Welcome to one of the most unique segments of our blog website. Austino's Excerpts are probably the most intimate look into our life...heck, perhaps of anyone's life on cyberspace. Some may wonder why I choose to "expose" ourself in a way, but I realize that ALL of us have a story to tell and these excerpts are a glimpse into why I act like I do. After you've lived through so much, you just reach a point where you know you have to share to help someone else out in what they may be going through. It may not be for the present, but even years down the line, someone can be like, "Dag, I remember reading something like this on austinogalaxia's blog...and if he can survive it so can I." That's the goal, it's not to get a show, not to get sympathy from anyone...this segment and entire blog is to show how you can survive, still have fun and become better because of your experiences.
For those who are reading this segment for the first time, Austino's Excerpts is an in-depth look into our love life and interaction with the opposite sex. It's also a sneak peak into a possible book we are going to write on these experiences. This aspect has been used to teach us some very tough lessons, but I made it through, so now I feel it's my job to tell what crazy things "love" can bring and what some would do to obtain it. I'm a "Helpless Romantic", so please forgive me. I love to hear mushy stories about how couples meet, and I used to watch a lot dating game shows as a kid...so if you combine beautiful ladies, crazy happenstances, and a guy who has a Donald Trump risk-taker attitude, "wha-lah!"...you get Austino's Excerpts. So without further ado...here's installment number two of Austino's Excerpts...I present...
...Dames In Distress
Man, this is getting out of control. I mean our life is literally, getting out of control. Today is just another example of why I need to have my own TV show. I'm seeing all these shows like Flavor of Love and The Bachelor, but those are just staged. What I'm experiencing right now is just so "Weird Al" Yankovic. "OK, get yourself together, Austino...it's over with, just try to move on." But I could have went to jail for this or be in some trouble, you just never know. Maybe, I have too much of my Granddad in me. The stories I've heard of Rev. J.W. Smith, were of great legend like John. Always making sure someone else is doing alright in their situation, even if it meant giving away his last two dollars. Seemingly it is like these people are seeking me out like crazed TMZ reporters. And these girls...boy o boy...to them is this like a game? I guess hate it or love it this is how our life is going to be. But this isn't the first time this has happened.
I recall this one time, leaving the crib over here at the beach, and about to take our morning trek over to Coral Gables. I made my patent left onto West Avenue, then made our left to a peaceful journey through the Venetian Islands. Man, this place is cool. It's so scenic. And these are some great homes over here as well. I still remember that article I read in the New York Times about these islands. Since this is really the only way I can take the Vespa from the beach to the mainland, these isles have become like a "home" to me. It's always someone running, jogging or riding bikes over here. That day was no different. But as I approached the Venetian Causeway toll booth, something very interesting happened.
I was in line, behind like two or three cars and scooters and this woman is walking directly through the toll booth towards me. I got my shades on and was at first like, "Who is this??" and then as I see the image of this lady from up close I'm like, "Who...is...this?" So she then as she makes her way toward our direction, I gather myself in a Denzel kind of way and got my thoughts aka "lines" together just in case. The lady then came directly at me, and was like, "Can I have a ride?... At least just over the bridge.." I'm like in an extremely suspicious tone say, "Ok, I'll give you a ride". So she hops on the back of our scooter and she holds on to me in VERY tight manner. As I pull to the toll booth, to give the gent at the booth my Venetian Pass, the guy gave us a , "How did you pull this?" look. It was unique because she literally skipped over all these other people to get to me. I just gave a glance like, "Welcome to our life, bro." So we drive through, and she's telling me how her night was, as well as other small White Castle kind of talk. This was happening all the while her Fred Flintstone bowling bowls were at a spare in my back. Interesting. Nevertheless, I dropped her off, for I did have to go to work. She expressed her gratitude for the help. We exchanged kisses, international style, (not French though) and that was that.
So I guess as I look back, today wasn't out of the ordinary. Matter of fact, I remember another time of choice where I was stopped literally....This one time I was walking up Meridian Ave., like around 10th and 11th street. I was on my way to the Gansevoort Miami Beach property to get my workout on. As I was walking, with my headphones in mind you, I hear an "Excuse me!!...Excuse me!! Can you help us? We need help!" So I look and there were these three girls standing there, saying how they were locked out of their apartment building and can't get back in. Now I'm thinking like, this is interesting to see these Charlie's Angels out here asking for help. I mean was Charlie in the bathroom or something when you called him, what was up?! Aren't y'all suppose to be superheroines of some sort! Another thought running through our head is, "I give it to you, you girls are 'South Beach' cute, but let's be real, it's hot as Cuban coffee out here right now and do I really want to risk me not being able to get through my workout over these girls from the lost episode of Glee?" Anyhow, the batting of their eyes got to us and I put my stuff down on the sidewalk and began to help them. But little did I know, I was in for a Bodyshaping workout of my own out here in the street, and more directly in the heat. The girls were attempting to get into the window above the outside door to the building. So, first they asked if I could climb up to the window, which meant I had to try to do a spider-man pull-up, on the concrete ledge, to get up there to the window. So, not only did it not work, now I'm almost all spent like the U.S. economy! So one of the Barbie dolls, suggested we lunge her up on the ledge, so she could get through the window. Now, check this...I used to watch cheerleaders some. Mostly, while flicking through ESPN2 on late Saturday afternoons, and occasionally while running up and down the basketball court during a game in high school. (Maybe that's why we could never get past sectionals?!) But this G-Unit stunt she wants to pull...I don't know??? Anyhow, we lift one of the girls off the ground and I basically hugged , grabbed, and finally pushed her up by her booty! I basically did everything, legally, a man could do to her to get her up on the ledge. It was all by necessity mind you. But still...anyway, she did get up there like Mission Impossible. She came down, opened the door. Then the girls stated they needed help moving something upstairs...I helped them with that. In the meantime, all of us, sweating like Keith, and I was thinking (and maybe even somehow hoping) that this may turn into some kind of Mariah Carey fantasy with these girls. (Please laugh!!)... But I needed to use my energy for other things, so I left like a gentleman, Grandma, and was on our way to the gym.
So I guess what happened on today, was nothing new, except it was. Let me review what just occurred ...I'm at the BP gas station over on Coral Way. I was pumping gas, after an extremely long day at the g-i-g. As I was over at my familiar pump, this woman begins to walk over to us. I have my Phil Jackson stone face going on, because I sensed she was going to come over to us. It always seems to happen. So she comes over and is like, "Please, please, can you give me a ride home?" I think I asked, "Where do you live?" She told me up on "SW 22nd". I literally said a small prayer like, "What should I do with this one here?" I got the NASCAR go-ahead from above that it was okie-doke, thus I told her to wait a moment. I finished pumping the gas and then told her to hop in our ride. As she got in she was just ever so thankful. "Thank you! Thank you! You are so nice!! So nice." "No problem." So we're driving along and she talks of how she got left at the gas station and wanted me to drop her off at her brother's house. "I LOVE your car...", she says. "Thanks, I appreciate it." After some more munchkin small talk, she begins to get even more personal. She goes on and tells me that her career is one that , "pleases men". And I'm thinking, "What did this baby doll just say?"..."I please men...but I'm a clean woman. Very clean". So here we go, this is just what I needed on today. Now, all she has to do is tell me her name is Destiny and there goes my gone before it started Hollywood career! There'll be no Dancing With The Stars..no guest appearances on Celebrity Jeopardy...all I can see is me talking from a jail cell on the Maury Povich show with a caption at the bottom right side reading, "Doin' Time...and Doin' Fine" And they'll even have the nerve to play Shaggy's classic, "It Wasn't Me" in the background as I'm talking!...Nevertheless, she continues to tell us of her lifestyle, all the while I'm kind of checking her out like, you're kinda built like...anyhow, she then proceeded to hit me with, "Since you're dropping me off...I can..." So I'm like, "huh."...Let's consider the facts. Gas prices are kind of up there, and she's not offering any money for the ride. Its been a very long emotional day. Plus, I don't recognize this neighborhood she's leading me to and... On top of that I can't read any of the signs because everything's in Lento Loco Spanish. So as she was talking I did, of course, what any guy of my stature and nature would do. I just flat out told her...
Once again, you have just read Austino's Excerpts, which is a very personal look into our life lessons in regards to love and relationships. These are excerpts into a possible book, which we would write on this topic. Check us out every Monday for a new premiere of Austino's Excerpts.
Thanks for reading.
Austin.
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