The Apprentice Test.

Mr. Trump, please don't fire me!!

Ok...how are we gonna handle all this going on tonight?!!!  Seemingly we was going along all find and dandy...sort of, at least.  And now in the last few hours everything has been flipped upside down and inside out.  I feel like I'm being attacked or something...and I don't know why...I guess it's in these moments that u must figure that u're close to...something.  Have to remain calm and trust the Lord above that we are on tha right path, no matter if u at times feel like u're walking solo...at least for a few moments like tonight.

It's been a lot of stuff going on...and eye can't even lie, a lot of things have been great.  But there's been a lot of going on's that we just can't figure out, like why do things just have to be so hard?  Or how come people can't give u a simple phone call to update u on certain activities that pertain to your life?  At times u feel like u're always the one who has to push ALL the buttons, like isn't life a two-way street?  U figure that it's almost like if u don't do something, or make the first move in life's evolving game of chess, that things will never get done.  That can be exhausting sometimes...I know our life can seem easy or super perfect but it can be just so darn unpredictable and just hard.

Tonight was so challenging, beginning with the fact that I could not eat.  Let me repeat, I literally could not eat!  I think I wrote before of me eating a hot Turkey Burger the other day, and my mouth being burned some on the inside and it was affecting me gigantically on tonight.  I had a small meal eating some spaghetti and some chicken that I cooked from the other day.  Heated it up...some...then tried to eat after getting some raisins in my skin.  And no lie, I felt worse, than I did on the other days.  I tried to stick some in my mouth, and I couldn't do it without any pain.  I basically was humbled into eating on the left side of my mouth, and the pain was so unbearable.  Then I had some orange juice, which I don't know if it was a good choice or not, even though water wasn't a better option, and guess what I couldn't drink either without it feeling like somebody was piercing my mouth open.  So eye can't eat, can't drink, can barely talk...then I kinda of did something out of the norm and just had a mini-tirade.  Using the F-word and even "GD" just snapping out of frustration.  I think this was like a culmination of the feeling that u are trying to do the right things, trying to take the high road with certain people, trying to live a life of just pure fun, so why is it that u feel like the more u do those things, the worse life sometimes get.  I'ma talk real tonight.

These are the times where u really, and jokes aside people, u really have to look deep within and wonder if ur pursuit of the standard of fun and excellence that has been set over ur life is really worth obtaining?  U begin to wonder, that sometimes it's like other folks are getting more money or fame or whatever  by doing less work, while it seems like u're busting ur butt, striving to remain positive, striving to remain patient and do it God's way, and all this seems to be happening to you.  It can seem unfair.  Like I said before, we've been blessed beyond compare, but there are still some things in our life yet to be accomplished.  Lots matter of factly speaking.  I don't think people understand the emotional toll it can take to a) keep pushing when there isn't any physical signs of change...just imagine me going to a party looking for a sexy girl, but the party is full of nothing but guys.  So u're just staring at the door...waiting...waiting...and waiting....and u keep saying 2 urself, that "she's about to come".  As the party begins to fold up, u feel a little tired cuz ur faith and hope hasn't been answered yet, and the DJ is uttering "last song"...and for the record why in the world would I stay at a party for 3-4 hours with nothing but dudes inside?!!!  After 2 songs, if the "crew" hasn't arrived, then 'I'm Out!!"  But u get the point...maybe that's my problem, I'm looking and concerning myself with the end instead of just letting the process take care of itself.  Anyhow u chalk it up, it's a challenging to keep the faith evans when u wonder where's the end of the tunnel.....

It's also a challenge to keep pushing....somebody knows where I'm coming from...to keep pushing when in some ways ur conjuring up challenges to make life fun.  I've admit it before, that sometimes life can get so boring to us.  Get up, do this, lay down, and do it again.  I cannot stand that type of lifestyle, I believe each day is special and different and need to live as such.  But on the flip side, u can get complacent if u have a little dinero in the bank, or if u have those six-pack abs u've wanted, u wonder how can the fire burning?  Not everyone can relate to this, but sometimes u just have to make up stuff, literally, to get ur mind right.  Say things like, "Ok, this guy thinks that if he had a team I wouldn't be in his starting lineup." (Which is Ludacris,...) or "I would love to date this girl, but she has a boyfriend, so he (or God) must think he's better than me."  U'll be surprised at how deep inside of our fuel tank we dig to wake up each day or to perform workouts that are really, brutally insane.  That's why I keep saying it's ok to have certain rejections or be disrespected to ur face because u never know when u'll need to dig down deep, and that happens more times than u think during a season of...success.

So after our outburst, we were led to take a huge deep breath, at least how deep we could go...and then led to continue to eat.  And to our surprise, it actually felt better, and I was able to take our time and finish our meal.  I laid back down and completed watching our early evening movie, The Killers, which was interesting.  As I was in our bed, after the movie, just trying to comprehend all that's going on in our life.  I get our Whiteberry phone, and begin to delete some folks from our contacts list (I sound so rich boy snooby tonight don't I?!)...the lights were off, and next thing I know it, I see and feel a flying bug jump on us.  I slap it down, and cut the lights on.  Get a tissue to throw the small bug away, but it looks familiar...please don't tell me...yes, it was one of the freaking small South American booty bugs that once gave my life chaos a few years ago for a week or so...I throw it away, and then noticed a few small wings on my bed, and I get another kleenex, and then...yep...I look to my Ikea floor lamp, and a few were on the outside of that as well.     I just bent my head down like Jordan in Game 5 of the '97 Finals.  Just figuring that I'm getting hit with everything and the kitchen sink on tonight!  After a short chat with the Boot Camp Instructor upstairs, I took  the lamp shade and dumped it outside in the back of my apartment building.  Just a few steps away from the dumpster, that I had to dig inside earlier in the day because I accidentally threw some important papers away...it's been a wild day.

After all this that has got us a little more...ready.  What is the lesson?  There's no doubt in our mind, that this was a ploy to test our wits.  U gotta go through these tests sometimes before big blessings can be bestowed upon ur life.  We keep saying the "darkest hour of the night is right before daybreak."  I don't know if we passed them or not, I don't like losing my senses in "sailor talk" and all that.  Not cool.  But there's such a flame burning inside...and I know that we're super close, and the sense of urgency is at an all-time high.  That's why I joke so much...that's why I write so openly in this diary....because I know that we have to be ourself to the upmost because those moments may not be so much, per se, fleeting, but they are changing.  Our life once was on 45's then went to vinyl albums then to CDs now it's gone digital.  So u get the same "us" (in a way) but the form and medium and availability has changed.  Now I'm realizing that our life is "limited edition" so we want to have the most fun, and put our best into everything cuz...just cuz.

I wasn't even gonna write tonight.  Had nothing to write about until...but.  Mental toughness is what life sometimes boils down too.  Other people have had worse nights and years than us.  I see how many people here in Miami have been involved with some kind of accident, and the numbers and sights are staggering.  So I guess it doesn't just happen to me...but u gotta push through, even though u wanna knock over ur glass of juice or punch a wall or something.  When things happen so quickly and u are literally ambushed with stuff, u feel like why am I being picked on?  How come so many negative things are just happening back-to-back-to-back, when u feel like...I guess those things happen to  keep ur focus, and to strengthen ur determination.  I was hit hard tonight.  Earlier I had plans on going to the Giants/Marlins baseball game tonight.  But I didn't, and the initial response could be if I hadda known all this was gonna go down, I should have went.  But, there was a reason for us not to go, and to be forced to endure pain, and mental tests and to be humbled some to the fact that just because u think u do this or say that, u're gonna be put to even stronger challenges.  How can I sit here week after week and write to the masses about having fun despite all u go through, if I don't have any challenges ourself?  It's like a boss telling a janitor how to sweep if they've never had to pick up a broom for themselves.

We'll be alright, and I'm sure we'll be back to our story-telling, revised website ways (Can I find time?!!).  This diary is personal, and maybe too real in it's content, but I don't care anymore...Really don't...And one day our life is gonna be played out to the masses anyway.  And we really don't have nothing to hide either.  I know others have been or are in the same position or soon will be.  If u're striving to reach the top, u will encounter a lot of what's discussed in Austino Galaxia's diary.  It's still about having fun.

And even though I really felt like shouting to the top of my lungs, "This is the worst nite of my life."  In retrospect, I'll cremate this in the cemetery of our mind, and be thankful that we experienced it, because it further confirmed that we are closer than ever to where we wanna be.  Close is still not there, and is truly not the goal...but's it's better than where we were, and in the future we might cringe and then laugh and say...

"...that nite in May 2012...That was the turning point....And, those times were actually...the best."

Austino Galaxia