Gimmie A Break!

Nell Carter...Remember this theme song?

A few thoughts have tickled our fancy here recently, and we'll get into those in a few...but the other day, I had an mad hilarious experience...when don't eye?

Ok, so I'm walking down the street, here in South Beach like around Pennsylvania and 14th street...I see this girl from a distance.  She was looking decent from afar, hoping she wasn't a Van Gogh...which in 'guy talk', means she looked good from a far, but up close I was hoping she wasn't far from good!  That's my art gallery slash pimpology joke for the day.  Anyway, this Dominican looking senorita was walking towards us, rockin' that thang in her tank top and her light blue boyfriend shorts.  She was on her celly, and then she hung up...but I was cool, I wasn't in my playboy kickin' it in South Padre mode, so I was just gonna continue 2 do my thizzle.  As both of these physically attractive forces were about to meet (Wink!)...I look to my left, and this dude slowly rolls up in a...let me see, how can I put this...he was like in a Sanford and Son version of like an old Pinto or something.  (And yes, I can say that, because u're talking to somebody who once recked a Geo Metro...only to get a Chevy Metro, again!  So I have squatter's rights!!  Hey, it sounds good so just roll with us!)

This guy begins to do that South Beach glide...What is that u might ask?  If u're a sexy looking lady or girl or even dude, it is tha 2k12, it's when...You are walking down here in South Beach, and a guy is driving by either inside his car, or on his bicycle or his electric scooter, and as he's driving he slows down to give you that psuedo-hot-I want you-I'll give you the world glance....that in reality is probably the scariest stare a person can give.  I know somebody knows what I'm talking about...this is gonna be a wild post today, we feel it...So this guy slowed down to check out this shorty's lack of liablities and trunk full of assets, and as I'm under my headphones, I can distinctly hear this chick say something to the effect of...let me get this right...I wrote it down on some scrap paper after I got home, cuz I didn't wanna mess it up.  Ok, here's the sheet, alright, let me see...all these notes...Jack McDowell...Efficenty and Effectiveness, misspelled by whatever...gotta visit Los Perros restaurant...ok, here it is.  This chick said something like:

"I know he checking me out in that car?!!!"

After she said that I began to smile...cuz the thing was she was serious!  And she was like insulted that he would even have the...please, Lord let me spell this write...(I see I'm gonna have trouble already.)...would even have the ohdasticity...audacity...yes!...to even look at her beauty!  She was literally hot, and I was just buggin' up laughing, and as our paths began to pass, she saw me laughing about this whole episode, and I was walking, and she turns around and yells at me...

"Is that car driving itself?!!"

And keep walking, and I was laughing on so many accounts...One, it disgusts me, yes, in terms like I wanna puke, how guys try to get girls to notice them down here in Miami, but definitely here in tha hood of South Beach.  I can always tell the ones who feel like once that cross that freakin' A1A bridge into "Fantasy Island" they begin to drive slow, honk horns at ladies...I mean how does honkin' a horn lead to a game of "Strip Go Fish".  It just doesn't happen like that...I mean at least put a speaker on top of your car like The Blues Brothers, then u'll be in business!

Now I do know that from the male and female perspective this neighborhood is home to some of the most enticing pieces of eye candy that you will find.  But if you're gonna get a cavity, at least make sure u chew with your mouth...closed.  You know what, why haven't I been on stage at the Miami Improv yet?  Boy, give me 2 minutes and I'll....Ok, memo to myself, never to use that line again!  Once again, u gotta be a freak to get that last one...we've seen it all our life seemingly how folks get when they see attractive looking folks.  Working at the beach, one time somebody told me they almost got into a accident trying to get their peep on!  We've seen some sights you wouldn't believe and I won't get into that now, cuz the memories are flowing with...man...but u gotta play it off pimp!

So I was laughing cuz of that...ok, I gotta another quick story...this is why the dating industry is so crazy down here in Miami...I was getting my Keith Sweat on in the gym...and for the first time, I really and truly believe I witness a dude trying to get his holla on with every gal he saw.  That's all Dane Cook's aside...I'm surprised I even got through my own qb killa workout cuz for one I was astonished that this scene was unfolding and that it actually happens in real life and not just on those old USA Network "Up All Night" movies!  And then also, because I had this dude seemingly following me around the place.  Around the dumbbells, here he comes...I'm sitting down about to get my row, row, row your boat on...here he comes again...I'm like, do I gotta make an announcement or something...ok, let me reiterate...

Just because I sleep with a pink throw towel on my bed...think that George Michael is a singing sensation...Am frantically looking for a pair of Versace underwear...Get chills, still to this day, when I hear Deniece Williams' "Let's Hear It For The Boy"....and just because I think that Clarins, arguably, makes some of the best face and body products, doesn't mean that I'm gay.  I love all types of people, straight, gay, bi...heck, yesterday, I literally pass somebody who was cross-dressed...literally.  (That was a heckuva day wasn't it!)  I got too much going on to be worrying about other peoples love life (Like...have u like...seen mine...yikes!)  But then again, maybe the Lord is showing us that it's the ultimate compliment when u have people of both sexes, interested in you.  How many people can honestly say that?...Love life, and accept differences in all people...let's move on.

In between doing pull-up sets and stuff, I couldn't help but notice this gent working some suave magic.  Perhaps he knew every girl that was in there, but...that statement is mad suspicious in and of itself.  So I was disturbed with that...which lead another reason why I was laughing so hard with that episode with walking beauty...

Honestly, earlier in the day, I was thinking about if the car you drive and job you work makes a difference when trying to woo a girl?..especially down here in "tha land of the beautiful people."...Hold on, Gwen is singing this song...We all know it doesn't...but how is taken in effect or affect or Wrecks-n-effect when u're first starting to meet somebody.  Not all ladies have a golddiggerish attitude...and I think the girl aforementioned felt more insulted by the guy gawking at her, than the actual ride he was in.  But the combination just led to her unpleasure.  Us guys have our ways too...

See I'm gonna write about "us".  And a lot of the things u read about are things we went through or are still dealing with...what's to hide...guess that's why this diary is what it is...I've grown so much from where I was in terms of what I can accept...Thinking about this very sexy, full-figured Bollywood actress looking girl, which I know had a little 'feeling' toward us, just how she looked at us.  But the only reason I didn't start "macking" on her like Charlie Harper is because I noticed that the bottom of her feet were kind of dirty when she wore sandals.  For some reason, I just felt the venom from half of the female population right now.  It's ok, u can cuss me out, and I'll wait, as u get it out.....

Ok.  Now as I look back it wasn't that big of deal...especially if she was cool and pretty and had her mind right...but at that time, I couldn't do it...I used to be really into girls with six-pack abs.  I don't know, it used to get me a little...ok..a lot.  Like I use to see some flat tummys and all, but if I didn't see them small Snickers bars or on some days it was more like Cookies 'n' Cream chocolate bars around the abdominal area.  I'd tell my guys, and everything, I'll date any race, blonde, brunette, tan, dark skinned...but she has to have them abs.  Now...that isn't the main thang in the love adventures of Austino Galaxia.  Not to say u don't want somebody who doesn't take care of themselves, but there are more important make or break things to consider when even...approaching someone with opprtounities to earn a little more cash....What I meant, is chances to have fun for a day.  That slipped...

Now why did we say all that...I have no idea, cuz it just further illustrate how silly I am as a guy...but I have nothing to be ashamed about cuz I've matured to know what we want, and how to have fun and share that with people who are willing and truly worthy of it.  As Ms. Spears is singing in the background as I write this, "Why Should I Be Sad?".  No reason to be when u take everything as learning lessons.  Now the standard is high, but it's composition isn't so superficial.  It's more on the authenticity (On the first try too...what!!) of a person, and not just if the composition of girl's finger and toe nail paint reflects that she's lazy or doesn't care about life...perhaps she's been too busy.  I'm just talking real...and from our standpoint.  That's it.

Nothing more...nothing less.  Just hope one day, someone will realize they are part of something that may be considered the best...

And boy, was it fun.

Austino Galaxia.