Too Much.

I'm back.  Alright.  I have no idea what to write about tonight.  How about that for a beginning!  Seemingly there's always something or someone (Wink!) that comes in and out of our life, just about on a daily basis.  Just on today I asked a homegirl about how much it would cost me if I were to hire somebody to follow me around all day with a camera, just so that people can get a real view of what goes on in this MTV lifestyle that we have.  On tonight, we're just a little blank.  Its like I'm being told to write, but I have no idea what about fam.  What should we write about?  Hummm......

Well, usually when we don't know what to write about, somehow, someway something special occurs.  Just like that!  Oh...Shoot!  Tha kid just used four 'S's in a row.  Tell me that ain't epic!  That sentence should be up there with all the classic one liners, like, "Call me Ishmael."  For real...Huh...I got something...

Throughout this diary, and in our life, we are always talking about just enjoying life and having fun.  I mean, living life to tha fullest type of fun.  The type of fun that makes u dance in the middle of a store, or go up 2 that guy u've wanted and just kiss him on tha lips...maybe that's a subliminal message in there (Ladies, do note I am using my free Carmex from the Heat game, thank u very much!).  But just have fun.  Now here in Miami, and more specifically down here in South Beach, aka "Tha Land of The Beautiful People", this month is like the ultimate party month.  U got Calle Ocho, Ultra Music Festival, Miami Music Week, Sony Tennis Tournament, oh, and we do have that little thang called "Spring Break" about to jump off.  Everybody who's everybody is coming to tha 'hood to simple have...Fun.

I wonder where did this feeling hit us?  How did we come to be a person who just depended on living life and having fun?  How...Let's take a journey back through our skeletons...I mean closet, and see if we can figure this thang out.  Heck, I would like to know myself really!  I got a feeling  this is once again gonna be embarrassing and private.  But....I guess that's why I should rite tonight.  So, get a cold cup of hot chocolate, and warm up those ice cubes filled with Vodka shots, cuz this is gonna get interesting.

Here we go....


Money.  Fame.  Girls.  If u're a guy, most likely u have wanted at least two of these things simultaneously.  Perhaps if u're like me, u sometimes....well, all the time until March 3rd, 2013, wanted all three.  Whah?!!  I'm gonna be real as a mug on tonight.  I you wanted to be a star in this life, u figure if u have the fame and money, then the girls will come.  If u have the Girls, then u need some money.  If u want to be shoe laced with Fame, then u hope the Money will come.  If u want the Money, u figure that with it the Fame and Girls will follow.  This isn't just hypotenuse algebra for those who grew up in tha hood.  (Gun shots going off as ur lullaby, instead of 'Rock-a-bye Baby' qualifies u as growing up in tha hood!)  But this is a universal thought for guys everywhere.  At least for me, I gotta be honest I guess, cuz I know somebody out there is like, "Dude, I never thought like that!"  Ok, right...U renting a Ferrari for two hours, and pulling up to the club, stepping out with sunglasses on...Tha Girls.  U doing side jobs, placing paraphernalia in Burger King cups outside on tha block, hoping tha 5-0 don't catch ya...The Money.  U starting a diary in 2011, writing all these real but unbelievable stories about ur li....life...a...and talking abo...bout love and how u want ur own era and live in ur ow...own...ga...laxy.  Well, let's skip that one!  But u get that point.  So this ain't nothing new.

I grew up during like the height of these things.  The late 80s and 90s and even early 2000s, were off tha charts when it came to these three things.  People were spending without a cause.  Hold it.  Gonna get personal...I think I mentioned before about my college days.  Yeah, I was a shopaholic, big time.  Me and my dudes (Coca and C Hagg, What up!) would like shop til we dropped.  People would laugh now, but like on a Friday night we would get dressed up to go that club where everybody hung out, u know Club Best Buy!  See forget going to any other spot and paying like $10 for some kind of Long Island Ice Tea, and then being charged extra for tha ice.  Naw, we put on those Calvin Klein turtle neck, with some Ralph Lauren jeans, sprayed on some Abercrombie and Fitch (Girls how many guys did u date who wore that cologne!) and stepped out in style like we were doing tha thug thizzle!  If u can do that being dressed as some preppy Ivy Leaguers.  Then after that we hit up Borders bookstore, people may laugh, but in small towns these joints used to be jumping!  Guys, Chicks, everybody...I mean, how can u beat being able to pick up the latest from Michael Crichton, get u a latte, listen to an whole album underneath some headphones, and 'interact' with tha pretty nerd who just walked in dressed to the nines.  I mean, it was like Silicon Valley's  answer to The Playboy Mansion!  And u'll probably see some of that as well!  (Nobody got that but me....Moving On!)

So, yeah...I guess we had this side thing too, call "class".  I only heard about it the first, middle and end of the month.  We were on a trimester cycle I guess.  I'm talking way too much here, and I did graduate with a decent G.P.A., mind you...But u know its bad when two things...One, ur outside of tha dorm cooking up hot dogs, and burgers watching other people go to the class that ur "supposed" to be going to.  And then have the nerve to ask them to take notes for you, and borderline offer them a sandwich to take with them.  Then...Two, u know its bad, when u actually get all dressed up, meaning if u live in tha Midwest, u put on some sweats, or if u're a girl, throw on some flannel pants and fit flops (In 50 degree weather mind u!), and go to building.  Now, I would actually be interacting with my dudes, all of us, be chatting away, talking to people we know, messing with girls passing by, as they would with us, be literally, and I'm not joking, be literally 7 feet from the auditorium itself.  Y'ALL AIN'T FEELING ME!  And be so wrapped up in what's going on for the weekend or what's popping on Thursday night which is like college hangout night everywhere, getting ur mouth ready for $5 all-u-can drink and all u can eat tacos....yes, five dollars!  We'd be so into the convo, that even though we got outta bed, and even though we changed out underwear for this class, we decide we rather be outside and gibber gab instead of hearing about Microeconomics and stuff.  Now I ain't saying this is right, just painting tha picture on our birth of fun.

I may have mentioned this before.  But might as well get into it again.  I think when it comes to "Money" this thang woke me up, one day in my college dorm.  I was looking through my closet that was literally alphabetically arranged, by color and by short and long sleeve, and to be honest, by season as well.  Not tha four season, but the retail season it was manufactured.  It was crazy.  I kept all my bags from all of my favorite stores.  Armani Exchange, Versace (Oh, I miss that Versace Jeans Couture fragrance I had.), Gap, Banana Republic, mentioned Abercrombie (I always wanted tha bag with tha girl on the side of it.), u name it, it was in our closet.  Diesel too...One day I was upset.  Not about class, and our grades.  Not about how I was doing on the basketball team (Which was fine.).  Not even about girls.  But the thang that almost got me to firing one of those cheap dorm phones across the room was tha fact that one of the Prada T-shirts that I ordered, hadn't come in yet.  Everything else was cool, but that.  And that was what bugged me.  Then as I looked outside of my view of campus from my Penthouse Suite (Not kidding, me and my guys actually lived in the ones on campus!), I thought, so much is going on in life, with my friends, family, and other college students across the country, and I'm tripping cuz I haven't received my hookup from my dudes over in Europe.  Wake up Austin!  I mean...Hello.   I think when it comes to tha 'Mulah' that was a wake-up call.  And one of the first seeds in terms of just living and having fun.  Alright.

U can stop whenever u want to...this is like a three-part mini series on our vices I guess....hope it ain't too boring...

Alright. Now that thang David Bowie once shouted, "Faaamee!"  I'm not gonna hide anything, I've always wanted to be a superstar.  I don't mean like one of those hot for like the beginning of the year, and by the end u're like, "Whatever happened to?"  Naw, bunk that.  I dreamed about like...I love to draw, and still do. Last time I went home I was looking at some old drawings.  Me in like my own commercials, having my own shoe by Nike (Tha ALW21's thank u very much!)  I even came across this drawing, a two-parter even, where I had my own reality show, before there were actually reality shows!  For real...We was ahead of our time, but as we used to watch E!'s Mystery's and Scandals and all those gossip celebrity shows.  Heck, I was really into talk shows as well.  Geraldo, old Ricki Lake, Jenny Jones who I don't give a darn if she's 66 or not, I would still holla at her.  For some reason I used to like to watch her "Geeks to Babes and Hunks" shows.  I wonder why?  Montell Jordan...I mean Montell Williams was high on the afternoon schedule as well.  This Montell Jordan song has been on my mind for awhile...We gonna Let it Ride tonight!...But after seeing and being surrounded by this "era of the celebrity" we just felt like it would be a matter of time before we got our time, but until then, I better study on how others handled their fame.

I felt like I was almost going to class after school.  Then MTV really opened it up even more, with their MTV Cribs series.  It was my generation's Lifestyles of The Rich and Famous.  I used to Looove that.  Cuz it was real, I think...I mean u saw empty refrigerators, Ice-T had video cameras on tripods in his bedroom, so many classic episodes from Missy Elliot and her joint, to Mariah Carey's shoe collection, all held in tubbleware to Paulina Rubio laying around almost naked in her bed to Dale Earnhardt to 50 Cent to tha Cash Money Crew with a young Lil Weezy to Robbie Williams' gigantic castle to Redman keeping it too real in his Jersey place.  So many memories...not even talking about tha athletes.  But I liked that u got to see directly and really indirectly how some of ur favorite stars lived.

As I used to watch these shows weekly, and a lot of times during those Saturday afternoon marathons (Raise ur hand if u used to watch those too!), I used to think how I would live once in that position.  Do I really need 8 cars, when I can only drive one?  Or I would be surprised to see a so-called gangsta hip-hop star living in a place that looked like plain to me with browns and tans.  I think that's where I began to say that fame is cool, but in reality if u don't use it correctly, u just end up having a lot of stuff, and not making a major  impact on people, and more importantly life itself.   U don't wanna just go through life not making an impact on somebody or something.  That's just a waste of breath and time.  I'm still striving and hoping each day that somehow, and someway our dreams will come true.  One other thing about fame...

I think when u chase it, it doesn't last as long.  Like if u actually go through the steps, and don't skip a step.  Meaning...its like being all dressed up to go to a party or gala.  If u're looking right, somebody's gonna notice, and u don't have to be looking for the Ocean Drive Magazine Camera guy or position urself around the people who u think are gonna be spotlighted for that evening.  The spotlight will find you if u just let it.

Sometimes, even for myself, and I know for others u look at TV, or u see a music video or freakin' read the newspaper and see such and such, and wonder, why are these people writing about them for doing nothing, when they should be writing about real people.  More specifically , they should be writing about me.  Don't forget this is our diary, and a diary is supposed to be intimate details of one's life.  Don't ever forget that, this ain't for show!  But I know others feel tha same way, wondering when and if there chance is gonna really ever hit, or has it all been for waste.  I believe in seasons, just like TV shows.  U know when a new show debuts, and it has like a small cult following.  It feels so special because u feel like ur the only one who knows about it, and a couple of ur friends.  Sometimes it takes time before everybody begins to watch it, then u see the reviews and stuff, and u think, "I saw it from the beginning, and I knew it was good, why it take u all so long."

I think "Fame" is like that too.  Everybody can't be on stage at tha same time.  Some have to leave, before others can step on.  Just don't chase it, and if u don't it'll find you.  I promise it will.  And this ain't coming from somebody who hasn't been on "stuff".  I remember this guy once coming to me, "Hey, were u just on TV?!!!"  And we were, and we have been blessed in MANY different papers, publications (Thanks Miami Heat for this past Friday.  Did anybody see us in the Tipoff Magazine for tha game!), and have our pictures in so many different places.  That's probably why I don't have Twitter or Facebook as well.  I don't have to force people to think that I'm something special with pics and showing off every achievement and praise I get from every Tom, Dick and Harry...

I already know I am...

"I don't think I'm better than anybody...but I do think that I'm tha best."

So those incidents and TV shows laid down a few seeds on why we are just about having fun.  When u have certain things, and realize that sometimes they ain't all that, and there's more to life than those "thangs" u realize that fun times and moments really do last a lifetime..

Now.  Should I continue on the final subject, I really got stuff to do tonight.  Whatever...Here we go.

Girls.

I'm gonna write this as real as we can, as we have above.  So if it gets too heated or too much rated R, then u might wanna stop.  U've been warned...

Where do we start?  I have had the pleasure to be around a lot of cool and beautiful girls and women in my lifetime.  From Mom to Grandma to Aunts to Cousins to Friends to Co-workers to Classmates, we have been blessed for real.  In our life, at least, I've felt like we've seen a the whole spectrum, yet we still are surprised.

"I've seen it all, but I haven't seen everything."

One thing, as of recently, that I've realized is that its time out for at least myself to date or go after solely on physical attributes and measurements, and personality traits instead of the entirety of the  person themselves.  Of course, u're attracted to different types of females but the feeling of dating someone solely cuz they...have a pretty butt...love God...nice nerd glasses...is a 32C...dresses nice...likes Hip-Hop...has a nice set of abs...is 6 ft tall and above....is 5'2"....happens to be single....is a Tan Blonde with Brown eyes...is a light-skinned sister who loves sports...is a girl who isn't afraid of interracial dating...has a tattoo...doesn't have a tattoo...doesn't smoke...like football...was born in California...is intellectually intelligent...is half Columbian and half Brazilian...Likes to Dance...used to play hoops in school....all these and many similar ones are reasons that sometimes us guys, and sometimes I myself feel like we have met "The One".  Or at least thought they were the one that night at least.

I used to really jump ahead of the curve.  Not in a bad way, really just within me and...well, less be honest, The Lord above.  I meet a girl.  Find out she likes this or that, then u start to add on all the positives u can find.  "Man...she has a pretty face, she was born in Mexico, wears those nerd glasses that I like, has curves"...u find every thing to make urself feel like she's ur dream girl....Yet, u really haven't had the chance to know her.  Her habits...What she eats...How she wants to raise kids...Does she even wanna have kids?  And with u girls, that can be so tough, cuz u can look so appealing, sometimes naturally, but many times with some help with push-up bras, or Spanx type undergarments, high heels or plastic surgery, that us guys can get mesmerized at times.  Which isn't a bad thang, Lord knows! But when u throw in hot looks on top of those things that may put u in tha conversation then it can sometimes work, or sometimes get very complicated.

We constantly say in this diary, to our Mom, heck to ourself while walking around, just how their ain't too many folks who have seen, interacted, and had as many crazy experiences with females than us.  I say that with grand confidence.  Grand.  Maybe Prince or Rodman and MJ or Michael Jackson or Elvis or I guess I gotta say Hugh Hefner, but I'm dead serious.  Tha list is short.  Hopefully this diary has proved that, and even if it hasn't it's still true.  The things I see...Even on today, I was with this girl, and she just like grab her boobs with both of her hands in front of me, as she was talking to me.  I"m like, "This is how us guys get into trouble."  These indirect flirtations u dig.  I got something to get off our chest....

This is personal.  It has become difficult, and this goes out to all the guys and girls who have been in "tha game" for awhile.  And for those who get flirted with and hit on like constantly.  U know who u are...  Ok...Is it me or do u find it difficult to approach somebody on first sight?  Like when u've seen so much, u sometimes realize that when u bump into somebody at the club or at a party, or even at the library, that perhaps this is the best they may actually look.  Like in that may be the only time they look this good.  Especially at a club, down here in Miami...I would say this.  I'm getting into trouble but its true.  Here in Miami, u might see a girl during tha day, and I've told other Miami girls this too, u see a girl during tha day, she got her hair all up in a bonnet, no makeup, freakin' shoes not even tied together, sandwich crumbs on the side of her mouth...and then u see tha same girl at nighttime, and she's all done up, got her contacts in, makeup settle but natural looking, curves busting everywhere, and u think, "Is this tha same girl?"

I may be wrong, but I doubt it...I think tha difference between a Miami girl with say...a girl from New York or California or even Chicago, is that they are a little more consistent.  Like, in terms of u know what u're getting.  So one of those girls may be look like a straight up 7 or 8.  When a Miami girl, not all of them believe u me, but sometimes a girl may look like a 4 but then turn out to be a 10 or off tha charts.  Its all personal preference, and don't get it twisted I rock the South Beach attitude of "I can turn up my looks and shut down tha game anytime I want" as well.  Wearing hoop shorts and dirty sneakers like, "I still look good."  That's how we do it down here in South Beach.  But as I'm alluding to is that...

Consistency is Sexy.

It might take me two or three times before I really begin to do some investigation with friends and family on how she really is.  When I'm not around...Cuz people act differently around certain people.  I like to know how a girl acts when I'm not around.  Because sometimes girl's get caught up into our life or lifestyle, and our obsession of having fun, and begin to think I'm a "Boy Toy" and say and do all kinds of stuff  to us that any other guy would flat out not understand nor be able to resist....Showing us her puppies with her man like 10 feet away...Holding our hand like a doll when u supposed to be with somebody...not gonna get into all that but it's krazy with a "k".

I don't know it all.  But a lot of what we're saying comes from experience.  Tough, tough...very difficult experiences.  When u've been close to seeing everything u want in a girl, and I do mean everything and still things don't go how u thought they would, that opens ur eyes.  Then u realize that u CAN have just about this and that in common and still not be with that person or even be friends with that person.  As a kid, the thought of marriage was assumed that u'll find a person where u'll have everything in common with them and it'll be a perfect match.  I think that may be true, but can be false as well.  I think not even marriage but freakin' friendship and just dating somebody is finding that line between what u have in common with somebody, what u don't, and what are u willing to put up with.  That all differs between each person.

Done looking for that perfect somebody I can live with.  Now its about being with folks I can't live without.  Yeah, this may all seem egotistical.  Yeah, it sounds like I'm talking from a Playboy perspective.  But as I've learned, this is what I've become.  Now instead of looking just for somebody to hit a home run with, I'm learning that it's ok to get singles and doubles.  U know....I still like intimacy...I still like belly button licking...but sooner or later it hits u that having fun in terms of learning about a person, and not learning about the size of their waist or wondering if their ta-ta's are fake...So what?  Does this person make u happy?  Do u feel excited...I felt excited today just to see a certain someone's name on a piece of paper.  Just to see her name, gave me butterflies, cuz I feel like she's a special gal.  If it's in the Lord's Will, we will talk and connect, but until then...If I focus on having fun, and not try or worry about luring to my showroom just because.  Everything  will take care of itself.

Fun is the ultimate afrodisiac.

Believe u me...it is.

Alright.  Too much from tha kid.  Too intimate.  Too long I know.  But just a few thoughts...

Now u know how we come to be just a guy who wants to have fun.  I got a lot of things people are chasing...right now.  Been truly blessed.  But let me tell you this...if u ain't sharing tha fun, it ain't worth jack diddly pooh.  Knowing that u read this diary, u have more than a piece of me, is satisfying enough.  Cuz I know this diary is one of a kind.  And beyond the Money, Fame and Girls that we once chased ruthlessly...just tha thought u have a piece of this unique life is cool.  Or better yet...

It's my type of fun.

Austinno.