Public Enemy #7.

(Somewhere In A Downtown Precinct)



Now let me tell you what's about to go down on this Wednesday night,
Want to let you know about each and every sign.
"Officer, Can I have something to drink during this process?"
Sure...How about some water?...."I actually prefer some wine!"

What do u think this is, Huh?
This ain't tha set of NYPD Blue?
U got two choices, this bottled water we bought off tha guy on Flagler Street,
Or u can go old school tap?  Which will you do?

"Well, humm..humm...Did tha guy off tha street have a permit?
Officer, u know that I'm particular, and only drink Perrier?"
(Fist slammed on desk!)  Listen, here...I ain't go all day, ya dig,
Keep on thinking this is a game, and I'll throw u out on ur Derriere!

"I'll go tap."...Fine...Here's u cup of warm water...
Now, u've been brought down to this precinct under severe security lookout.
We had to have the best boys in town, to bring you in here on 2night,
So many boys and gurls in blue...I think I lost count.

But for some reason, ur tha number one witness to this crime,
And we brought u in here to identify tha Numbero Uno Suspecto.
"Ah, Detective, I don't speak no Spanish, just English."
Will, u just roll with me, besides when we picked u up, u were watching Primer Impacto.

"Dectective Barney Miller, I wasn't watching that show for tha news,
I just love to see Beautiful Women, dressed sexy and give me tha weather report.
And besides that give me tha scoop on what's going on in Columbia,
Trust me, it's a lot more down there, than tha hot girls that I want to snor..."

What did you just say?  Are my ears playing tricks on me?
Or are u admitting to inhaling a controlled substance that can have u facing Five to Ten?
"Uh...Officer, please just forget what was just said about two minutes ago,
But then again, my cable just got turned off...Do u think they got AMC, so I can watch Mad Men in tha Pen?"

This is your final warning, now let's get down to tha business at hand,
Have u ever been through this process before?
"No, Sir, I haven't...This is almost tha first time I've even seen handcuffs up close..."
Almost?..."Yeah, awhile back I lost a bet with my Ex...And let's just say that we played a little Cops and Robbers on my kitchen floor."

Whatever...So, here's how it's all gonna go down, Ok?!
U're gonna re-tell me tha story of what u saw from tha other night.
Then we gonna bring in tha folks that we thought matched ur intital description,
They coming straight from tha Paddy, to that Lineup stage, they can't see u, so have no fright.

"(Gulp!)  Are u sure they can't see me?  I mean...I mean...
U say that mirror is One-Way, but people can make things Two-Way if u know what I mean?"
I don't...Elaborate..."Well, One-Way streets...Text Messages can go both ways,
And if tha price is right, and a few drinks I can pull of a great imitation of Brian Austin Green."

Who?..."U never watched Beverly Hills 90210, Officer?  I'm shocked."
That's exactly what ur gonna be if u don't cooperate...I might have to make u drink some tacks.
"Fine, I'll do whatever u want me to do Kojack.  Whatever u like, Boss."
That's better, Sonny Boy...Now...("Flick"...Cigar Lit)....Give me nothing but tha facts.

"Alright...Um...Well...My mind has gotten a little hazy, so please forgive me.
All I can remember is Eggo's...Tha Waffles, like lots of them in this person's hand.
Then like this showroom, near tha beach...Yeah, Yeah...
Pretty close, only like about 4 blocks or so from tha actual sand.

Then...Then..."...Go on, don't be afraid.
"Sir, I gotta be honest...Ooops!  I forgot.  Time 2 Go!!"
Not so fast, Speedy Gonzalez, somehow I feel like u remember, but choose not to,
Let me ask, did anybody stop by ur place, and present u with some Passports and Pesos?

"Me...Ha-Ha-Ha...Ha!  Please, before u came I was eating,
Getting my grub on with a Filet-O-Fish, and filling out my March Madness Bracket.
Then I was trying to figure out how to ask this Espana chick to tha Sony Open Tennis Tourney,
She's so beautiful...Rafa Nadal may be ranked #1 in her eyes, but trust me, she has yet to see
me swing my full racket!"

Oh, yeah...Lieutenant Ortez, please pop in tha tape for this Gent.
"Tape...What tha...I knew I shouldn't mess with girls on Spring Break.
They say nobody will know...And that she's gonna destroy tha evidence...
Next thang u know it...TMZ, Tha 5-Oh, Everybody sees ur undies...and What freaky tricks u can do with Misha's Cupcakes."

U have problems...L.O...Roll it...
('Uh...Sooo....I... a hears u's a...testifying...against...ME!')
That's u by tha way..."Boy, I look good!"  ('What's woulds...it's-a take..
To Change-a...Ur Story?  Heat Courtside Tix?  A LeBron...A Zee Wade...I's a gots a three.')

"Man, that was a good game too, tha Heat won at tha buzze..."...SHHH!!
Let's see...Money is coming out of his pocket...and right...there!
"Officer Clancy, we were just shaking hands, like..."  SHHH!!
Rewind that L.O.!  ('ScribbleScribbleScribbleScribble')...AND STOP!  Now would u like a Beer?

"Ok, Ok...some guys may have made a passing through by my apartment to talk,
But u got to remember, I need money, I mean, Ultra Fest in next week, and I need money at least to park.
Then this former Oregon Duck cheerleader, that I used to know..."  Stop it, would ya!
Enough with using dames as excuses...U gonna sit hear and use ur heart instead of ur mouth.

"Officer...U shoulda used heart at tha end of the sentence...See...
I thought we were rhyming our interrogation, and 'Park' sounds better with "Heart', instead of..."
Listen Here!  (Chair Knocked Over)...U gonna identify this criminal, U Little Nitwit, I things to do...
MY WIFE IS COOKING RED BEANS AND RICE...AND TODAY IS MARKED OFF ON OUR CALENDAR FOR MAKING GOOD LOVE!

SO U GONNA DO THIS QUICK...I'm sorry...U gonna do this quick, and accurately,
That way we all can have a good night, and go to sleep counting sleep.
"Gosh, Officer why are u messing up my outfit...This suit is straight Prada my Metro Homie friend."
I don't care if Dr. Seuss designed it, u better speak honest....BRING THEM IN!  And here they creep.

"Ah...Where are they...Ohh!  These are some scary characters u bringing to tha lineup stage,
That guy right there looks like he's tossed a few dudes around tha bar a time or two.
Then u brought in...Well, Well, Well...Who is this we have to my far right?"
Hands off, she's working undercover with us..."Boy, if I can have her at my Freak Zoo."

Alright, just to remind u, this is a one-way mirror, u can see them, they can't see you,
So u can be as honest as possible when identifying who's committed this great crime.
"And her smile is so exciting..."....Did u hear me?..."And her body is perfect for Naked Twister..."
(Cough, Cough!)  DID U HEAR ME?  "I did...I did...u asked if I wanted a Margarita...Tell them don't forget tha Lime."

Hold on...(Beep.)  Will Suspect Number 4, please live tha lineup line.  Thank You.  (Beep.)
"But...But....Officer, u just took away my Number One Suspect?  I Love pretty female criminals."
Whatever, she was too distracting to you...and me...Now...
"Ah...Officer, if u like 2 party with cutie pies, my boy is throwing a get together up in Tallahassee...U know Tha Home of Tha Seminoles."

I...I don't think so...Now, look...Look very hard, and give me ur top 3.
"Alright, the guy with tha gold chain around his neck...He kinda looks like a Beastie Boy.
Then I'll take the little girl who has books in her hand, maybe I'll take her study...Ha Ha!  I'm so funny,
And then...Then how about the guy with a star on his tee shirt, dress like GQ's little Golden Toy."

Fine.  (Beep.) Will Suspects Numberos One...Five....And Seven...Please step forward.
The rest of u Creeps can scram, and get u a Hot Dog and some Churros at tha corner stand outside. (Beep.)
"Boy, I can go for one of those right now...Last night, I was watching Man vs. Food, tha old episodes,
And my guy was trying to eat tha largest Corn Dog in America!  I luv all of my food deep fried!"

Ok...Chef... so u got three narrowed down...Let me chasten u a little bit, and...
"Chasten?  I don't chase anybody...I'm like Snoop Dogg...These (Boop!) be chasing me."
No...No...Hold ur horses...Chill Out!  Nobody's asking u 2 go back on Big Pimping 101,
I just ask u to pick one out of tha three...U can be honest, because u they cannot see.

"That one."  Are u Sure?..."Yeah, I'm Sure...
Officer, Can't u see I'm holding up my hands?" Ew...ur armpits stink, put 'em down.
(Beep.) Ok, Numbero Seven, this is ur lucky day, stay still right there...
U other two dummies, can hit tha pavement, go to Lolita's Place, I hear she cooks a great Ground Round.

"U know, Officer, u make one heckuva sponsorship for restaurants around town,
I can give u like five-stars straight up dude...Ur like a walking Yelp!"
Thanks...I'll keep that in mind, if we have any cutbacks next year,
But for now, I need for u to dig in, and give me and this whole town some well needed help.

(Beep.)  Number Seven...State Your Name. (Beep.)
(Silence.)  What's up with this guy?  (Beep.)  I SAID STATE YOUR NAME. (Beep.)
I don't understand...."Officer, Let me get at this guy...
U guys are too Law and Order around here....Let me take this thang straight to tha streets!

(Beep.) Hey My Dude!  Can u please spill ur name?!  I got 'ish to do for real.
I gotta take this Prada suit back to Bloomy's before they close at nine.
So if u can just stop looking like ur tha hottest thang in tha Galaxy, and speak ur name...
That would make me, and my homeboy right here...night's go more than fine.

(Silence.)  This dude....he's just another South Beach looking guy,
Who thinks because he gots some cash, and a few chicks, he can do anythang he wants.
Man, if I were to meet him up in tha Bronx, where me and my dudes cut throats and enjoy Deep Throat..
He wouldn't last 24 hours...We'd jack him up real swift and then throw him through a Taco Bell Storefront."

Ah...U shouldn't have said that..."Why?  It's true!
We even so tough, that we'll buy him a Chalupa through Drive-Thru...Then give him tha Heave-Ho!"
No Estupido!..."I told u, I DON'T SPEAK SPANISH!!"  But u understand, this...(Beeep!)
U Forgot to hit tha button, so he heard everythang u said...I can't work with these people any mo'!

'My Actions Have Now Become My Words.'....Huh??
"Yeah, he sound like he's on some Model Guru stuff or didn't I hear that on My Big Fat Revenge?!"
(Beep.)  Can U Repeat that Suspect Number Seven.  (Beep.)
"They had some hotties on there too.  I love a Curvy..."  Hush!  All this gurl talk is making me go on a Tylenol Binge!

Is that all u think about?  Now, would u please let me do my job.
"Ur hasn't given u a kiss in about five weeks has she?  I can tell by ur loud tone."
Actually, it's been close to two months...I...I don't know what to do.
"Officer, just let her be...listen, I'ma hook u up with this California P.O., let me pull out my phone."

No...No...It's for better or for worse, those were tha vows...
'Austino Galaxia.  That's my name.'
"But dude, u just said, I do...But tha question is to what? See, that's how us guys get messed up..."
'I plead guilty of tha crime, of being tha Ultimate Changer in this game.'

Look, I don't even like her Father, Can u believe he doesn't like football?!!
'Life should be full of Fun and Luv, and for it, I'm more than willing to endure even jail.'
Mean, how can u not like the Dolphins?  Or Dan Marino?..."I had tha same problem,
I dated this Cubana gurl, and her Pops got mad cuz I don't drink Cuban Coffee...Dude!  Off his rocker he literally fell.

And we had to call tha ambulance, on stretcher he was still gripping something like, Mi Hija...Nunca!..."
'As I have began Anew...I'm determined to let my actions speak louder than any of my words.'
"Trust me, ain't nothing sadder, than a father cussing u out as he's being carried out on a stretcher."
'For I'm a witness that...The Pen is truly Mightier Than tha Sword.'

"Then I attended this Burlesque show in Vegas, after tha Britney concert, and this chick got tha nerve..."
(Click.) Hold on...Where did he go?  Where did he go?
"Man, whatever, he wasn't even gonna talk anyway?  So where were we...The Vegas Strip...She wanted..."
No...No...He left this Precinct...But I do see a note on tha ground.

Let's go inside and...(Click.)  What is this?
"Dude, u gotta amp up ur security...He came in here with Post-It's and...a Four-Color Pen."
Please, not now...I have got see what this note says, this can be important evidence,
Also, be the key to see if tha world will ever be tha same again.

Note Reads:

'Tha time has come to share what we got,
I plead guilty to this somewhat Fun, yet Love Crime.
Sharing laughs, and trying to be tha Best There Ever Was,
While on tha way, getting mad game from tha Prettiest of Dimes.'

"See I told u...Everybody talks about Beautiful Girls...It ain't just me?!"
Shhh!  Let me continue....

'Now though, I am focused on becoming tha Best Me possible,
Living tha Dream Life, with tha hunger u can't describe, with a style that I've grown so fond.
I've been here all tha time, willing to share a lifestyle never duplicated, enduring every trial under tha moon,
But it's too late, cuz now I've taken off...U had tha Number One Suspect in ur Hands...

...But Now...I'm Gone.'

Shoot!  U made me miss out on our Number One Suspect,
He was impossible to bring in...The Toughest Criminal...The Absolute Toughest One!
"And just think, one day we'll say...we saw Tha Best Ever, He was right here.
We had him...Now he's committing crimes everywhere...All in tha name of...

...Luv and a Little Fun."



Toodles.
Austino Galaxia.