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| George Michael |
Had to do some Jury duty stuff, which literally, in my opinion, turned out to be a waste of time. Just watched movies, and listened to music. Didn't get selected for any trial. A part of me was like, if I'm gonna be here all day, I might as well participate in something. Plus, I had to pay $5 for parking. A positive was that I was able to finish that book on Gabby Reese. Really weird read, I respect old girl, maybe it was how it was written with the author and Gabby alternating each chapter. I woulda love if Gabby would have talked, or if her voice was present straight through. That makes a difference. Also, read that 21 Nights book on the musician Prince. Very beautiful pictures, gonna look for it to put on the coffee table, yeah that's the term I'm looking for. The Glossy photos were awesome. A great pickup.
The last few days (and year) has been a big test for us. In absolutely every imagination of the word. Today was no different. And a lot of it, has been from the great Lord above. It's as if, all the angels in Heaven have gathered around with some holy popcorn, to check out the next chapter in our life. That's how I feel. It's like God is giving all these "challenges" to us. Let me pause, once again, my diary is our diary, I talk about everything from hoops to fashion to girls and definitely God. This here is real life...As I write this, I'm realizing that in many ways God wants to test our faith in Him. Its so easy to say "Thank you Lord" or talk about how the Lord is good when things are going so well. People are patting u on the back, money is a plenty, you're the life at the party and seemingly drinks are on everyone but you. But what about when everything is absent, and you're doing EVERYTHING possible to get things right but u feel as if the distance is all up to time. And no matter how much u praise, or read or people talk to you, nothing works.
I feel like we are close to something, and these last few days, I believe, have been an staged trial to see if we are ready for whatever is about to jump off. God is like, ok, I'm about to hook u up in a major way, but if let me give u some litmus tests to see if you'll still have the same humble attitude or still follow Our lead. So this week its been, go and contact 'so and so', knowing that, that person is one of the least people I want to talk to for what I had in mind. This morning, I woke up and was feeling that voice demanding in a way to do 'such and such', which eventually led us to shed a few tears this morning cuz I know it'll be a hugh measure of faith to do it....my life is so wild man. Have the talent, personality, and experience to make a Richard Dent in this world, yet there's no doubt that I feel like we are one of the, if not the most slept on people walking this earth. As I mentioned before, we're that Ferrari just "purring", waiting, and anticipating when our Driver is going to put the pedal to the metal.
The closer you get to your goal, the more difficult tests you're going to receive. It's as if to say, "how bad do you really want it." You tell everyone this or that, but what if things still going topsie turpy, with no explanation....literally. That's when u have to look dead in London's Daily Mirror and talk urself into reaching and volleyball digging further down than ever before...sometimes just to walk out the door for another day. One thing that keeps us going is the thought that "today just may be the day". You absolutely never know how things can change. To get the best life has to offer you have to go through some things...huh, I sense a small story...
It's on my mind, so I'm gonna tell it...I get Elmo tickled so much when I think of all these experiences with different people, more particularly girls. Most of us can relate to feelings of attraction with the opposite sex or same sex or whatever. (that's a story to ....should we...might as well, this one wasn't even in the script but here goes nothing...)
Many years ago, I stumbled upon this one particular female. I had just started this gig up back up north and it was part off our "lost years" of sorts, yet a very important part of our growth as a person. There was this one girl in the place of work, in which I thought to be "over-the-top" cool. I mean this girl was a gem. She was intelligent, she loved books, she was into sports (don't talk about the Cubs, that was plain blasphemous), music, I remember her going crazy over that Jay-Z/Linkin Park joint. She was built kinda in a sexy, Wall Street Stocky kind of way. Thick with short, naturally curly brown hair. Attractive...Now, the guys used to get all Kendrick Perkins whenever she used to come around to my area and stuff. She had that 'guy like' quality about her that made guys really like her...a lot. I wasn't any different, but there was one catch...
So one night we had a company party over in Chicago. It was at the restuarant, Lawry's, near downtown Chi. It was super-upscale, I remember walking into the joint, and they told me to walk up the staircase to the party upstairs. Our company had the entire top on lock. It was Phillip Drummond classy...I go upstairs, everyone's there, and it's on and popping. I see ol' girl, and she was looking right, real right. So all of us eat a fine dinner, and then the music starts to jump off. People dancing to 80s classics, disco tunes, I even danced with Mr. 'cough, cough', who was the owner of the company. Him and me hand in hand doing a mini-tango is still classic! But that's how I get down!!...but getting back to this babe, so I was talking to one of the guys who I worked with and asked about, for the sake of the story, let's call her Trish. We talked about Trish, and this and that, next thing I know it, this dude spits out, "you know Trish is gay." I let it sink in for about 9 seconds, and then I hit 'em with another all-time line, "If she don't fall for a guy like me, then she GOT to be gay!" It was a good time, I really didn't talk to Trish that night, though.
The next few weeks though, boy...Trish and myself began to really get to know each other. I like people no matter sexual preferences, race, life is too short and moving too fast for me to deal with folks love life. I got enough dealing with mine! So us too began to really hit it off, and you could feel it in the air. Ever so often, Trish would work in my department, and while others were breaking their necks and trying their best to come up with Conan O'Brien jokes to get her attention, one way or another her and me would find each other and laugh about stuff. She was cool and more and more I was like this girl is like 'farm girl' cool and pretty, but she likes...
Then one day...for some reason or another, things were really flowing , and I been growing an attraction to her soul, but didn't know if she felt it the same way. It was weird...but...anyhow on this particular day, it was her, myself, and the other co-worker in the back. In our mind, I was like, I don't care if she's gay or not, we have to hang out together, HAVE TO! So the other co-worker, had to leave for a moment...the door to our department was usually always open, but after he left, I walked over to her while she was near the computer. To our surprise, we made a small joke, and then SHE closed the door. As I look back, there's no doubt that she felt and knew that some things were about to be said for only our two sets of ears to hear. She felt it too...so I think, I started as she had her back turned to us, and said, something like, "you're cool...we should hang out sometime." (Now I can't use that line anymore) Trish was like, "TOTALLY, we have to!!" So after her excitement as well, we exchanged numbers and both was like what is it about us two?...and then, no lie, she opened back up the door, as if nothing happened. My type of girl, low key bout hers.
So for the next few weeks, we tried to hook up to hang, but could never match up our schedules cuz she was going to school at the time. It was so funny, cuz me and her would be text messaging each other from different parts of the building. U try to hold back a smile, when that text message "beep" would go off as you were working or talking to somebody cuz u knew it was her replying...plus no one else knew. We eventually did hang out, went out on a chill dinner, where I got to know about her "small-town" lifestyle. Just talking to each other, I couldn't help but think how crazy it was that we were face-to-face with each other cuz four 1. Every guy really tried there best to impress her, and she was right her with us. And secondly, she didn't like guys, she was into girls, heck, we even talked about it, and how did she know she was gay and stuff. Our life I'm telling u...We also hung out another time and checked out a kids Disney movie which left us in stitches. Just pure fun when both of us were together, and when we went to work, it was like nothing happened. Perfect really.
So I'm scheduled to move down here to Miami, and basically everybody knew. But besides my family, the toughest person at the time to leave was Trish. We really started to bond and fall in some ways for each other. It was getting a little scary. So some of the crew decided to throw us a departure party of sort. That was night I will never forget. Night was a perfect summer temperature, the restaurant was this outside patio Mexican food joint, if I'm not mistaken. But throughout the whole night, I was and anticipating that "moment" where both of our feelings would come to the forefront. There ALWAYS comes that 1-on-1 moment between attractions of two people. So Trish had to leave for a little while, the party was breaking up as the night fell, but then she ended up coming back. I was at a table with some other people, and not too lo (I just remembered her making a sexual innuendo about me and her, with the entire party present, which I cringed about cuz nothing happened But she must have thought about it or it was the margaritas talking.)...not too long after Trish returned the other people gave that , "I gotta go...long night...wake up in the morning spill", and I'm thinking Lord you are wild. Cuz now its just her, me and long table of empty plates and a very sexy night air.
(Gonna tell this like God would want me too...u're forewarned)
So both of us sit for a minute, and I just came out and said, "You know if you weren't gay..." and before I could even finish the sentence she was shouting, "I KNOW! I KNOW!". Then she grabs both of my hands, and she tells of how she's been telling her mom about us, and how her mom wants to meet us, and how we are gonna miss each other so much when I go down south. After both of us, not wanting to let go of each other's hands, and spilling our hearts to each other, finally it was a kiss on the cheek...kiss on the other cheek...and she then said, "now on the lips"...and...
Went our ways to the parking lot, and I remember getting in the car hitting the highway and hearing Usher feat. Alicia Keys' "Boo" on the radio. Thinking to myself how symbolic is that for this evening. Wild....after I moved south, I got outta touch with Trish. One time, I sent flowers to her, and she was delighted about that, especially since I was all the way down here, but it was tough. I know it was for her, but it was real while it lasted.
So I'm completely convinced that you can fall in love with 'souls' and that person can be of a different gender, different sexual orientation. True stuff. Also, as I was gonna say before I wrote this novel, everything is a preparation for what the good Lord has in store for you. Oh, I know what I wanted to say, as a kid I literally used to pray for "the most beatuiful girl in the world". This was like when I was 14 or 15 yrs. old, not really knowing what all that entailed. And I get tickled off all these experiences that God has brought me through from summers at the beach to college to modeling agencies to everything. It's like God has said, Ok, if you want her, then u have to go through all these things before you get her. Just as in everyone's life, how bad do you want it?
They say good things come to those who wait. You Got to Have Faith.
George Michael send me to bed with my all time cut from you!
Love and have fun!
Austino.
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