We had an Assignment of Galaxian Proportions:
'... I'm sending your talents to South Beach, kid. I want u to find everything u can dig up about him.'
"Everysthing??"
'E...verything..'
Followed by a very memorable Ring Night....
"...some kind of Championship Ring event going on. I know the Miami Heats won zhe championship, and so I guess he was gonna get the...let me see...'Bling, Bling'."
'Did u get to him?'
"I almost did Boss, but here's what happened..."
'U better get the real scoop on this guy or else...'
And topped off with a special gift box for Yammi...
"...Backs to zhis box...it's a small microphone, it's looks likes a microphone, shapes like a one...what does zhe instructiones say...I've never seen rules so...ah...la sim-ple....I'm so smart! Ha ha! Zhis looks like zhe best in zhe world's...That bloody Bond thought he had me, Ha! I'm zhe best, now with zhe best...I must needs to test it outs..."
Which ended with a possible love interest for Galaxia himself...
'Well, I got u a big scoop...Are you ready?'
"Yep."
'...talked to her sources, who talked to their sources are pretty confidant that ur boy, Sir Galaxia is about to approach this very attractive lady...And you better be there, when it all goes down.'
'...Source tell Sir Yammi, what happened between him and this young lady and what's about to go down.'
"Sure, Babe's...(Smack, Smack!)...You see..."
And with that...we now introduce to you today's episode of The New Adventures of Austino Galaxia...
Enjoy!
"Waits a minute...before u even's go into a ze-tail...did you's see some kinds of love's between them?"
'Listen, Babes...(Smack, Smack!)...I know what I saw and I'm just saying honey, that I'm pretty confidant...'
"It's confident...geez, zhese Americans!!"
'Whatever honey...all I know that knowing how Galaxia thinks he's all that, and how he thinks he can get any woman, and how he's a bigger risk-taker than Rosanne Barr on Election night...he's gonna try to get them digits and try to show her tha real Milky Way if you know what I'm mean, Ok, girl!!'
"Who are you's...talkings too? What did you see?"
'(Smack, Smack)....(Smack, Smack)'
"Well..."
'Boss, you better tell your boy he don't know me like that. Cuz apparently he don't watch The First 48...Ok. (Smack, Smack).'
"We know, whale of an episode if I must say so! Yammi's just...u have to prove urself to him, so just tell me what was up and how u came to this conclusion about our subject."
'Alright...u know I luv's youu...'
"I know. Continue on."
'So...my girl just got out of the Bliss Spa up near 23rd and Collins, right next to the W Hotel. She got her nails done up, her Brazilian blow out was looking fierce, that skin was glowing, my girl was looking right! So, as she walked out the door, she began to walk, and next thing I know it, my phone began to vibrate and ring. I usually don't answer the phone when Hot in Cleveland is on...and especially since they wer...hold on, I gotta spit out my gum...(Phew!)...since they were showing that episode when all tha girls were going on their Birthdates, but once I heard my ringtone....'
"Let me guess...ah's...Celine Dion? I love's her...mu-sick."
'Naw, Yaggi, or Yaddi or whatever u call urself...Honey, party girls in Miami don't listen to that stuff. My ringtone is that David Guetta and Kid Cudi..."All tha crazy stuff I did tonig..."'
"Ah...zhat does remind me of when David and his wife Cathy had zhis party at's zhe Eiffel..."
'I'm talking!!...So I get tha call from my girl who's like, "You wouldn't guess who just walked out of the gym?" I ask, 'Who?'. And she says, "Austino Galaxia". I still like saying that name...my girl knew I've been checking him out for some time so she's keeping an eye out for me...So she's walking and he notices My Galaxia staring into the window of this clothing store right next to tha doors to Tha Perry South Beach where he works out. He gave a look inside, and by how he like double looked inside, my girl knew that he definitely eye-f...'
"Watch ur language my love..."
'Sorry, Boss...she knew that he caught eye-feelings with this girl inside. So, then my homegirl walks by Galaxia, and took a glance into this store, and she knew who he was looking at.'
"Zho's...was he's...looking at?"
'Well, it was this one girl, who nobody knows but my girl...we get tha scoop, ya heard...this one girl, Galaxia has been noticing for sometime, from seeing her around, and I think this is tha first time they actually caught eyes, and he knew where she works at.'
"Was zhe a...look-er?"
'She's really pretty. Like, really attractive....black hair, brown eyes, Jersey Shore tan, cute face, swagged out style...a Galaxia type of girl.'
"Ha! Galaxia has many types...but I know's she was hot...But me questioning for you's is...how can u say he's gonna make a move just by him and this beauty sharing a eye version of how do u call it...footsy?"
'I just know alright! Listen, I don't got time for this Law and Order crap...I gotta go, besides I gotta go and hit up tha Bal Harbour shops and get my outfits together for this Madonna concert in a few day. Boss, give me a call whenever u wanna...u know. Yatti or Yaggi...lose this memory!'
(Click.)
"Ah...Boss...I don't knows about...her."
'Yammi, she's reliable, but I don't know either. By what he wrote a little bit ago, I think he's letting love come to him, and he's done chasing.'
"Besides...Boss...from, ah...froms me experience alones...just because you're seen with a lot of top shelf, beautiful, creme of de creme, high notch, stallion material, fantasy, dirty hot, mad cool..."
'Yammi, get to tha point.'
"Just because ur's around so many women of exquisite taste, doesn't mean you's wanna get in thems..."
'True. So what else have u gotten about this Galaxia fellow?'
"Boss. Ah...today's was a wild."
'That's what I like to hear...so what went down?'
"Someone's...ah...going down?"
'No, nitwit, what happened?!?!'
"Oh...well's...Galaxia almost ran out of gas today. Like he was driving on E all the way past zhe red markers in zis vehicle. I was a following him in zhe Aston...ands I thoughts zhe's was a donkey without's a fence to jump."
'Yammi, are you on drugs again?'
"I don't think so...I've just been trying zhese new tic tacs zhat zhis guy at zhe club...ah...lended to me. He said my breath smelled like I've been gargling...gar-bage...and he let me have zome...and..."
'Didn't you learn anything up in Boarding School?...Don't take anything from strangers, especially inside of the club....J.K.R. told me I shoulda hired that Harry Potter fellow..(Huge Blow)...please continue...'
"Who?...So I's was following Sir Galaxia, and he just made it to's a very crowded gas station...and..."
'Yammi, I send you to Miami Beach, the glitz, the glamour, and the fun, and the best you can come up with is this Galaxia guy almost running outta gas?'
"Zhere's some more Boss...like, after's that he was...ah...he almost hit this girl who was walking a jay in zhe street. She stopped in front of him, in the middle of zhe roads, and pointed at him...and zhen called him something about a...don-key's boo-tay."
'U're stuck on this donkey thing aren't you? What can u tell me that I don't already know, and hurry up I got a Squash judging contest at tha Farmer's Market in 20...GIVE ME SOMETHING YAMMI!!'
"Ok Boss, I'll give you something..."
'I need something about his deep personal life, and his love life. It's supposed to be all this and that, and you haven't given me anything. How about this...I'm gonna send another one of our agents down there to help you out.'
"Stop a Boss...(Huge Sigh!)...I can give you's names, and specifics..."
'If this job is too big for me....'
"Boss, I haven't been a up front with you, just because zhis Galaxia has a very intriguing life. So much a fun...(Another Huge Sigh.)...He's about's too go on a major shopping trip...and...and..."
'Yes.'
"That girl your source was talking about..."
'Yeah...'
"She's an option, but not the only one...cuz there have been a lot of cool people and beautiful girls zhat Galaxia is meeting constantly but this one has been in some real talks with Galaxia, and I think they are a becoming a possible...friendly."
'What can you tell me about her?'
"Nothings a serious...as we...said before...but she wasn't born in America...she loves ah....musica variety...dresses well...and...I think they have that nervousness when they are around each other..."
'You know her name don't you. What is it?'
"See...I'll give you two words as a clue."
'Alright.'
'All these rumors and nothing but these empty ended love clues. Call me back when u have some real evidence.'
"But Boss, that says it all...I guess I could just tell him her name is..."
A.G.
'
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