That's tha time I'm writing this diary post, and I have no idea what we're gonna write about. Yikes!!! I feel like I'm gonna pull out my hair on this one. But never would I messed up my 'do. So what shall we jot about on today. This could be one of those diary post where we just vent like never before, and just call out names like I'm waiting for jury duty...Speaking of which why do they always show the movie, The Proposal at the Courthouse downtown here in Miami? I mean, He...llooo, have they ever heard of 12 Angry Men or Perry Mason, heck I'll even take a marathon of Caso Cerrado, or The People's Court with tha muy sexy bonita Marilyn Milian...Huh, I've never tried that, so a gavel in one hand, then I could put on one of those old British white wigs, then a robe that opens from tha front...And then she could be tha baliff with the black Ray-Ban's, button up shirt, in Chicago Police blue, their tint of blue is more fashionable, and the handcuffs and tha night stick, well I have tha night stick, but still...Ah, it's way too early to be having these thoughts. So getting back to today, or this diary can be one where we sob in tha corner with tha notebook cradling in our arms, with us wondering why I can't get a grilled Chicken Snack Wrap on McDonald's late night menu?! It. Just. Ain't. Fair. I want my extra pickles!
Miami is crazy dudes and dudettes. What have I seen...Alright, yesterday this guy came up to me when I was shopping at Target. The North Miami location, while I was in tha aisle for Dish Soap of all places. A brotha does have to keep his pots and pans clean. I mean here in South Florida you can take it when the ants in tha kitchen are playing Gin Rummy. But when u wake up, and ur tripping of bottles and see them all together smoking cigarettes and playing poker, and then u see Big Z over there begin to tell war stories about how him and his boys took over a picnic at Gloria Estafan's crib back in '89, that's a sign u need to get ur scrub on! But homedude came over to me kind of suspiciously. Strangers come up to me...A LOT. So he stood right next to me, and I gotta laugh, we're like staring at these different soaps like we're judging a hot body contest at the Cleveander, and he begins to ask me in his like Viea...Ohhh, I hope this one girl doesn't stop reading this cuz I can't spell, girls like guys with big...Di..alects...Ok. In his V-I-A, no...Vietnamese, got it, accent asking me about Dial and the Anti-bacterial one and if it works or not. I mean I thought soap was just soap. I'm borderline ghetto anyway, so u already know that we use Dial dish soap to wash tha dishes...wash tha car...Somebody knows what I'm talking about!...Take a shower...Clean ur sneakers...As a Wet Nampkin to wipe the Gerber from Lu Lu's mouth after she burps...U can do a lotta things by turning up tha Dial. Crazy convo, all about dish soap.
Am I tha only like big time geek and clutz around here in South Beach or in Miami? I know that u see me around rockin' what I rock, but I shouldn't even admit this, I'm really, like really clumsy. Me personally, find that to be SOOOO sexy in a girl. A girl trippin' over herself as she's about to walk over to approach you...That get's two thongs up! While on tha other hand a guy, trippin' over himself as he's about to approach a girl, well....U get tha, how shall I put it, I luv my Miami females, it takes sum time to get used to them, but when and if they let u get to know them, they're awesome and unique...U know how women usually come in travel packs here in Miami. Like I only want tha toothpaste, why do I have to get tha nail clippers, fingernail file, and the just in case thread kit as well?! Not even gonna talk about having to buy tha bag. But a guy who ain't ready for this travel kit, can be in for a rude awakening...I gotta start a new paragraph on this one...
So like I said, usually a girl would have her friends with her, all circling around and stuff. I'm a country boy from Indiana, I guess, Midwest raised, South Beach bred...Where I come from if u approach a girl, when she's with her Dream Team, they will usually stop what they are doing at least to see what this creep is talking about...While on tha other hand, tha ladies of Tha Magic City, if u don't step and literally don't bust through like a Trojan, then u outta luck! It's so funny to see, cuz these girls will literally keep talking, knowing that u are standing right there. U like, "Excuse Me, Can I get ur name?" And, I'm not kidding, it sounds like tha backdrop of a restaurant in those Spanish TV Novelas, where u hear nothing but mumbling and pots and pans dropping in tha background, and u just see lips moving! Ha ha! So true...To take it a step further, I've had on more than one occasion where girls are having a full blown conversation about Me, when I'm straight up closer than a shadow right next to them. They talking all in third person, "Austin, blah, blah" and all this, and I'm thinking, 'I'm like...totally right here, right now.' And u talking about my this and that, once again...He...lloooo! The concentration level of conversations here in Miami is like at ultra high. And if ur at a club or party with tha music blasting, that trash can hit Mensa level.
Oh, boy! This is getting long, but somebody might need to hear this stuff. Should I...or Shouldn't Eye? Whatever, it's our diary, I'm kinda laughing cuz back when I used to approach girls, I ...Nobody got that but me I see...back in those ancient times. I was a riot. Let's see, and this is going to be uber-embrassing and I can't believe I'm writing this, cuz it's so personal, but...Huge blow! We're gonna write the craziest places or situations that I've ever approached a girl, maybe with a story or two to match. Alright, here we go...Lord, please don't let this come back to bite me!!! Here we go....
- From the back of a Pontiac Two-Door Sunfire car. My boy Trizzy, JB and myself, was on our way to a Chicago Cubs baseball game up North. I was in tha back seat of this two door, when I saw this girl who was looking right, like she was off the cover of Italian Vogue, driving in tha car next to us. So I tell Trizzy who was driving to slow down, my boy JB (I'm not gonna get u in trouble!) let down his window, and u know how in tha frontseat of a two door, u got those seat belts where if ur in tha back u gotta squeeze ur way like Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest just to be seen. So me, not knowing that TLC's "Scrubs" was still banging on tha radio airwaves, began to get his 'Holla' on from tha backseat. And it was windy so it was crazy, both cars are driving down State Street with me yelling, "Hey! What's Your....(Wind Blow)" And she's replying, 'What?'..."You look so (Wind Blow)....in your car."...'What?'..."Can I get (Wind Blow)...umber?" After awhile it was to, no avail. So she pulled off, and I was left like, Dang! But peep this, like the next day at school, for the first time ever I bump into homegurl. Behind the Biology building. No joke! She was still looking really stylish and French Rivera sexy. We had a cool convo, laughed..She gave me her number. And that was that. Guess girls do like Scrubs! (Wink!)
- At a Dine-In table of a Pollo Tropical restaurant. This was like the ultimate mud in my face moment. I just got done working out, late night style, down here South Beach, when my gym (David Barton Gym) used to be over at tha Flamingo South Beach property. I go inside Pollo about to ask my guy Roscoe for Two Tropi-chops with a hookup on some extra chicken, when as I'm in line I look to my right, and all I can think was OMG!, this woman is sitting there in a blue summer dress like I've never seen before. The dress was low cut so her cleavage was all out, she had like freckled South American skin, with a face that was flawless, and long black hair, and she was chomping away...by herself.
So I was a little thrown off, like Cupid done hooked me up. I get up to Roscoe and ask for "2 breasts, 2 legs, and a side order of pus..I mean, 2 Tropichops, Chicken, Yada, Yada, Ya-dah!" They gave me my receipt, and I can't help but look, cuz I've never seen a woman, so beautiful chomping away like she's at a Nicaraguan Beach party (What up Don Juan!), eating so wild, but all by herself. It was half-way fantasy, and 1/3rd way turning me on. So me being who I am, turned up the Beyonce Ego within me, and was like, I gotta say something. Note: Always have a plan. I walk up to her, and hit her with my patent, "Excuse me, Excuse me...you look beautiful sitting here..." She was looking at me quizzically. That ain't no big thing, u just playing hard to get..."What is your name? U here by urself?" Still quizzical look. Then she threw up her hands like Jordan after he hit his 6th three pointer in tha Finals back in '92. That's when it hit me, that she didn't speak NO English. Like Nada! That was like, a Black Rob "Whoa!" I need Rosetta Stone, do they have cliff notes for that?!! I just walked away, and get this, I even told her, "Have a nice day!" Like she knew what I said! And what followed after that...another quizzical look. Too much dude.
- In a classroom, right before class begins. So I'm a geek in many ways, don't let tha pretty looks fool ya! (Smile!) So I had a college class that was somewhat small I guess, and I got to class early like I usually did, for that one. There was this girl, that I was eyeing for some time, really curly hair black hair, pretty eyes, like she was curvy in slept on sense. Like she dressed lady like, but if u saw her in a dress u might be like, Mama I see ya. So I figured this was gonna be tha day...BEFORE class even starts. I was like in tha middle rows, and she was in tha front row. So I took a drink of Dicaprio Swag, and may my way right next to her. I approach her and was like, "Hi." She relplied, with a shy, "Hi." Then I do go into my spill, or 'Gangsta Truths' and I was on my A game, I was like Meth and Redman on back in tha day. Peep this, so tha Professor is in tha front, and he's like peeping out this whole masterpiece play out. Y'all I ain't gonna lie, it was like watching Picasso paint tha Sistine Chapel...or something like that. The Professor would look at us talking, and then when I would look up, he would look up at tha ceiling like he didn't know this was dropping in his classroom. After my Senate floor speech, she was like, "Ahh...I have a boyfriend." I look up at tha Professor, and he's just smiling. I bunny hop back to my seat...and I guess class can now begin. Even though I've already been taken to school.
That's it, or at least for today. I guess I felt like u never know where u might find a friend or love or whatever. U gotta be open. One reason that I stopped right here, because all these stories recent and past are starting to flood my mind. But..they involved girls flirting with us in some wild places...And I may do a post on that one, like this one time, and this is for free...
So I'm down working out at tha Athletic Club down here in South Beach. And this one girl is in there. It was kind of packed, but I know just about every guy was in there checking her out. She basically had a body build like Tomb Raider with everything popping out, with girl next door face, that made her even more sexy. I've seen just about it all, so I'm chilln' trying to get it in. One exercise that I was getting used to doing more of, and now has become a staple, are Pull-Ups. I'm not even gonna lie I would glance over at her every once in a while, I guess. So I was going to tha Dip/Pull-Up machine to do some between sets work, when she moseys her way over to me. Not gonna lie, I don't know what it is, but our life is such that whenever me and a really attractive and cool female are like talking with each other or such, I feel like as in this time, can see the entire room like stops Matrix style just to see what me and whomever I'm with are doing. I see people just look at tha girl and me like what's about to pop off. It happens...A LOT!
So she comes over, I really shouldn't be saying all this, she comes over and says, "Hello". And I reply, "What's up!" She asks me about tha exercise that I was doing, in which judging by how she's built, meaning I can tell she works out a lot. I tell her how it helps ur shoulders and arms and just be straight up with her. She then replies in her European accent, "Can you teach me?" Usually, I'm laser focused in my workouts, I might help with a 'spot' but my workouts are so fast-paced I can't spare too much down time. But I was in tha mood, I guess so what tha heck...We prop the little seat up for her to climb on for a little help, She stands right in front of me, like really close, hops on and I'm like giving her a little training session, making sure her arms are wide, and that she's being straight and maximizing tha exercise. (Shout out to Big Joe, who was my trainer here in South Beach, and no matter what will always be!) And as she was working out, these dudes, were acting in typical Miami "Goo-Goo, Ga-Ga" mode, u girls know what I mean. And then...
I'm gonna stop. God Bless. Hey, our diary is all about having fun, and sharing tha luv. Things that are written here, I wouldn't or really shouldn't tell a soul, but...lessons can be learned. Like on today, u have to be open 2 luv, and life, and take chances. U never know where one leap of faith may lead. It may be to a future wifey or hubby, or to a job, but u gotta at least try, and utilize that I don't Care attitude. If ur a risk taker, u know what that means!
Til Next Time.
Austino's...Out.
Bye.
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