Dear, Mr. Galaxia:
Hey! What's up. First off let me introduce myself. My given name is Stephen McFry. And no, I am not related 2 those McDonald's people. Big Mac's suck! But nowadays I have a new name, simple Stepano Universo. Top that! I named myself after you, which I thought ur name was kool, but needs some work if you want 2 be a star. I'm about 9 years old, and I figure I need to write to you because u never let kids tell there side of the story. Now, I'm still young, so there will be soem mispelled words. I hope u just understand wear I'm coming from. Now, let me tell you a little about myself.
One off, I need to tell you, that you are like my hidden, or secret fun thingy. After a night of watching The Simpsons and old episodes of The Powerpuff Girls, I actually hate them, but my sister gets the TV from 8:00 to like 9:00, so I'm made to watch them. After all that, I steal my Sis's Ipod, and sneak up into my room to pull up ur diary. After all these years, she still hasn't caught on! Kool! That's when I hide underneath my covers and read about all your adventures in Miami, or as u call it, "Tha Land of the Beautiful People." I wish I was there, but u bring it to life so I don't have to spend money to go. I'm saving up for this new Xbox that's coming out. I got...let me see....10...20...30...32...33....I got like around 34 cents in my Kermit The Frog piggy bank. My sister is saving up too in her Miss Piggy bank. Hey, that's funny. Ha ha!! So now I just need about 400 and 20 dollars. I can get that real quickly saving up how I do. But South Beach is so interesting. Seems cool. Do you see Lebron and D Wade? I read about tha night you got ur Championship Ring. Can I have tha ring you get this year? Did they put Galaxia on it? Sorry for asking all these questions, but I want to know. Anyways.
One time, my Mom caught me reading your diary. My Mom is like the Soccer Mom from H-E-Double Hockey Sticks. Always watching me. Calling me on my cell phone. One time, she called me when I was at a sleepover at a friends house playing Rock Band 3. Totally embearessing. My friend Chop Sticks, was like, "U like totally have to get rid of her." I look at him, like what am I supposed to do, she's my Mom!! Chop Sticks then told me to kidnap her or something...Chop Sticks is weird. He's a smart dude, get's all A's, and knows magic tricks like nobody I know. He once pulled a Ring Pop out of this girl's ear. It was Awe-some! So my Mom caught me, and read some of ur stuff, and was outrageous. Like really mad. From then on, I've had to sneak to read on you. Nobody's gonna keep me from tha Galaxia.
That was tha introduckshone to this letter. Now let me get real. You talk about girls a lot in your diaree. Let me just tell you. Girls are like...Yuk! How do u like them? They smell like roses, and they always want to kiss on me for no reason. Yuk! This one girl in class named Annie, told me that she likes me. Now I don't know what to do. In ur diary, you use words like, "Knocking Tha boots". Should I ask Annie if we should knock tha boots? My dad has some old cowboy boots in tha garage, maybe I should invite Annie over and do that in tha garage this Saturday. That beats all that "Laying Pipe" stuff u talk about. Don't you have to go to school for that? But girls, Yuk! And another thang. A few weeks ago, that stupid girl did a video or something on ur diary, talking bad about us Men! R u going to let her talk to you like that? She's older than me, but I still think I can take her. Just let me no.
What else? The music you play stinks. Bieng real. You play too many old people, like the guy who's married to Beyonce, whatever and who is this Madonna girl u talk about. I've never even heard of her. And she's always wearing no clothes. Naked girls...Yuk! I want Justin Beiber, yeah...Or 2 Chainz or you know who's hot...Miley Cyrus. That's the only girl that I would like to kiis me. If you want tha kids to luv ya, u gotta get with tha times...Homey! I used one of your words, Cool!!
I know ur schedule is busy. You are probably at a party or something partying with some old people, but beer with me as I write this. You talk that life is all about love and having fun. I like to have fun. Skatebord every weekend, ride my Huffy on tha beach, and after reading your diary once, I've learned to pour honey on girls. See, I'm doing just what u write. The only problem was I did it in class, and Tina was mad, and she was hot and sticky. Is that a good thang? I think it made it to her belly button. My Dad and Mom had to pick me up from school that day. They werent hapy at all. I like sports too. I play basketball, just like you did back in tha old, old, old days. By tha way, how old are you? Nobody nose. I tried to look it up on Google, no answer. Then I looked it up on tha Weekeypedia sight, and u weren't on their. You say that you are Ageless, but is that possible. Maybe, I guess if Big Bird and Snoopy aren't old, then you are'nt either. I sleep with my Snoopy stuffed animal every night. I hear you sleep with a doll too. Or used two. Are you afraid of tha dark? My Mommy says that tha Boogie Man is real, and if I don't close my eyes at 10 pm, then he's gonna jump out of tha closet. Does tha Boogie Man jump out of closets in Miami? Who jumps out of tha closets in Miami, I want to know. Ok, so that's fun.
Now Love. U talk about love, yet have never been in Love. How is that? I've never been in love before. But I've come close. See my family goes this Ponderosa place that serves so much food. I really like Vanilla Ice Cream with sprinkles. Just like you! Funphetti is my favorite cake too. Just like you. Why do u like Funphetti cake? Anyways, I think I want to marry that Ice Cream when I get older. Just so I can eat it whenever I can. Isn't that what love is about? I said earlier, I don't like girls. Yuk! Too much drama! Like yesterday, I borrowed a pencil from Cindy, and I forgot to give it back 2 her. She then began to go on about how I didn't give a crayon back to her when we were in Kindagarten. I mean, Kindagarten!! That was a whole season of Breaking Bad ago! I sneak up to my Sister's room to watch that too...But, Do girls always bring up old things from tha past? And one time, my friend Amber gave me her cell number and told me that we could ride our bikes around the block on Saturday. But when i called her phone, it was tha number to Chuck E. Cheese'es. Is she the only girl that gives out tha wrong number? I wonder. By the way, u said nobody could beat you in Skee-ball, but u hav'ent faced me. I'm tha King around tha nieghborhood and in my skool. We have to play next time u come around.
Before I let you go, I have to give u some advice. Even a dumb kid like you can see that u got issues. So let me put my smart goggles on, and help u figure it all out. Ok. 1. I like reading this before you become real famous. Famous people suck. They don't tell life like they should. Please don't change. I know u gonna be really, I mean really famous, but don't change ok. Keep on being you. 2. This weekend I need a love story. My Grandmom is coming over for tha weekend, and although I like her meatloof and sause, this is going to be really boring. Even I can tell that u got a thang for a few girls, and especially this one. I guess, Ask her out. Yuk! What is "out" when u ask a girl? Does that mean that u two should go for pizza and a bag of Kruncher's potato chips? My sister likes to go to tha movies with guys. Yukie! But that might work for you. What about that misteri Miss C? Sure you know a lot of girls, give me something for this weekend. I need you!
Alright, I just heard tha door slam, which means that my Mom is hear. And if she knows that I'm writing two you, she'll got bat crazy. Thanks for keeping this diaree. It's like nobody else is doing something like this. One day ur happy, tha next ur in tears, it's real. And a kid needs to know what tha ride to tha top is like. One day I'm gonna be famous like you. Galaxia and Universo taking over the world. How cool would that be!! That's my dream, just like yours...One day, my friend. One day.
Pleasse...Pleasse write back. That would be so Awesome. And then I can tell Chop Sticks that u are a cool guy, and not some stuck up about to be famous dude. I know that if u don't write 2 nobody else, u write to me. And I feel special because of that. Plesssse right back.
From you Number One fan.
Stephen McFry or Stephano Universo.
Or I forgot 2 end it like you end your diaree rights with...
Hugs and Kisses....And just tha thought makes me say one thang...
Yuk!!!
Don't forget to write!
Bye, Austino Galaxia.
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