One Two-Faced Day.

Two-Face...a true Batman villian.

Alright.  In-ta-rest-ing day...my emotion right now is at a unique point.  We are half way upset about some things...while the other half of us is at peace and waiting for our life to play itself out.  I'm being forced to stay in most of this weekend because of my ride still recovering from getting wacked upside its backside, so our plans of going up to Palm Beach went into flames...but that's ok.  They claim everything happens for a reason, so let it be...ain't that a Beatles song?

Boy, that song is so perfect right now, needed to hear that.  The NBA Playoffs started on today.  Life is so much like sports bro, u gotta love it.  As u advance through the playoffs the challenges you have to go through get more difficult as u move on.  Life is tha same way, as u grow as a person and move past different obstacles or even people that may have stood in ur way, new challenges await, but if u've learned along tha way, u have nothing to fear cuz u're prepared.  Right now in our life, as in tha lives of many others, we all are feeling like, why doesn't what's gonna happen just happen?  Why does life have to play itself out in such a crazy drama...and we are so much of a person of action...being patient is one of our strong points, but that's being tested to 75 mph speed limit, or has the government changed that to 65?  Maybe that's our problem, I'm so used to going 75 mph, that when The Great Lawmaker in tha sky  tries to slow us down, I don't want to.  I was on the toliet this afternoon, just thinking...what?  I'm telling it like it is!...I was on tha toliet like I'm willing to bet no person since my birth has been waiting so long for certain things to happen than us.  I know we all experience things in our life, but sometimes I feel like life can be ridiculous, really.  You have those moments, and u have to push on, but sometimes u just have to come to grips that you may never "fit in" so to speak, no matter what you do...or u just have to realize that sometimes the things that happen to you, are just for you...somehow I feel a story coming, from where I don't know, we'll see how tonight develops...

That's why we think how we think...just realizing the steps.  This all is a journey y'all.  And even though we been blessed in every way possible, almost at least, u just know that there is another scene in our movie in which tha script has been left in a manila envelope on The Director's desk, and u just wanna be like, "Why not give it to us?"  We've been playing all these small roles, we ready, give us a shot at Pee Wee's Big Top!

I'm always talking about relationships and girls and stuff in this diary.  I just feel different. It's almost like u've seen so many types of beauty that now we are looking for the total package.  That's a good thing, but looking and not letting it play out can make it even harder.  Especially when u feel like u're being looked upon in a way that puts u or make u feel like...

I was watching the episode of The Franchise with the Miami Marlins.  And the manager Ozzie Guillen made a comment how he wants the team to be hated, cuz when people hate somebody it's cuz people think you f'in good.  That sunk in a little bit...eye've talked about being hated on before, even recently, but it's on our heart, and it's our MTV Diary, so "u think you know, but u have no idea."  I'm gonna get personal tonight, but I KNOW somebody else feels this way like, I got tha money, social life, and all this, but I want a little change in my life.  Not necessarily go on a Middle Eastern soul search or anything, jus...although have u seen tha babes over there when they are not wearing those hijabs, oh my!  Attractive...I guess that's one of my problems I see beauty in so many people, races and colors.  U think if I begin to narrow down my thirst for life and getting to actually know people and change...that'll make me feel better?

(Pause.)

That's what makes us unique though...I heard a word today that I like a lot...Authentic.  And know they weren't talking about Louis V bags or a pair of Jordan's, although they making it tough to tell the difference nowadays.  I bet somebody could make a killing by just deciphering...I'm on my "A" game when I start 2 use those words!!...just deciphering real LV bags from the fake ones.  He or she will really bring in the dough.  What I'm going through right now is 2 stay true to our values and level of fun, and seeing where it all leads.  I'm a snob at heart, that's why when I say "lose tha attitude" and all this ABC Afternoon Special type of talk, I'm mainly talking to myself.  All jokes aside.  I want so much out of life...folks have no idea.  I'm a competitive person bro...sometimes I wonder if others want "it" as bad as I do.  I expect a commitment to excellence from myself.  I mean that's why the Raiders are my favorite football team, duh!  I have a lot of the "Raider Nation" 'tude within us.  I'm grimy and wild, and love to have a ball, get my dance on at a party, and just be..ourself.  That's what makes us all so special, when we are authentic to ourselves.

It's going to be newsmaking to see where our life heads in the next few hours or so...not only is our diary going to be...well I can't tell just yet...but our life itself.  Been fighting through a lot of stuff as of late...just because somebody makes something look easy doesn't mean that it is easy.  I'm about to say something that may make u stop reading this diary...but doesn't anyone else ever feel like they are being taken for granted?  Like u know there ain't nobody else who's going to do what u do in tha manner that u do, and u like its become an expectation instead of...that could mean u being in a relationship and u always cooking for somebody, and they never say "ta-ta" yet expect u to show ur "ta-tahs"!  Or you playin' a sport and u breaking three school records, and barely hear anything, yet another person comes close to breaking a record, perhaps yours on top of that, and they getting the toast of tha town, and livin' a life only rival by Austino Galaxia!  I think in life we have forgotten to give due or at least...ah...

This is tough to explain...how about this, we celebrate the wrong things instead of the right things, and we have taken some acts as an expectation, and have gotten spoiled by greatness.  Maybe it's with so many things going on in life, like watching reality show marathons or what not, but...it's like knowing...difficult finding words. Ok, I was watching the Heat/Knicks playoff game and somebody hits a free throw.  Nobody even claps on the bench like they used to for their teammate.  I know I'm right, and I have every right to talk about this...I'm not saying they aren't cheering for their teammate but what I'm saying is that action carries a "it's not a big deal" type of attitude, when if u lean wit it and rock wit it some, u'll realize that that one point could be the difference in winning and losing the game. See what we saying.  Before I go on I need a song, how about a classic from...Maroon 5.  Surprised u huh!!

But that's what I'm saying, the smallest things can make the biggest impacts on the world.  The people u may look the other way upon, could just be the ones who become the decision makers and slash or trend setters in tha future.  We have tended to focus so much internally instead of externally.  I need to step my game up, and I will.  I'm fighting right now do...eye shouldn't be saying this, but our diary gives exclusive thoughts into our head...but I'm wondering should I stay in South Beach or is it time for a move elsewhere.  Maybe, which I'm starting to believe, I need to stay here in the land of the beautiful people, but make some adjustments to our lifestyle that's been 1000 already.  (That's my financial play on words! Wink!)  But all of us have or eventually will reach that point where u look deep within and find urself, and just hope it's good enough to get everything u've been wanting in life.  To make it all simple, u wonder if all the sacrifices, all the talk about just having fun in life has made a true difference, and that all the feeling of being just a punching bag full of rejection, exclusion, and "wait til next time" will actually produce a champion.

Am I depressed?  No.  But u just wanna rock n' roll some.  I just know what life has to offer.  And what and who is possibly in front of us at the beginning of the light.  I'm gonna have fun, and this and that.  Just some moments, u wonder why the route in ur life has been so difficult and so mysterious.  I'm tha most simple complex guy in the world.  I've gotten through the complex so many times, now we just want pure simplicity.  But as the feeling continues I have to think upon some things tonight, gather up and perhaps count up my pennies, and just wait this thing out.  I feel like I'm always the last one to receive things in life...still waiting for my tax return, as usual.  But...that's ok.  Cuz sometimes being last is good, cuz u can learn so much from those who's number has come up before you.  U never know what a moment may bring forth, and we're more than ready.

I got one more run in us.  Sooner or later something has to give?  Right?!  Since I'm a lover of libraries, I guess there's only one thing to say to that...

We're due.

Austino Galaxia.