 |
| A Map of South Beach...We live in the middle off of 7th and Jefferson. Blue is the H2Oh. Click pic to enlarge. |
Sometimes u just have to sit back and just laugh about all that is going on within ur life. I know, even myself, we have to just not get so caught up with the end results, and lose focus of the super cool things and blessings that are going on around you. I have the nerve to be like, "I don't want that...I really wanted that." But u know what we just have to enjoy what the Big Hookup in the Sky is doing and just relax. In saying that...we're anticipating some really cool things happening.
What to write about? (We say that as we tap our fingernails...)
Not really sure what to jot down...
Huh. Alright.
If you've read our diary, we try to do our best to get you inside, not only our mind, but also our heart at the moment. We've also been doing our best to describe our life and lifestyle down here in Miami, and in our present home of South Beach. Now, one of the consistent nuggets of dipping discussion within our diary is the a..I'm gonna try to do this off our head. Alright, all the...a-t-r-o-c-i-o-u-s....did we get it right? Oh yeah baby!! (In our Austin Powers voice!) All of this atrocious driving that goes on in a borderline manically, and flat out out of control way. So, in this brief but from our heart diary post...We are gonna post some of our flat out pet peeves involving driving down here in tha M.I.A. If u live down here, I'm sure u're gonna chuckle cuz u know that we're right about it. If you don't, we'll get ready cuz it's wild down here. We all may be sexy as an Aston Martin, but real talk...Driving stinks down here! So buckle up! Here we go:
- Have to start off with this one. Turning on your turn signal, and making a turn in the opposite direction. This literally sounds impossible to comprehend, but down here in tha Magic City, u see it as often as a Pitbull performance down here in Miami! Speaking of which, I may hit up that New Year's Eve bash at the Triple A! That's gonna be a party with some beautiful Senorit....let me stay on task. How in the Green Lantern can you led the public one way only to go in an entirely different direction? This ain't politics, ya dig!! Please make sure u follow what you mean...then again, who in Miami actually does that anyway, right?!! Oh, this is gonna be a wild one! I love tha city, but I gotta tell it like it naturally is! Galaxia..what's next?
- Going a minimum of 10 mph under the speed limit. Boy, u talking about wanting to exercise a lost scene from The Fast and The Furious. I drive pretty under control. Sometimes I like to just chill, check out the "scenery" with my Ray Charles sunglasses on, so no girl...I mean...nobody can see where my eyes are staring. But other times, I just get into that Miami, Italian ride mode where I just have to get my sportscar driving school on. (I bet nobody can beat me in bumper cars at a County Fair! Just sayin'...) It absolutely borderline puts me into a Mick and Mike state of shock how we can driving along, thinking about how to get our GTL on, and then party all on $4, when all of a sudden we hit a 45 and somebody is in the left lane hitting 35. I mean, wha...? I wrote about this once...It was a 15, and these folks slapping a five. I know the speed limit is a limit...but please at least give a player a little help, will ya!!
- The Infamous Beatles Crossover. What is that you may ask? Well, I'm glad u want to know...That's when a car is in the far left lane on the highway, and out of nowhere cuts every car off at a diagonal angle, and crossover each well...Paul, John, George, and even Ringo Starr lane, just to hit the exit on the far right. All the while almost hitting the yellow barrels in that triangle stripe, all in the name of getting to the local Regal Theater, to catch the opening credits in time, and to make sure that the concession stands aren't out of Twizzlers! Is it worth crossing four lanes, and putting folks lives in danger, all so u can see the preview for the new Pixar movie?! No. It's not. If u have to turn off, please get off of the Yoko Ono car pool lane (The lane where u're just along for the ride! That's funny!), and ease ur way along the dotted stripes. Just one time would ya!!
- Me drive slow, you get no pass! My homeboy big John was telling me a few years ago about going north on I-95 and how this car was driving mad slow, and how he simply moved over to the next lane, but home skillet (A Western Omelet sounds good right now!), refused to accept the pass and actually sped up! Now, I know I'm not the only one who's seen this religiously occurring It's like, "Dude, I just wanna go home to watch what Christina Aguilera is wearing on The Voice, why do we have to play games? Especially with you kids in tha car?" With all apologies to my last diary post, but...Really?!! I don't know if it's a pride thang, or a jealousy thang with nice looking cars, but whatever the case, not cool. If you do the opposite of Pet Peeve number two on this list, we wouldn't have this problem!
- "Put your hands where my eyes can see!" I have to watch what I say here, but the guilty know who they are. Has anyone been driving along, chilling and sometime racking or getting somebody to rack your brain...never mind....But u just humming along when a car, usually a Crown Victoria or a Charger with a horizontal thingy on the hood, that portays red and blue lights, the colors of our great nation...and this vehicle comes at u full speed and rides you just on a dare tip. Meaning if you go or even worse, if u even think about going forty-1 in this forty, you're gonna hear that "Whoop, whoop", and that is gonna come from the ultimate tag team cuz u about to get either tha 411 read to you...either get charged with every unsolved mystery from Jimmy Hoffa to Bigfoot...or be featured in the next season of Cops' "Tased, Fased, Shirtless and Confused, Part 5" episode! Point made? Good.
- Please look up. I know I'm not the only one who's been at a red light behind somebody, and the light turns green and the person takes a 30-second DVR commercial skip break before they actually hit the gas pedal. I once missed a light due to this four season symptom. It's becoming an epidemic. Now I'm not as bad as some down here in the Magic City who, I don't even know how they do it, they must have some kind of mobile app that let's u know when the light is gonna turn green. Cuz right when the light in in between red and green, literally in that split second of darkness, u hear the horn! It's unbelievable. It's a talent. I wish I could have that person with me when I'm out with my friends or that special someone. I could say more, but I won't...The point is, when the light turns green, please don't daydream about Mariah circa 1997, just move on.
- "Eh...I think that was a red light!" It's dangerous as can be, but living down here in Miami, I just laugh...hard! People down here in Miami have turned running stoplights into an art form that should be featured in Art Basel later this December down here! I mean, somebody should have their own exhibit. I know the city has tried to do their thang with those paparazzi flashes that go off after the lights turned red. But guess what...the culprits have out smarted them and have out patient-ized the cameras!! Now they wait even longer, out last the flashes, and still run the lights! They've ran them from stand still positions, with a running start...I've seen folks be behind someone on the right lane...the light turns red...they go around the person to the lane on the left, and cross in front of the vehicle ahead just to make right turn! Technically that's not running a red light, but that gives u a small insight to how folks do things down here in Me-am-mee! There aren't no rules, and sadly the only color we see down here is green! Wow...I gotta use that one in my "Love, Lust, and Greed" seminar next Fall! Ha ha!! I need my own show for real!! It's coming...promise.
- The U. And no, I'm not talking about tha 'Canes (Sorry, Elizabeth!). But I'm talking about the abrupt U-turn that has become a part of everyone's daily trek around tha city. It's like watching the evening news and seeing the same story over and over and over again, just in a different location. U-turns in alleys...folks driveways, dead end streets, busy intersections on a red light, when they see me walking...u name it, it happens down here. South Beach is notorious as Biggie for it. School buses...I'm telling you, it's krazy bro. I've been guilty of it, so I raise my hand on this one. Just be careful, and make sure u don't hit over anybody's mailbox down here while attempting this Circus Du Soleil move. And only do it when it's permitted.
Ok. I could really go on, but for another time, as I being led to stop and show my registration which off course is just like the time on this diary post...
Expired!!
A------ G------.
No comments:
Post a Comment