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| Oh why not! Enjoy Nelly's Classic Tune! |
A night in South Beach...is there any place in the Galaxia that u rather be?!! Just came in on this "laid back" evening...just walking around this joint can be a TV show in and of urself...u got guys and girls standing dag gone in tha street trying to get their "R-ship" together...u got folks walking around in "packs" while not wanting to get out of the way and taking up the entire sidewalk...it's like, "Dude, please respect the scene." Duhh...didn't they see those City of Miami Beach ads around town with the Heat players the last few weeks. I turned the corner on a block and I saw this black cat, and somehow I could read his mind, I don't know if he was trying to represent for all the other felines in the hood or what, but...this little critter, and I'm not lying as I write this...he tried to jump me!! I'm not kidding...I saw him, and he then approached me, so I was a little startled like this looks like the kingpin around here...I then attempt to walk past him here on Jefferson Ave., and next thing I know it, he like wouldn't let me...then he's kinda, tryin' to cut me off on my right side like a bully in Junior High School...and I'm like, "This could get a little interesting." I almost...almost got that feeling in my chest, u know when u know things could get a little...hot. I remember...here we go again, right!
Naw, but I remember this one time...wait, tonight could get interesting...we have had some wild experiences with us being involved, and most of the time it wasn't even our fault! I recall this one time this young lady approaching me with a knife in her hand, questioning me like she was on freakin' NYPD looking for one of my best buddies...I just was sitting in my chair chillin' looking at her like, "U gotta be kidding right?!!" So as this single white female episode unfolded, we didn't know whether to laugh or to hit the red button! As I basically told her, "I didn't know where my guy was", I just thought how krazy this was, and why does this stuff have to happen to muah!
Let's see what else...of course, u had this episode where this girl tried to hit me, my boy, and this homegirl with her SUV while we were walking from class in college. Yes, she did try to take us out, and her anger didn't have anything to do with us...Then this other time in college, one of my boys got into it with another cat...He came to my penthouse suite (Yes, u did read that right, we did it big tyme!)...My dawg was hot, talking about he was going to go to his old ways and how "he don't know me", like DMX I can only assume...I was trying to calm him down...he wasn't hearing it, talking about he had to go 2 his connects back in his old life, and get tha got that sings better than Mariah Carey at the Grammys. Next thing I know it as I'm laying on my bed, my dude lifts up his shirt, and he got that thang sitting in his sweats. Once again, I was kool, but I was just hoping that the gun won't go off in my dorm room. I already had like $120 or so in campus parking tickets accumulated, just because I thought I was a Real World cast member driving around after the Season in Review episode just aired on MTV, so this would have been just tha thing to get me off the BBall team, and talking to kiddos on Saturday Mornings...After some convo, he calmed down, but we've been in some krazy situations...that's why we so krazy!
Here's another one...why not have some fun 2night right...we resting up tonight for some fun, so...as we aforementioned in Galaxia Diary lure (One day we should do a Best of, shouldn't we...) Anyhow, we used to work at the beach, and we had so many moments where our chest skipped a beat or two, and it was like, totally surreal...let's see...Saw some krazy stuff...an aspect of our job was to lock up the bathrooms at night. Now that can be dangerous because, u never know what weirdos or what not are lurking around garbage cans or inside lights in the bathroom ceilings, there was a door inside the Men's bathroom which had us thinking that the Marilyn Manson's lookalike would jump out at us or something...but on this one particular evening, I'm walking in, giving that traditional, "Hello, Hello, is anybody in here." greeting...and I go stall by stalls only to find this one with four legs inside...I'm inside the Men's bathroom, but one of the pairs certainly doesn't look like a dude...and believe me when it comes to legs the only person who knows more about that is probably Colonel Sanders, and depending if it's a holiday weekend on the beach that's even debatable! So I go in...and this guy and girl are inside getting their freak on inside of the stall! I'm like, "U gotta leave." It just hit me, what would've I done if it was two girls and a guy? Huh...Mom, please omit that last sentence u just read!...I then go outside, and finally tha couple stagger out (Sans "Walk of Shame"...) and go about their business...now I was thinking the bathroom at the beach. Usually they can get pretty nasty, I mean like u wouldn't believe. I used to see some stuff...and it's all sandy, and muddy from the water...but when the feeling hit ya, I guess u better move as quickly as possible. But if I had a choice...not like I've thought about this...or have done anything to this nature (Cough, cough!)...but always play wrestle with ur "friend" in the sand, at night when the sun goes down...don't ask me how I know, but just trust us on this one! U'll be surprised what kind of freak...I mean, emotions can come out with a little sand in the hair!
Another little quirk in our beach job, was that we had the authority to give out parking tickets. Yes, many a times it was "Ticket time! Ticket time!" I'm not gonna front I used to drive around on anything that had wheels and just when I was in one of those, "They ain't gonna do that on my Timex" type of moods, we would get them. There was an area of the beach called "Fedder's Alley". So this is where u had all the picnics, and the real party animals would come out to play....especially on Sunday afternoons and evening. When u mix, BBQ, Alcohol, Music, Cars , Bikini's, and flat out heat, u're bound 2 get some incidents. The cops were cool, and helped, but every once in the while...good ol' u know who had to lay his foot down following in the footsteps of other great officers like: Barnaby Jones, Barney Fife, and that one dude who seemingly was on every episode of Cops whenever they were in Wichita, Kansas! I go up there, cuz they hit me up, well basically people were coming up to me saying that Fedder's was basically out of control, parking wise, people acting like it was Club Space's last party before its renovations...just OOC for real...out of control.
So after hearing all these complaints about somebody needs to go up there and check it out...I decided I guess I'll do some work on today, and stop enjoy the sights and sounds of Baywatch myself and earn them thangs...First thing I did was look for my mode of transportation to get up there...don't take the Blues Brother-mobile cuz that might get flipped over like when a dictatorship comes to an end...we don't want that...I could walk, but they might not take me so serious seeing me sweating from walking for 10 minutes..so I took something that would intimidate the heck out of them....a bike! Tell me u wouldn't be scared?!! Shoot, and I used to rock them thin sunglasses with violet lenses too...What!! I had my Boy George swag up to the max on that bike! And I had a ticket book as well...Couldn't tell me nuthin'!
Alright, so I rose pedal my way through the park area, and up the hill, anticipating what we would see just above the horizon. I get up there, and it's as wild as it was told to us. Folks got music bumpin' like family reunion style...People dancing...beverages spilling over, even though u're not 'posed to have open beverages in the area...so I just pull up on my mini-Bentley and don't say a word...all u heard was the "Flap....Flap" of the pages turning over in my ticket book. I might've even licked my thumb as I flipped the pages...Anyway...this guy, a "vet" on the party scene came over to me, and is like, "What u doing man?" I'm just explaining, "U parked illegal bro." He goes on to say something like how, "everybody is parked bogus out here" All the while, this girl walks by me and shouts, "We gonna party all night!!" I give her the "Whatever" look and begin to proceed...the guy is getting a little upset, but just like when u go out to a wack party, sometimes u just gotta pick one, right?!! And he was it...I write through all his bickering, I snatched off the perforated ticket, gave it to him, I might've even hit him with that "Have a nice day", Judge Mathis style and began to go down the line...and let's just say, that I started to hear a lot of car doors slamming and engines being turned on! And the last thing I heard from the dude was a classic line....
"I can't believe I got a ticket from a guy on a bike!!"
And that oxymoronic line describes us and our life...u just never know what to expect from us, but u can guarantee that u'll be left speechless and shaking ur head.
And if u don't believe us...I'll guess we'll just have to give u a ticket for that as well!!
Austino Galaxia.
There's only one.
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