Enjoy!....
(Slammm!!!)
Is He Finally Gone? Good! You know I'm starting not to like That Man.
He has such an attitude like He's a King or something...He's just another "Flash In Tha Pan."
I shouldn't even be talking to you, Cuz he tries to keep me a secret...And Bury me under Tha Sand.
He doesn't know who he's messing with though...And Boy, do I have a Whoozy of a Plan!
So U All work for Tha Galaxy Gazette, Huh? I hear that U guys are Juicy for Gossip.
You guys talk about Celebrities and Hot Items...And even Aliens like they are a Hot Topic.
I read that thang Star Luna wrote on That UFO ship...She should turn that into a Bio-Pic.
Or Market Toys of Spaceships, and Alien Dolls to Small Kiddos...That would make a Great Profit.
Alright, Why don't u come on in to My...And I do mean MY PLACE...Kick off ur shoes.
As ur in This Mansion, I want u to relax, cuz in here I make sure everybody has no Blues.
Over to ur left is some Candy...It's leftover from Valentine's Day, but I never throw away anythang that I can use.
My Hubby, almost tossed out some Strawberry Milk...I Slapped him upside Tha Head. "Whack!!"...It ain't easy to find Organic Pink Moos.
Before I give u a tour, let me first say Thanks for Accepting my Invite...The Entire World doesn't even know I exist.
I've been Married to This Little Critter, for seemingly Ages...Hold On...Please Don't pick up That Love Potion...'Tisk, Tisk!'
Might as well get into how we met in tha First Place...Believe u me, I took such a Las Vegas Risk.
Hoping that I wouldn't 'Crap Out', on this...I don't even know...Just know that Our Marriage took a lot stirring By Amor's Kitchen Whisk.
So I was at this Party...On Feb. 14th Mind you...Before I continue, Do U Mind If I Smoke?
Wait...This is My House...(Flick!....Puff...) If I'm gonna go out, I find no better place for me 2 Croke.
Although Tha Love Suite at Tha Two Of Hearts Motel would be nice...I've been known to be a willing recipient of a Sultry and Grinding Stroke.
I was wild in my day...Me Drinking It while on Top...While My 'Friend' was Snorting It while He was on Tha Bottom...With Tha Common Denominator being...Coke.
(Puff!) But, My girls invited me to this Singles Only Party on V-Day...And No Lie, I didn't even want to go.
But...And I'll always Luv Them 4 This...They keep saying, it was going 2 be Special...So I slipped on my Red Valentino Outfit and said, Ok.
I mean, I had on Red from Head 2 Toe...Lipstick, High Heels, and of course My Bee Stings and Rose Bush were covered in Red, Just in Case it was My Lucky Day.
My Curves were busting out Everywhere...I looked like An Angel Of Desire...If Myself, I shall Say.
Everybody was up in Tha Place...It was thrown at this joint, Tha Can't Miss Club on Lover's Lane.
Like all Tha Who's Who of Tha Single Land were there...We all were enjoying ourselves, not worrying about Tha typical 'No Valentine 4 Me' type pain.
Somehow Santa was there, which threw me for a Glance...Cuz I know he's Married, yet tha Girls he was with were really and truly insane.
I know He's was a Creeping but I didn't care...(Puff!)...One of them whispered to me, 'Don't Tell', and then gave a me a really, thick Candy Cane!
Honey, I can give a Flying Sleigh Ride about Who Saint Nick is Doing! Me and My Gals came to Shut Tha Place Down.
And...(Puff!) That we did, for All eyes were on Us like Ah...Who's That Rapper? ("2Pac.")...Yeah...I wore Tha $%#@ outta That Gown.
You can sensor that for your article right?...Ok....But My Gurls and I had all the Rich Boys after us...Even offering us Pesos, Yens, and Pounds.
My Gal, Karlek...In Her Typical Wild yet Beautiful Swedish ways, took this Hot Euro Footballer Upstairs 2 Tha VIP and I could swear through tha Music, I could hear Moaning Sounds.
As both of Them were Knocking Out a Few Goals, I stayed and danced with some Hopefuls, but no one I would Go Home With.
My other to Gurlfriends and Me, got us some 'Sex On Tha Beach'...Tha Drinks that is...And relaxed and simply talked for a Bit.
I asked them, 'Who owns This Place?'...They both just giggled, took some more sips...And smiled as they sit.
I said, "WHAT?!?!", They told me, 'You'll See.', and next thang I know it, tha place got dark...Off Tha Lights They Went.
(Puff!...Cough! Cough! Cough!) Phoooey! I keep on telling this Man, don't be giving me no cigarettes that after a Few Puffs they turn into Candy.
You know...I have to Calm Down...Calm Down...At Least not get a Divorce until after Acapulco, where the Water is Blue and tha Beaches are Sexy Sandy.
Ok, Where was I? But yeah, Tha Lights went...'Phooomph!', I reached into my Gucci wristlet, but I forgot 2 bring my Two-Shooter...Considering what is happening, that might've Come In Handy.
Tha Last Time something This Crazy went down, was when I was in Nashville...Right before this performance tha Lights went out...I felt so sorry for that Travis kid named Randy.
Next thang I know it though...I hear these Rappers in tha background shouting..."Luv 2 Luv...2 Luv Ya!"
I ask my Gurls Who Sings That Song? They Told me, Timberland and Magoo...I thought 2 myself...I want them 2 walk me Out of This Club.
On Tha Low, I have a Thang for Rappers...In Tha 10th Anniversary Issue, Tha PowerPuff Gurls, The Cheetah Girls, and My Crew all posed on Tha Flip-out Cover of Tha Magazine Dub.
They were showing how sexy it was 2 drink Kool-Aid...While My Girls were Pouring on Me So Much Luv...In Tha Name of Champagne Bub.
Then I happened to Look Up...And Swinging from the Ceiling was this Very Small but Handsome Fellow.
He was Flawless, and My mouth just dropped...From where I'm from, Guys who look That Hot, also have Teeth that are Yellow.
Then they want to take u out to Panda Express for a Date, and Talk Loud like they a 'Big Ball-er', when they tell tha Cashier, "WE'LL SPLIT AN EXTRA LARGE MELLO YELLO!"
Lying to me throughout the Entire Meal, saying that He was close with Bill Shakespeare, saying if Tha Role woulda been made for a French Guy, he woulda gotten tha 1st Call for Tha Role of Othello.
So this Guy sparked my attention, as he Floated above Tha Crowd, wearing Hotness and a Top Hat.
I'm kind of Tall, and I usually don't date guys shorter than me, but he was so Hypnotizing...I almost on My Face Fell Flat.
I couldn't contain Myself...I took off my Panties and Threw 'Em at Him...Ladies always remember, 'Tha Key 2 Tha Chase, Is 2 First Let Tha Dog Smell Tha Cat.'
My Edible Undies hit him directly in tha Face! My Gurls were Screaming in Laughter, Giving me High-Fives, and On Tha Back, Several Pats.
I sat My Toosh Back Down, thinking a few more Minutes then we have to leave...Eye Need 2 see Tha Bachelor's Season Finale on my DVR.
Next I heard a..."Did I hear u say, Tha Bachelor?"...I replied, 'Yes.'...This Guy then said, 'I Produce Tha Show! And This is Proof, Here...Take My Card.'
It was tha Same Little Man, that got blinded by My Starburst Strawberry Hip Thong...I didn't even know I could Fling Tha Far.
I Aplogized, and then I told him that I blame it on Our ride over, Cuz My Gurls Kept playing Rihanna...And 2 keep hearing her say 'ThrowItUp! ThrowItUp!'...I knew 2nite I had 2 raise Tha Bar.
He grabbed me by Tha Hand, and took me 2 His Office, where he claimed both of us could talk.
I asked him if he was related to Tha Monopoly Man...Just because he had a little Lean as he walked.
We talked about His Club, His Hobbies...We got into some freaky stuff too...Like how likes women who scratch his back like a Board of Chalk.
I think he was trying to test me out...I know how Wealthy and Famous Guys get down...At his advances I didn't run nor Balk.
From that very First Night we fell in Luv...And He began to take me to places known and even unknown.
Moscow, Amsterdam, he even took me to Tha Louvre in Paris...Going Crazy over tha Spelling of The Place...Oh, how insulted he was, and a Brick he even thrown.
We got tossed into Jail for an Overnight session, and Tha Next Morning when we were released we got to our Parked now Towed Vespa....Cuz we were in a Solo Neighborhood Zone.
Since we had such a Long Day, we went back to Our Hotel for some "Fun" (Fingers in Quotes), but that didn't last, cuz My Tiny Warrior on Love Move #68 pulled His Groin!
So u can see from Tha Start Our Relationship was messed up...But tha Day he Proposed, was something like a Dream.
He took me to that Rio, and Two Hearts were Intertwined as Lights in Tha Sky...I Instagrammed That Photo Beam.
We had Wine, a sexy Italian Meal...In Brazil...And when he brought out 12 Boxes of Chocolates for each month we known each other...I knew he was Creme De La Creme.
Tha Rock he pulled out was from Tha Beverly Hills place, it was HUGE!! Rumor had it was tha only thing not taken from those Robbers involved with Tha Bling Ring.
Tha Marriage was just as Beautiful....A very Private Affair on Richard Branson's Island...Capped off by Our Song sung by Mariah Carey and Babyface.
Rose Stems...Rose Pedals...I Luv U signs...Our Love was definitely omnipresent in tha Whole Place.
We celebrated even harder during tha Reception...I knew it was gonna be wild when Pepe Le Pew went back to his Car, to bring out a Special French Wine By Tha Case!
I personally thought Tha Wine Stunk! But it was that thought that counted...I was so turned on by My Man's effort, that I wanted to get outta there, and Rip off his clothes in grand haste.
Which brings us to now...Yeah...Recently he's been gone, like...Away for business...Minimum Six Times a Week.
And February's...Oh boy! Along with Tha New Year...They are Tha Worse...That's High Demand Time when everybody wants him from Tokyo to Cabin Creek.
This phone doesn't stop ringing...It's Ridiculous! Lawyers, Teachers, Middle-Schoolers, and of course Ur typical Around Tha Way Freaks.
Of Course u got Haters...Shabba Ranks always wants to battle over this "Mr. Loverman" thang...He just a Singer, but My Hubby...He's Truly a Luv Geek.
Enough with this talking, Let me give u a short tour of this place...As u can see, by Tha Art...I Luv Hearts!
I told them I wanted nothing but tha Best, Called up tha artist Mr. Brainwash, and he drew up some Love Art, that they had to bring in by Tha Carts.
I laughed so hard on Tha Painting he made of Frankenstein making out with SpoungeBob SquarePants, that my Toosh blurted out a quriky Fart.
My favorite is tha One of Austino Galaxia, standing shirtless in his Armani Undies, and My Husband is shooting Numerous Misses by His Darts.
I'll get into Tha Galaxia Kid in a Bit, but let's continue to look around, To ur left is tha Kitchen...I love this area, This is where I went from 'Perhaps I like this House to I'm Sold!'
As usual, I have Me and My Hubby's favorite Heart Candy...Some like it in a Bottle, but I find is Soothing to find Messages in a Bowl.
What does ur Heart say? Let me see...'Ur Dream Come True!'...Go ahead and taste it...If u don't like that, I also have in tha Cabinet some Twizzlers Rolls.
Then we also have some Leftover cake from two nights ago...We didn't eat any, cuz Georgy Porgy sent it...Kissing Tha Girls and Make Them Cry?...We don't agree how his life has mold.
Inside Tha Fridge...We Got Red Kool-Aid...Chocolates...and some Top Secret stuff u can only get from Ths Luv Farm.
My Hubby got Tha Hook Up from his guy Romeo, Who sold him just by The Princess he was holding on his Arm.
I was happy for him, because all That he went through with that Juliet gal, and her family...It was living proof that Life can bring u Good Karm...
Ah...I should probably take u upstairs, to tha Place where Tha Magic Goes Down...Where we create our 'Quiet Storm'.
Now I know ur looking at how far it is to that top...Don't even ask. Tha total count is 69 steps steep.
Me and My Hubby argued tremendously on this aspect of tha home...He actually wanted 143 steps, but I told him, 'That U Can Keep.'
So I chose that number instead, even though Both of Us actually haven't...Let's just say...Gone Deep.
But if he keeps on being M.I.A. in my life, I'll just bring in another Hot Boy Toy...Two can Play at tha game of 'Creep.'.
(Huff! Huff!...Huff!) We're....(Huff!) There. (Gulp!) Please excuse me, but Our...Or MY bedroom is a Mess.
I have Panties on Tha Ground, Bras...My Hubby enjoys tha fact that I walk around showing off My Treasured Chest.
Oh, Look...Not a My Boobs, Silly!! But at my Tattoo...See, both of Us got Hearts right here on our left side, Tha night before we went to Love Tattoos on Amor Ave., I could not rest.
He enjoyed is so much, that My Husband is going back to get his Face with a Crown on top...And it's gonna be inside tha Symbol of a King's Crest.
But as u look around, we have some exclusive stuff...Lotions, and Toys and Handcuffs...See, we get things First.
We also have some other thangs, "Normal People" have like...Photos, Love For Dummies Manuel Guides, and a Tripod to Videotape Our...U know...For That we don't even have 2 Rehearse.
Being Married to this Man, let me tell ya...Definitely Can be a Blessing and a Curse.
He may be short in nature, but let me tell ya...He knows how to make a Woman...Burst!!
And Then...(Da-Doom Dom!) See, this is where me and him get into fights, I keep on telling him..."NOT 2 BRING HIS WORK HOME!!"
U just saw that right? Me falling all over his Work Bag, almost knocking over my Samsung Book of Chrome.
Which would be Suicide, cuz on Netflix, I have to finish up my Season One of Game of Thrones.
I just Luv Netflix and The Internet...At night we just lay in bed and watch old episodes of The Love Connection, OchoCinco: The Ultimate Catch, and just because of tha name...Bones.
Let's get Outta Here...(Click-Click!) Now, let's run....Down...stairs...so we can talk real.
I've given u an abbreviated tour, but now I have to let u in on Tha Real Deal...And I ain't talking Holyfield.
Ok. Let me put on some Cuban Coffee...My body always needs That Extra Punch whenever My Mouth is about 2 Spill.
If I had more time, I'll lay out an entire spread for ya, but we have to skip tha Arroz Con Pollo, maybe next time I will.
So did u see what I tripped over upstairs? ('His Work Bag?') Yes! Ur eyes didn't fool ya, They truthfully told you so.
Now let me ask you this...He told me he was going to Work today...Yet I almost done broke my Neck on His Arrows and Bow!!!
And I have tha perfect explantaion for this, and if U think I'm crazy, Into Jail I'll gladly Let You Throw.
And if Ur Think I'm lying, Well I'm not...Cuz I have even more evidence...At least 10 Times Mo'.
Two Names. Austino Galaxia! Austino Galaxia! Austino Galaxia! Him...I HATE!
Ever since that episode in Tha Hospital last October, they've been all Buddy Buddy, like they're on a First Date.
This Galaxia Guy calls and My Husband rushes for tha phone...Basically taking it outta my hand...I mean, Can U Wait?!
Galaxia thinks That My Husband is Tha One who's gonna help him find his 'Dream Gurl'...Ready 2 Give All Praises 2 Mi Marido, instead of Fate.
That Galaxia Guy...He's such a Bad influence...All talking about Tha Single Life, taking a Bath in 'Dream Suds.'
Writing about his experiences with Gurls...He told me once that Luv Life has been a Beautiful Natural Disaster...Like a Beauty Filled Flood.
Saying he wants to Have This Galaxy or Whatever...Personally, I think it's a bunch of Hog Wash, and Crud.
Claiming he enjoys Women for who they are...Pleasssse!!! The only reason he got with that Idaho gal was because he Enjoyed Her Webb, and because of tha Size of her Spuds!
And then..I'm not done...Why do these gurls like him? Brazilians, Dominicans, and even Puerto Ricans.
He can talk all he wants, but deep inside He wonders How it would feel if he got 2 know This One Particular...Mexican.
He's leading My Husband straight into ruins...Partying it up, with This Galaxia Guy...Like 24 hours of Sin.
Hanging out until Tha Wee Hours of Tha night...And Following Day...And I'm hearing VMails like, "(Beep!) Hey Big C...Galaxia...Those Fine Vancouver Chicks want 2 see us again!"
This Galatic or Whatever guy, has no respect for This Household, Our Marriage, and especially...Me.
He showed up at Our House, one Day...With Heat/Lakers Tickets for Five...And in his arms he already pieces of Eye Candy...Matter of fact...Three.
My Papi went, just ignoring that I was cooking him his favorite meal...Macaroni and Cheese, Steak, and Corn...All from The Land of Hearts.
He zoomed out of Here so fast...If Lifetime would 2 cast 4 Tha show 'Lonely Wife', I KNOW I would get tha Part!
Which is Why I invited you, Tha Galaxy Gazette to MY HOME! Cuz I'm tired of getting Tha Calls.
'Where's Ur Husband?', 'I need some Help with a Situation', and Tha Traditional 'I can Never Meet Anybody At Tha Mall.'
Tha other day, I had a Mobb Deep full of people outside of This Door, talking about How They need My Husband cuz Tha Dating Scene Has Grown 2 a Crawl.
I just ignored it all, and went back to sleep...HE AIN'T HERE! Maybe I should call up Charlie and meet him at his Chocolate Factory...I think I do still have tha # of R. Dahl.
Ok, so I want u to write this down...'My Husband is Cheating on Me. And Hanging with Galaxia Austino.'
I bet that Subject line, along with this Tell-All article, will bring him back home...Or at least bring sum dough.
Right now, I've had it...He used to Shower me with his Luv, Now he doesn't even call me...Hanging out with SI Swimsuit models, getting blinded by Fame's Glow.
Well, Now it's My Turn...And He's Got To Pay...He wants 2 be like Galaxia...Well, I'm gonna treat him like a Galaxia Gurl...And Ignore his Show.
I know in my Heart, that I tried as hard as I could...And there isn't anythang else I could have did.
Showed my Perfectly Tan Body walking around Naked, after Sex, since he didn't want Luv Squared, I gladly Popped in A Pill to stop my Pregnancy Bid.
That's ok...I Got Sumthang For Him...And This Article here, is gonna Knock Tha 'Ish off of Luv's Lid.
Yeah....Galaxia one day is gonna Own Tha Galaxy...But before He came...I Gave and Had Tha World...
Which is why U Have Witness Tha Wrath Of...
Tha Soon To Be Ex...Mrs. Cupid.
Luv and Always...Always...Have Fun!
Galaxia.
No comments:
Post a Comment