Galaxian Note: It's 9:52 am on this Saturday morning, and we have a lot of ways this thang could go. But! Even though I have no idea where this could lead, meaning things may get very interesting today, we're just gonna let tha keys on tha computer do tha jotting...Whew! Here we go...Hope u enjoy!
You know that Galaxia guy, gets on my nerves so much. He always thinks I'm so selfish and that tha entire Galaxy revolves around him. When in reality it revolves around yours truly. See, who's talking now...Yeah, kid, been around since tha beginning of time. Hold on, have to light up this Mark Cuban cigar right now...(Puff!! Puff!!) That's so Copacabana...just perfect! My little brother whom my family calls "Little Me", needs to fly back down to pick up some more of these. (Puff!!) Yeah...love that $#@*! Can I cuss here on live television? Who cares you can edit it out anyway. So you came up here to this lovely abode to capture on camera, huh. You know, my body looks a little smaller than it does in tha papers don't it. But don't get it twisted, with one shift these guns well bust you full of CAPS. (Puff! Puff!) Just take a seat on that newspaper chair over there. Now don't u messed up my stuff. That's authentic from Mr. Webster, himself. Not talking about that little kid who had a show in tha 80s. No Sir-ree Bobitto...(Puff! Puff!)...Talking about tha guy who has tha dictionary. See he was married to this Merriam chick, but they got a divorce see. Even during that whole ordeal, she....
"Stop talking about other people's business?!!!"
Now here we go...I gotta stop dealing with these English women. They always want to do things so proper and think that either it's their way or...well, there is no other option. Hold on for a moment...HEY BABE, CAN'T YOU SEE THAT WE HAVE SOME GUESTS!!
"But you always in other folks love life. Straighten up, and let them be."
She always tells me to straighten up, whenever, how does she calls it, whenever 'these moments of being italicized' occur. Gotta stop giving her money, she spends it all down on Alphabet Street. Then after partying and underlying tha street with all her curves, she (Cough, Cough!)...Excuse me, she comes back in her and thinks she runs tha joint. HEY, U TALKING ABOUT ME, YOU'RE THA ONE IN THA MIDDLE OF EVERYBODY'S BID-NESS!
"Me?"
YEAH YOU!...Let tha records show...Sonny...Cher...Huh! Or how about Elvis...Priscella....J-Lo...Ben...Selena...Justin...You were tha reason they broke up! Bert...Ernie...You were in tha middle of all these couples now, leave me alone while this here docu-video is going on. Now where were we....So he Webs' was getting a divorce and...What tha...
(Foomph! Stomp!...Stomp!....Stomp! Sizzzz!!!)
"Huh!!"
Now you see that, you see that, what goes on in this her condo of mine. Taking out my cigar, throwing it on tha ground and stomping on it. She knows you are taping so go off on her and tell her we she can go. I don't care if they call tha cops, u can go to jail for physical abuse, but u can't go for being verbally cursive to these broads. See, let me tell you a little backdrop on this chick.
(Pulls another Ciggy from pocket)
You want one?!! Just like a tire in a pinto, my friend u must always keep a spare! Now...let me tell you about this chick. And you can tape this, cuz really I could give a rat's squiggly line on who sees this, alright. (Flick!....Puff!) So actually tha both of us met at this club called Pencils and Pens. Yeah, I know what u thinking its one of those alternative lifestyle type gizmos, but it wasn't. Friday nights is where its at. All tha hot guys and girls be up in there. That one chick from tha movie Eraser...Who else...Tha cast from The Notebook was in there one night...In fact your homeboy, that u interviewed a few months ago...What was his name...He was in tha Correction Center up North, and he knew Galaxia so well, and gave u some insight into his life...What. Was. His. Name?
'Oh...(Fingers snapping!!)....No. 2! Yeah, u talking about Number Two.'
That's him!! Used to bump into him all tha time back in tha VIP section. That guy there was buck wild...He would...(Puff!)...Let's just say he got his head sharpened a whole lot up in there! So one night, I was in there with my brother "Little Me", my guy from Spanish Harlem called "Yo Mismo"...We call him that cuz that's how he greets people, and it's a long story. We chilling to some De La Soul, when this girl walks in. Now...(Puff!)...usually a pretty gal doesn't make me go all Arial, ya dig. Was born around a lot of old school cats, and Julius Ceasar is my guy. Nuthin' like tha vets in tha love game! So u can say that my swag is like Times New Roman, if u had to define it. She walked in with all these curves, perfect face, big booty like I like 'em. Told my boys that she was gonna give up them digits one way or another before we leave this club. Now...(Puff!)...
"Sorry to interrupt, but Babe, forgive me for what was done with ur cigar earlier. Just been so streesed out, everybody wants me to help them...It's...tha job as a lawyer is cool, but it's tough...U feel like you are forced to save every sentence. These kids don't take sentencing serious nowadays. Every sentence can be life or death....Between getting an 'A' or a 'F'...These schools don't teach these kids right when they are young, then as they grow they think they call on 'Muah' like ...Anyway, would u like some Alphabet soup, gonna put some on tha burner. Know u like ur soup with Dots candies inside.
Sure, Babe. (Smack on Tha Butt) So...(Puff!)...That's why I love her...So as David Guetta was doing his thing in tha DJ booth, something was telling me to approach this little apple. Got over to her, who was with her friend "Iffy" and asked her what her name was. She replied, "My name is Amper...Amper Sand". DG was spinning, and everybody was going bananas to tha tune 'Sexy Chick'. It was ultra loud in tha place so it sounded like she said 'Amber'. But she again said it was pronounced "Amper". Just by her name alone, all that ran through our head were nights of us two walking on tha beach, and then both of us laying on tha sand getting to know each other...u understand...(Puff!)...And her just dotting...and dotting...and dotting her until she can't take no more, and..
'Just want to let you know, that kids are gonna be seeing this video.'
Oh! Well, just u edit those words too right. But for u grown folks you know what I mean, nothing but...
(Signal being presented involving two arms moving back n' forth in rowing motion. Done several times..)
If you know what I mean. So meaning being used to tha nightlife, straight up thought she was a stripper. Mean, who has a real name like that?! Anyways, found out she was a lawyer, has family that is well know in tha literature community, and on top of that she knows how to polka. Ever since then, us two have been together. Been tough, cuz so many girls around us. Or "Letters" as my crew calls them cuz they make a different sound whenever we...Conjunct. Wink! Wink!...(Puff! Puff!)...Enough about my Babe, u want to know about my relationship with Austino Galaxia. Well....
(Ting! Soup being placed on coffee table.)
Thanks 'Y'....A little nickname I got for her...Where shall we proceed. See...(Sizzzzzurrrp!)....This Galaxia Fellow...(Sizzzzzzurrp!)...It should be against tha FCC to look smoking hot and be able to cook too! That's good stuff!...But this Galaxia fellow is weird. Many years ago, he tried his best to avoid my existence. Talking constantly about my goody too shoes half-brother Noi N.Wee. He's always does things in groups, and talks about tha big picture. And all this mess...Who wants 2 hear about that life? So Galaxia, for years, mind you was super cool or Copesthetic (Quotes Signal) with this dufus. But guess what...he found out that that Wee fellow, doesn't got tha font that is at our finger tips. You want hot girls you better start thinking like in terms of yours truly...You want more money....(Puff!)...Get tha mindset of this guy (Two thumbs pointing at himself)...Look at all that's happened to him since...He's got tha life. And it's all because of listening to...
'But, and I don't mean to interrupt or be rude, but isn't that kind of selfish? Isn't life about helping others and wanting to share tha love and fun in ways that promotes unity and togetherness?'
This guy....Listen...(Puff! Smoke blown into tha camera)...Austino Galaxia was talking tha same mumbo-jumbo when we first hooked up about two weeks ago. U know what I told him?
'Oookay....What?'
Told him that all that UNICEF thinking will never pay off. Hey, this is a Snoop Doggy D-Oh-Double-Gee world, and told him that if what u say is true, then why aren't u famous yet? How come u drinking paster-fed milk when yours truly is eating grass-fed bison? That's Bison with a 'B'...
'What does that have to do with...'
Why is it that your sleeping with a Hong Kong Phooey stuff animal at night, when the one who looks like tha drunk Hangman symbol, has 25 letters he can pronounce at any time? See this mug....this ain't tha movies or what u read, we're live and in HD in ur face. Everywhere u go...who do u see. They name things after me. I should sue, those airline punks for using my name on those Red cross-country flights....Know for sure CBS gave me mine for using my likeness as their network symbol. (Puff!) But it's all about me, Son. Me!...Me!...Me! And Yes it's true...'Muah' is freakin' Despicable....(Puff!)
(Click. Camera turned off.)
Hey, why did u do that?
'Well, I had to. I can't use none of that propaganda for my docu-video on Austino Galaxia.'
Don't know why not...(Puff!) He's changed my friend...(Puff!)...U can blame it on tha crazy episodes with tha girls...U can blame it on freakin' me...Heck, u can even blame it on tha alcohol...But...(Puff!) He's changed...
'TAKE IT BACK! TAKE IT BACK, RIGHT NOW!! OR ELSE....'
Or else what? (Shirt lifted up showing gun) U know what, u need to walk outta here right now before you get tossed out.
'Whatever!! I'm out....'
(Camera lens dropped)
HEY, U FORGOT UR LENS, YOU BIG DUMMY!
(Camera lens tossed out tha door)
I BETTER NOT SEE YOU ALONE ON ALPHABET STREET PALLY!!
'This was tha worst interview ever. (Picks up Lens) That guy is so conceited, how can Galaxia even think about being associated with such an arrogant fellow as that. Just because u got a few material things, and some fame..and some money and some hot girls...Fudge! It does seem like he has it all. Come on, Galaxia be true, it's all about to really come together...If I could just see a sign....
((Sorry to bother you, but aren't you tha guy who does all these video-documentries on Austino Gal..))
'Why Yes, Yes I am.'
((Thought so, recognized you car, from when u were in this neighborhood before. Can you do me a favor though?))
'What's that?'
((Well, as u were up at...that other guy's house. Nobody around here likes him, but....Anyway, we saw you and me and my BFF friend wanted to write a letter to Austino, and hoped that if u saw him you could...))
'He's tough to find. But sure...consider this a special delivery just for you.'
((Well, alright....Ciao!!))
'This guy got folks chasing me down, to give him stuff, when...Should open this bad boy up. WAIT!! Something's weird...Austno Galaxa...Hey, you misspelled...This is so funny! Maybe this is tha sign that we've been waiting on. We likes....Likes it alot. Just close your eyes everybody, and just imagine a place where everythang is perfect...Where fun and love is to be had by everyone...And just like the misspelling of this envelope in my hand...Imagine a Galaxy....or Galaxa......Minus that stupid and prideful character....
...Named The Letter "I".'
From Alphabet Lane.
Toodles! With a 3 Cheek Kiss!!
Austino Galaxia.
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