Boy o boy oh boy!
This has been a complete world wind...literally!! Was anybody else out and about down here in Miami like around 6 p.m. or so? Man, I was walking the ghetto streets of South Beach down here, and I don't know what happened but all I know is we got caught up in the wind from Kansas! Palm trees blowing every which away, street lights about to come down like the Heat won their third championship, complete craziness. I love it, cuz we get to see Miami's finest, in such advert conditions. I always love it when the bold and beautiful get thrown off guard. (I.E.- When the temperature drops to about 30 degrees or when the grocery store runs out of organic banana pudding.) U wanna see the M.I.A in action, let something like this happen. Folks holding on to their suits, skirts swaying in everywhere like Marilyn Monroe look-a-like convention, so wild. Then to top it all off, now somebody may look at me crazy, but I felt sand from the ocean actually blow about, I don't know, like 1000 feet. Cuz I was walking on the street over from Collins Ave. (Two streets from the Atlantic Ocean), and I put this on a bottle of Hawaiian Tropic, a gust of sand just overwhelmed me. I got it all in my shoes, in my mouth, it totally came out of nowhere. Guess that's life in tha M.I.A...u never know whatcha gonna get.
Huh. That's interesting. I really didn't know what to jot down on today, we just felt that we had to write about something. I think we got it.
The Beach Life. I'm not actually talking just about Miami Beach on tonight, but the actual "Beach Life". One that is filled with "Hang-ten's" and more "dudes" than any sentence can hold. Fun in tha sun, oh tha life. I'm really a beach type dude. I don't know what it is about it. We've been enamored (Oh, we on our "A" game tonight with our vernacular!) with the sand, the smell of the water, it can just be so calming u know. Walking around with no shoes and just laying on a towel and looking up into the sky wondering, "Why does it cost so much to rent a jet ski??" We've had so many memorable days and nights on the beachside. Many up north on the golden sands of Lake Michigan, and quite a few down here on the sexy sands of the Atlantic.
Down here in Miami Beach, just walking on tha boardwalk, or heck several streets over on Washington or what not can present u with some kind of show. One thing that our sands brings is this sense of "I'm sexy and I know it." Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's just a little bit too much for tha kid. We've seen so many booty cheeks, and tops off, and sprayed on tans...and that's just the guys!! Tha girls can get kind of MTV at 1am as well. Yeah...not gonna dig into that. But if u can imagine it, we've probably seen it. Another thing is that the beach life is such a major tourist attraction, so u get all these different styles down here. U get the low key beach goers who are covered up in tees, and still rock socks with sandals on the sand (That's a no-no! No matter if ur feet look like Vienna Beef sausages or not, live free when u come 2 my 'hood!!). Then u also get that international style where, u get basically naked and walk strut around like it's the norm. U get it all down here in "Tha Land of the Beautiful People".
Alright. This is supposed to be my diary right. So u're supposed to actually get some insight into what goes into this crazy mind of ours, right?!!! That's what a diary is all about, and if u know us, we're all, and we mean all about having fun....So on that note...Since we've a beach boy at heart, mind and body...and since we've actually work on the beach for many Summers, how about we give Galaxia's Views on what we've learned and witnessed during our times searching for seashells and sea mermaids. We'll call it....
Galaxia's Beach Thoughts. Are u ready? Once again, this is just how we view certain aspects on life on the sands, u may not agree, then again u may call me up and just laugh. This should be fun...(Huge Breath!) Here we go:
- U better beware of the water. I don't hate when people actually take a dip in the water, especially when it's hot, BUT...beware! Everyone takes a dip or sometimes Humpty Dumpty in those waters as well. The stories we've heard. U also got the unseen animals or reptiles that are only like 2 feet away. One of my dudes told me how he once saw like a freakin' Stingin' Ray down here in South Beach, while he was on top at one of the oceanfront hotels. And how the folks in the water never even saw how close it was. A little scary...Just be careful. And then u also have ...we'll let's just to to tha next one.
- Don't make tha Rip a R.I.P! Rip currents and wild water conditions are flat our hazardous. I've seen so many times hot lifeguards throw up that red flag like a Blood, only to find folks steady going into the water. Like He...llo, that flag isn't just up there, that means "If u go down the whirlpool of the earth, there ain't no clog stopper to help u out!" Stay out!! I know when the waters are choppy and stuff, folks get the surf boards out and get wild like they're trying out for the next sequel of Blue Crush , but believe u me, it ain't worth it.
- Rock Tha Boat. I have to tell u, dudes and dudettes who are amateur slash semi-professional boaters, absolutely rock dude! These cats will wake up at like 4:30 am, the same time they be showing Whopper Chopper juicers or whatever they're called infomercials. All I know is that girl with the blond hair has been rockin' the same Hawaiian outfit for the last 10 years. I think that was Nautica's Summer of 2000 collection! But...getting back to the boaters. They wake up at the crack of dawn, sometimes every day, and hit it. They claim that boat people are...weird. I know they don't care about no rain, that's for sure. But to be on the waters for hours on end, with only a bologna sandwich, one and a half mini boxes of Sam's Club size Froasted Flakes, and bottle of Mystic juice, and although that may be the week's diet for any model in Miami, Tha Kid just can't do it for a day! That's why I say, Boaters rock!!
- Everybody wants to Stunt! I don't know how this all got started, but why is it the closer u get to the actual oceanside or lakeside, the more folks want to drive slow. Am I lying? Up north people go slower than a final round of Jeopardy! just to turn the corner! Down here in South Beach, the speed limit literally and mentally decreases as u get closer to the water. Ur on the A1A, then it goes from 50mph to 40mph. Ok. U hit Alton Road, right at that Burger King where I wanted order some Whopper Jr.'s and the cat behind the counter pulled out a garbage bag of sneakers to sell me (U can't even make that up!)...Right around there...Bam! 35 mph...Then folks begin to get their swag up, let down the soft or hard tops in the middle of the road, and turn up the music, and then the fun really begins. U hit my street in the middle off Jefferson, folks slow down to about 20mph....Keep going to Washington Ave...15 mph....Next is Collins Ave. where u start to see Video Vixens and dudes that just came of the 2012 Firefighter's calender...10 mph. Then bout time u make that left onto Ocean Drive, Awe shoot! That junk hits like 2 mph without traffic! I know a lot is about showing off ur ride, or just simply checking out the natural and unnatural scenery but it's funny! I've done it before and come this December when it's like Spring Break in Europe, I'm gonna do it again! And I might hook up a loud speaker to the top of my ride, Blues Brothers style! "Hey Girl, with the Fendi swimsuit on...after I fulfill my probation u wanna go out?!?!" Don't get me started!
Ok. It's time to get a little real. Enough with the PG stuff. Now, as I crack my knuckles let's get down to some real talk. As Puff used to say in tha background... "Let's Go.."
- Me luv tans. Me no luv tan lines. I have some arguments on this one, but I just figure if u're gonna be out there, take everything off, it's just more complete. We've always been like that since Baywatch all the way
to those classic MTV Spring Break days. That's been our thing. It's personal, I know, but in our book this may...matter of fact it is a deal breaker. Along with eating jalapeno sandwiches with mayo, this will get tha "We have to talk" convo from us. Just our opinion, but I figure I like to explore inner and outer beauty, and for this I don't need a map to tell me where tha hidden treasures are located!
- Rain is a sexy beach! When it begins to rain, and ur on tha sands of the beach. That's when some of the magic moments can really begin. Whether it's running with ur family or special someone to shelter. Or even more fun, u pull out ur "I'm from the 3-0-5, and I'm used to this" swagg, and just don't move, even though the raindrops are yelling, "Go Home or else" as they're coming down. Just like Usher, I've been caught up a several times in the rain. It's something sensual and fun being in the rain. Everybody's all wet...If u hang out in Fort Lauderdale's ocean front, heck it's like a football field length until u hit shelter, dodging people, and going up steps, u might as well take it on the chin. Many times those make the most fun memories of a day at the beach anyway.
- Look, but don't tou...matter of fact don't look! Us guys have a tendacity to go crazy for girls in swimsuits. All shapes, sizes...I've seen guys almost get into accidents just checking out a lady. But it can go overboard. Matter of fact...
Here's my don't's list for tha fellas:
- No Binoculars. Just looks creepy...although Ray Charles sunglasses and a trucker hat totally acceptable.
- Those flamer fireworks that shoot up in tha sky. Don't bring...Number one, fireworks are illegal on the sands on tha beach. Number Bee, If u want to get tha digits, no need to let the rest of the beach know. Ok.
- Don't stand next to the women's bathroom for more than 6 minutes. The line can be long at beach bathrooms, as u wait for u daughter or baby doll, but move around. U standing and acting like ur sipping water from the water fountain, totally uncool.
- Never...I repeat NEVER wear white suntan lotion on just ur nose and not the rest of ur face. This ain't 1957 and u aint' part of The Rat Pack! No pal...
- Once again, when trying to get the attention of the opposite (Or even same sex, since we do live in Miami.) don't ever throw a football, a frisbee, a hacky sack, or a beach ball to get the attention of ur future love interest, especially if it's a girl. Trust me on this, the gals down here in Miami are fine and look right in their Burberry swimwear, and have a sexy International smile, but if u pull a stunt like that down here on the sands of the Magic City, they really and truly, might just cut ya! I'm telling u...Our women are the most beautiful, but also the MOST GANGSTA I've ever seen. Don't be a fool!
- Don't allow ur kids to run u crazy and broke while having a beach day! Kids go buck wild at the beach. They wanna make sand castles, they dig both their hands in the sand and flip it up in the air like a Lebron Pregame , wanna eat Ice Cream and Tacos (How they do that?) at the same time. Control them. I don't have any, but from what I've seen watch them, and more importantly take them home around 6 pm cuz that's when seemingly every hot beach turns from a trip 2 Disney to a beach front Playboy Mansion. Watch them.
Should eye....What the heck. It's really time for us to go, but ladies....
- Don't come to the beach wearing nothing but a white shoelace and then get the nerve to get mad when a guy is checking u out. Just like on the streets and more so, in my opinion...I think u can tell a lot about what a girl wears to the beach. Jokes aside. Big hat...One-Piece...Shawl wrap with Chanel glasses. If u come to the beach dressed like a Hoochie (Is that allowable for me to say? Whatver...) Then u'll get treated like one...and I know I'll get a "Amen" from some females on this same point!
- Here's an inside secret for tha single girls...Don't eat a burger while wearing a swimsuit. It's just not...I may be the only guy who feels this way, but it's something...non-appealing about it. Wait until u put ur clothes back on, and hit up Johnny Rockets while dressed, but while ur on tha sand, it will get u noticed, but not in a good way.
- When hanging out with friends it's ok to put the cell phone away for a little bit. Being on ur phone when Bobby is about to throw Tara in the water or while a fun game of beach volleyball is about to jump off, ain't cool at all. The beach is about getting away, and hanging out with friends and being on tha phone, and then putting a downer on the mood by telling everybody what somebody on Facebook just wrote about u...Put tha thang away!! For real.
- Wearing makeup to the beach is acceptable...but don't overdue it. Just like the beach, everyone there is close to a natural state. It ain't a runway...well then again here in Sobe it is. But it's not something guys expect...less is more.
- Sand is ur friend. Don't get mad when sand gets in your hair, on ur shoulders, in ur cleavage, or in between ur pedicured toes. It happens. It's frustrating. But it's part of tha gig. And part of tha fun.
- Don't "Try" to get noticed at the beach...folks will see u believe that! I once had four women asking me if I wanted to see their boobs. I did say four! U don't have to put on an act by getting water every five minutes or by putting on an Elizabeth Taylor entrance as u enter the sand area or into the water. Believe u me, real beauty sings a mile away, and that's coming from somebody who constantly has his ears open!
U're getting all of us as u read our diary. Cherish it. Cuz it truly is one of a kind.
Hope u had fun.
Life's just one big beach day.
Austino Galaxia.
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