Luv's Ultimate Drug!

(Parental Discretion Advised)



"Ok...Now I want you 2 tell me...Which looks better...One...or Two?"
Two Doc...Yeah, that was easy...Come on Goggles, Do I look like a Cuckoo.
"Ummm...Whatever...Ok, tell me, and be honest...Which looks better One...or Two?"
Well, I kinda have to squint for tha Second One...The First one is really hot...Love tha Tory Burch Shoes.

"Ah Huh.  What about now...Which looks clearer...Two....Or One?"
Boy, they both look tha...Specs, can you do that one again, it Tuff when both pics are in Bikinis in tha Sun.
"Alright...Look at Tha Whole Spectrum....Which one is better...Two...Or One?"
They both look Tha Same to me...One has Tha Boobs I like...While tha Other has Tha Toasty Buns.

"Huh.  Interesting." (Click.)  Alright, I turned tha light back on like Nelly Furtado...So we..."
Ahh...Four Eyes, that's actually, "Turn Off Tha Light"...Can't stand when Doctors try 2 Be hip....B.
"Anyways, I'm gonna pull out some up close visuals, some magazines to test you visually."
Oh, Snap...This should be Fun...I Luv looking at Beautiful Girls...Please say u got tha Golf Digest with Paulina Gretzky?!

"Like...No...Alright, Here's Tha Deal...I'm gonna show U Two Magazine Covers, and U Tell Me, Which One U Luv Tha Best."
Doc, I grew up doing this type of Hokey Pokey, Every night deciding Who's Tha Sexier Hollywood Vixen...Foxy Brown or Mae West?
"Give me a Second as I dig for My Heavy Hitters...U know, a Guy Who's seen so much, deserves to get my 'A Plus' Test."
Yeah, Blind Man Willie...It's so hard when U've seen Top Shelf Hotties like Brooke Shields when she rocked Calvin K's Jeans and also Anna Nicole when she represented Guess.

(Giggle Giggle!  Giggle Giggle! Giggle Giggle! Giggle Giggle!)
Ah, Ha Ha!  Ah, Hardy Ha, Ha!  Did I say somethin' funny Doc?  U laughing so hard u almost knocked over Ur Amazon Kindle!
"No...No...U just brought up some great memories of tha Good Ol' Days, When I had every Supermodel in Miami in my office...So many, that my schedule I could not wiggle.
Then Jessie Spano from Saved By Tha Bell and Hilary Banks from Tha Fresh Prince would come in from LA...Such beauties can make a Young Doctor spin around and become...A Dizzle!"

Oh, Snap!  U just reminded me...Tha Spin Doctors...Yeah...And Blues Travel...."Hush!!"
Dang Homie?!!  I thought we were doing a little reminiscing on why 80s and 90s Gurls had tha Best Toosh.
Or on How One Word Could Mean so Much...Rappers Hated "GW"...Yet Middle Schoolers Loved "Good Wholesome"....Bush.
Then I'm not even gonna go into My boy feeling up on this Hot Health Teacher, we always talked about Miss V., and getting a Smooch.

Then..."ENOUGH."  Yes Sir.  "Now I want u to take a Look, and tell me who's tha more pretty.
First up...I've brought out a Playboy Magazine, and the new issue of Librarians Illustrated, with Non Photoshop Images from Getty."
U just had to pull out Tha Playboy Cover with Jessica Alba didn't you...U know seeing a Picture of Honey can make my palms go Wetty.
Even though The Nerd look of Holding Books, and having Ur body completely being covered up Neck to Toe in Chanel is appealing, She's like too Put 2gether...U can't even see her toes, to see her Pedi!

I mean, Doctor J..."It's actually Doctor C...spell S-E-E."...What Tha???
Guess U were gonna be an Opto-mah...Opee-tah..."Ophthalmologist.  That name everybody goofs up."
Yeah, That's it...U probably had Glasses on, before u were watching Saturday Morning Cartoons or Sabrina, The Teenage Witch on Tha Hub?!!
I like my Dark Angel Max Guevara better, I mean, Look at her this ain't Tha 1940s where for Dinner you put on Gloves...I know some gurls now, who think Dessert is better when U don't wear Gloves...

"Ok...Ok....I get what ur trying to say.  Let's keep this Thang Professional...I have read ur blog."
AHHHHHHH!  FOR THE UPTEENTH TIME...MY DIARY ISN'T A BLOG!!!  PLEASE HELP ME GOD!!!
It's almost like saying that Ur gonna go and sprint out a Under Six Mile, and then tell ur Jump Off, 'Oh. I'm Going for a Jog.'
Or, you spending ur hard earned cash on Some Rockport Mules, and then Ur Number Two, gets all upset, cuz u didn't bring her them $1G White Slingback Louboutin Clogs!

"I apologize sir.  Alright, I got one more test for you...This one is might be a little tougher for u to decipher.
Here are two photos...One is of this girl when she Elvira Hancock in Scarface."...Hey, Doc does anybody know if she actually died and had to Pay Life's Pied Piper?
"Not sure about that...Here's another one of Tha Same Women in a Catwoman outfit...Sure u know that these are pics of, Michelle Pfeiffer."
Boy Doc, U got pics of All Tha Ladies Huh?  If Scooping Beauty was a crime, U'd be known as a Top Sniper!

"Well, Thank You for..."...Hold On, Hold On, Doc!...Hold on! I have to use that for my Luv Seminar.
U got a Pen...(Click.) 'If...Scoo-ping Beauty was a...' How Do u spell Crime Doc...Is is 'C first' or is it 'K then R?'
"Oh, boy...Um...Galaxia...Can we stay on task?  Tha Final Four is later today, I have reservations at Tha Clevelandar Bar."
Don't Go Boss...'I'll Be...A...Top...Sni...per.'...Gonna be too many Florida Gator fans in there, just their Skin Tans alone make gives them reasons to think No Other School is on Par.

Speaking of which, I know a few Gator Babes...I remember this one thin yet Sexy Gator girl who had Blonde Hair, sexy freaking eyes, on a gourgeous face and her tan....
"Not today, Ok...So outta these two photos which one do u think best looks like Ur Perfect Woman?"
Ummm....Ummm....I...Ummmmm....I'll take Catwoman.  A female who dresses up in suits...I'm a Huge Fan.
Mean, just a Hottie wearing a Mask alone turns me on...Power Rangers, Batgirl...Why do u think I want to throw a Masquerade Ball Birthday Bash, in October, here on these South Beach Sands!

"Yep...That's what I thought, will you excuse me I have to step out, I'll be right back."
Whatever, Bifocals...Hey, do U got any Organic, Low-Fat, Zero gram Sugar Chips in here?  I need a snack.
"Over in tha cabinet, I have some Goodies...Matter of fact, u can find a whole stack." (Click.)
Can't believe, I'm here on this Saturday...(Door Opens) This whole process is straight up Whack. (Slam!)

This is my first time...(Crunch...Crunch...Crunch...), that I've been to this This Guy to Check My Eyes.
I should be at Tha Beach right now with my Binoculars...admiring how Greek gurls have tha Sexiest Thighs.
But...Nooooooo...Instead, I fell for this Groupon scam with This Guy...But as I look around, All Tha Most Beautiful Girls have signed pictures...Seeing such Gorgeousness can make u cry!
After this, I'm gonna be 'A-Ok' and will be able to pick them out so easy...Even without 'A Line' or a try.

(Click.  Click.)  "Senor Austino Galaxia....Tell me, Do You like Tha Chips."
Yeah, Doc...(Crunch...Crunch...Crunch...)  This is almost as fun as riding out on Disney's Cruise Ship!
"Well, I'm just gonna be Frank for a moment cuz I'm about to tell you something that's gonna Make U Flip."
Doctor, I do kinda like Role Play...So...If U say So....Alright, 'FRANK'...Speak from Ur Lips.

"Well, there's no other way to put it...Your Vision of Love is absolutely...Well...Jacked!
I've given u Eye Test after Eye Test...And U've failed them all...I mean Ur test scores just fell flat.
Not saying ur Beauty Eye score should be 20/20, but it should at least be on tha Map.
I mean, Tha Hunchback of Notre Dame was in here tha other day...And even he got a Gypsy Dancer...despite His Low score and His back.

But this...This right here that I've witness today...Never have I seen a guy who's seen so much...score so low.
It's almost like All U Care about are Gurls who have Curves, or who can Striptease, or Tha Kind who show up to Christmas Parties wearing nothing but tha Bow.
In u Questionnaire, U talk like appreciate True Beauty, and all it has to offer...Wanting a Dame who likes Sloppy Joe's.
Yet u give contradicting answers...Like...'I want a Versace Gurl who drives a VW Bug, but ain't about Tha Dough.'

I mean, Whahh Does...That even mean...I...then I saw something else that's gonna Knock Off Ur Socks.
After I gave u that Pamela Anderson and Florida Evans from Good Times test...My conclusion became a lock.
This has been an on-going condition for some time now...And now has become possibly fatal...And has caused a 'Open Ur Heart' block.
And today...I mean...TODAY...We have to fix this, cuz this condition is something that's so tough to stop.

Tell Me, Galaxia...Have u noticed anythang different with tha Women u seem to be attracted to?"
Well, I don't want to be facetious,  but I always like a gal with a Pretty face, Sexy body, and who looks good in tha Color of Blue.
"Let me stop you right there...The first things u said were Physical...U have to realize that True Beauty encompasses more than those Attributes."
Yeah, but lately...Doctor...it's like nobody has Tha Total Package...Like, why does it feel like I'm stuck in between Choosing between Tha Two.

I mean, I was hanging out with Cupid Tha Other day and I told...
"STOP!  U know Cupid??!"  Like Yeah, Doc...We party 2gether, talk about Luv, Tha little fellow is so Bold.
Like when it comes to his job, he takes it serious...Plus, all the gurls like him...Both of us together, attract Extreme Hotness whenever we go out to play Pool and Bowl.
"How do u deal with His Wife?  I heard from Sleeping Beauty, who was in here last week, and she told me how Mrs. C can be so Cold."

Doc, She's like...Whatever...But..."Hey, is it possible that I can get an Autograph , I have tha Photo!"
I'll see...But getting back to me...I feel like I need a gurl who's...who's...I may have to go to Pluto.
And Yes!  I do feel like my Beauty Eye has gone bad a little bit...This I already know.
But how can somebody like me find a Dime Piece who dresses like Dresses like a Top Model, Has Smarts like a Ivy Leaguer, Body of a Video Vixen, and have Drake Swag to live 'YOLO'?

"I see...I see...Well, look at tha time.  I have to go.  Tha office is now closed, u'll get tha Bill in tha Mail."
Whoa...Whoa...Whoa Doc!  Numbero Uno...This 'ish was a Groupon affair.  And Two...U just gonna dip while I'm in stuck in this Queer Eye For Tha Straight Guy jail?
I thought since Ur a Beauty Doc, that when u see somebody who's in Luv's Purple Rain, U give 'Tha Prince Of Amor' a jacket or at least a pail.
Sometimes it stinks feeling like Ur Heart's Tha Best, but it's Your Eyes that always seem to fail.

"Here, I'm gonna give you this, and this is my best stuff, matter of fact, u're tha Only one whom I've prescribed this for.
I'm giving this to you, cuz I know that U've been around a lot of situations, and have been constantly knocking on Luv's Door.
Take 1 of these a Day, preferably in Tha Morning, matter of fact, u should take it right after u Alarm goes off around 4.
Promise you, that this is gonna change everythang for you, and your Beauty Eye Sight, and your Heart will truly soar."

(Scribble...Scribble...Scribble...Rippp!!!)  "Here's ur Prescription, and ur Bottle, and here's my Photo for Cupid to sign.
It was nice finally getting a change to know U, I'm sure we'll be in touch...And just relax, everythang is gonna turn out fine.
All tha Great Bachelors in their day have had this problem...Some Attractive Gurls too, so don't think this is disease is One-Of-A-Kind.
Although Ur's is really bad...I mean, I don't know how u can walk into a Party, when Ur Beauty Vision is Borderline Blind!"

That's funny!  I'm not sweating things Doc...Lately, in a way, I don't even care.
"But that's why u have to open up that bottle, cuz tha more u say or think that...Tha more of a Toll it can wear.
I hear that Ur Tha Best, Right?  So I think this will help...Just remember to that with those Blog...(Crazy Look)  I mean, Diary lovin' Gold Diggers, stay clear.
You're gonna like what's gonna happen after u take that dosage...So please have no fear."

Bet that.  Cool.  Well, it was nice to meet you Doc...Ciao!
(Click.) Have a nice day, Miss Secretary!  Boy, she's really hot...I almost need a towel.
If it's one thang I can say after all this experience it's absolutely...Wow.
Now this guy, I don't even know has got me on some Krazy medicine, plus I was in there for 3 hours.

Let me hop in this car, and Drop Tha Top...What's (Ping-Ping-Ping)...In this bottle?
Sounds like only one pill...I spent all my Groupon Bucks on this, this better hold tha key to me getting My Dream Supermodel.
Just know that after today, I'm gonna live my life differently...I mean, like on Full Throttle.
Maybe I can get my Arabian lifestyle...With a Princess who's from Cairo, Tha Arab Emirates or even Kabul.

Let me open this open this up...(Pop!)  It's sealed up, and we finger slit it, and there's cotton.
Pull that out, and this is weird...One pill that's Purple, Blue and has Yellow stripes...Is this some MDNA from Mary Poppins?!
Oh, well, here goes nothing...After I take this, I just hope that my Sight for True Beauty will be perfect...If so, There ain't no Stoppin.
Oh, Snizzz-nap!  That's my joint on tha radio, let me turn this up...Come on Joey Crack and Nellyville!!...'Gonna Get-Get...Get It Poppin'!!'

(Gulp!)  Ahh...That actually taste pretty good...Let me look and see what's inside of this, that has filled me up with such Glee.
Whoa!  It's really starting to become clear to me...My Vision of Beauty has gone from Fatal to Those dream numbers of  20/20.
Boy, this Saturday has Opened My Eyes...This is Some Good Stuff!! Let me see...What is This Drug Called?  Humm? It's Call 'A.C.P.'
Yes, I know That Beauty is in Tha Eye of Tha Beholder...Tha Luv Game can seem unfair, but I have now found something that has made me see...

No longer is my Vision of Love blind...Whenever I wonder Who to choose...'A.C.P.' has now opened my Eyes to No Matter What...No Matter What...

'Always...Choose Personality.'


I once was Blind...But now I see!
Ain't Luv and Fun Kool...Ain't Fun and Luv Cool?!!
Ciao.
Galaxia.