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"What I don't fear...is failure."
Just heard that as I began to write this. I have little time, so gonna keep this short and sweet, and we'll tell some more stories later. Our life is so...u know what I feel this quote up top today, it doesn't matter who said it, but it's so true.
We have been in such a preservation state of resting our mind, body and soul, that's its not even funny. I feel like...sometimes in ur life u have to get urself prepared for what's to come. Whether it's a test, or a marathon race or just to wake up for a new position on a job, preparation is needed. Relationships as well...I've been really finding out who we are as a person. Internally. I know all of us have certain instances that make us reflect within...I'm such a go, let's go type of person. Probably the most patient person that you'll find. But as of late, our patience has been tested to the limit. Sometimes you get tired of the journey, I know as of late, I'm like ok, where is this all leading to? Or who am I finally gonna share this great lifestyle with love wise...if anybody? Just so many questions...is all the sacrifices and the moments of keeping ur mouth shut and taking the high road, when u really wanna give the wings of the air every cuss word u know....just is all we doing or experiencing worth it?
Sometimes when u actually reach certain goals u set, can actually make u look within even more. I have no idea how I got on this, when I should be talking about all my whereabouts this weekend, and drama...but we here and perhaps somebody needs to hear that...they are not alone. Today is a new beginning, and very few times in our life do those so call words actually match up with what's surrounding our life. Certain things have been taking place, and they will be shared definitely in due time...but right now I have a...thirst. U know....That thirst is for fun, of course, but I kinda have a chocolate chip on our shoulder. Sometimes you think about all that's gone on, and u just feel like, I "Can't stop, won't stop" like Roc-A-Fella Records, cuz even though u may have some dollars in ur pocket, or are getting some Kid 'N' Play from certain people, the true heart of who we are as a person hasn't been tapped....yet. And, I may be stupid for saying this, but that could be kind of...scary.
Has anyone ever been scared of success? Like...for instance when that guy slash girl you've had an eye on in class or at a get-together, they are finally ALONE, and u get that small knot inside, how do u handle it? Do u run, do u approach, or do u just chill? I'm such a truth or dare type of person, which most of the time I don't really care. On my fridge's color board I have "Take Risks" written on there as I speak. Go after u dreams, do what u gotta do to get them, but something weird has happen along the way...I'm beginning to take a low key let things come to us approach, and for some reason...it's working...whether we see it or not. It is.
Experience is the ultimate teacher, and I think its possible want something or even somebody (Yikes!) so much that the energy released into the Galaxia can actually repel ur dreams from happening. Now everybody's different, but I'm speaking from a wanting something so hard that u actually hurt what's going on. It's like calling a girl 20 times right after u got her number...Homegirl is like "Dude...like...chill!! Like...weirdo!!"...But I also feel like this feeling of letting things come to you can only occur if u have one other important feature in ur superhero belt. The weapon of being....
Prepared.
U look at sports and all the athletes in they reference about relax and let the game come to them...(Big Albert, please jack a homer just to shut these people up...please!!). Most of the time they are talking about those who are veterans or who are...pretty decent players. It's easy to full court press in life, and get over anxious and not let thing play themselves out. Sometimes u get so excited about ur move to the next level that u forget about finishing out u role where u at. It's like working out and u have 5 reps to do in ur current exercise, yet u already thinking about the pain of doing pushups following...concentrate on the present and what it may bring, then move on. One joy or perhaps one "ouch" at a time.
I'm talking to myself tonight. Cuz I've been a little upset at some stuff. Sometimes I feel like....beep it, might as well say it....feel like I'm a little "underappreciated". From different people even from God sometimes. Not that u're all that...but eye just wonder has anyone else just know that it ain't gonna be like this ever again...or in a relationship, where u thinking like, "ain't no one gonna wash ur stinking draws like this, so u better appreciate this!" Or u may be on a job, where ur work is being taking for granted, u can be the freakin' boss of tha joint, and just the stuff u have to put up with, most of the time holding urself back from exploding, can make u feel...underappreciated.
Well, somebody out there is probably like, Austin, u have it all...Live in luxury, know beautiful people inside and out, have a life of wealth, so why don't u just the ---- up and be quiet. Ahhh....but see, I think when u may have those things or "opportunities", those are the times u should speak out. I never forget this girl telling me, "The world doesn't revolve around you, Austin." I was actually stunned, I don't know if it was from tha statement itself, or that she actually said it, cuz both views leave me with the thought of...."It doesn't??!!" (Ha!) We all can get so self-centered when trying to accomplish so much or make a difference or make certain people notice you, that we can forget what's going on around us. Especially now, everyone's out here grindin', and now we at a point where if we somebody begging for money it....Freakin' A, is there something biting me right now?...Sorry, but we see images so often that we become cold to the affect or it's presence. It's like a girl, getting used to being taken out to great restaurants week after week til the action no longer becomes an event but more now as an expectation. (Can u tell this weekend was filled with love a dove thoughts and episodes!!) It's still a great deed, but when u see it so often, and it occurs so much u expect it, even though it's a difficult act. I can run into the Atlantic Ocean on that, cuz somebody knows what I'm talking about, and some guy's wallet definitely feels what I'm talking about.
I gotta stop, just because, not because I can't say more, but...trust me there's so much more to tell....It's getting wild around our life and lifestyle. Things are changing, and a lot of the steps we had to step on, are slowly but surely showing their benefits. Embrace The Struggle, it's pay off in tha long run...I was a little personal tonight, but...hey, it's ok to self-motivate urself sometimes..."You can do it." or "I'm hot." or whatever gets ur going. Sometimes u have to have egotistical confidence to get u over. I'm learning that more and more each day. And as we started today...
"What I don't fear...failure."
U gotta sometimes be aggressive...but if u've paid ur dues, and have gained the experience needed along the way. Just wait...wait...and wait...and then...
It'll come wrapped up in a nice package. And if u're patient enough u might just get two!
U never know.
Austino.
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