That stupid alarm clock. It's Already...what time is it? It's 9:48am. Whatever, it's...Wait? What time is it? Oh noooooo, I over slept. Nooooo.....I gotta get up from here, like right now. Man. This is my first day on tha job, and I'm running late already. All my life....where's my jeans. Need a shirt. This white one will have to do. Ok...All my life I've been waiting for an opportunity of a lifetime, and now this. Freakin' alarm didn't go off on time. I'm never gonna buy my alarm clock from bootleggers who hang out on the block of Flagler and Le Jeune ever again. Didn't those cats get their permits to be selling all that bottle water, mangoes and I guess alarm clocks on tha street like that? Shoot, I coulda used that money to get a Double Steakburger from Steak 'N Shake, with a Happy Hour Ice Cream float. Now I'm outta tha money, I've overslept, and now I'm as mad as a Mr. Slate when Fred Flintstone shows up late to work. Except I'm tha late one...Keys, where's my Alicia Keys? Alright, my bag is packed already, don't even have no time to brush my teeth. Whatever, guess I just won't smile today. Let me close this door. Freakin' close! Why is this thang actin...I'm about to have a nervous breakdown...Relax...Relax....Now...Shut!!!
(Bang! Bang! Bang!)
This ain't fair. This is totally not cool right now. Was it even worth me sacrificing so much to come here to try to be this...Star. Whatever, this door can stay open for all I care. Got nothing in here but some Hot Pockets and frozen White Castle burgers in tha freezer anyway. Gotta run down these steps...
(Tha-Tha-Tha-Tha-Tha-Tha-Tha-Tha...ThaThaThaTha....Tha-Tha-Tha-Tha-Tha-Tha)
'Hey Austino, u looking mighty good on today.'
Not now Miss Rosita, I'm in a hurry. That Rosita woman is crazy, like stalking me crazy. About two months ago, we talked outside this townhouse for like, I don't know, 10 minutes, and ever since she's been in love with me. Baking me all these sweets. And she gives them these special names too like, her Pineapple 'I like it' Upside Down cake, or these 'Fudge Me' brownies she made. Miss Rosita even made me some cupcakes with her picture on top, with a side note saying, 'Just a sneak preview.' And I shouldn't even go into tha day she made me some homemade Lollipops. She made it so that everytime I opened the box she sent them in, tha freakin' 'How Many Licks?' song from Lil Kim and Sisqo would blast away. Now I'll be tha first to admit that those suckers were really good. Guess, Looking back it was worth hearing that song...Sixty-nine times! I'll deal with here later. Run through this door....
(Bang!)
This other bus is just...pulling up... to tha...HEY!!! (Pat-Pat-Pat-Pat)... HEY!!! SLOW DOWN....(Pat-Pat-Pat-Pat!)...LET ME GET ON! LET ME...(Huff! Huff! Huff!) Thanks Pimp for...(Huff! Huff!) Keeping the door open... Hey, you go by tha County Fairgrounds down South?
(A Head Nod)
Bet. Thanks. OK, this should be a short trip, but tha transit system down here is tha pits. I was lucky today, cuz usually on tha weekends, tha buses come around as often as a Domino's delivery guy in tha 'hood. Gotta go and stack some cheese, I can't keep on sneaking into Holiday Inn's for their continental breakfasts all my life. Here's a seat. Whew! Give me just a few moments of rest. There's so many characters on these buses...U got tha lady who's always up in tha front taking up three seats, knowing she can use just one. Then over to my right, that's tha youngster who is listening to his headphones sky high, going deaf, banging some Paul Wall like we up in H-Town. It's crazy, people leaning on each other sleep, chicks sipping Fanta Grape sodas outta crazy straws in one hand, while eating a small bag of Salt 'n Vinegar Lay's in tha other. Then u got those hot Mommy's who step on and don't want any germs to touch her perfectly manicured hands. All the while thinking it's an insult for her Alexander McQueen wedges to be stepping on tha floor of Mass Transit. These trips are worthy of a show on VH1. And if this chick keep on looking at me with her sexy eyes, pink hair and blue jean booty shorts, u just might get a little bang for ur two bucks. Gonna be late anyway, so I might as well cop me tha digits from a little Nicki Minaj to make this day all worthwhile. Here we go....What up Little Mama?!! I noticed u looking at me, let me tell ya that ur hair is spectacular. Who be doing u up Paul Mitchell?...I like that smile, Well looka here u truly got tha face of Magic City, and a body of Sin City, so why don't I take u down to my City of Love, and I can give u a tour of my Eiffel Tower, and then...
("COU-NTY FAIR-GROUNDS AND SOUTH-WEST FOUR HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-FIRST AVENUE")
Gurl, you so lucky this is my stop. Let me pull this yellow cord.
(Bing!)
Trust me, I'll give u a lot more to remember than tha Alamo. U best believe that!..Now. After rapping a little Social Studies lesson to that little Shorty, she was cute, mad cute. So I'm here...at work. And my boss is about to be smoking hot. Well, she is already that, but she is gonna give me tha biz-ness. Go to tha back around the tents, was what they told us in yesterday's meeting. I still get chills whenever I see those huge colorful things seemingly hanging from tha sky.
(Honk! Honk!)
Hey, watch it dummy! This is so crazy back here. Almost got hit by a guy on a uni-cycle. Folks running around, talking crazy. What's that smell? Like totally, Ew?!!...That elephant just dropped tha ball. He freakin' stinks literally and figuratively. This place is...Did that acrobat chick just fall and hit her head? Dude, u gotta catch her! What kind of place...I ain't neva seen anythang like this. Monkeys over in tha corner playing poker. Animal Planet showing on every TV in tha joint. The world's smallest woman, putting tha Oochie Walley Bang Bang on tha world's tallest man. My boy is over there trying to fix tha cannonball shoot with duck tape. This is an all out freak show. Hey, my man, where's Fredericka at?
(Finger Point)
Over there, thanks. This is gonna be really interesting. Ronald McDon...Hey, is that tha Hamburglar? What is he doing? Please tell me, he ain't gonna try to break dance with two cheeseburgers in his hands?!! This show is about to be epic. Hey, Freddy, I'm sorry to be...
"This is ur first day on tha job. U know how much I put my neck on tha line for you."
According to Bozo, he says u put ur neck out...
"SI...LENCE!! I got folks begging me to be on this card. Beggin'! Everybody saying you are the next big thang, and you show up late for ur first show. Your first one?!! Is this some kind of sick joke? Huh...Huh?!!"
I know, I'm so..
"SI...LENCE!!! I talked to Krusty, the head clown, in tha back who was getting his makeup put on, and smoking a little chief-chief with his friends Bart and his sisters, and He told me that I should light ur booty on fire, and he said...Well, he didn't want to tell u face 2 face, cuz he doesn't like to be disturbed before tha show. So why don't I just play tha tape for ya! Alright. Let me...Here we go...."
(Click.)
'Eh-Eh-Eh-Eh...Ok, Maggie you're 23 yrs old now, so don't be scared. First you wanna take out tha pacifier, u don't need that anymore. Then lift up you blue dress and...Is this tapey thang on?!?! Hold on Mags, just continue to touch ur toes...HEY, GALAXIA!!! U scumbag! U LATE...ON UR FIRST DAY!! Did u know, for over twenty freakin' years, Krusty has never been late...well except for this DUI thang after this after-party thrown by my buddy Homey tha Clown up in Vegas. I thought u could only make dogs and bicycles outta balloons, but them chicks Vanity and Fluffy showed me...Anyway...This is some Springfield Elementary Bull-(Beep!) And for you to disrespect me, disrespect this show, and disrespect all the people who paint their faces legally and illegally, is such an outrage. Wait til I report this to tha Laughing Board of Ha! Now u better put on one whale of a show, or else...You'll have to answer...to meeeee...And you don't want that. I know people. Very bad people. Capiece! Now Mags, as I was saying, I never knew you were so, Ah...enticing under that blue dress...'
(Click.)
Can I get just one more chance?
"SI....LENCE!!!....Get dressed, and DON'T....say a word."
Well, at least I get another chance. Where's tha dressing room? Where's tha dressing room....
(SHOWTIME IN 5 MINUTES!)
There's a bathroom. Ok. Let me see if I can remember how this goes. Pull out my goodies. Powder brush. White, Red, Purple...Putting makeup yourself, ain't necessarily like sitting down in tha Mac chair on a Saturday afternoon, but it'll have to do. Boy, I've been through so much to get here, now...I don't even think I wanna go out there. It's like now that I'm right here, I don't even want to go out there. Gotta get those thoughts out my mind. Where's my hat? And my blue and yellow wig. What if I'm not good enough? I'm supposed to make others laugh, but what inspires me? This is my one and only shot...Galaxia dig deep...dig deep... Need a little more inspiration. There it is, on my phone. Just need to see her face. There she is. She's gonna be tha future Mrs., just watch what I say. Her red nose, her curly hair, love how she holds both of her horns...She's so funny, and so hot! Gonna get her, just watch...
(1 MINUTE)
Alright, these big boat shoes are so big, I'm surprised that I can even walk in them. My bucket full of confetti is already out there. Got my packs of Smarties that I'll throw out to some lucky fans. Maybe I should sign my name on tha wall, like all the other great clowns. Why not? And....Period. How do I look? Like a future star...
(Galaxia, IT'S TIME!...It's Time...It's Time...It's...)
(Bang!)
((So Mister Galaxia, I see that you are sleeping in class once again. This Improv class doesn't impress you I see. How bout you come up here in front of tha class and tell everybody what u were dreaming about.))
Man...So...I was dreaming about being tha best clown around. I was late to tha show, and I was...I was...I forgot, I don't remember. Freakin'...I felt like I had it all, but I don't remember anything. Just wish that I had a sign of some sort that my dream will one day come true...
(Rinnnngg!!)
((Class is dismissed.))
This stinks. Worse day ever. It's like I'm never gonna get my shot at tha Big Top. This stinks...This...Hey, what's this on my chair. It's a red nose. Where did this come from? Did it fall from tha Sky? Humm...just maybe, huh...
If I am patient...Just maybe.
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