(Parental Discretion Advised)
I can't believe I'm in here. Well, finally, I guess, the Miami in me, has gotten the best of me. Didn't think that I would ever let that happen, but as I've learned living down here, u just never, ever know. Passing by bilboards with nothing but booty in ur face. Watching old MTV True Life episodes, I mean it's such an "in" thang to do. But urs truly...Naw...Never in a million years, I do everything tha natural way, but after earlier today...That's when it just hit me. Dude, u need some help. See, I was alright, well, not alright...See, my day began, waking up early this morning. And as I was leaving the Beach area, as I was on 5th street, right around Alton Road, I this like Hond-Hey pulled right next to my left on tha driver's side. I was like, "What tha fizzle (Cough, Cough) is that smell?" Evidently they were smoking so bootleg weed or something. Like I know what good weed smells like, don't ask, just believe me on this. But, this was horrrrible! Tha fumes like jumped on me like a demon, cuz I'm just not into that kind of stuff. I mean, the way my body is tuned up, any fowl smell can throw my whole engine off tune. So I'm at tha light, thinking, I gotta get outta here. Hold on, this girl just walked in here..With Salt and Pepper blond and black hair just as I like...wait a minute...
What's up?
'Hey.'
What's a beautiful girl like you doing in here, I mean you can't improve on perfection, can you?!!
'You're so kind. I just thought I'd get a touch up.'
A touch up? What God has painted looks like flowless to me? I mean, u look really good Homegirl. Low cut blouse, no tan lines...Plus, you rockin' them Nike Gladiator sandals that drive me crazy, girl. Only tha hot girls wear those.
'Thanx. But I'm just getting a touch up on my boobs. I just had them done about 6 months ago, I just want to add a little. Do u like them?'
Girl, I don't care if your boobs are big or small or whatever. With that smile of yours, you can melt hearts. I'm telling you. But since you asked, I really think that your bosom is quite impre...
('PRISCELLA GOMEZ!')
'Ooops, that's me. Good talking to you...ah...'
Galaxia. Austino Galaxia. Hey, do you think we can rap a little after this and get some wraps or something. I mean tomorrow's like 49 and 59 cent burgers at Mickey D's. Or in your case, Mickey Double D's, and we could talk a little, I won't eat tha meat, but to be close to u, I'll nibble on tha bun with some pickles, and ketchup. Whadda say?
'We'll talk.'
(Click. Door Closes)
Cool. Yeah, she's legit. Really legit. But getting back to these dudes. So I"m at tha stoplight, and I'm thinking I gotta get my Super Mario Bros. on, and run away from these dudes, cuz this fake "Cali Good" is making my mouth sick. So the light then turned green, and I'm zooming fast to try to get away from these dudes, and what do u know it, I get stopped by tha stop light at Star Island aka "The worst stoplight in America!!" Cuz ain't nobody ever coming out tha light, there's only one millionaire there per day, cuz everybody else is either making albums down in Brazil or making quote unquote Hollywood movies out in New Mexico, so why does this light exist. I'm sure my opinion will change once I live there. Next thing Tha Kid knows it, this car pulls right next to me. And I'm about to cry...Like, it's too early for me to be Left handing weed smoke. Especially, if its not tha kind that Snoop Lion would approve of. God...WHYYY!!!!Or as my Reggae brothers would shout ..."Bob Marley...WHYYY!!!!" The light hit green which was symobolic for the moment, and I dipped like a chick at a Fountainebleau pool party. But my stomach hurted all day...Like I felt alien like. I promised you, I lifted up my right index finger and I saw a light glow. I should have phoned home, but I woulda been scared to touch tha keys on my Galaxy phone. To see them light up on a touch like Michael Jackson's 'Billie Jean' video would put me in tha Insanity ward for real...
(Is this seat taken?)
Definitely not. Not for you especially. Hey, is this where all the beautiful girls hang out?
(It's Miami, Hun. (Smack, Smack, Smack ) I mean, u didn't know. I don't think any guys know that this is where tha beautiful babes hang out. (Smack, Smack, Smack) What are you in here for?)
Just a little something, something...It's been a long day, so I figured everything else went crazy today, so might as well...
(Long day...Listen, you wanna talk about a long day. I went shopping earlier...(Smack, Smack)...Picked up all this stuff, like mad clothes, and stuff. I got a hook up right...Get back to tha crib, and turn on tha TV, and right after that Everest College commercial with that cute little light skin-ed girl, u know which one I'm talking about.)
Yeah, I know.
(Right, so... (Smack, Smack) right after that, this news lady chick comes back on and begins to talk about this Tax Free weekend down here in Miami. I'm like TAX FREE? Whahh?! So I hopped back in my Supra took my clothes back, and told Stenson to put them bad boys on hold, and not to even let anybody, I'm talking like Oprah, or Paris Jackson...)
U mean Paris Hilton.
(Yep, her too. Like don't let no floozy up in her taking my stuff! Cuz I'm coming back for them thangs first thing...U don't hear me son...FIRST THANG! (Fist in hand pounding!) FRIDAY MORNING! I'm gonna be on it like white on rice.)
And what if he sells them befo...
(See, I ain't even gonna let u finish that line cutie pie. Cuz Stenson don't want none of these. I may look like a lady, getting my nails and toes done up, getting my hair whipped up every week and I may reside over in Cocopulm, but don't get it twisted...Please don't get it twisted! Cuz in reality...For real...I'm that Bit...)
Ok, Ok, I get that point.
(I'm sorry Boo. (Smack, Smack) so what about you, again.)
Yeah, it's been a day. I had all these girls telling me that I looked tired, and asking me what was wrong. My girl Carla straight up told me that I looked like I got beaten up.
(Well, did u? U know I like a man who ain't afraid to stand up fight for his woman!)
Like...No. Besides I'm single, so...Anyway. Between this second hand weed smoke stuck in my system, and looking like I just got hit with a bag full of nickels... I just told my homegirl Christy straight up, "I need a drink." She laughed, but even though I'm watching my intake of spirits lately, a Ice Cubed Margarita woulda sounded nice today.
(Look at that girl over there. Umph! She's in here like three times a week. She already got a big butt, I mean, Dang! In all the videos, with Jay-Z, J. Cole...Heck, I even saw here dancing in tha back of Jay Leno's home video of his cars! I mean, how crazy does that look watching her wobble, wobble...shake it, shake it, all on top of a Ford Model T?!! I mean..(Smack, Smack!)...come on now! Trying to hide behind those fake Versace sunglasses. I can't stand these young girls...Anyway...(Smack, Smack), anything good happen today.)
Well, actually yes. Had some good convos with some cool, pretty females about life, and relationships. "Trust" is tha number one factor this one beauty told me. She couldn't believe that I was single still.
(Huh. Now that u say it...neither can I!!!)
But I think, tha topper was when I went to Publix and racked up on some deals, on some Perdue Short Cuts, on tha Grilled, and tha...
(Carved-Turkey-Breasts! Yes...Give me some on that! (Hi-Five exchanged!) They don't know about that. See these young girls don't be watching their body, u need Pro-ten in ur life. See that Pro-ten get ur body looking hard like Carmen Electra back in tha day. They don't know that.)
Who's Carmen Electra?
(Boy...No wonder u single! Continue Hun...)
So I breaking Publix off, on them Short Cuts...Bam!...Then I go over to tha Frozen section...Finished off what I started with them Eggo's Nutri-Grain Blueberry Waffles...Boom!...By one, get one free, I'ma make sure they don't do that again.
(I heard that! (Another Hi-Five exchanged) Let them put them Rice Cakes on sale. Ump! What! I'm gonna kill 'em!)
And earlier I swoop, swooped up some Vita Coco Coconut water that was on sale. I thought I might as well give it a try. So as I'm loading up all this stuff to tha conveyor belt, the check out lady is already sizing me up, right. While she's ringing up this couple ahead of me. Like, looking at me smiling before I even get up there.
(Boy, u better get on that. I hear that Publix employee discount is like 70% or something...U better, un-button a few buttons next time!)
Like 70%...Huh...That girl Cristina does look hot who works...Anyway, so I get up there, and she's smiling, and we exchange pleasantries...
(Tha big words. (Smack, Smack) Go on...)
I told her straight up, "I ain't playin' today." Laughing. My girl then tells me, that tha Coconut water is not only 2 for $3, but it's also Buy 2, get 1 free. So I high-tailed it over to get two more for free. Then as I come back the bagger asks me, "What does tha water do?" I was gonna tell her, that I heard Madonna uses it, but I didn't want her to think I was disrespecting that Catholic religion, so I just told her, that "I don't even now...but I heard that it gives u energy."
(Ha, Ha!)
Stop it...So the check out woman, then asks me in her Haitian accent..."Ah...u-need...in-ah-gee!!"
(Wheww!!! Ha ha! U done made me swallow my gum! Ha ha!!!)
So it took me a second or two, and all of a sudden, I started to bug up laughing, and she was laughing outrageously loud, as was tha bag lady! Cuz it hit me what she was talking about. We was loud, girl, too laughing.
(Well...Oh boy!...Do you?!!)
Believe you me, if its one thing I don't need any energy boost in, it's in laying down that good good. 'knowwaheyemean. Trust me, once I pour honey on that belly button, and...
(Smiling)
U don't believe me, there's a Burger King across tha street, and we can go into tha bathroom, I mean u say u like a man who can throw them fists, but how do u like a man who ain't afraid to bang...bang..ban...
(AH...AUSTINO...GA-LACK...GA-LA-SIX...)
Galaxia. Here I am.
(ALRIGHT. IT'S TIME TO SEE THA DOCTOR, TO GET YOUR PROCEDURE DONE.)
You lucky...You real lucky, girl.
(Bye boo!)
Alright here we go...Hey, Priscella, u gonna wait for me right.
'Of course, why wouldn't I?'
Cool. Well, I've never done this, but I need a change. A "new me", it's time. Once that door closes, I have no idea what will unfold.
(Click.)
Oh boy.
To be continued....
Luv and Kisses!
Austino Galaxia.
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