now he's over on tha computer talking about me.  He knows he can't live without me.  Well, let me tell you what really went down.  Think ur gonna like this...

Joy Ride. The Conclusion.

(Huge Blow)

Previously Recorded on The New Adventures of Austino Galaxia...Click Here.

And now the Conclusion of "Joy Ride"....

Joy Ride.

(Zippp!)

You know what, this Bucket List movie done inspired me.  Let me see, what time is it...Ahh 9:53 pm.  Perfect.  I can't go out like this, you never know who I might bump into.  Seems like folks are watching us wherever we go.  Earlier today as I was parking tha ride, this chick was just staring at us as she was walking by as we were about to get out.  She looked like South American, with half cut top revealing her entire stomach so that u can see a little INSANITY workout definition, and those purple short shorts...Amazing how these girls can give us "that look", u know. Our life is just so crazy.  Like we've gone through all the episodes of somebody who should be on TV or in magazines on tha constant, yet...Well, I guess that's what tonight's gonna be about.  I'm gonna do this South Beach style, and just rock tha tank top with some Nike's.  A bandanna, yeah, gotta put that on as well, hopefully they will see me in a Young Hollywood sense, and not in a 'I'm about to gank u for all u got' way.  Just got done eating some Turkey Burgers, so let me toss this trash out, everybody knows how I can't stand to have basura just hanging around my joint.  Alright, hey, this is different, let's have some fun.  Got everythang?  And we're off.

(Click!)

It's Gently Approaching...

Oh boy.

Lot going on, so might as well just jump head on into this swimming pool of craziness.  

I wasn't gonna do this, but something is leading me.  I usually don't like to do back2kcab posts in tha same medium per se, but we're gonna let it rip.  Please don't let me make a fool of myself...again. 

Alright, here we go.

Playgirl Crush.

Warning:  Please forgive me Ms. Diary on tonight, but I'm gonna write this like it's me and you.  Meaning that I'm gonna let loose in a personal way that will illustrate what really going on in our Galaxy.  We're writing this like nobody else will read it, so it's just u and me.  Alright, from our heart....

Oh boy.


Today I woke up with a feeling,
My first words were, 'It's gonna be a good day.'
Who knew what drama would follow on,
I mean it's poured down raining through tha sun rays.

But there was something in tha air, I guess,
Words are difficult to even find.
A feeling like we need to get back to being me,
And go through life wearing our 'S' for Swagger sign.

Not to sound selfish, not at all,
Just know that tha time is now to show.
Been through the experiences, and tha trials,
Now, it's the Opening Act after that "Best Kept Secret" Intro.

3 Rings.

(Un!Un!Un!Un!Un!Un!...Click!)

That stupid alarm clock.  It's Already...what time is it? It's 9:48am.  Whatever, it's...Wait?  What time is it?  Oh noooooo, I over slept.  Nooooo.....I gotta get up from here, like right now.  Man.  This is my first day on tha job, and I'm running late already.  All my life....where's my jeans.  Need a shirt.  This white one will have to do.  Ok...All my life I've been waiting for an opportunity of a lifetime, and now this.  Freakin' alarm didn't go off on time.  I'm never gonna buy my alarm clock from bootleggers who hang out on the block of Flagler and Le Jeune ever again.  Didn't those cats get their permits to be selling all that bottle water, mangoes and I guess alarm clocks on tha street like that?  Shoot, I coulda used that money to get a Double Steakburger from Steak 'N Shake, with a Happy Hour Ice Cream float.  Now I'm outta tha money, I've overslept, and now I'm as mad as a Mr. Slate when Fred Flintstone shows up late to work.  Except I'm tha late one...Keys, where's my Alicia Keys?  Alright, my bag is packed already, don't even have no time to brush my teeth.  Whatever, guess I just won't smile today.  Let me close this door.  Freakin' close!  Why is this thang actin...I'm about to have a nervous breakdown...Relax...Relax....Now...Shut!!!

Stephen McFry.

(A letter received on today from a...well, I'll just let you read it for yourself)

No Deal.

Well, Ok.

Guess we're just gonna keep it real on tonight.  Had something a little intriguing going on in our mind.  Evidently Tha Powers that be, is leading us to just write.  From our heart.  And let whatever come of this, just happen.  Usually, when we have no idea what to write about something magical happens, so let's just go with tha flow on today.

Frigid Talk.

Yes!  Come on Austino!  Come on Austino!  Pick me...

(Phoom!)

Not again.  Oh, wait, it's him again...Austino, Pick Me...Pick Me...

(Phoom!)

U thought u were gonna get a whole lot more outta me, right.  Yeah, this pretty much sums up my life.  High hopes, leading to big time disappointments.  Hoping that one day I would get outta this pit of darkness.  I mean, not only is it dark, but it's just so cold in here.  I thought this was South Beach?!!  Tha home of bikini wax's and 12-pack abs.  One can only dream.  Lately, I don't even know what's going on outside.  Every once in awhile somebody makes a cameo, and let's me know what's going on in tha real world.  I've had some weird ones stop by.  Like tha other day, this tall looking dude stopped by, and said he was studying to be an Aid for catching Gators.  I mean, who does that?  Shouldn't he be on Animal Planet or something instead of trying to get a piece of my block?!!  He's stealing my thunder.  It's crazy.  But...wait...

Hey, take a look Galaxia?!!

(Phoom!)

Bonita.

This is totally unexpected so please forgive me,
On this Autumn morning day.
But there is somethang in tha air seemingly,
That tells us to let this poem play.

Thus, we will, it's so early,
And I've got my interview with Kat D Von on pause.
A more important issue is at hand,
Hopefully this will hit home or at least up in Mars.

I've got a girl in mind as I write this,
Cuz I just saw something that threw me for a loop.
As  Jigga said, we sometimes need a reminder,
That we are special, and not just some forgotten Betty Boop.

Gonna let this breathe, and let it write itself,
However long it takes, I guess we shall soon see.
Just know that this is from our heart, and nobody else's,
Perhaps nobody else can define Beauty better...Than me.

Naked.

Oh boy.  This is gonna be me to tha max.  Here we go.

Well, as our diary has been setting new standards by tha moment.  As much as I don't wanna do this, I feel tha need to because this is a Live diary of our life.  I know it's filled with crazy stories, and poems and just silliness really, but this post is real...And well, might as well just get into it.

Special Delivery.

Please let this be good....Write like it's just you and me....

(Huge Blow)

This diary, oh if I could have u for one night,
To say all that's been going on in our mind.
Like the old times when we used to just jot free,
When we wrote while ignoring every literacy stop sign.

Gonna take this thang back, like we use to,
Back when we started in like 2001.
How it wasn't about anything complicated,
Just goofy thoughts from a guy who's all about fun.

Unedited, unfiltered,
Realizing, that this is how any diary should be.
Not concerned about any future fame,
Like Deco Drive or Extra, or Giuliana speaking to us on E!

Take a deep breath, and just relax,
Let tha fingers do all tha talking.
If u thought we've been wild before u might wanna stop,
And grab a chair, and postpone that nightly Dog on a leash walking.

A Doctor. A Grandma. And Love.

'...You know, love and relationships involves a lot of give and take.  And sometimes you have to sacrifice for the benefit of the Marriage.'

I know, I know.  But me and my husband have been married for over...like 50 years now, and he's never asked me to do anything...Ah...like this.  My family grew up in South Carolina in the heart of tha Bible Belt, and I understand He wants to add some fun to our lives, I know, but this one is new even for me.  I'm no Spring Chicken anymore, Doctor, I'm more like a Winter Hen.  What you do for love, right, What you do for love...

'Very true, Mrs. Carpenter...Very true.  So tell me, what actually happened?'

Well...He came home one evening from the corner store with a bag of groceries in his hand.  Needed some flour and Vanilla for my Red Velvet Cake I was gonna make for the girls down at tha Bingo Hall this Wednesday.  You play Bingo, Doctor?

'No.  No, I don't...Please, Go on.'

Tha Tryout. Tha Conclusion.

Previously recorded in Austino Galaxia's Universo....Please Click Here.

And Now tha thrilling conclusion to 'Tha Tryout'...Enjoy!


And you don't have to tell me, you must be....

"Austino Galaxia.  The pleasure's all mine.  I luv your outfit, seems like you put a lotta effort into it.  J's, Daisy Duke shorts, and the trucker hat.  That look will take you far in this audition.  Now just show me your purple."

Ahhh?  Pur-ple??

"Yeah, everybody who tries out has to have some kind of purple in their outfit.  You didn't see that in my tweet a few hours ago?  Please say that a girl who got all dolled up, to come down 2 this audition didn't disrespect me and not follow my specific direct..."

Tha Tryout.

Ok, I hope I got this down...It goes, "It Must Be Said"...."No Monkey Business In Tha Jungle"..."A Mouse in tha Living Room"...No, No...A Rat in tha Bedroom...No forget it, let's move on to tha next one, "27 and Sexy"...Nooo!!  I'm never gonna get all this down in time.  Relax!  Relax!  I still have time.  This is soo crazy, I never thought this opportunity would ever come.  But I was Twitter, and saw this ad of sorts.  And I thought, OMG!, this is a chance of a lifetime.  My friend Venus called me up, and was like, "Did u just see what I just saw!"  I was like, "Fudge Yeah!"  That was last night, so for the last 24 hours, I've tried to do any and everythang to make sure that there is no way that I can be denied this chance.  This is like tha coolest thang to happen to me since I won a Hard Body contest in Cancun during a Spring Break a few years ago.  There was a small controversy about my party life, and folks saying I did a lot of "sowing" to win.  And I may have done a thang or two in tha past with a few of tha judges, but hey...Any girl knows it ain't how u serve...But if u know how 2 use ur stroke that makes u a freak...of nature, I mean.  And believe u me, a few Tequlia's chased by some lemon limes would have u stroking like Serena Williams!  Simply put, I do what I gotta do.  Believe that...

It Must Be Said.

On this very rainy evening,
Down here in tha hood of South Beach.
We find ourselves once again,
Jotting a few nuggets from our mindful teach.

Have no idea where today is gonna go,
There's just a feeling in tha air to write.
Almost rather be getting some rest,
Or putting on some Tom Ford which will set tha night.

Yet, here we go again this Monday,
On a Galaxy journey where tha stars always shine.
Whatever you do, don't throw tomatoes after u read this,
Those who hate on this, my goons will surely find.

Forget it, let's just get down to it,
Love, Fame and Sex sums up my mind on today.
Bet u didn't think I'll hit u like that, huh,
Sometimes might as well tell it in a TMZ way.

No Monkey Business In Tha Jungle!

(Somewhere in tha Pacific Ocean)

(Ooooh Ah-Ah-Ah-Ahhhh!)

What tha???...What time is it?  8:30 am. Where's my glasses?  Wait....WHAT?!!  Where am I and what is this that I'm wearing?  Please tell me that I didn't get poisoned with no MDNA last night.  I knew right when that girl approached me at tha party, that she wanted me to be her 'boy toy'.  This ain't tha SLS Hotel?!! Where's my stuff?  And, where tha fizzy am I?  There's my glasses.  This is crazy...

(Ooooh Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ahhhh!)

What's that noise?

A Rat In Tha Kitchen.

Ok, we got a grilled salmon on Table Two with mussels, then on Table 3 we got smothered pork chops,with...Whah???  What tha...?? Hey, who took this order down for Table 3???  Nikki, Come here...What is this supposed to be?

"Macaroni and Cheese."

Now listen, ur cute and I like u because ur cute, but how about puttin' some of that cuteness into writing down the order legibly?!!  Alright, it's our busiest night, and I don't need 2 be wasting any time.  U got it.  Now go back out there and do what u do.  Step it up!  Step it up!  Everybody needs to step their game up.  Charlie boy, make sure u don't burn that sauce over there...Lily, make sure, didn't we go over this all week, make sure that u stir tha pot in a counter-clockwise position, that makes all tha difference. Go away from tha sun, away from it....Hey, Stacie, u taking tha rolls out too soon, u gotta...Stac's u have to let them stay in tha oven for 3 more minutes, and then put tha Nutella inside of them.  Come On, u were born in Italy, u should know how this thang goes.

#Only4MyDiary

It's 7pm on tha dot, here in South Beach,
And tonight we feel like letting everything flow.
Don't really feel like writing a poem this evening,
Not like we're doing this for any type of dough.

So much has been going on in our life,
Guess it's best to put it into some words.
Maybe some Henny or some Patron would help,
But for this we're taking tha route of tha birds.

Meaning buckle up, for this ride of Sept. 12,
Never know when this all will come to an end.
Gonna let this poem write itself, no interruptions,
The only question is now...Where to begin?

A Galaxian Western.

"AND'S HERE'S YOU HAT, NOW GET ON UR SADDLE AND BE GONE.   U'RE NEVER GONNA WORK IN THIS TOWN AGAIN!  YOU'RE FIRED!!"

(Door Slams)

Well u know what, u're gonna pay for this!  This just ain't fair, like never in...That's was the best job I had.  That's all I knew.  They got rid of me, just because of some silly idea, or at least they thought it was silly.  As for me, I thought it was genius.  Now look at me..(Swop!  Swop! Swop!)  Gotta dust off all this dirt on me, I mean he literally threw me out into this dusty road.  I can't believe it.  Let me mosey over to this bar, I need a cold one.  Like right now.  Is it open?  Know it's during tha day, but surely Jim has to be inside....

(You got to..Know when to hold 'em...Know when to fold 'em...Know when to walk away...and know when to run....)

Ain't that symbolic of my day.  They got Tha Gambler playing in tha juke box.  Simply great.

"Howdie, Superstar!  Whadda have on today?  Tha u-sur-al?"

17 And Feisty.

I hate guys.

Yeah, that's a crazy way to begin my rant but I don't care.  People have told me, "You're so cute." or "You should be a model", and that's all nice and all, but looking good comes with a price.  And the way these guys treat me, all this whistling, and gawking, I mean, they act like they never seen any T & A before....I mean, they have read the alphabet charts, haven't they?!  Gosh...Let me introduce myself, my name is Ashley.  Heyyy!!!  And over there sitting on my bed is my BFF Tiffany, who I luv to call, "Skates" just because she's always happy and like is tha hottest chick skateboarder I know.  And holding this camera I'm talking to is my little brother, who everybody calls "Nickel" just because as a small kid, he once ate one of those little Abraham Lincoln fellows.  Nickel, hold tha camera straight, ur pointing it up to tha ceiling.  Nobody wants to see my Taylor Swift poster, hold it...gimmie it...gim-mie it....

"Nooooo!  I'm telling Mommy!!"

Cock Fight Night.

Ok.  This is truly what u call an exclusive post.  I wasn't even gonna write tonight, all day and all night we just been on a chill tip.  We had a tough workout earlier this afternoon, so my mindset as of right now has been to get our body in tip top condition, and to just clear our mind.  More on that later, but if u follow us on Instagram, u probably got my hand written note, in regards to this mugging I just had at my crib.  SC just came on for their college football game against Washington State out in Los Angeles, so it's gonna be a long night.  So grab ur coffee, and if u're reading this late night style or even early morning over in Paris (Homegurl don't think I haven't forgotten about u over there), this is about to be unplugged.

Somebody Call 1-4-3....

('You were with me last night!   You were with me last night!  Come on, now...Listen, I'm tired of you lying to me, alright.  U need 2 to just keep it real.  This right here...in my tummy, this is you.  U da baby daddy!  U da baby daddy!  So no matter what u think or say, u gonna have to step up and be a man.  They done flew me all the way from Texas to be on this show, but guess what, I already know how this gonna go down.  And Taniqua ain't gonna be tha one...See, cuz I done seen this alllll go down before. I know u gonna bring out one of them country (Boop!), that u've been sleeping with from behind that blue curtain, and then it's gonna all go down like Basketball Wives.  But guess what, I've been in the (Boop!) gym, so bring her out...Look, hold these, here's my cheap earrings u bought....here's my (Boop!) shoes...Bring her out!....Bring her (Boop!)...out!  I ain't playing... I'm gonna wup her...')

WE NOW INTERRUPT YOUR REGULAR SCHEDULE PROGRAM WITH THIS BREAKING NEWS...

Miss C.

I sit here in from of this computer,
Unlike any time words have been jotted down.
Tonight may be one just for me, like old times,
One written with our heart...sans any frown.

But I have one girl in mind,
For real, one that's tha inspiration for today.
One in whom I saw, but shared limited words,
As she passed along my way.

This is gonna be tha one, which decides,
Am I gonna leave Galaxia alone or follow for life.
Cuz at one time I thought that this girl was everythang I hoped,
Style with killa charisma, to put short...a future wife.

Nobody Like My No. 2.

"NUMBER 2, YOUR DINNER IS READY."

Look, I used to be a star, now I'm reserved to being a number.  I can't believe that I'm in this place.  This is where they put all the has beens, those that are all broken up, or all those fiends that have just run outta ink so to speak.  This isn't a place for me.  THIS ISN'T THA PLACE FOR ME!!  This is all that Austino Galaxia fellows fault.  He threw me to the side a long time ago, about two years to be exact.  Ever since, I've been spinning out of control.  Like, my mind just doesn't function the same as it once did.  Just my look alone, I was born with naturally pink hair.  Now, on top of me having Rodman hair, I now also don a pink skull cap on top.  Just so there aren't any mistakes, u know what I mean.  Then I rock two green bandannas underneath, just because that's how Tha Boz used to do it back in tha 80s.  Seems as if I've grown shorter since I've been in here too.  It's just crazy.  Really crazy.

"Number 2, u gonna eat all them mashed potatoes?"

7:00 a.m.

That's tha time I'm writing this diary post, and I have no idea what we're gonna write about.  Yikes!!!  I feel like I'm gonna pull out my hair on this one.  But never would I messed up my 'do.  So what shall we jot about on today.  This could be one of those diary post where we just vent like never before, and just call out names like I'm waiting for jury duty...Speaking of which why do they always show the movie, The Proposal at the Courthouse downtown here in Miami?  I mean, He...llooo, have they ever heard of 12 Angry Men or Perry Mason, heck I'll even take a marathon of Caso Cerrado, or The People's Court with tha muy sexy bonita Marilyn Milian...Huh, I've never tried that, so a gavel in one hand, then I could put on one of those old British white wigs, then a robe that opens from tha front...And then she could be tha baliff with the black Ray-Ban's, button up shirt, in Chicago Police blue, their tint of blue is more fashionable, and the handcuffs and tha night stick, well I have tha night stick, but still...Ah, it's way too early to be having these thoughts.  So getting back to today, or this diary can be one where we sob in tha corner with tha notebook cradling in our arms, with us wondering why I can't get a grilled Chicken Snack Wrap on McDonald's late night menu?! It.  Just. Ain't.  Fair.  I want my extra pickles!

I'm In A New York State Of Find.

Let's see how this goes.....

Never in a million years did I figure that I would end up here in New York City.  I've always considered myself a Los Angeles kind type of dude.  Miami was great as well, but here we are in tha Big Apple.  Where they claim, if u can't make it here, u just ain't no good.  Or something like that. I remember as a kid my Aunt talking about how the rats here are as big dogs.  She wasn't lying.  The other day, this rat stopped me in the middle of lunch hour, and had a full conversation with me.  We got to talking about tha state of tha Yankees, where u can find tha best hot dog, and the real reason Regis gave up his spot on Morning spot on TV.  This little guy was like a genius, he even told me how one night him and Donald Trump got into an argument at a Penthouse party about how u should split the cheese in life.  He said, he hit Tha Donald with three karate chops, followed by a flick of his ring finger, and next thing u know it, tha cops were called in, and tha little guy was booked, and later sent upstate to Tha Big Maze which left him even more confused due to tha fact that he could never find his way out.  Even now, he talks with a little glaze in his eye, that leaves u to believe that he's one Velvetta short of having it all.  But...That's New York.

Country Days. City Nights.

They say it's nothing like your very first,
At least that's what I heard the other day.
But on this Friday night, my next just pulled up tha driveway,
I couldn't understand if it was reality or just play.

I got a story to tell you on tonight,
Don't worry it won't bite or even make u cry.
Although, it has a few serious moments in it,
Just shows u what happens when u try to fly.

Bear with us a little bit, and grab a coffee,
Keep the seat next to you, warm just in case.
Put ur TV on mute, just for a little while,
To make it more fun, put on in tha background, some Rob Base.

Gonna tell you about a night I will never forget,
Tha one that has lead us to this point.
One that I felt would never, ever end,
Where everything almost happened except chiefing a joint.

Alright, here we go, are you ready?
I shouldn't put my life out here for show.
Ur the only one I can talk to about this,
For real...Alright...Ready...Set...And Go!

The First Date With L Squared.

(Somewhere in a Penthouse on Ocean Drive)

"Dar...ling, you have got to be kidding me.  You think I just show up for anybody whenever they ask for me?!  Ur Highly mistaken.  Listen, I only show up to those parties who have paid their dues, and once they've put in tha time and the effort, then maybe, I mean, may...be I will make a cameo appearance.  Honey, I'm special.  Really special.  I gotta go, these camera fellows are here, alright...Smooches."

(Phone click.)

Rap-It Fire Contest.

(Parental Discretion Advised)


'Welcome To Tha Finals of  Rhyme-fest Twenty...Thirteeennn!!!'

(Crowd going wild!)

I freakin' can't believe that u brought me to this thing.  U know how I feel about these things.

"Listen, u just need to get over it.  I know they've done u wrong for tha last few years out, but homie..."

Last few years??  Dude, I've entered this stupid contest for tha last decade.  Each time out I was better than these bufoons that they gave tha trophy and that $10,000 prize money to.  Every-Single-Time.  Right now, I'm just at a point where I'm sick and tired of having to "wait" for my turn to come when I gotta watch others get theirs before me.  When I know they aren't as true to tha game as I am.  Makes me wanna throw up, for real.

Single's Night.

With all my heart.

Today was one of those days,
Which we had 2 look within for tha fight.
One of those days that seemed so weird,
Almost as much as Miley Cyrus on MTV last night.

U just get tha feeling that something was in tha air,
What... I couldn't put my finger on.
I gonna write this thang, and keep it real as possible,
No need to fake it, I mean I am a Literature Don.

Our life is so crazy, bro,
Now we're starting to not even try to explain.
The more I just want things to be normal,
Things happen that make our face look so disdain.

Learning to just roll with tha punches,
Cuz seemingly no matter what I do, it's being scripted.
Does anybody else feel that way on tonight?,
Like u know ur gonna get plastered before ur even tempted.

Luv's Bell Toils.

My head is spinning....I hope I make it.  I'm still recovering from my night out last night.  Big Tommy and Daniela's shing dig was kinda while.  Who knew that Keg stands could be so let's just say...entertaining.  All these wild stories, and laughter, I didn't get home til dag gone near 3 a.m. in tha morning.  Still feel after shocks of sipping some Pizza beer.  I didn't even know they made that stuff.  It was alright, but I like mine thick crusted.  I just wish that I could just chill out on today, relax, and have me a sexy baby girl and just enjoy life Michael Franti style.  But, instead, all you-know-what is about to break loose in about...5...4...3...2...1...

(Ringgggg!!)

A Galaxian Premiere.

(Tom Ford...Tom Ford...Tom Ford...Com-ing Up...Com-ing Down...Ride clean...fix u head, in my crown...bad..)

Oh, no...not already!  It's like I just went to sleep...Where's my phone?

(...International...bring back tha Concorde...Numbers-don't-lie, check tha...Swipe!)

Man, that nap was...(Yawn!)...That nap was soooo crazy.  It's nothing like getting some shut-eye before a day of fun really begins.  This is about to be a crazy day.  Can't believe that it has finally arrived.  After all that we've been through, it's like...I don't know.  It's crazy. I think about all the crazy things that has been going on in our life, and all the wild things that has been going on with us and these girls.  I mean, tha other day, while I was in line at this store, and I'm not making this up, this checkout girl was about to ring us up, and next thing I know it, she pour a cup of water straight up down her shirt and into her boobies.  I'm thinking, "U gotta be kidding me?!!"  I'm not lying one Ryan Braun about this.  First it threw me off like, Dang! Why does this stuff always happen when I don't have any singles on me?!  I mean, u cute and all, but it's gonna take a whole lot of Penolope Cruz's and Lauren London's before I make it rain with this Lincoln five!  Then secondly, I thought doesn't she know that two cups of water are better than one when it comes to these gimmicks.  I thought that they only do these things at those local radio win a free Frisbee setups on Spring Break in Cancun or on Wiksteria Lane with that Desperate Housewife chick Edie Britt .  But once again, our life is beyond words.

A Backpage Return.

Oh...Boy!  Well, sometimes in life things are just meant to be.  Whether that means Louis V bags never going on sale...Or folks running stoplights down here in Miami...Or...Us simply continuing on this website.

www.austinogalaxia.com

There must be something in tha air, because I had something else set up, but I could not get our domain name to change on tha new setup.  They asked me all these questions, had me go through all these security checks, and control panels, it felt like I was on a first date with a pretty Mami from Tha Magic City!  Neverthaless...Is that spelled right?!  Anyhowser, I'm back, and flat out better than ever.  I'm gonna keep this short cuz I gotta shave my crotch and face area...Ok, maybe not my face.  But let's just say I'm gonna get my Model GTL on at nighttime, if that makes sense.

Tha Final Galaxian Night.

Tha last one has finally arrived,
Time for us to move on.
Mentioned it for some weeks now,
Finally, it has appeared like tha break of dawn.

A swan song, you can say,
Let me asked is it black or white?
So many things have been written about here,
Of all our adventures, in our Armani tights.

For one final time, we're gonna get loose,
There's no other way to do.
Here's to all tha good times in this diary,
And all the days we felt so blue.

Remixed and Remastered.

Well...Well...Well...

Perhaps tha rarest of diary entries of them all. A late Friday Night post.  Usually I'm either kickin' it out and about, or to be honest, flat out conked out catching up on some shut eye, as we prepare for tha meat of tha weekend.  But here we are.  What is going to unfold on tonight?  What is going to unfold...

Tha Last Post of "Tha Before" Life.

Oh, another day in Tha Magic City.  I'm not gonna front, today was strange.  Like beyond any Addams Family episode, that I've ever seen.  It began with us waking up at a weird hour of tha night, like around 1 am.  After some kind of crazy dreams which we've been having a lot of recently.  I mean, anytime ur dreaming about having dinner at tha White House with Ronald Reagan as ur host.  Him sitting at tha head table, and ur sitting to his nearest right, chatting it up about life, and having him thoroughly described what tha phrase, "This, That and a 1/3rd" means in perfect detail.  Something is going on wit us!  On tha real tip though, R Squared was mad cool to talk too in our dream, me and him was kickin' it. No Hollywood movie talk, no talk about tha Welfare system and government cheese, nor no talk about tha greatness of tha old Four Horsemen of Notre Dame football, me and him was on tha straight up Homie tip!  So had that dream, then, let's see, had another one where all these famous people were just hanging out upstairs at tha old home I used to live in years ago.  These athletes and stuff just sitting in a semi-circle, perhaps outlined by a compass, just joking and hanging out.  What else...

Flight #080413.

Here we go....


Tha Time has arrived,
Tha one that I've been talking about.
Tha one that we've been writing for two years on,
Tha one that's gonna bring us to a mad shout.

Tha Moment when no words are needed,
Tha one which speaks for itself.
Tha one where "I told u so's" are frowned upon,
Tha one which shows ur soul's depth.

Knife Stronger Than Tha Galaxia? Pt. 2

(Parental Discretion Once Again is Strongly Advised)

Previously on The New Adventures of Austino Galaxia...Click Here.

Now...The Conclusion of "Knife Stronger Than Tha Galaxia?"

Enjoy!

Knife Stronger Than Tha Galaxia? Pt. 1

(Parental Discretion Advised)

I can't believe I'm in here.  Well, finally, I guess,  the Miami in me, has gotten the best of me.  Didn't think that I would ever let that happen, but as I've learned living down here, u just never, ever know.  Passing by bilboards with nothing but booty in ur face.  Watching old MTV True Life episodes, I mean it's such an "in" thang to do.  But urs truly...Naw...Never in a million years,  I do everything tha natural way, but after earlier today...That's when it just hit me.  Dude, u need some help.  See, I was alright, well, not alright...See, my day began, waking up early this morning.  And as I was leaving the Beach area, as I was on 5th street, right around Alton Road, I this like Hond-Hey pulled right next to my left on tha driver's side.  I was like, "What tha fizzle (Cough, Cough) is that smell?"  Evidently they were smoking so bootleg weed or something.  Like I know what good weed smells like, don't ask, just believe me on this.  But, this was horrrrible!  Tha fumes like jumped on me like a demon, cuz I'm just not into that kind of stuff.  I mean, the way my body is tuned up, any fowl smell can throw my whole engine off tune.  So I'm at tha light, thinking, I gotta get outta here.  Hold on, this girl just walked in here..With Salt and Pepper blond and black hair just as I like...wait a minute...

What's up?

'Hey.'

Blinky.

Well, I didn't think this post was gonna get written.  For a few reasons...One, I was gonna retire.  The feeling of writing like, absolutely just left my body.  I was having some kind of Quantum Leap experience, where I just felt like I had nothing else to say.  I've said it all, giving our best, and to be honest, I've felt like there's a lot of absolutely genius stuff on this diary, yet I didn't feel like I've blown up like I wished I should have.  Like if anybody were to look at some of these diaries...There are some classic posts, in ways I don't know if the Galaxy will ever see again.  So that got me to thinking...I don't know if it's even worth "The Push" when I feel like I should be some kind of star, and just sitting on tha side waiting for my turn at the Fame wheel.

"Tha Best Day Ever."

(Huge Blow.)

Milk, milk, where's tha milk in this hear place?  This woman got me shopping in this uppity supermarket.  They didn't even have any lotto tickets in Customer Service.  Whatever it's tha closest thing to home.  How ya doin'?....Alright, here's tha diary section.  They stopped making Smart Balance, so I gotta settle I guess...um-hum...Organic...No...I just am looking for something basic.  Here we go...that'll do.  Nothing like some good ol' 2%.  Is it me, or are they some lookers up-in-here?!!  Boy.  It's like a South American Novela up in here.  And this girl just flashed a smile, see that's how it's been...how it's always been in a way.  Let me find the check-out line.

Funmate #000021, Part 2

Previously on The New Adventures of Austino Galaxia...

And now...The Conclusion of "Funmate #000021".

Funmate #000021. Part 1.

(Viewer Discretion Advised)

(Flip...Flip)  Man, where do they find these girls?  Playboy must be doing something right, they now got an issue featuring the hottest prison guards...Handcuffs...(Flip...Flip)  and...all...Huh.  Anyway, let me put this magazine down, and cut on this radio, and see what's going on in the Third round of this British Open, or as they now call it, "The Open" Come on Tiger...Come on Tiger...

("And Tiger Woods has just hit his tee shot into the weeds here on the 11th hole.")

Freakin'...I tell ya.  He's ok, he's still in the hunt, and they got several more holes to go.  You just want to be in a position to be close.  That's all.  Boy, how I realize that oh too well.  Just to be close...Tell ya, you just never know how quickly life can change, u just never know.  I figured that out ah...about 9 years ago.  Some people may remember or may not that court case that changed the course of the Galaxy.  It may not have been as big as Roe v. D. Wade, or The People v. Larry Flynt, or Charlie Brown v. The Board of Education, but still quietly has kept it had a major impact on not only my life, but the lives of others.  I pleaded 100% guilty to that crime, which my lawyers told me not to do, but I couldn't go on living for a crime that I did commit. But with that confession, I ended up here...

A Mad, Sexy, Cool Gal.

Beginnings anew, in every way,
That's is what's surrounding our life.
All about positivity, and fun,
Eliminating all tha unnecessary strife.

Tonight is gonna take a life of its own,
Have no idea where this thang may lead.
Could be me talking about love and/or sex,
Or it may be me talking about tha lost heroism of Johnny Appleseed.

Nevertheless, we're gonna sit back, and watch,
And just like you enjoy this colorful ride.
Gonna write this like its our diary, for it is,
Just close our eyes, and let tha words...glide.

Tough to explain, but I feel something in tha air,
Almost like I'm being measured upon hard.
I feel like people are trying to out shine me or something,
Like to prove to me that I'm a piece of Cuban bread lard.

"Austino Warhol."

Welcome to The Next Stage in our diary...Whadda Think Huh?!!  Huh?!!!  Real quick, we decided to changed it up, as u should when u keep a diary, whether that's changing ur notebook or pen, or the people inside u continue to mention about. This is pure...Austino Galaxia.  From the color scheme to the simplicity of the layout.  I'm  calling this version of our diary, "Austino Warhol".  The look of Fun, but we're gonna just let the words speak for themselves.  And they are gonna have a lot to say, because there are some fun things a brewing in our life, and we'll tell you about them, Good Lord willing, on...tomorrow.

Gotta go 4 tonight though.  And we'll be back with more crazy stories in The New Adventures of Austino Galaxia.  Our Archive of our old diaries is to your immediate right, (Or u can scroll down) if you want to get your laugh or cry on with some of our diary entries slash poems slash "scripts".  As our life keeps getting more enticing so will this diary...

Hope ur ready!  

Toodles!

Austino Galaxia. 

Room 734.

Here we go...

Where's this school's address?  I got 2121 Central Avenue.  That's 2127....you got 2125....this is a long block.  Here's 2119 Central, wait a minute.  Did I miss something?  Let me put this car in reverse.  It looks like it's about to rain out here.  Ok, back it up, back it up.  There's a 2121 Central Avenue.  Some cars are out here, so this must be tha spot.  Some really sick cars, I thought my ride was sexy.  I don't know who's driving this new Jaguar F-Type, but I'm gonna have to find out.  Seems like everybody is talking about that ride. Don't like parking my car on tha grass, people do weird things in tha grass.  Throw gum in it, pull number 2's in it, graze in it if u know what I mean, with kness and bodies rolling around without any discretion.  That's another story.  Here's a spot, next to this Porsche Cayman.  I really don't want to go in here.  This is not tha place I should be visiting, but...expect the unexpected in life.  Let me reach inside this glove compartment, to pull out these new Ray-Ban's I just bought.  Don't want nobody to recognize me.  Alright.  It's showtime, I guess.  This is so embarrassing.  Open tha door, step out and...

(Gulk!)

Bonus Post.

I have no idea why this thang...Anyway.  Alright, tonight is a bonus post of sorts.  We usually don't write on back-to-back days, but u never know what u're gonna get from us.  So here we go...

Alrighty now...What to jot down on tonight...Hummm?

Somebody told me tha other day that I'm kind of mysterious I guess.  Where do they get that I have no idea, I mean just because I love taken back routes on tha road, and love to come in through back doors doesn't make me...Let me repeat that for tha Ladies..."I love to come in through the back door."  Oh, I hope Moms and Pops aren't gonna read this, cuz I'm starting to feel tha freakiness in tha air.  No gimmicks, let's just be real about a few things.

Grand Opening.

Galaxian Note:  Alright we're doing something different on tonight.  This is more like a story.  And it's long.  (Sorry!)  The usual notes on our daily life will return soon...if we're still writing, u never know.  But tonight just getting this out there in a different tone.  Thanx for all the love reading our stuff.  And hey, tell somebody about our diary's website, if u likes.  Something..."weird" is happening on here.  We just want to share tha love and fun, that's all.  Have a fun one!

Honk, Honk!  Will these people hurry up,
This is supposed to be a very special occasion.
Been waiting to get into this place for years,
Done everything short of some groupie persuasion.

Austino or Austina?

The following is based on true events in my life recently...Once again...Parental Discretion is Advised.

(Click.)

I really can't believe that I'm doing this.  I haven't done anything like this in a very long time.  Like since I was working at that Modeling Agency up in Chicago, and this woman told me that she had a spot for me in her show.  I remember my Pops looking at me like I was crazy, but whatever life is about firsts right.  Now years later, I'm here in South Beach, in my bathroom about to I guess make myself look even more sexy.  If that can be done.  Just kidding.  I really can't believe I'm doing this.  Alright, so where's that Norelco.  This thang is so good, I've used it all the time on my face but now...First let's take off my shirt, I got some hair on my chest.  Interesting.  Pierce Bronson style.  Can I still bounce my pecs like The Rock?  Still got a little jiggle I guess.  Our workouts are different now, than before, yet...What I'm concerned about is right here in our Ab area, and around our belly button.  It doesn't look too bad, but it needs a touch up.  Usually I don't give a heeve ho about down there, even if I happen to be walking around the sands, like 'whatever' u know, but...

(zii-aaaaHHH! Z-AHHHH!)

Here goes nothing.  Alright, so I'm gonna shave just this mid section area, and then see how it goes from there.  Not gonna go and shave my chest...

(Z-AHHH!  Z-AHHHH!!)

Just gonna do that area.  And that'll be it.  Wait, I need some music for this event.

(Click.)

Boy if folks could see me walking around with nuthin' but my Armani's on right now.  Huh.  I should post that on my Instagram.  Everybody else has a body shot, I know I can hang better than most...Anyway, I just love Janet's Discipline  album, let's start this party with some "Feedback".  Ok, let me dash back in this bathroom.

(Z-AHHH! Z-AHHH!)

Alright...(Buz!....Buz!)  Boy, this eletronic razor is pretty good.  U don't even feel it.  (Buz!...Buz!)  Kool.  (Click.) Now that's better.  I'm becoming so vain, but u gotta feel good about urself right.  U know.  U look good.  U feel good...Since we got our upper half looking right, how about our...Should We?  This would be so embarrassing if folks knew what I did to look good.  This is like taking Metrosexuality to a whole new level.  Let me see...U know what.  I think a lot of girls like their man's jewels to be on display on a clear package.  So why not?  (Click.)  This is just between me, this mirror, and whichever girl I'm gonna do tha fool with...

(zi-aaaHHH!  Z-AHHH!)

Time to drop the Italino's.  (Buz!...Buz!)  I can't believe I'm shaving down here.  I remember back in tha day, my guy saying one word, and this girl got her Brazilian wax on without a second thought.  I may not go all the way but...Start on this right side.  (Buz!...Buz!.....Buz!)  I can't believe how much hair in falling....(Buz!...Buz!)  No way I can write about this secret event.  Kind of feels tingly though...Alright, now underneath...(Buz!)  Watch it....(Buz!)...And now to back over to my left sid...

(Zi....Zi...ziii....)

Oh no!  Please say this ain't happening.

(Click?  Click?)

Don't tell me that my razor has ran out of power?!!  NOOOOO!  I'm such a perfectionist, with things like this Joe Dimaggio, there's no way I'm going to be out with just one side of my hot dog bun filled with sesame seeds while the other side is smooth as a baby's bottom.  Talking about embarrassing...I mean, I would have to do everything one sided...Shave only one side of my beard....Only make right turns as I drive///Wearing Madonna's black striped socks on only one of my arms...Oh man!

(Zi-aHHH!  Z-Ahhh.)

This stinks.  I'll just have to wait and let it charge up some.

(So much betta/I'm for you/So, So much betta I'm for you/Tired of being number two/I can do what she can't do)

Oh boy...this is the summation of my life.  Waiting...and waiting some more.  Gets old.  "Tired of being number two, I can do what she can't do", I love this song.  Dude, I just wonder if I'm becoming too much like...a girl.  I'm up here shaving my body, always talking about love and stuff.  I'm still a gangsta guy through and through, and believe u me, I'm totally in touch with my sexuality.  Been around so many sexy girls, I guess some of their habits are bound to rub off on me.  U get to know...females.

(Zi-aHHH!  Z-Ahhhh.)

This is gonna be awhile.  Guess we'll wait it out. My homegurl Lauren, the other day told me I should write about what if I was a girl.  Since we mention quite a bit that  if I was a girl, I'll be something else...Huh.  I don't think I can get to my computer since I got so much hair in my underwear right now.  I'm still a rookie to this shaving thang I guess.  Let me just think about that.  If I were a girl...

If I were a girl...Huh.
Ain't that some kind of thought.
Just tha mentioning of it is interesting,
Like a Title Nine well fought.

If I were a girl...how to begin,
There's a lot of thought in my mind u see.
I can feel parts of my body popping out right now,
This sudden change is becoming so scary to see.

Pop!  What just happened,
My face, my lips, what's going on.
Our eyes once had the fire of a warrior, 
Now they have turned into those of a fawn.

All these curves now, Oh boy,
Seemingly they can go on for days.
They might come in good use on tha beach,
Or at the club, I have my ways.

I'm so freakin' hot!  I know it.
But how come I feel so alone.
Starting to feel like being the most beautiful ain't fair,
I'll do anything to hear a ring from my phone.

Whatever...Can't worry about these other girls,
Been through tha game since I was Eight.
Guys giving me things I didn't ask for,
Still recall Andy giving me HIS entire birthday cake!

Or that one teacher, who didn't believe in me, 
As I sat attentively dead in tha front.
He just thought that beauty and brains simply don't mix,
Being Homecoming Queen and Valley Vic must have been a fixed stunt.

There's so much I have going on in my life,
Just can for once somebody cater 2 me.
Been a few weeks since I've been on a real date,
Whenever guys learn I'm kinda smart, they all flee.

Look at this face, I'm so attractive,
But I wonder if I should get my nose done.
My girlfriend got hers did the other week,
In Columbia, and she even brought home some boy toy fun.

Men, just don't know how easy they got it,
They can just pull down their pants and have their bust down.
I used to dream about being a bust it baby with a baller,
Tell you what, get a STD, and all u will do is cry and frown.

Then my family is so in tune to my whole life,
Who am I dating or when am I gonna have a child.
"U're getting up there honey."...like I don't know,
Yeah, I still am hot sauce, just have a little mix of mild.

Oh, how I'm so hungry right now,
What I would do to have a Chulapa from Taco Bell.
Here in Miami, that would be career ending,
Guys saying how I once was top shelf...now the mighty have fell.

So much...so much going on,
Also considering about all this college stuff too.
Want to go back and get my Master's,
Since my family's falling apart I must be that glue.

My Mom needs my care, 
While brothers and sisters need my listening ear.
It's as if, I don't have any problems of my own,
The closet still holds that Maggy London that I've yet to wear.

That's why I party so much, just because,
I need like 3 hours to just plain and simply get away.
Party at LIV, Mansion or even at Nikki Beach,
Story is my fav on the weekends, no matter what they say.

Going out with tha few friends I do have,
When they fly in from out of town, look out below.
We liven up everywhere we go, believe u me,
Forget TV, where the real life Golden Girls show.

Sometimes I just wonder, how all this happened,
And I'm not even gonna talk about that last guy.
Saw him in the library looking all studious,
Matter of fact I had to make the first move...'Hi.'

He then told me, mysteriously, what he did,
The places he would soon air travel.
Shoulda known right there it was too good to be true,
I even changed my ringtone to the sound of The Undertaker's gravel.

Yours truly ended the relationship,
This guy just wouldn't take no for an answer.
He was so Fast and Furious 2 have me as his own,
Lusting and Lusting like I was some Mitsubishi Lancer.

Now I'm so careful to who I even kiss, 
Let alone who I show my Ta-ta's for.
Speaking of which, I wonder if I should get them bigger,
I like mine, but I'll always have a stop in plastic surgery's door.

Is that all guys think about anyway?
Breasts, Booty, and Sex?
What happened to real guys who knows a real gal?,
U don't ever hear voices anymore...only texts.

'Show me a picture of you', for what,
So that u can brag to ur boys that u got a catch.
How about u send a picture of me to you, that's better,
See if ur 6 pack and my lips would be a perfect match.

I'm such a freek, such a freek,
Yet as a lady I have to hold it in.
Can't show all my cards at one time,
Although that Preacher in church makes me so want to sin.

How come a guy can be so open about his needs,
But if a girl states tha same, she gets socially disowned.
Spring Breaks, nights after the Office Party, of course,
I'm a just a Queen-in-training, shouldn't I still be entitled to tha throne?

Whatever, that's why I workout so hard,
Cuz all these standards to live up too, just make me puke.
People think I'm overdoing the physical,
Not!!  I still get invites from parties thrown by Uncle Luke.

Just tha pressures to be this perfect woman is a lot,
Being on tha clock, feels like a gig with tha Mob.
Dealing with new accounts, dealing with upset customers,
All this wasn't in the description of this supposed to be seasonal job.

"THIS AIN'T EASY!" Gosh..."Leave me Alone.",
I just want 20 minutes to relax with this tea and book.
No questions, no worries about what to wear tonight,
No People En Espanol stating how my age should look.

Yet, as I'm reading, I wonder, 
Should I go out tonight, or stay in and have some wine?
Me with nothing but quiet for the night,
Thinking that would do me so fine.

Let me go to tha fridge, looka here at this calendar,
I guess, two weeks is the magical date.
It'll be that time of the month again,
'Whoopee...as if I can only wait."

My moods are gonna change, my patience will get shorter,
For a few days I'll be just a B-I-T..u know tha rest.
It's amazing that all tha hot guys come around that time,
Why don't they hover around when I'm at my best.

Open this thang up...Nope!  
The Freezer...Great some leftover Blue Bell cream.
Find a spoon, it's just me anyway,
I'll take another one out just in case out pops my manly dream.

Cycling class in the morning, with a Yoga one at night,
These calories I'll have time to work off ever so fast.
Need a moment, I just hope I don't pimple up, 
Tuesday I got a photo shoot revolving around 'Summer School Class.'

Where's my laptop?  I need it right now,
My phone's going off, who cares, they can wait.
If it's important, then they will leave a message, 
Tonight, my schedule is clear and I'm having a "Me Date".

Let me type in...a-u-s-t-i-n-o...
I should have bookmarked this site a long time ago.
My girlfriend told me of this guy who keeps an online diary,
She said it's something like u've never seen, so enjoy the show.

Fun and Love.  I can dig that.
Let me see, another story about a girl slipping through his hands.
He shoulda known by the clues she was giving him,
And now he's complaining he's not in tha game, but in tha stands.

See...See...that's why guys are messed up,
Us women give them every sign they would ever need.
Stares across the bar, Touching their arm in the slightest ways,
Brushing our body against theirs is the ultimate flirtatious deed.

They keep on missing it...and missing it,
Then run to that girl who can barely even tie her own shoe.
Keep running over to those tricks,
When there are so many acrobat moves that I can do.

Doesn't make sense at all, really doesn't,
Maybe I'm meant to be like this forever.
Perhaps I'm a lady who's ahead or before her time,
Dating everywhere is for the slutty and not the cleaver.

Unless...I just be me.  U know.  
And let whatever happens simply be.
Dress how I want to dress, be sultry whenever I feel like it,
Get that tattoo of that Post honeycomb next to that Cheerios bee.

I'm a real woman, despite my age,
The world gravitates to me and others alike.
My presence in a room can turn heads,
The voice of my soul is loud, I mean, who needs a mic?

In some ways, us women are all similar, 
Just the complexities have made us all differ.
Some of us are businesswomen, great teachers,
Others are athletes or pros at holding the Swiffer.

From now on I'm gonna use who I am to my advantage,
Not just be a sex object or a trophy to show to all.
I'm just more than a pretty face u see, 
More than just a cosmetic doll working at the mall.

The most special creature alive,
Who knows the power of her brain and her bush.
I'm 100% woman, and if if u don't like what u see,
U can simply...Kiss my toosh.


(zi-aHHHH!...Z-AHHH!...Z-AHHH!)

Oh man.  (Click!) I must have dosed off again.  (Yawn!)  To be a woman, that would be something.  I guess tha world will never know what kind of things would go through my mind if I was a girl.

I have a strange feeling though that someday... The Galaxy will.


Austina.

Bones.

(Parental Discretion Advised)


My best.

(Huge Sigh.)

What else can we right about tonight,
I mean what else can truly be said.
Our diary is getting redundant I know,
But somebody's soul seemingly needs to be feed.

Today I think we're gonna crank it up a notch,
Why not since this is supposedly Independence Day.
Tired of just laying low without putting on a show,
Like Sinatra and Usher...I'm gonna do it "My Way."

Earlier on this Fourth, I did something different,
Something years before I wouldn't have done.
I looked back at some of our previous entries,
All these diary posts of unlimited fun.

This life of ours has been quite a ride,
One that I hope one day would look upon with a smile.
A lifestyle that isn't always so queaky clean,
Lately, I've needed a lifetime supply of Dial.

It's part of tha journey though, it's how u grow,
Like going from Double A to tha Major League light.
U're gonna get tested, gonna have to look within,
Yet u still gotta..."Go...Win...Fight!"

Thinking about those cheerleaders from USC right there,
No disrespect to my UM dolls, but they still leave me a little frozen.
That's why whenever I think about pulling out "Tha Grand Daddy of them all",
Especially at the club, my head thinks...'I wish I had My Trojan!'

Oh yeah! We on our "A" game tonight,
So buckle up, cuz we're gonna do this like tha days of past.
Yeah, we can get all philosophical like I'm a Greek,
Tonight though I want us all to have a blast.

Like how we were in 2011 or 2012,
Or before I met that girl with tha pretty feet.
Grab a cold one, or a hot one,
Read this Indian style on the floor of that Barnes and Noble seat.

Tha dream is now realized, I hope this is all fun,
For tha goal is for at least 5 minutes think this is tha best.
No more talking, no more bragging,
Just gonna let these words separate us from the rest.

Some stuff has been on our mind a little bit,
Just go with tha flow, cuz I must speak.
Don't ever, ever forget this IS A DIARY,
These things have been on our mind...all week.

For instance, in my life and in others I simply wonder,
Is there a double standard between a guy and a girl?
Like if guy bags a few girls, he's such a ladies' man,
But if a girl bags several guys then everybody's toes then curl?

Like, this one girl I know is mad cool and sexy,
Hearing through the air that's she's been a little freak.
Yet, I'm having to deal with should I go in like 2 Chains,
Or think it's only the angels with the halo's that I seek.

If my guys have sex, and I shouldn't be saying all this,
Multiple times with different girls, we're still homies for life.
Now that a girl, that I kind of admire, gets it in from the female side,
I'm wondering if I have to call up Bollywood to get my wife.

Even for myself, this is a new one,
Which on today, I'm more adapt to be honest you see..
I'm learning that tha past is tha past, ya understand,
The only thing that matters is tha mask and whip she uses on me.

Tha past...Tha past...Huh. Wow.
Could that be tha goal of this poem of the July noche.
Should I get into that topic, and embrass myself some more,
That would be so criminal like Gabbana & Dolce.

Go in, is what I'm feeling, so we must,
Today is a new beginning...at last.
U might hate me for even trying to write on this,
It's time to leave all those ghosts of Freaky past.

All of us have histories, my brotha,
If you don't, ur's just simply is a page blank.
I mean, homeboy I saw you stand up that girl two nights ago,
Saying u were busy, when u were really out with Frank.

My life has evolved to such,
Where truthfully I don't give a hoot about ur last flings.
Only thing that I'm concerned with is if u are clean,
If u are, u'll sign my contract of cleanliness...Go ahead it's a one time thing.

Who u've slept with, or who was your high school sweetheart,
Or who u've Katy Perry kissed last summer, past stuff.
I mean, girl if u tell me that u've been with a girl,
My only question would be if her boobs were Silicone or full of fluff?

I say that cuz we can put somebody's reputation before the person,
Basing our opinion on what happen before u met.
Somebody will say, "but a leopard doesn't change spots",
Alright, but what if a leopard once wild, now only wants to be pet.

Rumors, and the false concoctions, good or bad,
Are all mirrors that prevent Love from simply flowing.
How can you really grow as a person, and open up,
When ur are criticizing without actually knowing.

So many have I seen in our days,
And I've thought this person is so ultra sweet.
Then I've walked in on tha same doll,with her hair all every which a way,
Shaking my head like, "I always knew she was a freak."

Which I don't have a problem with, and neither do you,
The problem lies when somebody doesn't admit tha truth.
Like somebody cheating, and lying they are faithful,
When they have a change of clothes inside the corner phone booth.

Guess tonight is just a cleansing of sorts,
Since I am like a single guy in tha land of beauty.
Miami is a town who doesn't open up as easily as I wished,
I see ur body, but the opening of ur mouth proves that ur a cutey.

Promise some other girls and guys feel tha same way I do,
I mean, being hot in South Beach isn't like something new.
This is tha trendiest of neighborhoods, perhaps in the world,
I might flip out if another guy has a mohawk 'do.

But when physical beauty is so apparent,
Guess what u have to do something that stands out.
Become a conversation starter, or a good listener,
Do something more than stand in tha corner and pout.

There's this other girl, I simply know of,
Who in passing I've just said a simple this or that.
The other day, I tried to open her up like a Tiffany box,
All my efforts just when down like a Wile E. Coyote splat.

Just because a guy or girl  asks u a question,
Doesn't mean that he wants to know if ur panties are camouflage.
They just want to get to know you or stimulate a good convo,
If I wanted u, I'll tell u straight up...I got this Groupon deal for tha Econo Lodge.

That's what excites me, and others as well,
Cuz sooner or later, u need more than just looks and sex.
Can u continue to climb when things get tough,
Or do u find Family Dollar ur Shopper's Apex?

There's another level, there always is,
Been prepared for what lies ahead.
I thought I've seen all the finest girls that I would ever meet,
Many of which I wanted to nail in my broken Ikea bed.

What I'm learning though, is it takes more than looks,
Even though they are nice, to get this kid's glow.
When everybody is beautiful in their own way,
I have to look for subtle signs, or how would I know.

A person's history is one thing, I'm trying to eliminate,
Like Hedi Klum does beauties on Project Runway.
That's a good example, really, now that I think of it,
Separating the ultra cream of de cream from tha everyday.

When I meet somebody, I want who they are that moment,
And then I might proceed to do my FBI check.
I rather be honest with that person, instead of using hating sources,
That's like playing a game of Poker without shuffling tha deck.

One thing I've learned, and I'm almost done,
Is people aren't really honest if they want you for themselves.
I've yet to meet somebody who will be honest with real info,
If they aren't dreaming of us two meeting under Mistletoe bells.

They may be out there, I've just yet to meet one,
You might as well ask me how do I know?
Cuz if I'm single, and a guy asks me about a girl I like,
I probably say, she's a flirt, and carries around a red light to make her dough.

It's just natural, when u see something or somebody u like,
To have a solo eye on them like CBS.
But if u take 60 Minutes to really know them,
U may learn, it's not me, but my BFF who "fits" them best.

This poem is long, I know, but I want to make a point,
Especially when my life begins a new.
A lot of my past is written in this diary,
Now we're gonna let it write itself, that's tha best thing to do.

From first-person perspective, I gotta be real,
I can't let what happen in tha past affect my future friends.
Or lovers...Or wife...Or whatever u may call them,
Or perhaps, "Galaxia's Love Dividends".

That's what I'm trying to say, just because a person did some things,
Doesn't mean that they haven't change for the better.
Yeah, they might have been in threesome before,
Even on a VHS screaming out, "Nobody's done it better."

How you two connect, that's all that matters,
Cuz if you two can handle each other, then that's mad fine.
What I'm going through is teaching me the year on tha bottle doesn't matter,
The only fact that matters is that ur actually enjoying tha wine.

Forgive me for being so honest this evening,
I just have a feeling that others feel me on this issue at hand.
Let's just start this relationship or friendship from scratch,
And not use a pail to dig up old bones in tha sand.

From here on out, when it comes to my love life,
We are gonna be at our Zenith and nothing less.
Just because other guys worry about who u've done,
The only thought in our mind is how ur wearing that dress.

Somebody may think, u're gonna get thinking this way,
Eh...I don't think accepting a person 'as is', is such a sin.
I'm tired of just going through these same mundane feelings,
When I've survived crazy episodes...Now my feen is to win.

This is my new way of thinking, and my thanks go out,
To this one girl who taught me more than she'll ever knows.
Teaching me to accept her for her, and not just rumors or past screws,
Or even if she had something stuck in her nose.

She taught me that, the next level Galaxia is this one,
Get to know people for urself, and then u can think.
Have a convo, share some laughs,
Even take a sit or sip, and let it all sink.

Once u realize who they are,
Then proceed if necessary knowing what u learned.
Others my criticize you, may tell you to leave them alone,
U have to have a clean slate though for love to yearn.

This is how I do things, how I date...
My life is now ready more than ever.
The ultimate fun is now upon us,
It takes hard lessons to make u better.

That's it, that's all I have for tonight,
Whoever reads this can think what they may.
Just know if u wanna be with me, I'm solely looking on tha present moment,
Hoping that our 'right now' will be so much better..

Than any skeletons of yesterday.


Austin Galaxia.

"Are U Down With O.T.W.?"

Wow!  This Jaime Foxx interview with Oprah is so good.  Him talking about love and...

Naw...I can't do that one.

Huh.

These folks down here in Miami...Uggh...Today I wished I could've not dealt with anybody especially...

Nope!  Sounds too degrading...

Being a leader is something that's so easier said than to do...and right now I'm going through some serious training in beco...

Nobody wants to hear about my responsibilities when I already have a dream life...

I'm stuck.  I don't know what to write about...I don't know.

Oh well...I guess I should just close up this Sony Vaio and just let tonight be.

Unless...

Should we do it just for old times sake.  We talk too much about Fun...and Love...and sometimes Sex...What if I just spoke or wrote without anything holding me back.  I mean for one night, just let it all go.  We write from our heart a lot, really too much, but what if u got me to tha nth degree...Or instead of me, what if u got...


(Whistle...Whistle)

We taping this right now.  Alright.  Well, Hello, you have no idea who I am, by tha look on your face.  And that's fine...that's quite alright.  Perhaps I'll introduce myself later...or perhaps I won't.  But somehow and someway, I've let you into my house. This is something that I don't or won't ever do again, but...for this occasion, I feel like it's necessary.  See I've been secretly working on a project.  Nobody knows what I've been doing.  Not my kid...Not my wife...Not my girlfriend.  Shhh...U're never too old to hit an home run! (Wink!)   But I'm just a man of age now, and I thought I had nothing to live for anymore.  I've already become one of the most unknown yet known people in the world.  Some people hear from me when they're young, while others, not so.  Lately, I've been in tha background a lot.  This world, I tell ya, I wonder if anybody is worth me stopping by to introduce myself.  I usually come when people least expect to hear from me, some look out every day for my arrival, while others just happen to be around when I'm in tha area.  Well, who am I?  Not yet, my friend...not yet.

Although, I've been around tha rodeo a time or two, that doesn't stop people for trying to figure me out.  Putting me in formulas...Or trying so hard to control their life, as if that's the alluring factor it's gonna take for my arrival.  Ha!  If only they knew...When that happens I like to toy around and delay, just so that they realize that I can't be bought or forced to move.  I may not move as fast as I once did, and I may have to have a walking cane, but I can still get to where I need to be.  Which is why u are following me with that dumb camera right now.  I tell you when I visited Thomas Edison and gave him the go ahead with tha light bulb, I had no idea, it would come back to haunt me.  GET THAT THANG OUTTA MY FACE YOU BAFONE!

(Ziiipp!)

Now that's better.  Follow me, we're gonna go upstairs to my attic.  And bring ur stupid camera, but keep tha light off.  U hear me Sonny?!  Good.  Bear with me...Ah...Ah...This hip surgery several years ago really...They can take my marrow, but they can't take my soul.  Alright...Just help me with tha first step...Alright, I'm good.  I got my cane, so I should be fine.  Let me see...

Left foot.  Plant.
Ah...Right  foot.  Plant.
Left foot...C'mon baby....Plant.
Right foot.  Plant.
Just a few more...
Left foot.  Plant.
Right...foot.  Ouch.  Plant.
Help me Son...Left...foot.  Almost there...Plant.
Help me with my right leg...No, No!  Don't pick it up...just....help...

(Boom! Boom!  Boom!  Boom!  Splat!)

Now look what you did, you done made my Jordan shoe fall all tha way back down.  Now I have to act like that guy from tha...tha...tha...who was that country kid who shot tha three pointer with one shoe on, in tha Finals this year?  ("Mike Miller.")  Yeah...Yeah...Now I have to Nicole Miller it...("Mike!  Mike!")  Huh.  ("His name is Mike.")  Well that's what I said.  Anyways, just push me up would ya, before my bunion bursts on these hea steps.

Right foot.  Plant.

We there.  Now...might as well take off my other shoe.  Would u do the honors?  ("I'm here to take video, and now I'm taking off this geezer's shoe.")  Excuse Me, did you say something shorty, huh?!  Boy, if you only knew me back in tha day.  When I had my running buddy, Ooh Wee, I woulda done knocked u into next year!  Or perhaps even last year! I can do that ya know.  Yeah, me and my partner, we used to fight, and put people in their place.  All this stuff you see on that...what's that talk show they be fighting on?  ("Maury")  No, the other one...("Jerry Springer")...No, tha one with the pretty Spanish woman with the short blond hair...("Cristina.")  Yeah, those fights that break out on Christina Aguilera's show, is nothing to how me and my partner used to knock teeth out.  He used to dress all proper, and stuff, so we nicknamed him "Prep" cuz he dressed all preppy and stuff.  Smart guy, but he could throw them fists.  You put us two together and boy...u got something.

So let me go to this dresser...'Knock, Knock, Knock'.  This is some good wood.  This is where I keep tha info.  All these binders, and appointments that I must keep or my boss will be on me faster than an Army Wife at the airport.  Timing is everything in regards to my life.  A missed flight here, or just me showing up a minute late would throw my whole purpose off.  But just like my good friend Cupid, I decided to take a serious, and Son, I do mean serious, break.  It's like I'm not appreciated anymore.  People think that they can do everything by themselves.  I talked to my friend "Prep" the other day about this very thang, and he agreed.  These jabroni's nowadays think they have Success all in the palm of their hand.  I felt one day they are gonna need me, they will.  That time is now, but I only show up for the selected few.  Look at these notes...I mean, people think I just show up out of tha blue, but as you can see, I carefully study who I'm gonna help.  I study people for years.  Alright Son, I need for you to cut off tha camera for what I'm gonna show u next.  (Click.)  Thanks.

Here is where I keep some of the...Ah...Heavy hitters in history.  See it's not just pure coincedence when some people hit it big.  I watch those who hang in there, who don't give up, and who are willing to pay their dues.  Once I look at their notebooks, and files of all they have to go through before I show up, then and only the..("U keep track of everybody?")  I used to.  Not so much anymore.  See, in life Son, there is a process.  Certain trials....Certain relationships...U have to go through something before you get to me.  See, I'm like that guy in tha back of tha disco club who...("What's Disco?")  Say Whahh?  Two words, Son...Gloria Gaynor.  One time at 54th Studio in The City, I wanted for Liza Minnelli all night because I wanted to give her a play that I thought she was worthy off, but she never came out.  I think she was hanging with Andy Warhol all night.  ("Who?")  Oh my Goodness, what do you kids do for fun, nowadays.  Don't you dance, or draw or do you all just play with your Slinky all night?  ("What's a Slink..")  Hush!  Just hope you guys make it, knock on wood, ('Knock, Knock, Knock!), cuz I think u might need my help sooner than u think.

Let me take a sit over here on this Sofa Chair.  Thank goodness, I had the chance to meet Edwin Shoemaker, he saved me and a who lotta people's lives.  Pass me my IPad over there.  ("IPad??")  Yes, I gave Steve Jobs the opening for developing it, so he in return sent me a free Limited Edition version.  I'm still kind of foreign to operating this thang, so I don't have my flies all on here.  Matter of fact there is only one person, listed on here.  Steve, knew of my decade or so long quest or investigation, so I told him to Pre-Program it with only one person in mind.  The reason that you're here I presume.  ('Beep-Beep')  Oh, Darn, that's my 2-Way pager, can you pass it over to me Son.  What does this say?...

'Thanx 4 tha Ironman Script.  Never woulda dreamed.  I needed it. RDJr.' 

 Huh.  He deserved it.  Here take this, Kid.

("Wow, Sir.  U have a lot of old messages in here.  Let's see...'SI cover.  U rock!  Thanks. Tyra.'...'Thinking about "She Bangs" for tomorrow's audition, wht do u think?...William Hung'.....'I'm gonna announce and make it official, but I still need you.  Barack.'...'Can u really have a show about nothing?  I believe, but can u talk to Larry?  Jerry S.'....'I needed 2007 more than u think.  U took my life to a whole new level.  Thanx my Alien friend.  Lil Weezy.'  It's like u were in tha middle of everybody's life.)

I am.  I am.  Austino Galaxia.  Born on October 30th...Huh.  I just noticed that his birth year is blank.  ("Sir, he considers himself to be ageless.")  Ageless?...Who does he consider himself to be Ponce De Leon?  Ageless my...("Well, Sir he did write in his diary once that he was like  Ponce De La Galaxia or something.") From now on just run tha film, and shut ur trap!  I know what he wrote...Let's see....Central School...Edgewood School...Perfect Attendance...Yada Yada Yada...Spent embarrassing day in In-House...Ah...Not recognized for being Preseason Honorable Mention All-State in basketball...Check...What else?...Doesn't attend Prom...Alright...Gets into car accident with his Geo Metro week of graduation...Gets another Chevy Metro...That alone is worth two checks, let's see...Son, pass me that glass of Tang would you.

Scrolling down...Walks into Ford Modeling Agency, literally, but "not hiring" is tha word of tha day...Ah...William Morris sends second rejection letter in the mail...Gives last dime to homeless...Don't know if I woulda done that but...Check...Attends all his partner's weddings, before has serious girl...Check...Sexy European stylist blows him off for Janet Jackson concert...Alright, that's enough.  So this is tha reason why u're here.  I guess this is some kind of me coming out of retirement, one last time.  It's amazing how many of us, feel its worth visiting this guy.  'Prep' told me the old fella Casanova was over at his place tha other day, which is wild cuz I thought he was dead.  Now it's my turn.  Let me put on a tie for this event..

("Sir, how do I get you to meet or help me?")

Well, Son, I don't do it as much as I used to, I mean, just show up to people's home.  I'm more selective, but if I could say one thing to guarantee my visit.  That would be, to be patient...Let every thang flow, like don't look for me, I'll come when I'll come.  Some people think they can "make" me.  That's controversial, but I think the best time I arrive is unexpected.  That could be at a party, or in class or wherever.  U never know.  I usually appear specifically to people who are busy.  Not just sitting still.  Some may have one plan for their life, but sometimes when I roll up with my papers in hand, all that goes out tha window.  From there it's there choice to "Take it or leave it."  For those who have toiled years on in, I have even something more special for them, because they have learned the toughest lessons in regards to jobs, or money, fame or even love.  Those people receive my ultra-proposal.  The best I got.  How does my tie look? ("Great!")  Good.  Let's go...Oh, before I go, there's one more thang.  See, I haven't done this in awhile, and this may be my last time, I want to do something special for this Galaxia guy.

("Well, how do you usually go about it?")

The last several years, I kind of just appeared or happened.  But he's big-time, so he wants...it's almost like when a guy proposes to his fiancee...He has to get down on one knee.  I know he's been expecting me, recently he's taken this "Zen" philosophy of letting life happen, and I guess it's worked.  How about I do something I haven't done in awhile...Only a few have heard me do this.  Mandela.  Charles Schulz...to name a few.

("How about u actually introduce urself?  U've never done that either?)

Alright.  Let me see if I still have tha sound down...

"Knock!Knock!Knock!"

("Go Slower.")

"Knock..Knock..Knock!"

("Perfect.  And introduce urself.")

But...

("Come on...I'll even let u do a trial run on camera.  Put ur all into it.")

Alright...Just like we used to do..

"Knock...Knock...Knock"...Hello, Sir Galaxia, you don't...Cut it, I can't do this...

("Just think he's been waiting all his life to hear from you.  U can do it.")

(Huge Sigh.)  

"Knock...Knock...Knock."  What's going on Austino Galaxia.  I've been following you for some time now, and have seen many of the ups and down's in ur life.  I believe now is the perfect time for us to meet.  I just wanted to give you this small scroll of paper, in it holds the key to ur future.  U can choose to accept it, or you can choose not to.  Either way, I feel like you have endured the tests of time, and now is the time to reveal urself to not only the rest of the world, but the rest of the Galaxy as well.  Your best days are now upon you and my friend 'Prep' says that u are now ready.  Do not run with it, but hold on to it, and share with others, for it's all yours in the name of your now friends...Fun and Love.  Thank you and have a nice day..."

("Psst...Pssst...And....And...")

And What?  (Whispering)

("You forgot to introduce urself...")

Oh...By the way...my friends call me "O.T. Dubs"....but for you, and only you would I let call me by my full given name...

Mr. Opera Twounity Willnock.

("And....Cut.")



A.Galaxia.
Bye with Kisses!