And Now tha thrilling conclusion to 'Tha Tryout'...Enjoy!
And you don't have to tell me, you must be....
"Austino Galaxia. The pleasure's all mine. I luv your outfit, seems like you put a lotta effort into it. J's, Daisy Duke shorts, and the trucker hat. That look will take you far in this audition. Now just show me your purple."
Ahhh? Pur-ple??
"Yeah, everybody who tries out has to have some kind of purple in their outfit. You didn't see that in my tweet a few hours ago? Please say that a girl who got all dolled up, to come down 2 this audition didn't disrespect me and not follow my specific direct..."
Well, u see I just got the new Iphone 5c, and I haven't really played with it yet, and with tha new Twitter app...I mean, I haven't checked my feed since last nite. And well...I just been so busy practicing my Missy Elliott dance moves, and cooking Quaker oatmeal...and I mean, I've been doing everythang to make sure that I can get this spot. I didn't even go to Bamboo last night with my gurl Venus, just because I wanted to be fresh for this gig. Believe you me, my gurl told me it was jumpin', like all these guys from Greece were in town for this Red Bull Flugtag thang that got this weekend Downtown, and they are always down 2 drop some cash on us Latina Mommy's. Like they were buying bottles of Louis, and my gurl Uranus was in VIP getting her belly button licked with body shots of Patron , she's kind of thick, but once she dresses up and puts on her rings, she can become so magnetic. It got so wild. And she can....
"Wait. Uranus?...Uranus?...Yo, I think she's cool with my girl Tierra."
YEAH! She is... She lives like four doors down from Tierra.
"I shouldn't even be saying all this, but me and Tierra are really close since like Yin and Yang. Matter of fact ever since I've been born. Tierra is my girl, she's really hot, and cool too. Like she's not bi-racial, but she has like seven different nationalities in here. One of a kind. And she can work those curves on tha dance floor, too. Like gravity is holding her up or something. Me and her went out like a month ago, to this concert featuring Captain Planet and the Planeteers...BTW go see them, cuz that's a really cool group to see live. They had everybody doing their fist pump dance!"
Word!?!
"Yeah. Word. They did one heckuva 'Make It Rain' cover as well. Tha place began to mist and everythang. I was thinking, 'This is one freakin' whale of a pyro light show!', I mean Ibiza ain't got nuthin' on this. It was all natural too. Yeah, me and Tierra are still cool. She just has her moments, now she's all about going green. Heard she's putting it on some dude who I heard was 'Outta this world' or something. Eathan Ticklespecs. Nobody can say his name, so everybody just calls this dude, E.T. He's so weird, I mean he's 66 years old and all he does during tha day is ride Deco Bikes, and pulling tha same pull my finger trick on little kids, that he's been doing since '82. With it lighting up and... (Shaking His Head) Dude ain't right for her. But u know as I do, once these Miami chick's start 2 see those dollar signs, Fendi bags...Ocean Drive penthouses and floor seats to tha YEEZUS tour, they go all in."
Give her some time. Sometimes us gurl's just have 2 learn tha hard way, that's all.
"Shall see. So u want a part of my...how should I put this...I guess, show huh? Do u think u're ready for something as major as this. I mean, your name is Estrella, right?"
Yeah.
"Ur name does have star written all over it, but what makes you think that u can handle such a production as this. I mean, it gonna be seen here, there and everywhere. U come in looking dirty hot...I mean like really, really dirty hot. Babs was tha last gurl who came in looking so dashing. But can u prove to me that ur more than a Fruity Pebbles routine, with skin that reminds me of a morning bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch."
Well, my personality is Special K, with a Trix personality.
"Oh's..."
No, I said, Trix. Oh's...Ew..Like Ghe-ttoo! Anyway...I'm tha Total package. I've seen it all here in Life. My Ex-Ex boyfriend lived tha farm life and so I've have shucked Corn Flakes, while on the other hand I've kicked it with some homegurls in England where their greeting is always, 'Cheerio'. Yeah, I may be goofy and all, carrying around my Lucky Charms, but that's just because I want 2 be relaxed. That's all. Guys always be coming at me, about how good I look or how I move my body, but I just give them a few Smacks to tha check and they back off. I'm here tonight cuz I've seen what being part of ur show can do for one's career. I mean a few seasons ago, when guys were allowed to audition, Old Man Crunch was an absolute nobody, now he's what...a legendary Cap'n now?!! And just last year, that one stripper...What's her name? U know who I'm talking about, she wore that brown outfit with tha tassels...
(Smile on face) "Cocoa Puffs."
Yeah, when Cocoa Puffs became part of this thang. She just blew up, she went from being a naked dance technician to being a household name. I mean, when I saw her tryouts on YouTube, and how she sung that Alpha-bits song...I tell ya! When she went...'L-M-N-O...P", I grabbed my marshmallow pillow and just held it tight and cried. Believing one day, I can be part of this thang as well. Ever since been practicing to make sure everythang is Cookie Crisp, and now I'm just ready to 'Snap, Crackle and Pop.'
"Gurl ur Loops are Fruity! I really hope u ate ur Wheaties cuz I don't impress easy. Now get up on that here stage, and let me see what u got."
Yes!! (With hands clapping...Stomp! Stomp! Stomp!)
"Alright, I'm gonna be using a megaphone...How u turn this thang on? (BOOOOOP! BOOOOP!) Fudge, that noise almost messed up my hearing. Gotta stop getting my stuff from Flea Market USA....ALRIGHT, CAN U HEAR ME?"
Yep, I can hear you Papi.
"OK, I'M...WHAT DID U CALL ME?"
I mean, Sir Galaxia.
"GURL DON'T START NOTHING UP IN HERE! U MAY THINK UR A STAR, BUT MESSING WITH ME, I'LL PROMISE I'LL TURN U INTO A SHOOTIN' STAR! I'LL TAKE U IN THA BACK INTO THA JANITOR'S CLOSEST, NEXT TO THA MOP AND BROOM AND GIVE U A WHOLE NEW MEANING ON THA EVOLUTION OF BIG BANG THEORY!!"
(Hand put over face) Ha ha! Oh boy...
"SO I'M GONNA BE CHECKING U OUT...I GUESS I LOOK AT UR DANCE MOVES HERE AND THERE TOO...THAT'S A GALAXIA JOKEY JOKE! BUT I'LL BE WATCHING U, AND IF I INTERRUPT AND SEE SOMETHING I DON'T LIKE, I WILL TELL YOU... (BOOOOOP!) WILL THIS THANG STOP MAKING THAT NOISE...(BOOOP!) STOP IT!...NOW, DO YOU GOT THAT?!"
Yeah, so u'll gonna be watching me and stuff. And if u see something u don't like, then ur gonna tell me, 'Will this thang stop making that noise...Stop It!'...Then u'll say, 'Now, Do you got...'
"NO!...NO!...NO!...(SMH)....They look good but don't listen...They look good but listen too well...They don't listen but look good...They do listen but they don't look...Ah, next year I'm taking this production to Tahiti...ALRIGHT, BEAUTIFUL, DID U BRING SOME MUSIC."
Sure did.
"POP IT INTO THAT BOOM BOX OVER THERE ON THA CHAIR."
Where is tha...
(BOOOOP!) "ON YOUR FAR RIGHT, HUN!...THERE YOU GO."
Ok....Relax...Relax....Ok, here we go...
"AND...YOUR ON!!"
(U wanna....U wanna...U wanna a hard body...U wanna Bugatti...U wanna Maserati...U betta work bitc..)
"OH, FUDGE NAW!" (Right hand being shook under chin)
(U wanna Lamborghini...Sitting martini's...Look hot in a bikin...Zippppp...)
Hey!!! Why did u cut my music?!!!
"AS MUCH AS I LUV THAT SONG, AND AS MUCH AS I WANNA SEE BRITNEY IN VEGAS LATER THIS YEAR, I WAS TOLD BY THA UPPER MANAGEMENT WHOSE CLOSE TO THIS JUSTIN FELLOW, THAT THEY SPECIFICALLY WANT NO BRITNEY SONGS DURING THA AUDITION. SO...PLAY THA BLUE TAPE THAT'S ON THA SEAT IN FRONT OF THA BOOMBOX."
But...But....Britney is legendary. And she's what I practiced all my moves to?!!
"SORRY HONEY, BUT...(BOOOOOP!) THEY ARE PAYING THA BILLS AROUND HERE, AND A PLAYA IS REALLY TRYING TO PARTY HARD AT THE WALL, THIS NEW YEAR'S EVE, SO JUST BUNNY HOP OVER AND POP IN THAT TAPE, AND JUST IMPROVISE. GUESS WE'LL SEE HOW GOOD U REALLY ARE."
I can't believe this. A chance of a lifetime and I'm getting thrown this curveball. Freakin'...Now I gotta dance to...This??....Whatever, dude.
(Click.)
(Oh...So what are you wearing Mr. Galaxia?..."Shoot, just some Happy Socks and this here Ferragamo belt"...You got that Burgundy Nurse Assistant outfit opened at tha top just how I like...)
"NOT THA BLACK TAPE! THA BLUE TAPE!!!"
Oh. He He He!!!
(Click.)
"That was close...(BOOOOP!)...GIVE IT A FEW SECONDS...I WANT U TO JUST THINK ABOUT ALL THA THINGS U'VE GONE THROUGH, AND WHO HAS MADE U THA MOST UPSET, AND PERFORM AS IF THEY'RE RIGHT HERE IN THA AUDIENCE. SHOW 'EM WHO'S THA BEST."
Solaro. My Soon-to-be-Ex...I can't stand him, at all. And all these folks who thought I wasn't serious in becoming a star. I'm gonna show them. I'm gonna show 'em for real....
(Bun-Bun-Bunnnn...)
"ALRIGHT GIRL!...U'RE ON!! NOW DANCE!!"
(Listen...Yeah....This was your ci-ty...You did it all and more, broke except law for one, babe...)
"MOVE UR HIPS!"
(Attract...tion...Are you ready?...I know you feel it...pull U nearer til u you feel it again...)
"PUT ON A SHOW GIRL!!"
(I wanna do something right...But we can do something better...Ain't no time like tonight...)
"NOW GIVE ME THAT SOUTH BEACH SMILE...ALRIGHT, NOW SHAKE IT GIRL...COME ON GIRL....UR MAMA GAVE U THOSE HIPS, NOW USE THEM! USE 'EM"
(Tonight's tha night...Come on Su-rrender...I won't lead your luv astray...Ah...strayy...Yeah)
"UR FABOLOUS GURL! FAB-U-LOUS!"
(Take back tha night!...Come on, use me up until there's nothing left...Take back tha night!...)
"I LIKE IT GURL!! I LIKE IT...SHOW ME WHAT U GOT GURL!"
(Take back tha night!)
Click-Click ...Click-Click!....
"OH, U OUT HERE TAP DANCING?!!
(Take back tha night!)
Click-Click... Click-Click!
"I THINK I'M IN LOVE...THAT'S ENOUGH! STOP THA TAPE...TAKE IT OUT. I'VE SEEN ENOUGH!"
But...(Huff! Huff!) I was....Ah... just getting started.
(BOOOOP!) "GURL...WAIT LET ME PUT THIS STUPID THANG AWAY...Gurl, you showed me enough. The minute u walked through that door I knew that u were tha one, eye just knew. U got tha spot. U got it."
I DID!!! Oh, boy, I can kiss you right now...
"Never gonna say 'No' to that!"
(Smooch!)
"Gurl...."
Just so happy, cuz I've been through so much this last year, but I just knew that if I could get a shot at...something, u know. Then somebody would notice that I'm something special. Amazing how life can work. Let me ask u Mr. Galaxia, I was tha only one who was here. Like, this is a really cool production u got, where were the other girls who tried out...
"Gonna be honest. This was always your show. Like...this show was made for you almost like Baby Kermit and Baby Fozzie was made for tha Muppet Babies...sort of. Our show was being prepared for somebody like you, and u didn't even realize it as u were going through all tha ups and downs of ur life. Sometimes u are being prepared for something greater than what u can see. Now...ur chance is here."
Well, thank you! I mean, really I thank you. Is there a Ladies room anywhere?
"Yeah, in tha back on tha left. THE LEFT!!" (Smile.)
U're so silly! I'll be back shortly...Again, Sir Galaxia, Thanks! I'm gotta call my Mom, Sunny. She's gonna be so excited!
"That's great! Oh boy! Galaxia, what a life u hav kid. Just have a feeling like things are about to take off like never before. This girl is great, and this production is gonna be special. I look out off this stage and there's still nuthing like performing when nobody is watching. When it's just you and ur dreams. That's when see who does things for tha luv of tha game or for all that other stuff. U know, don't sleep. I still got some moves. This big stage will always be mine...How JT say it...'Take back tha night!...Take back tha night!' I'm starting to feel it, I'm about to hurt 'em!! Let me pop back in that tape, and do it like we used to."
(Click.)
"Eyes closed, and just let tha rhythm of tha sound take us away....Alright..5...6....7....8...."
(So u said that if I pay you $200 for a house call. and just $250 for that Lollipop trick?! Straight up, no tax?!! Huh, and if I want a little Brazilian Rub-A-Dub Dub...)
"Man, wrong tape..."
Ah-heem! Ah-heem!
"Ah...Sorry Estrella, I was ...What I had said was...See I was just seeing if I still had tha moves, and I put in tha wrong tape, and u walked in...and..."
Just kidding. Well, what's next.
"Be here first thang in tha morning, cuz we got two practices tomorrow. Then we'll really start going over tha dance moves and u can meet some more of tha cast."
Alright, it sounds like a lot of work. But I'm game.
"Good. Well, see you tomorrow, and Congrats...U're now in our Galaxy, where everybody is a star. I want you to know that. Once ur in...your in."
Yeay!! Toodles.
"A Galaxy full of shining stars, that's my dream...Yep. That's my dream."
Good Morning.
It's 5:04 am, this Saturday.
Luv and Fun through words.
Now I gotta go 2 sleep!
Hugs and Smooches!
Austino.
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