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| Cast of 30 Rock |
The last, ah I say, week and a half, we have seriously considered stopping releasing our diary publicly. And we are serious. Just been thinking why are we telling all these stories, and opening ourselves up to this world, when...I could just be better off, keeping this unfolding drama, tucked away, like everybody else and be on our way. Its all good when u tell ur story after the fact, like so many biographies or autobiographies, those reflective stories that have the good times, bad times, their are great but they come after the fact, so the effect really isn't the same. Our diary is so out here...and we still got so much that we can talk about. It's ultra real time, so our feelings are reflected in the moment (as a diary should). If we had a enjoyable night, we talk about it...if we wished life hopped, skipped and jumped over a horrible day, we write about it. U have to have such a Vegas swagg about u, in terms of rolling the dice and not caring about the consequences, because this is going to be around for a lifetime. Not just 2012, but if the Internet continues to stick around, when we become famous one day, or die or whatever, people can base opinions of our life on what we've written. Not too many people can say that their life is a motion picture. And some films never hit the theaters...ours is accessible all day and night, 24/7. Guess a professional makes a tough task look easy even though its not.
"Love" has been the theme for this month. Sometimes I still shake our head like why did I write about that or this, now people gonna think we are some kind of playa, or dog or wannabe pimp. I look at this way...let us roll up our sleeves...I'm starting not to care what other people think or do when it comes to us. If we (or anyone else who has a goal) is going to reach their dreams and stuff, u have to do what makes u happy and just follow the Lord's guidance u dig! If people get mad at what u say, so be it. I've never had a "lasting relationship" so to speak, and it baffles me really. I was at the Triple A, today for the Heat Game, and just thinking how we could be happy just living the American dream, with a beautiful half dollar, living in a condo, just chillin'. But we've been thrown and forced to go through EVERY step...guess it makes life so much fulfilling when u know u've paid all ur dues. Nothing happens by accident.
Exposure makes u grow tremendously. That's why we say, do new things, see different places, cuz they help u grow. Now on our thoughts, we have wondered if our standard has reaching some kind of climax, cuz ain't even gonna front, it's up there. Heck, that's the love topic for today...
It's always important to come upon and get with people who make u better in some way or another. Perhaps the people u thought were on ur playing level, may not be there at that particular point in there lives. I can remember specifically times where God has blocked me from getting with some girls. And I believe the reason was because they may not be actually the person u thought they were. May be on a future tip too...sometimes people change not for the better. That's why earlier I mentioned Damita Jo and Evita's Twin cuz they almost have gotten better with age. 4get it, I have to say this...there is nothing more disappointing to have someone let themselves go of the qualities which made them attractive to you in the first place. U fall for a girl who loves the Dolphins football squad, then all of a sudden she blackballs them from her favs list. Or a guy used to always walk around with no shirt on, u both get that "official" tag, and he starts to wear tank tops at tha crib. One thing we desire is somebody who's possessed at bettering themselves constantly. No just saying ok, I got Austin, the goal was reached, let me breathe now. Naw, that same quality that's attractive in guys, is attractive in females as well.
Lost our train of thought...oh, was talking about exposure. That's a tough part about our "love" life in some ways. It's like they say, "when u know better, u do better." I know we aren't the only person who feels this way. I was scrolling through some old names, and the funny thing is not one of them sparked an interest of, "I should holla at her for a date" or "let me give it another try". At this moment, Feb. 5th, at 10:42 pm e.s.t, we have a total clean Mr. Slate. And the funny thing is we feel good, cuz it's growth. It's like seeing an ex-boyfriend or something, and u can just say "what's up!" and move right on by. U just feel better. Oh....why do we do this....alright, here's another extended diary entry, with u guess it...another story.
(Huge Breath...)...ah um!....ah um!! Gotta do some meditation before we write this one. Back when I was attending college, I had this class they called Price Theory. This a business class I took Fall Sophomore year, that has some hard core mathematical equations mixed with business principles. Arguably the toughest course that was offered at the old Alma Mater. If u came outta there with a "D...Wade" u were jumping for almond joy! And that's on the Snoop Dogg! So has I had this class, I met this one girl, who for the sake of the story we'll call Barbie. Now, this was an interesting girl. She was mad shy, and quiet didn't say too much. Just an occasional laugh.
It was an long class, so maybe during a quick break....no, no. I know what happened we were next to each other and then got together in a group do some group work together. I think, anyway, both of us started up a great conversation one day. And found out that we had a lot of things in common. Told her where I was from (Michigan City, IN), she said that her and her parents used to live in Laporte, Indiana, which is like 15mins away and our rival school in all sports. Got to talking about us playing basketball at the college, and how we had a campus visit at this college down in Southern Illinois, called Blackburn College. She gave a "for real" type of response and said she actually went to that school for some time. We laughed about how the best hangout was like that one Dairy Queen in the middle of town, that kind of stuff. She also, told me that she used to be a dancer on their dance team. Extra points for a girl who can work it, if u know what we mean!
From that convo on, me and her, used to really talk in class (maybe that's why I was always in the professor's office after class!), and we had so much fun us two, and this other guy who always fell asleep during the lectures. There was one thing about Barbie though...she was pregnant. She was cool though, she would say how the guy she did the deed with was no good and stuff. If I remember correctly, she used to talk about how guys really didn't want anything to do with her cuz she was pregnant. I thought that was mad bogus, things happen u know...as I got to know her, I was like, this is a babe, and besides that she might have been the hottest future mama that we've known. Physical description in a few. So with her personality and, we really, really clicked...she was getting closer to delivery time, just by how her face was changing during the course of the semester. The semester ended, and for some reason we fell outta touch. I was like, man I wished I could've hung out or something, but like I say her conditions prevented that.
That was our Fall Sophmore year...so we fast forward to our Fall Semester our Junior year. This was the year that all my boys "The Dynasty" roomed together, and the RA (Residential Aide) of the dorm was another member of the click, and we lived in the "party dorm" and we...ok, that's for another time. Anyway, three of us, had this class together. So we walked into class on opening day, fashionably late for the 1st class standards, take our seats. And I look across the classroom and see...Barbie sitting there. I was kind of stunned. The awesome thing about it was, now she was post-pregancy, and man, she came back...ok, if u've read our diary, let's say it together...she came back...right!!! Lost all that baby fat. She looked like Jenny McCarthy , just with more of a tan and more salt/pepper blonde hair. Super attractive. So throughout that class we were laughing and smiling at each other because it's been so long since we've been under the same roof. During a break in class, I said something to her, but didn't move cuz I was with my boys u know, gotta keep it one hundred! But it was crazy.
So this one class came, and us three amigos walked in, she always looked at us when we came in, particularly a glance at us, but on this day I forsook the fellas, and walked around the room and sat right next to her. When I came over, we immediately began to talk, and there was a sense that she'd been waiting for us to make that move over. We began to joke around as class began and all throughout...class ended, and she was talking about how she never goes out or does anything. I think one, guys were moe, curly, and a little leery cuz she had a shorty. And two, guys didn't wanna approach her cuz of her attractive looks. Nevertheless, I felt bad, cuz she was basically saying she had no friends. We walked out the building still talking and ended up exchanging phone numbers. She was mad cool, plus she was one of the people that I actually wanted to stay in touch with.
After we exchanged numbers, she used to call us at our dorm suite, Club 102. We talked A LOT...she would say some wild stuff like, "Austin, u're the only friend I got..." and how when guys found out that she only wanted to be friends and not lovers, they would stop talking to her. Me personally, just liked talking and sharing laughs with her. Rare u find someone with the pretzel combos she had. Many times, she would call like twice or I would have a hard time getting her off the phone. Interesting....
Bare with us on this, I know we write long, but have to tell it like it naturally is....let's continue...
This one phone conversation came up, and I said they were throwing this shing dig at the student joint on campus called The Lion's Den, and said she should come and hold some red cups with us on that night. Can I tell tha story like eye want too?...She accepted. So that Friday night or whatever came...She comes to pick us up...I hop into her black ride... So she wants me to meet her parents...yeah, this is getting wild. But first, we got to make a stop at this store so she can get her goods for the night. We then go to her parents house to meet her folks. Now where I'm from, when u meet tha folks, the next step is like marriage dude, a big step. Now she's introducing us on the first..uggg! So I go in, meet Moms and Pops. They say how Barbie's been talking bout us a whole lot. We talk about our hometowns and stuff. It was cool...and then this girl comes out. And Barbie is like, talking to her about their plans, and then tells us that Baby Posh is riding with us tonight to hang out with us. What??? This night is not going as we expected it to go....
We get back to tha yard on campus, walk into our suite, and literally the whole "dynasty" is in the room. I'm like is this a group thang? We introduce her to all our boys, and we just like enjoy the night, cuz evidently everybody's been waiting to see and meet this girl. Everybody go to the "strobe light, body movement" gathering of people, have a great time (u gonna wit us no matter what!) Danced the night away, she enjoyed herself as did we. We get back to the room, and her sis was enjoying having the creme de la creme of college boys around. Folks showing their dance moves in our suite. Basically a fun after-party. Go outside, Barbie thanked me for the good time. Shared a great hug. Holla at u in class....
Talked...and then one day she called and we got to talking, and then she hit us wit that, "I gotta tell u something" line...I don't even know how this subject came up, shoot...but she said, "I don't 'like' you, I like... (one of my best boys)". Once again, I was cool, cuz after the shenanigans of that one night...even though this one girl, seriously told us that Barbie and us would make a "cute couple", told us on more than one occasion. Perhaps we would of, but...so I say hey basically I'm cool wit it, heck, u wanna get wit my boy, I'll see what he thinks about it. So I go 5 steps in our suite into the other bedroom and ask my fellow "Dynasty" member, what u think about Barbie? He said she was cool, and kinda good looking...I told him that she had an interest in him. Now, "The Dynasty" we so cool wit each other, and will never let a doll come between us, tight for life. So Barbie would then call our suite to talk to my guy, and stuff...He later said she was outta control, looking for baby daddy and all this mumbo jumbo. And on top of this Barbie and myself stopped talking. I specifically said I was cool with the situation. And it was kinda of ironic cuz SHE was the one who told us guys stop talking to her when she indicates that it wasn't going to go further more than a friendship. Now it was her who was running for the relationship border, and dissing us. These girls...oops did I say that!
Still more to the story...so one time I saw Barbie the next semester and she couldn't even hold her head up as she past us. No joke! Guilt was written on her face, but I was cool though, cuz I didn't do nothing wrong, stayed true as a friend would. Crazy...shows she was trying to split up me and my guys I guess....Then the cherry on the yellow cake was our senior year myself, my boy and this Barbie chick had a class together and we sat in two's right in front of her and her girl. Once we had a discussion back in the room about (parental advisory suggested on this)..."if it's the size of the boat or the motion in the ocean that matters". We went to class, both of us had so much swag, we asked Barbie and her friend about it, and man, these two girls went "off" about what their man needs to have and do...I have no bones admitting to being a freak in some ways, but what these girls were saying, really proved that she had another side of her that I wasn't attracted to. X-rated talk.
So how did we end up on all this...one...if u've done nothing wrong when a relationship goes a different route, u can hold ur head up, and the person who did u wrong, will know it. Let God handle it, and move on like Mya. Two...Sometimes the person u may feel should be yours, but doesn't end up being ur love interest, could be the best thing that happens to you. No matter how good u two look together or mesh, u just never know what that person truly is, especially in a relationship. So if u breakup wit somebody or if that guy/girl u really wanna bone thugs, doesn't pay u any attention, perhaps u might be on another level. And it's in ur best interest to accept it, and realize something better is waiting around the corner.
Apologize for the length, but our life is so wild, and full of stories.
God Bless, and til next time.
Austino.
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