Tonight...Something for tha holidays!....Enjoy!
Having to work before taking a flight has got me all in a rush.
Got my pants, got my D&G bag, shoot I knew I forgot something,
Stupid me, how can I bring my hair gel, and forget my lucky brush.
Oh, well, no time to go back and pick that thang up,
My flight is about to leave in about 45 minutes flat.
Art Basel has got tha entire Beach area in a complete stand still,
I mean is there a discount on "Luv u long time's"...Or even 1984 crack?
Gotta get outta here, "Whew...wee!",
Taxi, get me to tha airport, and don't bore me with any chit chat.
I know its a flat rate, so don't even think about upping tha cab fare,
If u do, then I'll DDT you right on I-95, and that move xtra stings when u got no wrestling mat.
Can't believe that I'm actually doing this, One-on-One,
Didn't even tell anybody cuz then people would begin to trip.
Folks already think I'm tha most egotistical guy since Hollywood's Golden Era,
But hey, this is tha best reality show in tha Galaxy...I'm just recommending that u better not flip.
Geez, I don't even know how long this flight is, didn't look,
All I know is that I'll have plenty of time to get my Zzzz's.
In between that, I open up a book, and play on my phone Airplane mode,
While my mouth already has a taste of come wheat crackers and low-fat swiss cheese.
Wow! We're at tha airport already, that beats record time,
This cabby must think I'm gonna give him a hefty tip for tha effort placed.
He's got another thang coming, I just spent too much on clothes and CDS,
Here's a tip...A cat's whose overstuffed, never wins in life's rat race.
'Slam!', my guy don't have to get no attitude, I mean Dang!
Evidently he thinks that I got mad cash, like I make more than Cindy Crawford's mole.
Tonight, just in a real big hurry that's all, no disrespect,
Now where do I go?....What's tha way to tha...North Pole.
Yeah, u heard it right, I'm about to go to see tha Big Man himself,
Got invited to his place after meeting this elf chick during tha Black Friday massacre.
She had all tha features I luv...Flawless face, a smile that glows,
Her feet were covered in pointed shoes...Meaning I don't know if she had that perfect French Pedicure.
Didn't know how to approach her, she's probably heard them all,
Thought about giving her that Old School whisper in her ear type slang.
You know tha type where u say...Ur amazing...Or ur too beautiful,
Giving her ur best without insulting her with a...'Hi, Miss Thang.'
So I took a deep breath, and walked up to her like a true vet,
She was helping a kid, but sometimes you just have to kick open love's door.
My beauty took a glance at me, as I did her and then I said,
"Gurl, Is it possible to wrap u up for Christmas? Looking at u made me not want tha PS4!"
From then on, we got to talking, and gave me a surprise,
She told me that she actually read some of my stuff, up North in tha cold.
Telling me that all her sexy Elf girls, gather together to read over Hot Chocolate,
Some marshmallows and some Chestnuts...That are special made Extra Bold.
There's tha terminal, there's no line there, I wonder why,
Who wants to leave a 80 degree day to have fun in tha frost.
Down here fun is 24/7, where tha party never ever stops,
While up there, what they consider fun is a all-day marathon of that TV show...Lost.
'Beep-Beep'...Wait hold on, right now, there's gotta be a mistake,
I took off all of my metal and put it in tha tray, as tha sign spoke.
Plus there ain't nobody else even taking this flight, u taking security too heavy,
Right when I saw Bon Qui Qui in a blue uniform, I just knew this airline was a big joke!
Fine! How about I just strip down to my undies, are you now happy,
Polka dots baby, don't act like u ain't never seen these boxers before.
Are you all happy, cuz u done almost made me miss my flight,
At least this will make TMZ..."Phone. Set my DVR to record Tha Tizzy at 4."
Now I got to walk with a sense of urgency cuz I'm late,
Huh, if a girl would to text me that now, I don't know what I do.
Having a crazier time finding a gal who keeps it real on what she wants to eat,
Just imagine us 2 arguing on decorating tha nursery Vicki Secret Pink or Dolphin Aqua blue?
I'm on this plane finally, got tha plane to myself,
Which is how sometimes I like it...making this an Amilia Earhart flight.
No luggage hassles, No seats being La-z-boy'd backed until it's full horizontal,
Just endless bags of trail mix, and free headphones...And minus tha ice cups of Sprite.
Please forgive me, but I need to think about some things right now,
So I'm gonna go to sleep, and I'll wake up when I feel tha plane land.
Good Night! I'll see you in a little bit, ok...
It's a long flight, so I'll just dream about being at tha beach, checking out all tha sights in tha sand.
'Oh, I luv to have fun too, can I help you with that sun tan lotion,
Start from tha back down to tha...'...Whah?! Who woke me up? Miss Tooty?!
Why u do that? I was just having a dream, that I didn't want to ever end,
And I was at tha best part, when I was about get my Hawaiian Tropic on, right on this doll's booty!
So we're here, Man I can feel tha cold without even stepping out,
I'm from Indiana but nothing still can prepare you for this snowball toss.
Knew I shoulda brought some Long John's but I was acting like a South Beach snob,
Accepting 2 suffer just cuz nothing hugs my toosh unless it's spelled in Armani or Hugo Boss.
Kool, they got a guy holding a sign, I guess he's waiting for me,
Even though Galaxia is spelled with a 'x-i-a' and not 'see-ya' as it sounds.
Whatever if this were two years ago, I woulda threw a 7-11 slurpee in his face,
Now we just take a deep breath, that's a hidden nitch...There's never been a Zen'd out Clown!
What up Home skillet! I'm that dude, and please no pictures,
Just up here to talk and not to sign any autographs, unless they are on tha skin.
(Silence.) Guy, you gotta lighten up, u act like tha Mona Lisa got stolen,
Or Lindsay L. just got married...Lord, please don't let me finally hit Vegas when it loses all tha sin.
Oh, heck naw! I gotta talk to homedude about this layout,
I can handle a limo, or a Lambo, but come on a freakin' sleigh??!!
Like Holy Ann Landers! We got a busy life, and I aplogize...
Is this transportation tha punishment I get for only diary writing every 3 or four days?!!
Whatever....Burr! It's so cold out here bro,
Hey, how come that Rudolph still has a red light bulb on his nose.
Man, u guys up here don't got no plastic surgeons who can fix that?
After this meeting, I'll give u a card of a Brickell Doc slash auto mechanic...He'll even fix Rudy's toes.
All this snow, is just too much for me to bear,
This ice is doing an injustice on my face...We all know it's tha future money maker.
Where's tha Burger King's? There ain't no La Carreta up in these parts?
Surely u guys, 'Yo quiero Taco Bell' every once in awhile...Everybody here ain't no Blue Ribbon baker.
Great...We're here, get me off this thang,
U need to work on ur manners, I guess you've been naughty this year.
Is this tha first time that a guy from Miami has come to visit your parts?
Miami guys have a reputation I know...I won't flirt with all ur lady elf friends..have no fear.
This is one gigantic joint that's laid out here, simply amazing,
Guess this can only be had for years of dedication and constant hard work.
Either this would be grand for tha Pope or for tha ultimate party?
That's a tough one...How about a kiss tha ring of tha beauty who decides to Twerk?!!
I like tha lights you all got outside, that's really cool,
What up Frosty! Ain't nothing like seeing tha man in person while he plays.
Still rockin' that Top Hat with pipe and broom like that style is coming back soon,
His look is like...Awful! If Vogue or GQ would to see all this, they would have a field day.
Think he heard me...'Phoomph!!' You missed dude, nice try,
This round piece of precipitation don't know I've dodge snowballs since I was three.
Galaxia can dodge anything accept for maybe two thangs,
One, a girl who gracefully rides a Vespa...And Two, a $1 sale on cereal...Tha one with tha bumble bee.
'Knock, Knock, Knock!' Well, Hello Mrs. Claus,
I always wanted to ask, 'How did u handle when Santa kissed my Mommy?'
What-Is-Up with these people? Nobody has a sense of humor,
Guess I'll have to save my other joke for next year...Tha one about Mr. S making out with my guy Tommy.
"GALAXIA! GALAXIA!....HO! HO! HO!,
So glad that you could make it to my humble abode."
Well, you know Santa Cleezy, it isn't exactly a trip to Boca Raton,
Crazy what u do for some good convo, and an unreleased sequel to The Di Vinci Code.
"HA! HA! Come on in, grab a seat by tha fireplace,
Would you like some Egg Nog to soothe your soul?"
No Thanks, S.C., but let me ask if you got some oatmeal on tap?
And if so, please have Mrs. Claus (Wink, Wink!) bring me a hot bowl.
"Now...Now!! Mrs. Claus is all mine, Galaxia,
I know how you luv women with glasses and with a little experience per se."
Oh, no need to shy from it, you hit it right on tha nose, Sir Clausy,
Nuthing like a beauty who's geeky and can still get crunk to Naughty's 'Hip Hop Hooray'.
"Oh boy, you're too much...now let's get down to business...
This year I've been watching you...Do u think u've been bad or nice?"
Well, Santa Cee if u asked me in July, I woulda said nice no doubt,
But it's December, and that's tough to answer, can u repeat tha question twice?
"Yeah, Galaxia, I've been seeing what's been going on with you.,
Running stoplights like ur a celebrity...Now you gotta pay up tha big bucks."
Hold on K.K., that was highly controversial, don't believe tha stoplight cameras,
Besides I got access to tha best lawyers, they get me outta this $180 dollar muck.
"And what about you punching in one minute early from lunch,
All eyes are on you, Galaxia...I'm keeping track like a play starring Othello."
Don't compare me to him, that play was a tragedy...Besides...
All eyes are on me huh...Let me ask u like 2pac did...'Does Heaven have a ghetto?'
Let me ask you Kris, If I may call you that?
'You may, before I met Mrs. Claus, my Ex from Germany gave me that name.'
Alright, you keep your life so secretive, why do you do that?
Especially in tha day and age of Money, Sex and Fame?
"HO! HO! HO! I knew that question was about to come,
Kick your feet up and listen Galaxia, this is one gift that I can deliver and toast."
You better Kringle's, cuz u still owe me for that let down a few years ago,
Instead of tha cast of Baywatch, u gave me 3 Beach Barbie's...one in which held a cookbook of Pot Roast.
"ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! I messed up that year,
But it was either gonna be you or Charlie Sheen who got tha ladies under tha tree.
This year I'll make it up to you, I flat out promise you,
You can have ur choice of any of tha Shahs of Sunset...Out of tha four queens, u can have three.
Getting back to my lifestyle...HO! HO! HO!, it's who we are,
Sometimes u need a little mystery to add to tha aura of life's fun.
I hear that you feel tha same way, u right Mystery is Sexy,
That's why u wrap gifts, even though everybody knows it's a Super Soaker 3000 gun.
I know why you came up here, and the answer is 'just watch',
Even though Christmas is a few weeks away, I have my ways.
Don't think that I can't have a special delivery before then,
I do Weddings too...Who you think came up wit tha slogan, 'Every Kiss Begins With Kay.'
Tha only thang I can tell you Galaxia, is grab that box as you leave,
You only get one gift this year, not including tha Shahs, so enjoy.
I miss tha days when you kids were so easy to entertain,
Now you want Cars, and Tablets...And even people given as a Christmas toys.
You can't wait, can you, so go right ahead,
Matter of fact, bring over tha box, so I can take a look at your face."
U ain't said nuthin' but a word, Papa Noel, I'm on it,
By tha way, I luv this joint...Did Valentino Red design this home space?
Should I close my eyes and imagine, or go for it,
Hey, it's a white box with color dots all over it, just how I like.
You know what I'm not gonna open this thang, here u can have it back,
Then again....I got one word for that...'Psych!!'
What could be...Oh, you gotta be kidding me, bro,
How did you know? I never even told a single soul.
"WELL...I knew u always wanted it, so I thought this year it was time,
Enjoy it, Galaxia...this is for enduring through a life, now ever so verbally told."
And with that I guess it's time for me to leave,
Please say Good-Bye to tha Misses for me...say it with a wink.
Its so nice to see that somebody cared, especially you,
This gift is so unique and on time, I don't know what to say or think.
"HO! HO! HO! Just remember Galaxia, that it's not tha gift,
But it's tha heart of tha one who gives you should always remember.
That isn't something that you haven't heard before,
Yet it's something that you should hear again...this December.
SO LONG, MY FRIEND! HAVE A SAFE TRIP,
AND A VERY, VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR.!"
Santa is so cool, and so down to Earth,
I looked into his eyes, and there was no darkness, they were just so clear.
Now how do I get this gift back through customs, and to South Beach,
Tha trip was worth it after all...Tha convo with a small gift to tote.
He brought this out so simple, maybe I should have wished for something bigger,
Like that sexy black on black thang I see in Fort Lauderdale...Still wonder who owns that boat.
What's in this box, you might ask...I guess I shall tell you huh,
As I'm walking through this snow, back to get a ride to tha airport.
This is bigger than anythang I've ever attained before,
With that including all tha trophies I've received through that hoops sport.
While others want tha finer thangs in life This Christmas,
We wanted none other than this little small thang.
You may laugh at me, but I don't care, it's mine,
Since we've got it, believe u me, when I get home I'm gonna truly sing.
My life has been like a game of Monopoly it seems,
Dealing with Money, fast cars, and women fine as tha thimble.
Seems like tha madness is never gonna end,
That's why this game is perfect to used as my life's game board symbol.
As I started to play, I knew something was missing,
Yet I continued to play, hoping that I could win on pure heart.
No matter how many times I gathered $200 for passing go,
Tha life of Park Place and Boardwalk couldn't be had with tiny financial starts.
I needed something extra to make this game complete,
Or else I would just fix tha dice and land on tha spot reserved for Jail.
Might as well, cuz nuthing seemed to be going like I wanted,
Don't know if I should say this, but success still can sometimes feel like...Hell.
But tonight, it took me a journey to tha North Pole to get this,
A lot of drama, but good ol' Santa has given me tha missing piece.
Now I'm rejuvenated, and ready to go like never before,
Mentally I'm refreshed to go into tha mode of tha beast.
It's still all about having fun, and sharing tha love,
Just now, we know that we have all tha pieces to this silly game.
No fun, when u feel like ur playing short handed, crib style,
Like playing Jeopardy!, when tha blue screen below doesn't show your name.
Now though, I feel good, and complete, ya dig,
Matter of fact, no time to delay, right here in this snow I'm about to really, really dance.
Folks it may take a while, but sooner or later it will resurface once again,
Santa thank you so much for giving me tha missing piece to my Monopoly life...
That small stack of cards titled...."Chance."
Wink!
Happy Holidays!
From Austino Galaxia and tha rest of tha Galaxy Fam!
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