Ok. This is truly what u call an exclusive post. I wasn't even gonna write tonight, all day and all night we just been on a chill tip. We had a tough workout earlier this afternoon, so my mindset as of right now has been to get our body in tip top condition, and to just clear our mind. More on that later, but if u follow us on Instagram, u probably got my hand written note, in regards to this mugging I just had at my crib. SC just came on for their college football game against Washington State out in Los Angeles, so it's gonna be a long night. So grab ur coffee, and if u're reading this late night style or even early morning over in Paris (Homegurl don't think I haven't forgotten about u over there), this is about to be unplugged.
Alrighty, to be totally honest. I literally just got jumped by a Cock-a-roach. Here in my showroom over here in South Beach. So we're up here just chillin', taken it easy on this Saturday night for seemingly the first time in a grip, and we're watching the movie The Campaign with Will Ferrell. We're getting a few chuckles in, and I'm laying on tha floor right in front of my TV. Dude, I was taking it back to when ur a kid staying up all night. We had our feet propped up on a stool, while our head was being pillowed by a small Mini-NBA basketball. Living tha life. All of a sudden, I feel something on my left shoulder. And I put this on everything I know, it felt like I was being punched. Like somebody was giving me a Master 3-punch combination to my shoulder. Bam!-Bam!-Bam! I did my best Floyd Mayweather shoulder roll imitation, and looked over but didn't see anything. I go back into my upside down missionary position, and about 5 minutes later, I feel another Bam!-Bam!-Bam!...Y'all I'm not kidding one bit! I shake my leg, and this Cock-a-roach done jumped on my leg. Whahh tha Discovery Channel?!
I immediately get up, and this thang was about 4-5 inches long without heels, and tha showdown was literally on. Now, I grew up with some wild things. I've seen my folks set up mouse traps with old cheese, only to wake up in tha morning to see tha cheese gone, with a note, "I prefer Wisconsin Cheese" left behind. Back in tha day had some crazy problems with these small scorpions, like they fell from the trees, and were inside tha crib. Yuk! Ants...to make a long story short, I CANNOT STAND BUGS! I hate walking into imaginary spider webs...I cannot stand mosquitoes...or walking into a cloud full of nats, like Ew!! Big time Ew! But living down here in Miami, by urself, u learn to grow up very quickly. And it wouldn't be right to go and knock on a neighbor's door to ask them 2 help kill a spider or something. Although, this girl two doors down is really freakin' hot. Humm?!!!! Can u say 'Ice Breaker'?! Anyways, u gotta do what ya gotta do.
So the first thing I did after getting blindsided, was go and get that Raid. I got that blue bottle Professional stuff. Tha stuff that supposedly Mighty Mouse himself couldn't survive...or at least that's what somebody said on a Amazon.com review. Ran and got tha mojo, and tha showdown in beachtown was on. This thang was relentless...Tenacious...Undeniable...I sprayed, and he just kept shaking off tha spray like Ali. I'm thinking he should open up his own survival studio for tha guys that be on tha TV Show Cops. Them dudes go down in a minuto after getting Dr. Pepper sprayed, but this guy. Then he started to run around tha ring. He hid behind these two blue Ikea like cloth box things. I took a deep breath like I was about to ask out tha former MTV VJ Idalis out to Friday night jam session, then I moved the first one. No Andrew Luck. My mind got a little nervous. Cuz he tha location he was in, was black, and my lighting is kind of dim in my place. Which if I want to be honest about it, that's code for, "My place always has tha mood right!" Boy...We on fire tonight!! So then I pulled tha second box, still didn't see anything. Then I saw this brown spot looking like Little Debbie Nutty bar, and I figure it was him. Squirt! Squirt! Squirt! He just dashed along tha wall, and I'm literally shooting at him like I'm at tha County Fair trying to hit those moving duckies.
Then he pulled a...how should I say this...on of my fav teammates E Boone might be reading this, so...let's just say he pulled a "Witch" move, and hid underneath one of my floor rugs. Now that was crazy too, cuz my rugs from Target...I forgot, from "Tar-jay" are like confetti colored (Go figure!) in purple, aqua, yellow, a like Lilac. Yeah, it's gurl colors, but when they going for $4.98, I'll just put them bad boys next to my drawer that used to have my CVS nail polish remover on top, and call it a day. Besides, hopefully tha color of your rug burns, or the color of my rug, should be tha last thing u should be thinking about. (That was a close one!) So this is like 2:00 into tha third round, and he begins to play Chris Matthews Hardball with Tha Kid. Now I'm scooting over all this stuff. Moving computers desks, moving my stand that has books, dvds, CDs, and the most important thang, my mini-video camera that took a lot of practice to position it perfectly towards my bed, now I got to practice angles, it's a hassle. But whatever...
I'm thinking I don't know how I'm gonna get this critter, cuz he has options. He could stay under, he could go left or right and run for cover like a kid in tha Winter who just doesn't give a Frosty Tha Snowman anymore, and takes his chances getting blitzed by a snowballs thinking If I get hit, I get hit. Or, he could go even further under tha rug and come under me, and try to hit me below tha belt. This dude had options like them old Oklahoma football teams, or better yet he had options like a former Miss California at a "Date for Charity" auction. All I hoped was that he would come out, and not turn this night into one of those where a guy is knocking on his Ex-girl's door begging him to let him in. He like snuck back out, this time wearing a T-Pain costume mask, and I just let him have it. I haven't witnessed that many squirts since this...bach-e-lor...par-ty...I won't go there, but he just moved, and then got pinned in tha corner like tha DJ just yelled out, "Last Call" and he was in tha firing session. He fought for a minute, but then just gave up. I literally got me some toliet tissue...I just thought about how I got a small WWF figure of tha Undertaker, that woulda made a heck of an Instagram picture to have tha Undertaker standing over this little roach. Huh. But instead I ran and threw him down tha toliet, and flushed ASAP.
This was easily one of the more craziest experiences, just because bugs crawl up on u and stuff, but this thang...I mean, really two times?!! Like King Roach sent out a hitman to get me, and I felt tha little punches, but South Beach already has gangsta-fied cats who don't move out tha sidewalk or middle of tha street. I ain't never seen anythang like it. Now this. I luv my hood, but it's nights like this that I wish I had a Orkin Man license. Oh well....I knew I shoulda went out to tha club tonight. I just knew!
Hugs 2 all.
Austino Galaxia.
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