(Ooooh Ah-Ah-Ah-Ahhhh!)
What tha???...What time is it? 8:30 am. Where's my glasses? Wait....WHAT?!! Where am I and what is this that I'm wearing? Please tell me that I didn't get poisoned with no MDNA last night. I knew right when that girl approached me at tha party, that she wanted me to be her 'boy toy'. This ain't tha SLS Hotel?!! Where's my stuff? And, where tha fizzy am I? There's my glasses. This is crazy...
(Ooooh Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ahhhh!)
What's that noise?
(Ooooh Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ahhh!)
OMG! OMG! Please say I'm not stuck on sum desert island. I can't handle this. Everybody knows how I hate bugs and insects, and jungle humidity especially. I mean back home in South Beach, I can barely stand to walk outside and mess up my perfect exfoliation facial sessions. Sweat kills, man.
(Ooooh Ah-Ah-Ah-Ahhh!)
I really think I'm about 2 cry. Starting to feel like Screech all those years he was chasing Lisa Turtle. Or when I read that one magazine and they said that B2K had just broken up. This is pure madness. Here's some kind of note. Man, is this tha paper that Abraham Lincoln used to sign the Emancipation Proclamation?! They ain't got no Office Depot around here. Man, I better hold this thang soft and tender. Cuz at any moment it looks like it can bite the dust. Speaking of which, it's so dusty. (Whew!) Let me see what this here thang says:
"HEY, PAPI! THANKS FOR SUCH A MEMORABLE NIGHT WITH ME AND MY GIRLS. WE HAD SO MUCH FUN, AND THA GAME OF TWISTER WAS NEVER MORE, BODY 2 BODY SHALL WE SAY. I HAD 2 GO BACK HOME 2 SAN DIEGO THIS MORNING, AND MY PLANE COULD ONLY FIT 2. I'M SORRY FOR HAVING TO LEAVE U STRANDED..."
Stranded? What tha...
"ON THA ISLAND. BUT IF U CAN SURVIVE THIS, YOU CAN SURVIVE ANYTHING. GOOD LUCK, AND I MUST ADD U WERE GOOD. AND MY GIRLS WANT TO DO YOU...I MEAN, IT AGAIN! LUV, ROXANA."
All I can say to this is Freakin'...A.
(Ooooh Ah-Ah-Ah-Ahhh!)
Shut up will ya!! It's ok, Galaxia.. It's gonna be ok, everything is gonna be fine. Just think. Just think. I've been in tougher situations than this. Like when I was stuck in an elevator once in The Windy City needing to use tha bathroom extremely bad with absolutely nowhere to go. Let's just say that it ain't fun feeling ur pants drip while ur sitting at a desk trying to make cold sales calls...Or that one time in college when my coach told tha team like minutes before tha game, that I wasn't gonna start. Absolute Blasphemy. That's like walking into tha dressing room of tha group One Direction, and telling each member, "U go East...U go West...U go South..." I mean, that stuff u just don't do. Now I'm stuck here on a desert island, not knowing where I'm at, not knowing who I got my freak on last night...Although, Roxana does sound sexy and she did said I was good...But also not knowing if I'll ever make it home safely. I mean, I still have to finish up my Season One of Sex and The City. The gangsta in me is about to really, really come out, cuz this ain't right! Go to a party...Meet some girls...Party with some girls...Wake up on a desert island. What is this like tha Real World?
Let me walk around this place. It's so like, Indonesian around here. No windows. At least there's a breeze. Very little. Oh my gosh! They don't have no refrigerator. What am I supposed to do for food? A brotha ain't gonna be eating no lizard. Nuh-uh! This is really, really bad. (Hands on head) I got no Vita Coco...No oatmeal...No Eggo's...They don't even got no grape soda around here that I can mix with some ice cream. Let alone some buttermilk and corn bread that I can mix with sugar...Or...never mind. It's of no use. Think Galaxia...Think. There's a lot of old photos on tha walls of this Tiki Barber Hut or whatever....Albert Einstein. An autographed picture of Jack Shepard, whoever that is...Ernest Hemingway...Dave Chappelle, who looks like he's smoking a cigar, and what is that? It looks like...he has a gigantic roll of film in his hand, titled, "I'm Rick James, and U'll never get Season 3!". Huh, that's cold blooded.
Look at this photo...It's a picture of Snoopy, Lucy, and Charlie Brown down here for some kind of Spring Break party last year. I can tell cuz, I know that ain't little Woodstock? Look at Woodstock rockin' tha mohawk with a Birdman Miami Heat jersey on?! That's funny. Turn it up! Some things never change, look u got Linus over in tha corner sleep, with a blanky in one hand, his thumb still being sucked in his with tha other, and it looks like a bowl full of Peanuts tossed over his head. They get wild like that?!! I wished I hadda known, I woulda called up Wilma and Betty. They're my go-to Bedrock girls. Then a buzz to my gal Rosie...Party woulda been jumping! She bounce in wearing that french maid outfit. Ooh Wee! She's built like a sexy robot. She works a lot though, and she's on call like freakin' 24/7. Her boss, Mr. Jetson, though be trippin'. Snobby, acting like he's ahead of our time. Can't stand that dude.
Might as well, go outside...Whoa! This is like, I'm like 15 steps from finding Fool's Gold. This is right on tha water. Which is so crystal clear. Let me take a picture of this for my Instagram. My phone is right...Where's my...(Pat! Pat! Pat!) Great, these girls whom I don't remember I might add, and who evidently looked super hot, must have graduated from tha School of LLT. "Love 'em, Leave 'em, and Take his money." They have satellite campuses based in Hollywood, California and Miami Beach, right now. With tha Palm Beach campus currently being under construction, and scheduled to open Spring 2014, right off of Worth Ave.. Just saying. All these pretty fishes, the palm trees. This would be one heck of a spot to throw one of my famous limbo parties. Just gotta make sure I don't invite Mini Me again. Cuz he always be winning. Last year him and Honey Boo Boo went down to tha flat out wire, but Mini Me pulled off this fancy Brazilian stunt that I hadn't seen since Univision was showing tha dance show Caliente back in like '96. Next thing everybody knows it he's walking off with Tha Webster trophy and Homegirl was left crying...as usual. Hey Is that...
(Ooooh Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ahhhh!)
That noise, I tell ya! Where's a Duck Hunt gun when u need one, bro. I was just looking and thought I saw somebody. There's a small table on tha sand here, let me walk over and just sit down and get my mind right. Take off my J's and just...These freakin' witches! They done swapped my Jordan's for some shoes that got, what is this, a rabbit dunking a celery stick?!! Whahh Tha??? Get these things off my feet! Alright, bare foot walk on tha sand. Oh, I'm such a beach guy. Absolutely Luv it! Whether it's Lake Michigan, or tha Atlantic Ocean back in Miami, which I should be right now...getting ready for tha Manning Bowl...but neverthaless this is a lesson to be learned. Might as well use it wisely. And try to think about how I'm gonna get outta here.
(Thump!)
Ouch! Where did that...Oh, great. Now I got to deal with Curious George throwing coconuts at me. It's much appreciated when it's Gorgeous Georgia down at tha Pink Pussycat is throwing her coconuts at me, but this little dude...
(Thump!)
Please say that PETA isn't anywhere around, cuz I'm about to kill this little fellow. BUBBLES WOULD U STOP IT! FUDGE!! Alright, how am I gonna get off of this island. I have no cell phone. No food. No TV. No Sexy Mamacita. And just a monkey who keeps thumping me upside the head, like we're filming some kind of Planet Of Tha Apes comedy skit. U know, being alone, and having some time to be by urself sometimes isn't a bad thang. Things have been so crazy of late. Emotions have been running wild, as u can tell with me taking a one night stand with these mystery chicks. I just wanna have fun, and show love. That's all. I don't think nobody understands that. That's what my life is really all about. Money, Looks, Fame, that's cool, and we have those things, but right now I'm not about material things or chasing panties, I just want to Luv and have Fun. Period. Maybe that's why I was put on this island. To figure out what's tha next move. Life can go by so fast, that u just don't relax and enjoy it, u know. Think others have felt like they were on an island as well. It's better to think it, than to actually be on one. Trust me on that.
(Zzzzzzoooom!!!!)
HEY!! HEY!! Shucks, that was a plane that just flew by. One thing that this last hour or so has taught me is that when ur by urself, u really learn about not only you, and who u can trust. But by tha looks of these chicks taking my phone, J's and everything short of my Armani underwear, u find out who's really down for you. It's easy for people 2 luv u when ur tha French Toast Crunch of tha town, but when u go through some things or when people are wrongfully hating on you, or even when u decide to chase ur dreams, who's gonna roll wit ya? Ain't nuthin' worse than to have somebody, hold ur hand, look u alive in tha eye, and tell u 'I luv ya', and then never see them again... Oh great, it's you...Whadda ya want, little monkey...U just gonna grab a seat, huh. U agree with me?...Alright. Gimme some. (Fist Pound) I forgive ya...
But folk saying 'I love ya' and I'll be down or there for you, and then u left holding tha Chanel bag. On tha other hand, there's nothing better than surviving those types of episodes as well when so call lovers and friends get weeded out of ur life. U become stronger, u become more dedicated, and as I always say, it helps the fire within burn like never before. Speaking of which it's getting kind of chilly out here. I wish I was having one of those Indiana beach bonfires right now. U move on, of course...but tha lessons, u should never forget. It's in those situations that ur fuel goes from being regular to premium. And always remember, a special car needs special type of fuel. I consider myself a Ferrari in pristine condition , so I guess ultra-fuel is needed to make an Ultra-Ferrari go at an Ultra speed. And sometimes that costs tha most, but it's worth tha price. Boy is it ever worth it. Freakin'...How am I gonna get out of this one? At least if I had Ginger or Mary Ann with me, I'll at least have some eye candy to look at, but this here is absolute bananas.
Let me just close my eyes, and dream positively about what's about 2 happen in our life. Maybe it's in these times where u just have to sit and stay in tha moment. Perhaps our life is about to Kris Kross jump off in a way where this is tha only quiet time I'll ever have again. Hey, I think I can get use to this. Tha quietness away from hustle and bustle of South Beach. Got my feet laying in tha sand...Tha wind's gently blowing, and nothing but peace as our soul is getting ready for all tha fun that lays ahead. Yeah, I like this. Alright, if I could just have some kind of sign that my future is gonna be filled with luv and fun...Lord, if u could just give me some type of sign...
(Thump!)
You again!! Hey, That's funny! Huh. That just hit us! No pun intended. Perhaps all this time I've been getting tossed help for survival, but didn't even know it. I've been hungry and wondering how I'm gonna survive, but all this time I've been getting thumped by coconuts. Amazing! Sometimes it takes to get hit in tha head a few times to realize what's actually been going on around you. Guess ur blessings can be right in front of you and u not even know it. Well, I don't know about you, but it's time 2 get my grub on. I'm hungry. Now all I need is a knife. All I need is a...
(A glance at tha monkey holding a knife)
On second thoughts...Ah, I think it's best that I make this here Coconut a to-go order! (Wink!)
Luv and Have Fun! What else is there in life?!
Ciao!!
Austino Galaxia
No comments:
Post a Comment