Funmate #000021, Part 2

Previously on The New Adventures of Austino Galaxia...

And now...The Conclusion of "Funmate #000021".






Boy, they've been up there talking for awhile now.  Geeez...finally bro.  What were u all doing up there all this time?

"Just shootin' tha breeze.  Just shootin' tha breeze.  Alright, I'm gonna be straight forward because there's no way to move tha tomato around the mustard here.  You're gonna have to testify.  I mean, you're gonna have to give one heck of a scene up in this here courtroom, or u're gonna go back to The Big House, and I ain't talking about up in Ann Arbor, Michigan either my friend.  I'm talking about where they slice and dice, and where Joe's become Sue's really quickly, u catch my drift."

I spent nine years in there, so I know where u come from.  Umm...What do I have to do or what should I say?

"Be Frank."

But I like being Galaxia, why should I have to change my name just so I can get off....

"No, Estupido!  Feel like I'm talking to one of my ding-dong babes, I mean just be yourself, be honest.  Tell them ur story.  That's tha only way u're getting out of this one.  Cuz by tha looks of things, and from what that Nitwit just told me, he got it in for ya...U better 'Cry Me A River', cuz if not, ur going be swimming up one real quick.  Yep, I think I'm gonna need extra lime for my Vodka...Do they have a waitress up in this joint?! I think I'm gonna need a stiff one."

I guess I can...

('Order in the court!  Order in the Court!')

"I'll take a Vodka with extra lime.  With a California Roll, sliced in four's.  And then can I have some Ginger Sauce, preferably on tha side, because then I can dip..."

(Bang! Bang! Bang!)

"Ooops."

('Ooops is right.  One more outburst like that Mason, and I'll hold u in contempt. U hear me.  I'll throw u out of here, I don't care what reality show ur on, or what dame of tha week is tied 2 ur arm.  I'll toss ur u-know-what outta here so quick...Now...We seem to have a parole case with Austino Galaxia vs. The United States of America.  Nine years is a long time to be in tha slammer.  From what I've heard it hasn't been long enough.  Now, they brought u to this hea courtroom like u are some kind of...star.  U think ur a star boy?!  Just because u write a little bit about a few ladies and about having a good time.  Does that make u bigger than life?  I'm gonna make u an example boy, but before I do, I'll let your jack-legged lawyer express a few words.   Counsel, u're up.')

"Judge you know I'm sensitive about my leg.  I hurt it while doing a flip off the diving board at this Socialite's party up in SoHo a few weeks ago.  It got a little wild but I mean what can u expect when u mix alcohol, money, and pretty women...Tha vibe is jumping, Tom Jones is playing in tha air, next thing you know it, tops come off and it's like we're partying like it's 19..."

(Mean look from Judge)

"Ninety..Nine...Oh.  Alright, Ladies and Gentleman of the courtroom, my client, Sir Austino Galaxia, as u might have heard, is hear to make his case to be release from his sentence of 21 years to life.  He's been on good behavior, he's done his time to society, he's done everything...I mean, on the last day of school down here in Florida, he personally went to every grade school, every one and talked to them about how much fun life can be.  I'm sure telling these 7 yr. old kids personal stories about how sex can ruin relationships...and..."

Psst!  Psst!  (Whispering)

"And how dealing with somebody who's more mature, can be a benefit to ur life, because u sometimes, as he puts it, sometimes get tired of grape juice and need a little wine in ur life...And he..."

Psst!  Psst!  Stop it!  U're ruining this for me....Stop It!

"...Tells tha kids, that they should find somebody who can make love to their mind, soul, and body.  Which is important, because the body, and I'm speaking from experience, the body can do some things u won't believe.  For instance, the other night, this chick...I mean, have you ever seen somebody bend backwards at a forty-five degree angle with her stilettos never leaving tha ground?  I mean, that's talen..."

YOUR HONOR!  STOP HIM!

('But he's YOUR lawyer.')

Oh...I have something to say to tha courtroom.

('Counsel, take your seat....please.')

"So how did I do...I mean, I told them how much u cared about tha kids, just like u would've wanted me to, right?!"

Shut up, Mason!

('Now I usually don't do this, but considering this extremely unique circumstance, I'll let you approach the court, Galaxia, and say what u have to say.  Approach.')

(( Do u swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but tha truth, so help u God?))

I do.

('Proceed.')

Tha last several years, as u know, I was put away for a crime I actually did commit.  I was sentenced to 21 years to life, and I never understood why I was being punished for something that's so...so...I guess my crime is rare.  I can remember writing letters to various...let's just say people...inviting them to help me or 2  come visit me while I was away.  And yes, they gave me a tease of how they would come, yet they never did.  I was basically cast away from the normal dealings of society.  Dark days.  And I was just marking off the days until I could have a chance to just be me.  Be normal.  Or at least 'my normal.'

I decided to used those days as a good thing, instead of a bad thing.  I got better.  Got in better shape, mentally, physically, and emotionally.  Begin to look back on some of my greatest episodes, only now using them as motivating factors into the new me.  (Fingers in Quotes)  I became Ageless.  And now am more ready than ever to show everybody what they've been missing.  People forgot about me, as I was locked up.  Little did they know that I was quietly getting myself ready, knowing that when I get out, I'm gonna put on a show, and share it with tha rest of the world.  I changed my name 2 Austino Galaxia, while I was in prison as a symbol to what's about to transpire...tha takeover.

It's all about Fun.  And Judge Nitwit, I hope that everything that u've heard is evidence that tha world needs me to be released.  Have u ever felt like no matter what u do, u still have to pay ur dues?  Like no matter what, u've been sentenced and there's nothing u can do about it?  That's how I've felt...Now I'm throwing myself on the mercy of the court to let me go, and let me just....just...

('Interesting.  Now if I let u go, u have to promise me to be a new person.  I don't want to ever see you in this courtroom again, because if I do, I'm gonna throw tha book at you.  I mean, THE ENTIRE BOOK!  U hear me boy?!')

Yes, Your Honor.

('Well, I guess I don't have no other choice...')

#$@% !

"But...But...Wait your Honor..."

('CASE CLOSED.'  Bang!!)

It just won't end, no matter what it just won't end.   I mean perhaps I should just change...where's security at, all these media people are just...

"Back up off my client!  Back tha...Back up!"

It's ok.  I'll talk.  Right here from this here seat.  Guys....Guys...(Whistle!!)  Guys, I have no idea what else I need to do, but...sometimes you have to go through some things just to make u stronger.  Sometimes you realize that a sacrifice has to be made in order for a point to get across.  I'm a tough cookie, I'll get through this.  Maybe u'll hear from me...maybe you won't but....If this is what society deems worthy of time spent in prison so be it.

I mean, I coulda taken a plea bargain a few years ago.  But that's not who I am...All that matters is tha Judge's decision.  It's in tha books, and we move on from here.  I gotta go...I gotta go.

Let me get out of here...Mason, u didn't come through today, what's up?  And what was up with that speech dude?  I mean, C'mon?

"I'm sorry.  I just tried to help.  I'll make it up to you.  What do you want?  I mean whatever, I'll try to do it for you."

There's tha car...You know what I want.  You absolutely know what I want.  And don't talk to me anymore until u can deliver it. (Car Door Slams!  Screeech...)

"This guy is so high maintenance.  He wants so much...I can do this...I can do this...I think  I still have my Priest's number, been awhile since I've called him.  Yep!  This should be interesting...(Ring...Ring...) C'mon pick up...

(Ring...Ring...)

"'Hello...Father Time?! Yes, it's Matlock Mason...Ah, I know you're not gonna stop what ur doing, but let me still talk to you...It's about this Galaxia guy.  He needs for you to hook him up, he feels like your testimony years ago wasn't good enough, and he feels like you owe him.  Tell him to be patient...I know, but he feels like ur running out on him, and ....alright, I'll tell him.  Be patient.  Yeah...I know, but...  Galaxia isn't gonna want to hear that for sure.  A man just got sentenced back to prison for admitting to a crime he did years ago...You'll get him out...Alright.  I trust you.  One. '"

(Starting to rain)

"Great, it's starting to rain.  There goes my Ferragamo's.  Wait a minute.  It's starting to hit me.  All tha things Galaxia stated about his life.  How he would be hated on for no reason.  Or how the timing has to be right.  Huh.  Then I think about all, and I do mean ALL the girls that have run in and out of his life.  He wants to be the best.  He kept saying he wants his own Era in life.  Where everything like, revolves around him, and he can help others and make a lasting impact never before seen on this Earth.  There's my ride.."

(Bing! Bing! Bing! Shut!)

"Galaxia always told me there's a high price to pay for Success.  My Priest, Father Time just told me to tell Galaxia to "Be Patient" and it will all unfold like never before.  People are not gonna believe what's about to happen.  But those close know that he had to sacrifice and pay several years of dues, to get it.  Wow.  I guess you can say that tha willingness to pay the cost of Success is a crime.  The toughest one of them all.  Yet later on, the rewards are so amazing!  Like as if they're...they're gonna seem unfair, like, I can see it clear now, it's gonna feel like he stole it.  Maybe that's what Judge Nitwit saw in him the first trial, and now this one.  He threw him in prison for being a Future Success.  And for some...that is just flat out criminal...."

(Varoom!  Varoom!)

(Tears streaming from face) "Let me get out of here.  (Sniffle.) Galaxia hang in there bro.  Just hang in there. I'm gonna get you out.  And when I do...this world will never be tha same.  I promise. (Tears Falling)  It will never...ever...be...tha...same."



Austino.