Let's see how this goes.....
Never in a million years did I figure that I would end up here in New York City. I've always considered myself a Los Angeles kind type of dude. Miami was great as well, but here we are in tha Big Apple. Where they claim, if u can't make it here, u just ain't no good. Or something like that. I remember as a kid my Aunt talking about how the rats here are as big dogs. She wasn't lying. The other day, this rat stopped me in the middle of lunch hour, and had a full conversation with me. We got to talking about tha state of tha Yankees, where u can find tha best hot dog, and the real reason Regis gave up his spot on Morning spot on TV. This little guy was like a genius, he even told me how one night him and Donald Trump got into an argument at a Penthouse party about how u should split the cheese in life. He said, he hit Tha Donald with three karate chops, followed by a flick of his ring finger, and next thing u know it, tha cops were called in, and tha little guy was booked, and later sent upstate to Tha Big Maze which left him even more confused due to tha fact that he could never find his way out. Even now, he talks with a little glaze in his eye, that leaves u to believe that he's one Velvetta short of having it all. But...That's New York.
How did I end up here? A bad day. See, I usually am pretty cool about things...What's up dude!...Chillin'...Now, I don't smoke. Alright, Holla...But, I'm usually cool about certain things, but I needed a few moments to get out per se. It just got too hot down in Miami. I was working out actually earlier today, and I just felt like everything I got to go through to become the best, I guess...it's just too much. U don't wanna be fake...Can't be urself, cuz people then look at u all "weird" and junk. I use everything as motivation, maybe everybody can't relate to that. But, I just wanna love and live life at the highest level possible. That's it! Just lately I feel like I being put through a whole lot of stuff, that I don't feel like I should go through. God has it's ways, just of late, it seems like hard work, faith, and the want to just have fun has become a detriment to me. Like my greatest gift has become my deepest curse. It hurts. So I broke open my basketball piggy bank, and said the heck with it all, I'm up. I remember this one girl who I met in Miami, who told me that if I was ever to go up North to "Tha City" to look her up, and she can help with anything. I called her up, and she was in the middle of some Fashion Week of some sort. I heard Mercedes-Benz was involved so it must be big.
'U got some change?'
Here...here's a little. God Bless.
'That's all u got?'
Say Whahh?
'I know u got money, I can tell by them kicks, all you can give me is this?'
How about I give u a three-piece and knuckle sandwich, with biscuit on tha side. Get out my face...I always love to help people, but some people are just so rude. So let's just call her Suzanne, helped me and told me about this fortune teller, that helped her friend out a few months ago. Suzanne's friend, who we shall call...Ginger, was going through a thing where she had everythang, she was big on tha Socialite scene, was about to have her own TV show on Bravo, every New York guy wanted to get with her. She sent me a picture of them both, and she's quite tha looker. But even though she had it all, she felt that something was missing. Suzanne hooked her up with this fortune guru, and Sha-zamm! Now Ginger is like got it all back together, and is looking better than ever. Personally, I hope I can hook up with Suzanne, so that I can get at Ginger. Nothing like a woman who has it going on, and knows what she wants, and what position she wants to be on in life. And I heard she likes it on...tha...top.
(Honk! Honk! Hey, ur holding up traffic, u Big Dummy! Move it! Get Oudda Hea!)
Oh, tha sounds of NYC. So I'm on my way right now to this joint. It's located on the outskirts of Manhattan. Look at how tall these buildings are. So many girls, I recall this Liz chick who swore up and down that I would absolutely fit in perfectly here in New York City. Basically told me everything from how I dress, and I guess my Swag, showed that I was a NY type of boy. Look at all these stores, and small boutiques. I think I'm about to lose my mind. And of course, everybody's got a Labor Day Sale going on this weekend. Shoes on sale...Jeans on sale....Underwear on sale...Mannequins on sale...Girls on sal...Wait? Is this one of those old peep show type of gizmos? Thought those only existed back in Tha City during tha 80s. Wait, u only go around once, I gotta a little time. Let's see, put in a quarter...I should have a few, let me see...I do love the transit system up here...Alright, I got a quarter, it says, to put in machine, and get ur freak on! Oh.....Kay??? That's kind of ghetto, but, let me put my quarter in...(Click!)
(We fly high...No Lie..U know this..."BALLIN!'...Foreign rides...Outside...It's like Showbiz!)
Oh Shoot!! That's my joint..."Remix"...That Jim Jones was my ish back in tha day, alright where's tha chick? Come on now, Betty White or somebody better come out her booty shaking? Can I get...This dumb machine just ate my money. I guess, I don't need to be looking at freaks through a window anyway. Why should I pay for something that I get for free anyway. Or at least used to....Oh well. There's that Chinese restaurant that everybody be talking about. It's still hard for me to comprehend eating at a place where u get to pick out the animal u want to get ur grub on with, and they go to tha back and chop suey that bad boy up, and next thing u know it, they hitting u up for $50 for something my homeboy back home could do for $5 and a pack of Now 'n Laters. One time he was all drunk, and he thought this rodent was hitting on his girl cuz she was feeding him nuts. Ain't gonna lie, tha little fellow had swag, he was like house pet, and all the girls liked him. Next thing I know it, my guy then went all Four Loko on this thing and...it was just ridiculous. And sad. For one, he shouldn't have done that to somebody who couldn't defend himself. And two, sad for me cuz Alvin and The Chipmunks haven't put out an album since that incident! Have u ever heard them do, "Bad to tha Bone?" Them boys could sing!!
Here we are...I thought this was supposed to be hidden, but evidently it isn't. Big lights blinking that read:
LOLITA'S HOUSE OF FORTUNE...AND PANCAKES.
Dang, u can get u some flapjacks, and then find out if Carson Daly's ever gonna return to MTV's TRL? I'm hungrier than a mug anyway, alright. I know I shouldn't be doing this...Maybe I should walk away...But what if she tells me...What should I do? Whatever it seems like nothing else has worked in my life, might as well. Might as well, have some fun? Let's go in...
(I close my eyes...And I can see a better day....I close my eyes...And...Pray...For tha broken-hearted...)
Wow! Never could've imagined a fortune teller chick blasting Justin Tha Biebster as u walk in. Maybe I shoulda just prayed before going through this store front junk. We're inside now...Alright...This is soooo creepy. They go Chicken Wing bones inside of pickle jars. Is this an eyeball? Then look at this poster, it's like crazy, it was made in 1972, but look at these pictures...Bill Buckner and tha Red Sox in 1986...Look at this one, a pic of Studio 54 closing down...Is that a photo of Marky Mark in some, I can't read those letters...C-K? Underwear?...Prince Akeem Joffer? I didn't know they made a movie about tha Prince of Zamunda...This trash is wild.
"Can I help you?"
Are you Lolita?
"Are you from 60 minutes? If so, I have no idea who you are looking for?"
No, No...My name is Austino Galaxia, I from South Beach down in...
"Oh! U're from where that Jackie Gleason fellow used to have his show back in tha 60s. Where the stars and wealthy people reside."
Yeah, sorta.
"Come, follow me Son. And you can tell me why you are here."
Thanks Loli.....
(Crash!!!!)
I'm like so sorry, I knocked over ur vase. Please, forgive me.
"No worries. Besides, I knew you were gonna knock it over."
U knew I was gonna knock it over. That's hilarious.
"So come....Sit. Why did you leave tha nice whether in Florida, to come and visit a little old lady like myself in tha city?"
Well, I've been going through some things, and I want to know if I'm on tha right track to...I don't know. My homegirl...
"Suzanne."
Ye...ah....my homegirl Suzanne told me that you can help me to, I guess find myself. She told me that u hooked up her friend....
(Yawn!) "Ginger."
Yeah, how did you...Anyways...And now like Ginger is everywhere. I passed like 3 full building bilboards of her, just on tha way to see you. And I just want to make sure that what or how I'm living is really in line to how I want to live and be, or make an impact on...or be remembered....I don't know.
"Why do I always get tha future stars to come into my place. First, it was Billy Crystal, I told him, just tell to ask, 'Why did the chicken cross the road?', and it will all snowball from there...Then it was that Madonna girl, she came to me. I told her, to sing about being a virgin, she told me, 'But I'm not', I told her, sing tha expletive song, she did, now look at her...Ewing, Seinfeld, Woody Allen, Warhol...With him I said, who cares what Campbell soups says, paint those little suckers...Even the other day this Kendrick Lamar Odom kid..."
Ha Ha! U mean, Kendrick Lamar.
"Who, ain't he married to that Kardashian girl?"
Now, he raps.
"Whatever, soon he will be....So he flys all over tha country to meet with me. I tell him, tell the world that ur tha King Of New York. U know what he told me..."
What?
"I was born in Compton. I told him tha same thing I told Mike when he arugued with me for 30 minutes about whether to go with one glittered glove or two. I told him one, Mike told me in his soft voice, 'But Lo-Lo, It might be cold on stage.' I looked at him and said, I better see u with one glove on, or else I'm gonna take tha monkey of yours Bubbles. He wore one. So u know what I told that Kendrick Perkins kid?"
What did u tell him?
"I said tell everybody ur the King of New York, throw in a few verses on your CD about the former coach Phil Jackson, who I love by tha way. We used to get high as a skunk back in tha 70s together when he played with that Knicks, and next thing u know it, u'll be a super star. Which brings me to you? I knew you would be in here to see me."
Lolita u're killing me with that line.
"But it's true. I've heard some things about you. Read some of ur stuff. I remember reading ur stuff on last week, and as I was reading it, my parrot began to make all these weird noises in tha back. And every time he acts weird, somebody is about to make an appearance to my shop. Tha thing was my parrot was making a noise that I've only heard two other times in my lifetime. Once was for Sammie Davis, Jr."
And the other.
"Elvis."
Interesting.
"So u want to find out, let me guess, if you are gonna be a star, and if you're gonna find this dream girl that u've been playing tha field to pluck out. Am I right?"
(Smiling.) Yes.
"I knew u were gonna say that. Let me see your hands. Hands a little chapped, I think u need some of my magic oil over here. Alright...Rub this on ur hands. Smells like banana don't it. Ok. Let me see ur hands...See this line right here...That means that u are really ambitious, so much that you might hit two sistas...Cuz ur on a mission...No matter what tha conditions...Oh, that Jigga guy, That Blueprint 3 album was a classic I tell ya."
Can we get back to my hand?
"Of course. See this line, and how it's curvy like Mariano's splitter, that means that u are patient, but only to some point. After a while, u feel as though it ain't worth it, and become antsy. U need to relax, my friend, just relax. It's gonna come...Listen, you're gonna make a large impact on tha world or Galaxy. Just have fun, and share tha fun with others. If u do that, ur gonna get urs. I promise. It's been tough, but hang in there a little bit more, and you will see...You. Will. See."
Thanks. What about this love thang?
"That's a little more complex. I gotta set tha scene a little bit in here. Let me cut tha lights on..."
Whoa! Lolita you're cute and all...And believe u me, if I was to run into you at Pacha's later tonight, I might have to put that thang on you, and try to get them digits. But, u turning out these lights...
"I knew that u wanted me."
(Eyes Rolling with Head Shaking) You're too much.
"Although, I want to give u a taste of my Caribbean Conch as well, I have to set tha seen, cuz I'm getting some vibes that ur love life has been one of a kind, I starting to see all these names flashing as I speak."
Yeah, right.
"Oh no...Amel, Nikki, Liz, Brittany, a few Amy's...a few Maria's...a Lari...a Marcela...Courtney...Another Courtney...Ann...Jessica....I'll be here all day, if I continue....Alright, dim these lights. Got to get some incense of love, which I call Pootie Tang. Then put on some Barry White. And gimme your hands...Wait, I forgot something...Let me put on my mask."
Hey, I'm a freak but...
"Not that Lucha Libre type of mask, silly! I'm talking about Marilyn Monroe. Alright, there. Now! Give me your hands. Ok. There kind of soft...I'm getting some kind of vision...Angelica...Angelica...Does that ring a bell?"
Well, it actually does. I know in my diary I've been writing about this Angelica Julia Guiterrez girl, who's like, a Pseudonym for the most beautiful girl in tha world. She has swag, dress, looks, takes care of her body, been around the dating scene, can dance, great personality...Yada, Yada, Yada.
"That's all that comes up. I mean, I do have a picture of her face, but...some things in life are better kept a secret. Besides, that's what makes love interesting. You never know who might be tha one. Ur close...very close."
Look, Shorty Bee Hop, I hopped on a plane, like thousand of miles away...is there like, so kind of clue or something u can give me?
"Boy, u celebrities are all tha same. U tell them what they need to hear, and still that want more. Alright, let me see ur hands once again...Oh, that's strange, I got a time and a place as well. I shouldn't even be saying this. All I'm gonna say is that u've been thinking about moving out to Los Angeles, which I can't believe u would want to, although it's a land full of some pretty bit...I mean beaches. Here's your clue...Stay in Miami."
Does that mean that she's a Miam...
"STAY-IN-MIAMI. Alright. This session is now over, and so is my business."
Business?? Why?
"Well, I made a promise to myself that once you enter my doors, I was gonna close up shop. The future is now in good hands."
But why me?
"I knew you were gonna say that. I want you to remember something...Sometimes the future isn't always in tha hands of tha stars. Sometimes u can control ur own destiny. Enjoy your journey. What I don't want for you, is to finally get everything and everybody u ever wanted, and look back with regret that u didn't enjoy tha ride. Life is to be lived, and part of tha fun ur talking about is tha actual journey itself. Tha road isn't easy, especially yours, but that just shows u what awaits you. Keep believing, and just have fun...and Luv. Now give me a hug, and get outta my place."
(Hug shared)
Love u Lolita. Luv u much! Bye.
"Bye, Hun! And remember what I told you."
(Door closes.)
"Oh, that boy is a trip. He's gonna be alright, and I'm gonna enjoy the ride of his, cuz it's about to really get crazy. Ooops! Before I forget, let me call my girl....(Ring...Ring...Ring....)...(Whispering) Hey, Hello...Suzanne. It worked! Yeah, you were right, he totally fell for it. I put on my Marilyn Monroe mask on...Yes I did...I went all out for this fellow. He just needed somebody to give him a little boost. Did I tell him anything that was true? I did tell him a few things....Which parts? Now you that I knew you were gonna ask me that."
Somehow I just knew as well.
Hugs and Kisses!
Austino Galaxia.
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