"Yammi."
"What's up boss...this better be good, I'm kinda in tha middle of someone...I mean somethings."
"I have an assignment for you. Where are you at? Shouldn't you be home sleep?"
"Can't this wait until zee morning, it's like after 1am, I'm chilling down here at this hot new club off of Wilshire, I have the most beautiful angels all around me feeding me some of zee most amazing pieces of chocolate covered fruit, and...oh man, Smooches just grabbed some bananas, Boss u gonna have to make zhis quick, there's some Girls Gone Wild stuff going on tonight."
"Listen! I pay u to do a job, not to fondle women and do all this other nonsense, no wonder I can't keep ur face outta The Times. U got a sec?"
"Shoot."
"U recall when we had this conversation in Monte Carlo, about this guy who was gonna be "The Next One", u know, the one who was gonna change the world, make a difference, but also show how the old school gentleman should live..."
"Uh-huh."
"Like when I used to watch Bogie, Frankie, McQueen, Shaft, Rocky and Bullwinkle...all those guys who represented life when it was fun yet knew their stuff, and knew how to treat a lady. U remember that conversation?"
"Boss, why of course I do. We was at the beach, and as u were talking this beautiful womans drove by in her Lotus, and I shouted, "Do u really know how to drive a... stick?!...And she replied..."
"For tha last time, just answer tha da...just listen! Capisce?!!"
"Yes sir."
"Well, I found tha guy I've been looking for. It's almost like finding Ponce De Leon's Fountain of Youth, or John Lennon and Yoko's Double Fantasy album..."
"Or a DVD series of Joey, huh boss?!!"
"Yeah, like a DVD series of J...whatever kid. Anyways, I'm sending your talents to South Beach, kid. I want u to find everything u can dig up about him."
"Everysthing??"
"E...verything...See, this is what's so weird about this dude. I've heard he's got the best stories, has one of the most unique diaries I've ever come across on the cyberspace, has a love life that can rival Rodman in '94 and yet nobody knows anything about him. And I'm DETERMINED to be the first one to blow tha lid off this kid. It's gonna make us a whole lot of money, and u get to hang out in Miami with sexy ladies and those Lefron and D Made kids."
"Boss, u mean Sir Lebron and D.Wade?"
"Yeah, them too. Anyway, here's his name. Galaxia."
"Galaxia. What kinds of name is that? Don't tell me he was born on that planet Lovetron!"
"A-ha ha!...A-ha ha! Silence...I tell the jokes around here. The kid gots spunk, He already thinks he's larger than life, which is why I'm sending u on this assignment. Find out more about him, and see if he's really worth the hype. U got it."
"No prob..."
(Click, Click...dial tone.)
And with that ladies and gentleman, is how I got to this point on today. My name is the presteigious Yammi. Tha man who can uncover any information u make like and do whatever to please. Bigfoot...I shot those first pictures...Me. When Bruce Wayne wanted to fake his own death in Tha Dark Knight Rises, who do u think they called? Me. When Jerry wanted to get big muscles so he could outduel Tom, who he call? Vic Conte...Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha!...Me. There isn't anything can't do and and won't do to find out what I need to find out on who I need to find it out on. And u'll learn a whole lot more about me from my background to my heritage..."O Canada...Our home and na-tive laaand! Oh Ca...." Sorry, I get a little, how do u people in America call it...me-tro-sexual...But as u will find out I'm a pretty boy, not ur average in-ves-ta-ga-tour...and the only thing I loves more than the sight of a beautiful wo-man, is dee-sound of ...a beautiful woman, if u catch my snowdrift. (Wink!) But in do time, u will know more, but now...
I'm actually in the home of this Galaxia kid right now. I told you I was zee best. Now let me see, this place is kind of small, but very diverse. He likes colours...A Computer...A Sony...that reminds me of a time when I was in To-kay-oh. Quatre Paroles..."Louis Vuitton Fitting Room". The first two is where I met this beauty and spent all my money, and the last two is where we both spent all our time! How dare you?...Together of course! Ha ha...I crack myself ups...Kylie Minogue, Robbie Williams, Hammer...all these CDs, all over the place. Who's zhis Drake fellow? So much stuff...Let me go to the internet to finds out...Boss told me this guy has a diary. Let me type it in....www.a-u-s-t-i-n-o-galaxia.com's...Ooops!...com.
Interesting. All about having fun....What iz zhis??! ...The world's most eligible bachelor?..."Slam!!" (Computer slams shut!) How can he compare himself to muah. I've had the best...Hallie...Adrianna...the impeccable Frederique Van Der Wal...who else has held the old and the new Genie In a Bottle in their arms. Me. Me. Me. I have to learn more about him...What makes zim tick...And why iz he's zo...slept on. When I find out...
Ouch!! What is this?...Is this some kind of painting or....Oh, I think I've found out everything I need to know and it's right here in my hands. I must take a pic-tour...
My assignment is zover...Zo simpull...but wait....I still need to see this man, in act-shone.
I must.
And I will.
(Stay Tuned.)
A.G.
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