Making The Band.

The Ladies of Danity Kane

Driving can make you do a lot of thinking about life, love, money, fame, and just about everything else u can imagine.  So as I made my way up Miami Beach on Collins Ave., our mind began to wonder some.  Thinking about our life, and this year in general.  Its been a wild ride.  So, so, so many people that we've encountered over the last 12 months, its sickening really.  The changes in our life.  All the sacrifices we've felt we have made just with the simple hope of a new and better situation.  We have grown so much, but its been hard dude.  As I was passing the Bal Harbour Shops, and then driving over the big bridge in which if you looked to your right you see nothing but the Atlantic Ocean, I felt a sort of symbolic tone as I glanced.  Pitch dark, no lights anywhere, just hoping u're going in the right direction and that the "sun" will guide u the rest of the way! (I like that one!)  What is the price that you are willing to pay to make the band, so to speak.

I have a mad cool life, by all standards.  Not bragging, just really blessed.  I wrote about this some time ago, that I feel like I'm too humble in certain situations.  I guess I can handle doing the dirty work, better than other people.  Has that been a positive?...(huge blow)...don't know, really don't know.  I feel like I've been force to experience so much, that yes I'm a better person, but you wonder can we just get on with the show.  My mindset has been at war with enjoying the journey and what is our life all about/why have we gone through what we've gone through.  Times we feel ostracized for the want to have fun or for being a romantic or for just being ourself.  I still believe that "different is sexy" but at what cost are we willing to pay for just being ourself.  Teachers, Principals and dignitaries all tell u when ur a kid (at least they used to), just be yourself.  I've learned that's easier said than done.  Cuz...

I was watc...I'm gonna write tonight cuz I need to, I just need to...I was watching Fuse tv network and their Beef documentaries they had on today.  An interesting quote on rap artists:

"Some are trend makers, some are trend setters, some are trend followers."

A very accurate quote about musicians.  Of course, I brought it on a personal level.  I'm the kind of person who wants to be a trend maker.  I see different things and I'm like man, we was a little ahead of our time.  That's for another day.  I want to create a lifestyle and fun factor in which will trickle down for generations to come.  I guess that's why this whole blog thing was created.  I realize beyond a shadow of a doubt that our life is so unique and different, I want to share our stories and experiences to help others and bring a smile to someone's face. I've thought about how many times I've been 'rejected' over this year.  I mean like Dikembe Mutombo rejected...for unknown reasons.  I asked so many people to help with our blog, evidently God said "No, this is your story, YOU must be the one to tell it", cuz out of the many who've we asked, absolutely NO ONE except two or three really helped us out.  (Shout out to Kevin Bar up in NYC, and Big Joe -u're always my trainer no matter what), but its been a blessing in disguise b/c now I can write my diary like I always do...from the heart.  Let me once again state this:

"A 'no' is so much better than no response at all."

This is something I'm gonna preached to my kids whenever I have them.  I makes life a whole lot simpler dude.  And that's what I've been through this year...aspects of our life just ending without any DJ Clue to why.  So when that happens u sometimes begin to beat yourself up like, "I shoulda did this...or why didn't I think of that", but after 37 minutes of those thoughts, I was like, "wait a minute", this is not on me.  I was respectful, gentleman-lee...that's on them.  And though I cringe (literally) like, "you don't know what...ur...miss...ing...", we've had to move on.  Its like you have the winning lottery ticket in your back pocket and everyone else is scurring around buying tickets at gas stations  and going other routes to get them ins, but u KNOW who's already won!  You're just low key about it...a perfect analogy on our life.  Purrr---fect!

One thing that can come out of experience is inspiration beyond compare.  I was already a goofy person, pretty self-motivated, but now...shoot, it's like God's been like, nope, for the level I want you to get to, u need this job to do you wrong, you need this girl experience to make you cry, you need to realize how precious the little things in life are...If you are a man, there's nothing wrong with crying.  Do I do it all the time.."H--- Naw" but things do happen in all of our lives in which you better shed a tear.  That's better than going looking for folks with gats and Louisville sluggers, in which u go to jail and ...it's just not worth it. But the point that I trying to write on is that, when things go bad in ur life, those are the times that not only make you look within to how bad you want to make the band, but also can fuel a fire that can propel to some levels which haven't been seen before.  It's tough at the moment, but in the long run...the benefits are endless.  And even though I've seen so much, and am quizzical seemingly on a daily basis, I still wouldn't trade any of those episodes for the world.  I absolutely wouldn't...cuz its help me.

I feel the need to continue to write about this so I will.  Uh oh, I sense a story coming up.  What are you willing to do to make the band.  To be successful, to grasp love...I keep say I'm gonna write a book, here's another one...one familiar to some...one about a girl named... 'Desire':

Alright, so we go back to our days in college, at Rockford College, which is considered by most to be the Stanford of the Midwest.  Not really but, hey it sounds good!  Our story actually begins in the spring semester of our Sophomore campaign.  I used to be the mailman on campus.  Meaning, I was in charge of picking up the mail and bringing it back to the campus office on a daily basis and sometimes even on Saturdays.  This wasn't easy considering the weather factor (snow and black ice), the driving vehicle (this old Brady Bunch station wagon) or the fact that many days I didn't want to wake up so early especially after a night of playing a basketball game, travelling, and getting in so late.  But 'u gotta do whatcha gotta do', and we delivered rain, sleet or snow, on campus.  Now this one particular day I remember walking towards the library, when I saw this woman whom I've never seen before.  All I could think was, "I've never seen anyone look so good in a pair of khakis before in my life."  So as I was walking several paces behind her footsteps, I'm thinking I have to get the 411 on this one.

Physically, she was very attractive.  She looked like she was Arabian, with very fair skin and straight black hair.  Her face was striking and her body was of the thick nature.  Demi Moore looks quite similar to her, but this dime was somewhat more full-figured and looked natually good.  I don't think I even told anybody about the sight that I just experience, but I was clearly pensive about who is this chick?  My boys and myself, knew a "few" of the girls on campus (ha, ha!)...ok, we aka "The Dynasty" just about knew everybody on campus, so I knew she had to be a commuter student.  That was later confirmed...my dorm room was at the Olson Dorm aka "Caprini Olson", which was known for a lot of parti..nother topic, but what I was blessed to have as I roomed with my boy JB was what I called "the best view on campus", meaning our suite was positioned to see everything and everybody come and go.  So it was through these windows that I noticed this woman park and get out of her Volkswagon red Jetta for an afternoon class session.  It was a sight to see, and I asked my bud Billy Boy does he know about this woman.  Funny as can be, he told me that she was in one of his classes.  So I'm like, "you gotta find out her name, something".  He said, "he would".  I'd ask him about her name and he'd response, he can't find out, the teacher doesn't call on her, something like that, so I'm like, "dang".  Just gotta know...have to.

So later that spring after watching this unknown beauty come and go, the school held this thing in the Financial Aid offices.  You had to like settle your debts before you could sign up for the following year's schedule.  I go into the joint, and the place is pack.  So I get in line and low and behold two people ahead of me is this Bollywood queen.  I knew the people in the Financial Aid office due to me being in there and my mail route, so I'm like, "gotcha now".  She goes to the window, turns and walks away, I glance, then wait one more person before I get up there.  The person leaves, and I go up.  Homegirl, who was always cool wit us, went over the dollars, and then I asked, "there was a girl, that was just up her...what was her name?"   This chick then tells me, "she doesn't remember."  I'm like, "she was JUST up here?!!"  Still to no avail, I can't find out ANY info about her, and it seemingly seems like this will be a crush. From all these lost episodes, decided to call her "desire", since no one knew her name.

During the summer, I go back to campus as my dude C Hagg, graduated that year.  At the graduation ceremony, I happen to see old girl there.  She was still looking right in the summertime.  Better than ever really...but will I ever get to know her.

The Fall semester arrives, fun is in the air, my boys "The Dynasty" are hitting their prime on campus, so this is going to be truly a year to remember on and off the court.  I had to take this speech class, whatever...I walk in a little early, hey its the first day so I'm not in true Galaxia right on the dot arrival mode just yet.  I grab a seat, and one thing I notice is that this class is F-U-L-L of females.  I don't only mean that in a Playboy Mansion type of way, I also mean that in there's only two guys in this class of about 25.  I'm one of them.  So I'm watching this girls trickle in and next thang I know, in walks "Desire".  Oh man...I couldn't believe it.  So this class is gonna be buck wild.  She had a tag team partner, like her best friend or something.  The professor gave his syllabus for the course, all the wild, I'm just in total disbelief.  Class dismissed and I went back to my dorm room.  I told Billy Boy who was then my roommate with JB and T-Baby, and told him how he wouldn't believe who I have in class this semester.  "Desire."  He was like, "What...no way."  So I'm thinking how am I gonna come at this girl...or woman.  (school is all about learning right!?!)  But first I gotta know her name.

So this is a speech class and you have to introduce yourself...in this speech class you have certain topics for the day in which you have to get in front of the class and "perform" so to speak.  You have to first state your name.  So this particular day, Desire got up stated her name (Yes!!!) and talked about the assigned topic.  I later did the same.  This was an afternoon class which was cool too.  Once on a off day of the course, I was walking to my dorm room, and I saw Desire with her friend walking up the outside steps, I somehow just said, "Hi" and she glanced at us, in the middle of her conversation, and said, "Hi" in return.  I was like...co-mmu-nication!  You have to remember, this woman was..seen a lot of girls, even at that time, but she had "it", but not only looks, a presence, and I knew she was older age wise.  A first in our journey...I mean by years.  I'm walking back to our place like, could all this be really happening?  This is getting...gulp!...weird.

I go to class on this particular day, and all the students give their stand-up routines.  After everybody was done the professor gets up in front and tells the class that the next class is going to be "free speech" in which we can get up in front of the class and talk about anything.  Class dismiss!  So I go back to the spot, talk once again to Billy Boy about Desire how she has this 'something' and I gotta come at her.  I tell of our "free speech" coming up, and ask him what do you think about us coming at her and talking about how we feel about her in that 'free' speech.  Almost like asking her out, but not asking her out.  Billy boy was like, "totally...u gotta do it O (my nickname)..have to!!!"  Both of us were thinking this was my only and best chance to spill the beans to her, but I wanted to do it in a way in which the class wouldn't know who I was talking about but SHE would.  So our thoughts were running 100 mph, trying and praying that this would work and she would feel like she was a beauty, and know who I was.

The day arrived...Billy Boy told me he was gonna walk by my class to check us out...and my boy did!  Yelling at us in the hallway...its great to have true friends u know.  I sit watching all these dolls get up and do their thing.. good stuff.  I was getting a little nervous...the professor then called, "Austin" and I took a mini-breath and then spoke from our heart...with ALL these girls looking dead at us...here goes nothing:

"Ok...my speech I'm gonna talk about is about a girl...but the funny thing about this girl is that I could never find out her name.  I asked everybody but no one knows.  So I just call her Desire.  (Few chuckles.  The professor is grinning from ear to ear in the back!  No lie!)  This girl is really, really pretty.  I saw her last semester...over the summer..I even remember walking past her and speaking to her in passing (do...not...look...her...way...)...She wears a ring on both of her hands and who knows Desire may be under the sound of my voice right now."

With that I grinned and walked to my seat, trying not to look at Desire who was sitting behind us cat-a-corn my left eye.  Class Dismiss!  Told Billy Boy about it...I was just hoping she got it cuz I didn't say everything I wanted to say, but we tried.  So during the next few classes, as I got up, I noticed something.  Desire was staring at us as we talked and it was a "no blinking" type of stare.  Like she wanted us...bad, I mean really bad!!  And to have this caliber of a woman looking at you like that...and u still have to give a speech or whatever...whew!  But the thing is I still don't know if she knew I was talking about her.  It's still a mystery.

At the RC, they had what they call Forum series, in which each student is required to attend 2 events in this series, throughout the semester.  I was attending this one event at the center.  But I had to stop by the library, to make a copy of something.  So I walk into the library and to my right at a table, all by herself, is none other than Ms. Desire herself.  Instinctively, (thanks Lord!), I walk by her at the table, and utter, "I want to talk to you for a minute."  She replied, "Ok".  I continue by, and go to the copier machine.  As the papers give that "shoot" sound out of the machine, I'm thinking what to say to this dime.  The copies stop, and I grab a wooden chair and sit next to her.  I'm like, "I hope I..."  And she kinda interrupted me and was like, "I know...I know!"  So I then ask her, "How did you know?" She then conveyed some interesting tidbits...she said she remembered when both of us spoke in passing.  Now how many folks remember a 'hi' or 'hello'.  That right there showed me that perhaps, she was checking us out and had some kind of interest and we didn't even know it.  Still more...she told me the moment she knew I was talking about her was when I said that Desire had "a ring on both hands".  Amazing!  I then asked her, "What did she think about the speech?"  She told me she was "Flattered" and how no one "has ever done anything like that for her."  Then of course, I asked her, "What was up?!"  She told me how she just going through a divorce, has a kid, 29 yrs old (at the time, I was 21).  She said she was always down for making friends.  Not the F-word!!  Naw, I knew after talking to her hands were full, but at least a smile could be brought to her face.  She took our number.  And we left the library.

This was an interesting saga.  Its long, but I gotta tell the story, while I can tell it.  Tomorrow ain't promise, and Desire caused a lot of emotions which spanned two school years.  And the funny thing...there's still more to the story.  So the spring semester arrives, months later after our speech.  I got Billy Boy and one of my other roommates T-Baby, in one of these business classes.  A few weeks past and then this one class period arrived.  All three of us are joking around a laughing like we're on Jay-Z's "Big Pimpin'" video set.  We walk in, and get our notes from the above seats.  Then absolutely out of no where this girl, in which we've never really talked to says, "Hey, Austin...I know who Desire is!!"  I'm like, "What???" And she gives this devilish smile and says....

Austino.