My head is spinning....I hope I make it. I'm still recovering from my night out last night. Big Tommy and Daniela's shing dig was kinda while. Who knew that Keg stands could be so let's just say...entertaining. All these wild stories, and laughter, I didn't get home til dag gone near 3 a.m. in tha morning. Still feel after shocks of sipping some Pizza beer. I didn't even know they made that stuff. It was alright, but I like mine thick crusted. I just wish that I could just chill out on today, relax, and have me a sexy baby girl and just enjoy life Michael Franti style. But, instead, all you-know-what is about to break loose in about...5...4...3...2...1...
(Ringgggg!!)
Yep, u got it. Tha first day of school. I've been doing this thang for a long time now, but tha bell never gets old. It's almost as mellow as tha sounds of Barry White, Manilow, or any of tha Marley's. These kids don't know nothing about that. Nowadays they got what, Wiz Kha-lou fa, Wacko Joe Flacco Flame, and some guy they call like Drook or Drake. He looks so eerily like this guy that used to be on tha show Degrassi, which was an insult to my occupation, but that's a turn of tha flapjacks for another day. Tough to relate to these youngsters. Now watch how they come up in my room, all Ipad'ed up. I came from tha real days of school. Trapper Keepers, 4-color ink pens, Solar calculators. These kiddos better not be coming up in here this year thinking they gonna fool me with their cell phones either. I know how it goes passing notes about Friday nights party from the window to tha wall. Doing it until the sweat drips down ur...forehead, hoping that that girl checks off 'yes' to ur origami folded note. If I see or even hear one 'beep-beep', I'm gonna kick them out like Martin used to do Pam, and then I'm gonna go H.A.M!! Kayne...Huh. Last of a dying breed.
"Hi, Mr. Galaxia! I've waited all Summer for this. Here's an apple."
Thank you...Ah...Ah...
"Eve."
Thanks...Eve?...Wait a Minute. Boy, if this is any indication of how this semester's gonna go. I'm in trouble. Hopefully no snakes pop out of that Hermes Kelly bag she got. Hey! Hey! No hat's inside of the school. Hey, Young Man, do you hear me, I said, Take ur freakin' hat off when ur insid...Ok, Ok. I see how this is gonna go, there's always one. Whenever u order from life's "Live Mas" menu, there's always gonna be one bad chalupa in tha bunch. And he's in my class too. He just don't know. All those nights staying up this Summer watching Bad Girls Club Miami, had got me amp'd to tha point where even if somebody cough's wrong, I might slug 'em! As that Chris Brown fellow would say, I ain't on no bulls...Wait, here comes my baby doll right here. What's going on Annika? You looking quite lovely on today.
(Flirtatious Smile)
That girl there. I've never played with a girl from Norway before. That's one of the cities or continents that I've hit before. Wrong terminology. But the other day at our Teacher's planning meeting, me and her talked and talked...got them digits, and now on this upcoming Saturday I'm truly gonna see if I can fill the plug and pull tha anchor on that Norwegian Cruise Line. Fa sure. All...A...Board. She's ultra gorgeous.
(Rinnnnng!!)
Well, let me get back inside the classroom. Man, I need some Alka-Seltzer. Lord, u know I don't usually get buck, but if u give me the energy on today, I promise, cross my heart, that I won't drink again until New Year's Eve. Then again, my birthday is coming up on tha 30th of October...and then next weekend for Labor Day David Guetta, Robin Thicke and Pharrell are gonna be in town, so...my homedude and homegirl might be throwing one of those legendary parties again so...Lord, just let me get through this day! Here we go.
(Click.)
Alright, as u all might know, or even if u don't. My name is Austino Galaxia. Once again, please hold ur applause. Excuse me, Eve, what are u doing?
"I'm sorry, Mr. Galaxia, but I'm just so excited to be in ur class, that I just wanted to record a few seconds of u talking for my Instagram! #luvclass"
Oh, really. Huh.
"My Mom, just liked my post, and commented she thinks ur a hottie. A lot of my guy friends thinks she's like the most beautiful thang, since she was a former Heat dancer, and posed for Playboy a few years ago. See, take a look."
I better not...yet. Put ur phone away. (Whispering) But please talk 2 me after class. (Wink!) Well, welcome to my class on a subject that has been talked about since the beginning of time, a subject that no matter how u try to run from it, somehow, someways it grabs u by tha ears, pulls u near, and whispers 'You're mine', and then calmly licks it's tongue from ur bottom lip to ur top lip, and pulls u to its chest to tha point where u can't breathe, yet don't wanna let go, and while ur suffocating in its pillows, u realize that even Cheech and Chong couldn't scrip a better way to go out, and....
(Silence.)
O....Kay. Yep. This is a class entirely and strictly enforced and taught on tha subject of love. As u can tell, we have a small class, this semester. That's usually tha case for the Fall, but then in tha Spring when guys and girls realize that doin' tha fool on tha 50 yard line of the football field has left them all dazed and confused, then they want to come and see yours truly. Last Spring we had so many people in here, that I had my Ex...I mean, Mrs...I mean Miss...Whew!...Valencia have a daily drawing to who could sit inside these four walls, and who had to sit outside and have the honor of watching Jimmy our Janitor work his masterpiece while rockin' his Sideshow Bob 'fro. It was like a MTV party pit in here, for real.
"Ah! Ah! Uwie! Uwie!"
Yessss... Eve. (Hand rubbing face.)
"Mr. Galaxia. Have u ever had ur heart broken?"
Huh?
"Like, I've read ur past works, and heard a lot about ur class. And it seems, like, for u to talk so much about love, and still be single, something...Like, I don't know. There has to be, like, a reason for all this. Cuz u should like...be tha last one to, like, still believe in Love, but u, like, still do."
I got a poem, that I wrote some time ago. That reflected how I felt about dating and love, and...
"Like, can we hear it. I mean, I know it's like, the first day and all, but that would be, like, so rad of u to do that."
Alright, I'm only doing this cuz u asked...U did say ur Mom used to be a former Laker girl right?
"Heat girl."
I let that slide...Ok, here we go:
They wonder what goes through,
Tha mind of this crazy kid.
Who always talks about love,
And who and what he did.
How come this aspect of his heart,
Has become ever so true.
There has to be something tha scarred him,
Somebody once had to make him so blue.
Let tha journey begin, on this day,
To reflect on why he talks of luv's swag.
Why he thinks that love can be so sexy,
Like a ride in tha new F-type Jag.
I've seen a lot, in my years,
Much of which I didn't ask for.
Me, just wanted 2 have some fun,
Like taking a body shot on a washboarded core.
Or go to tha movies, on a Friday,
Kicking it with a convo ever so real.
Maybe a dinner before all of that,
I'll pay tha first time, that's just part of tha deal.
Or what about going out to tha park,
Talking about the do's and don'ts of tha first date.
Like how a snuggle can mean more than a kiss good night,
Sometimes it's that mystery that brings u back to the second date.
"Ha! Ha! Ha!"
Eve. Did I say something funny?
"No, it's just, like, that word snuggle always makes me laugh! HeHe!"
Anyways...
As I begun to interact more and more,
I found that something weird is getting loose.
I was meeting all these type of beauties everywhere,
From the nerdy kind to those with tha plastic caboose.
Then it began to happen, suddenly,
Almost as if was some type of dream.
A Heavenly checklist of angels began to be checked off,
And I was a solo act in Love's spotlighted beam.
Everytime I would meet somebody new,
Truly it was like a game going step-by-step.
This girl would seemingly have it all, and then "Bam",
She would then tell me that she didn't like Diddy and G-Dep.
Or she would think she wasn't pretty enough,
While this other one got cold feet cuz I was close to her best.
How come this is all happening to tha kid,
Will I find a Marylin Monroe who has the freakiness of Mae West?
I take it all in stride though,
Believing that in due time our day will come.
Yet, the more I let go, and let it have it's way,
I felt a little desperate, like I was Love's bum.
The stories then got more crazy and wild,
This girl has a man, but is all in love with me.
I'm driving home sexy women who happen to be married,
While others who simply tell me in a week, they're leaving tha country.
Meeting girls online, in person,
And at the best parties and clubs that one can imagine.
Dude, people think the sexy room in tha house is tha bedroom,
But let me tell u, u can do a whole lot in a basement den.
Our heart begin to think, this is getting too much,
I got all these episodes but how come nothing solid rock.
Maybe I should be more open, and just lower our standards,
And not focus in on Blondes who are tan and luv Tupac.
If u know me, I respect all kinds of beauty,
No matter what tha shape or truly tha size.
That's tha thang though, I felt like I was being tested,
Like that hologram cake u can't touch, but see with ur eyes.
After all this, I began to teach, sort of,
While still going through my own wondering when.
I mean, one week its a girl that I know been eye-fudging us,
To tha last few, me wanting 2 be with this sexy, curvy girl who's Mexican.
So I teach, because I still believe,
And I want my students to realize what u may have to go through.
They are at a stage in their life where lust and love are blur,
And I don't want them to leave wishing that they knew.
Dating and relationships takes a lot of work,
Much of which is truly give and take.
One night doesn't make or even ruin an entire possibility,
It takes two souls to commit to realness, and not tha fake.
U have to be open, and be willing to listen,
Guys especially have to tend to a woman's emotion.
Sometimes just a open ear, can make tha panties drop,
When u need uplifting, she'll then be there for u...now that's devotion.
Hopefully my students realize that I'm trying to help,
This is an elective class, but perhaps the most key to life.
Algebra, and Biology are cool with the G.P.A.'s,
Our subject is more complex...trying to read the mind of a future wife.
We talk real, and from experience,
No textbook or pen or pad is even in need.
What we share are real episodes, none made up,
U can't get this by looking at ur Twitter feed.
One day, I want my students to come back and say thanks,
Love is tough, but u helped me to further my reach.
Fun is one reason. And to see the joy of true love is the others,
Not personal heartbreak...are the real reasons why I teach.
(Rinngggg!)
Ok. On tomorrow I want you to give me the ten most important things to make relationships work. And Sex, can't be on tha list.
("Oh Man!!"...Students complaining)
"Thanks Mr. Galaxia. That was, like, so cool. Talk to u later."
Pleasure's all mine, Eve....Oh, boy! I didn't think I was gonna get through that one. I hate opening myself up so much when I talk about my life, especially when it comes to love. Sometimes it just doesn't seem fair. Like the more u got, or if u look good, or if ur true to urself, u sometimes feel even more alienated. It just doesn't see fair.
(Knock, Knock, Knock)
'You's have a time, for a little's lunch?'
Miss Annika. Then other times...u realize, as I heard the other day, "The sun always shines on both sides of the street". Sooner or later if ur true to urself and true to tha game...Love will find you. Ah, Miss Annika? I think I'm having a little trouble with my shoulders, do u mind rubbing them for me?! (Wink!) That feels so gooood. Now Annika, let me ask, how do u feel about love cruises?!
'Ah, Me like.'
Good. Very, Very good.
It's gonna happen. Just be patient. (Talking 2 myself! Ha ha!)
Toodles.
Austino Galaxia. Ph. D in Luvology
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