Frigid Talk.

Yes!  Come on Austino!  Come on Austino!  Pick me...

(Phoom!)

Not again.  Oh, wait, it's him again...Austino, Pick Me...Pick Me...

(Phoom!)

U thought u were gonna get a whole lot more outta me, right.  Yeah, this pretty much sums up my life.  High hopes, leading to big time disappointments.  Hoping that one day I would get outta this pit of darkness.  I mean, not only is it dark, but it's just so cold in here.  I thought this was South Beach?!!  Tha home of bikini wax's and 12-pack abs.  One can only dream.  Lately, I don't even know what's going on outside.  Every once in awhile somebody makes a cameo, and let's me know what's going on in tha real world.  I've had some weird ones stop by.  Like tha other day, this tall looking dude stopped by, and said he was studying to be an Aid for catching Gators.  I mean, who does that?  Shouldn't he be on Animal Planet or something instead of trying to get a piece of my block?!!  He's stealing my thunder.  It's crazy.  But...wait...

Hey, take a look Galaxia?!!

(Phoom!)

Bonita.

This is totally unexpected so please forgive me,
On this Autumn morning day.
But there is somethang in tha air seemingly,
That tells us to let this poem play.

Thus, we will, it's so early,
And I've got my interview with Kat D Von on pause.
A more important issue is at hand,
Hopefully this will hit home or at least up in Mars.

I've got a girl in mind as I write this,
Cuz I just saw something that threw me for a loop.
As  Jigga said, we sometimes need a reminder,
That we are special, and not just some forgotten Betty Boop.

Gonna let this breathe, and let it write itself,
However long it takes, I guess we shall soon see.
Just know that this is from our heart, and nobody else's,
Perhaps nobody else can define Beauty better...Than me.

Naked.

Oh boy.  This is gonna be me to tha max.  Here we go.

Well, as our diary has been setting new standards by tha moment.  As much as I don't wanna do this, I feel tha need to because this is a Live diary of our life.  I know it's filled with crazy stories, and poems and just silliness really, but this post is real...And well, might as well just get into it.

Special Delivery.

Please let this be good....Write like it's just you and me....

(Huge Blow)

This diary, oh if I could have u for one night,
To say all that's been going on in our mind.
Like the old times when we used to just jot free,
When we wrote while ignoring every literacy stop sign.

Gonna take this thang back, like we use to,
Back when we started in like 2001.
How it wasn't about anything complicated,
Just goofy thoughts from a guy who's all about fun.

Unedited, unfiltered,
Realizing, that this is how any diary should be.
Not concerned about any future fame,
Like Deco Drive or Extra, or Giuliana speaking to us on E!

Take a deep breath, and just relax,
Let tha fingers do all tha talking.
If u thought we've been wild before u might wanna stop,
And grab a chair, and postpone that nightly Dog on a leash walking.

A Doctor. A Grandma. And Love.

'...You know, love and relationships involves a lot of give and take.  And sometimes you have to sacrifice for the benefit of the Marriage.'

I know, I know.  But me and my husband have been married for over...like 50 years now, and he's never asked me to do anything...Ah...like this.  My family grew up in South Carolina in the heart of tha Bible Belt, and I understand He wants to add some fun to our lives, I know, but this one is new even for me.  I'm no Spring Chicken anymore, Doctor, I'm more like a Winter Hen.  What you do for love, right, What you do for love...

'Very true, Mrs. Carpenter...Very true.  So tell me, what actually happened?'

Well...He came home one evening from the corner store with a bag of groceries in his hand.  Needed some flour and Vanilla for my Red Velvet Cake I was gonna make for the girls down at tha Bingo Hall this Wednesday.  You play Bingo, Doctor?

'No.  No, I don't...Please, Go on.'

Tha Tryout. Tha Conclusion.

Previously recorded in Austino Galaxia's Universo....Please Click Here.

And Now tha thrilling conclusion to 'Tha Tryout'...Enjoy!


And you don't have to tell me, you must be....

"Austino Galaxia.  The pleasure's all mine.  I luv your outfit, seems like you put a lotta effort into it.  J's, Daisy Duke shorts, and the trucker hat.  That look will take you far in this audition.  Now just show me your purple."

Ahhh?  Pur-ple??

"Yeah, everybody who tries out has to have some kind of purple in their outfit.  You didn't see that in my tweet a few hours ago?  Please say that a girl who got all dolled up, to come down 2 this audition didn't disrespect me and not follow my specific direct..."

Tha Tryout.

Ok, I hope I got this down...It goes, "It Must Be Said"...."No Monkey Business In Tha Jungle"..."A Mouse in tha Living Room"...No, No...A Rat in tha Bedroom...No forget it, let's move on to tha next one, "27 and Sexy"...Nooo!!  I'm never gonna get all this down in time.  Relax!  Relax!  I still have time.  This is soo crazy, I never thought this opportunity would ever come.  But I was Twitter, and saw this ad of sorts.  And I thought, OMG!, this is a chance of a lifetime.  My friend Venus called me up, and was like, "Did u just see what I just saw!"  I was like, "Fudge Yeah!"  That was last night, so for the last 24 hours, I've tried to do any and everythang to make sure that there is no way that I can be denied this chance.  This is like tha coolest thang to happen to me since I won a Hard Body contest in Cancun during a Spring Break a few years ago.  There was a small controversy about my party life, and folks saying I did a lot of "sowing" to win.  And I may have done a thang or two in tha past with a few of tha judges, but hey...Any girl knows it ain't how u serve...But if u know how 2 use ur stroke that makes u a freak...of nature, I mean.  And believe u me, a few Tequlia's chased by some lemon limes would have u stroking like Serena Williams!  Simply put, I do what I gotta do.  Believe that...

It Must Be Said.

On this very rainy evening,
Down here in tha hood of South Beach.
We find ourselves once again,
Jotting a few nuggets from our mindful teach.

Have no idea where today is gonna go,
There's just a feeling in tha air to write.
Almost rather be getting some rest,
Or putting on some Tom Ford which will set tha night.

Yet, here we go again this Monday,
On a Galaxy journey where tha stars always shine.
Whatever you do, don't throw tomatoes after u read this,
Those who hate on this, my goons will surely find.

Forget it, let's just get down to it,
Love, Fame and Sex sums up my mind on today.
Bet u didn't think I'll hit u like that, huh,
Sometimes might as well tell it in a TMZ way.

No Monkey Business In Tha Jungle!

(Somewhere in tha Pacific Ocean)

(Ooooh Ah-Ah-Ah-Ahhhh!)

What tha???...What time is it?  8:30 am. Where's my glasses?  Wait....WHAT?!!  Where am I and what is this that I'm wearing?  Please tell me that I didn't get poisoned with no MDNA last night.  I knew right when that girl approached me at tha party, that she wanted me to be her 'boy toy'.  This ain't tha SLS Hotel?!! Where's my stuff?  And, where tha fizzy am I?  There's my glasses.  This is crazy...

(Ooooh Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ahhhh!)

What's that noise?

A Rat In Tha Kitchen.

Ok, we got a grilled salmon on Table Two with mussels, then on Table 3 we got smothered pork chops,with...Whah???  What tha...?? Hey, who took this order down for Table 3???  Nikki, Come here...What is this supposed to be?

"Macaroni and Cheese."

Now listen, ur cute and I like u because ur cute, but how about puttin' some of that cuteness into writing down the order legibly?!!  Alright, it's our busiest night, and I don't need 2 be wasting any time.  U got it.  Now go back out there and do what u do.  Step it up!  Step it up!  Everybody needs to step their game up.  Charlie boy, make sure u don't burn that sauce over there...Lily, make sure, didn't we go over this all week, make sure that u stir tha pot in a counter-clockwise position, that makes all tha difference. Go away from tha sun, away from it....Hey, Stacie, u taking tha rolls out too soon, u gotta...Stac's u have to let them stay in tha oven for 3 more minutes, and then put tha Nutella inside of them.  Come On, u were born in Italy, u should know how this thang goes.

#Only4MyDiary

It's 7pm on tha dot, here in South Beach,
And tonight we feel like letting everything flow.
Don't really feel like writing a poem this evening,
Not like we're doing this for any type of dough.

So much has been going on in our life,
Guess it's best to put it into some words.
Maybe some Henny or some Patron would help,
But for this we're taking tha route of tha birds.

Meaning buckle up, for this ride of Sept. 12,
Never know when this all will come to an end.
Gonna let this poem write itself, no interruptions,
The only question is now...Where to begin?

A Galaxian Western.

"AND'S HERE'S YOU HAT, NOW GET ON UR SADDLE AND BE GONE.   U'RE NEVER GONNA WORK IN THIS TOWN AGAIN!  YOU'RE FIRED!!"

(Door Slams)

Well u know what, u're gonna pay for this!  This just ain't fair, like never in...That's was the best job I had.  That's all I knew.  They got rid of me, just because of some silly idea, or at least they thought it was silly.  As for me, I thought it was genius.  Now look at me..(Swop!  Swop! Swop!)  Gotta dust off all this dirt on me, I mean he literally threw me out into this dusty road.  I can't believe it.  Let me mosey over to this bar, I need a cold one.  Like right now.  Is it open?  Know it's during tha day, but surely Jim has to be inside....

(You got to..Know when to hold 'em...Know when to fold 'em...Know when to walk away...and know when to run....)

Ain't that symbolic of my day.  They got Tha Gambler playing in tha juke box.  Simply great.

"Howdie, Superstar!  Whadda have on today?  Tha u-sur-al?"

17 And Feisty.

I hate guys.

Yeah, that's a crazy way to begin my rant but I don't care.  People have told me, "You're so cute." or "You should be a model", and that's all nice and all, but looking good comes with a price.  And the way these guys treat me, all this whistling, and gawking, I mean, they act like they never seen any T & A before....I mean, they have read the alphabet charts, haven't they?!  Gosh...Let me introduce myself, my name is Ashley.  Heyyy!!!  And over there sitting on my bed is my BFF Tiffany, who I luv to call, "Skates" just because she's always happy and like is tha hottest chick skateboarder I know.  And holding this camera I'm talking to is my little brother, who everybody calls "Nickel" just because as a small kid, he once ate one of those little Abraham Lincoln fellows.  Nickel, hold tha camera straight, ur pointing it up to tha ceiling.  Nobody wants to see my Taylor Swift poster, hold it...gimmie it...gim-mie it....

"Nooooo!  I'm telling Mommy!!"

Cock Fight Night.

Ok.  This is truly what u call an exclusive post.  I wasn't even gonna write tonight, all day and all night we just been on a chill tip.  We had a tough workout earlier this afternoon, so my mindset as of right now has been to get our body in tip top condition, and to just clear our mind.  More on that later, but if u follow us on Instagram, u probably got my hand written note, in regards to this mugging I just had at my crib.  SC just came on for their college football game against Washington State out in Los Angeles, so it's gonna be a long night.  So grab ur coffee, and if u're reading this late night style or even early morning over in Paris (Homegurl don't think I haven't forgotten about u over there), this is about to be unplugged.

Somebody Call 1-4-3....

('You were with me last night!   You were with me last night!  Come on, now...Listen, I'm tired of you lying to me, alright.  U need 2 to just keep it real.  This right here...in my tummy, this is you.  U da baby daddy!  U da baby daddy!  So no matter what u think or say, u gonna have to step up and be a man.  They done flew me all the way from Texas to be on this show, but guess what, I already know how this gonna go down.  And Taniqua ain't gonna be tha one...See, cuz I done seen this alllll go down before. I know u gonna bring out one of them country (Boop!), that u've been sleeping with from behind that blue curtain, and then it's gonna all go down like Basketball Wives.  But guess what, I've been in the (Boop!) gym, so bring her out...Look, hold these, here's my cheap earrings u bought....here's my (Boop!) shoes...Bring her out!....Bring her (Boop!)...out!  I ain't playing... I'm gonna wup her...')

WE NOW INTERRUPT YOUR REGULAR SCHEDULE PROGRAM WITH THIS BREAKING NEWS...

Miss C.

I sit here in from of this computer,
Unlike any time words have been jotted down.
Tonight may be one just for me, like old times,
One written with our heart...sans any frown.

But I have one girl in mind,
For real, one that's tha inspiration for today.
One in whom I saw, but shared limited words,
As she passed along my way.

This is gonna be tha one, which decides,
Am I gonna leave Galaxia alone or follow for life.
Cuz at one time I thought that this girl was everythang I hoped,
Style with killa charisma, to put short...a future wife.

Nobody Like My No. 2.

"NUMBER 2, YOUR DINNER IS READY."

Look, I used to be a star, now I'm reserved to being a number.  I can't believe that I'm in this place.  This is where they put all the has beens, those that are all broken up, or all those fiends that have just run outta ink so to speak.  This isn't a place for me.  THIS ISN'T THA PLACE FOR ME!!  This is all that Austino Galaxia fellows fault.  He threw me to the side a long time ago, about two years to be exact.  Ever since, I've been spinning out of control.  Like, my mind just doesn't function the same as it once did.  Just my look alone, I was born with naturally pink hair.  Now, on top of me having Rodman hair, I now also don a pink skull cap on top.  Just so there aren't any mistakes, u know what I mean.  Then I rock two green bandannas underneath, just because that's how Tha Boz used to do it back in tha 80s.  Seems as if I've grown shorter since I've been in here too.  It's just crazy.  Really crazy.

"Number 2, u gonna eat all them mashed potatoes?"

7:00 a.m.

That's tha time I'm writing this diary post, and I have no idea what we're gonna write about.  Yikes!!!  I feel like I'm gonna pull out my hair on this one.  But never would I messed up my 'do.  So what shall we jot about on today.  This could be one of those diary post where we just vent like never before, and just call out names like I'm waiting for jury duty...Speaking of which why do they always show the movie, The Proposal at the Courthouse downtown here in Miami?  I mean, He...llooo, have they ever heard of 12 Angry Men or Perry Mason, heck I'll even take a marathon of Caso Cerrado, or The People's Court with tha muy sexy bonita Marilyn Milian...Huh, I've never tried that, so a gavel in one hand, then I could put on one of those old British white wigs, then a robe that opens from tha front...And then she could be tha baliff with the black Ray-Ban's, button up shirt, in Chicago Police blue, their tint of blue is more fashionable, and the handcuffs and tha night stick, well I have tha night stick, but still...Ah, it's way too early to be having these thoughts.  So getting back to today, or this diary can be one where we sob in tha corner with tha notebook cradling in our arms, with us wondering why I can't get a grilled Chicken Snack Wrap on McDonald's late night menu?! It.  Just. Ain't.  Fair.  I want my extra pickles!