I'm gonna tear some sleep up on tonight! I mean tear it up bro! Its such a thin line between going hard and getting ur proper rest ain't it? Like when do u party hearty and when do you like pass out on ur bed for a while...just face down u know. But before we do, I guess we should write a few nuggets.
We've been writing for a long time, and have kept an online diary for what, going on 2 years now, and for as long as I've known myself (Ha!), we've been trying to figure out what and who we really are. I'm reading this autobiography on one of the best basketball players of all-time Jerry West (West By West, My Charmed, Tormented Life), heck of an title, I know. But as I was reading on this particular page I came upon this word that rightfully or wrongfully my sum up who we are or aren't as a person. Anyway, it stopped me in my tracks like a slow cruise down Ocean Drive, and it hit me like, "Dude, this may sum u up." The word that popped out like...I can't say that...but what jumped out at me, was the word...
Elitest.
I cringed a little bit because I know what that can signify. But I had to look tha word up. After further research, I went to the real source of definitions, Urban Dictionary dot com, and they had this to say. Now, tonight can get personal, but as we say a million plus times, this is a guy's diary. It just happens to be for the Galaxy to see. So what we are gonna be writing here, we'd be writing if it was just us in our notebook. Ok, that's out of tha way, so let's discuss...
Is this tha attitude that u need to be successful? Like do u have to have that edge to you that "U're tha best?" or "Ur tha hottest" just to get by? I think in some ways...Yes. But...Ah, there's a but. I don't think you should let that attitude negatively affect others. That's when ego and this thought of perfection can down work against you, but...
What I'm learning is that nowadays, maybe its just me, but people don't compliment or how about encourage other people like they once did. Seems like back in tha day, folks u didn't even know used to be quick to drop a "U look nice 2day" or a "Keep working it's gonna work out". Its tough to find that kind of talk in today's day and time. I think for one, everybody is really zeroed in on taking care of themselves. And two, I think there's a sense of jealousy in some circles. Or intimidated in some ways. U can stop reading if u don't want our heart tonight, cuz I'm gonna call it like we see it. What happened to those days where teachers were more concerned about a soul, than a paycheck? What happened to those days in tha workplace where people were genuinely concerned about seeing you make it, possibly even further than they are at that time. Like ur success was their success. Now u may start a job, and people don't wanna give u all the in's and out's of a gig, just because they don't wanna lose their job themselves. All this "I'm gonna tell you everything you know, but u don't know everything I know" attitude, I think has to stop. I'm a victim...I'm also a culprit as well...Oh, have I ever been.
I'm still a secretive kind of guy. Flat out. It may be of some surprise to hear that considering our "cartoon" personality and all that we discuss in this diary. But I like our privacy, especially about our love life, don't giggle, and just personal stuff, that I think eventually everybody will find out about sooner or later. Over tha last few years though, we have opened up....a lot. And I think that...how can I put this...When u don't get what or who you want, over an extended period of time, that sense of not getting over tha hump forces you to look deep within. And it also forces you to realize that you are going through tha fire for a reason, and that tha lessons u've learned, must be used to help others as well.
We are asked a lot about love. Like different situations and stuff. Somehow and someway, it's like we have a story or a girl that can give a clear illustration of lessons learned. That's just an example, but in many stages of life, we've been through. That's why we say, cherish tha lessons and all tha pain, cuz u never know when that can be a motivator for not only you, but someone else. We all need encouragement even me myself. Which goes back to this Elitest thang...
To us, tha mid-level exception of being or having an Elitest attitude is self-motivating yourself...I heard a quote the other day from a sports reporter...
"The great path...has no path."
That's a powerful six words. Cuz to us, that indicates that what makes a path or road to success so great, is that there isn't no blueprint for it. That's tha allure of it, that nobody has traveled this route before, but its also the most difficult because since no one, or not too many have traveled like this, u REALLY have to look within and develop an attitude inside of you...and sometimes u have to do it by yourself.
When ur on this path, u look around and nobody's there. You can have family and friends, but do they really know how it feels. I'm gonna let it all hang 2night, it may be too deep, but whatever..How can somebody tell you how to get an "A" in class when they've gotten nothing but "F's" in class? And had to cheat for that...What about having to go days, having to sacrifice and freakin' ration out meals, and cans of baked beans just so u can make it, unless u've done that, u don't know how it feels. I got a personal situation, right now, I'm experiencing. Something that me and tha Great Editor in Tha Sky have been having an..."out" about. This is really...really personal, but...it may be tha last time...I don't know....
Our stories about love and relationships...they are flat out crazy. Just on today I thought about a girl or another wild episode with us liking somebody, and having another person know about our feelings, and whatever. I've been a romantic kind of person, our entire life. As a kid, listened to love songs religiously, got giddy whenever somebody approached another girl, to test tha waters. Love, sexually and emotionally is just a trait, that has been embetted into our souls. That's who we are, and who we'll always be.
But over tha last few years...something stranged happened. Even though I'm like showered with adoration from tha most beautiful women in tha Galaxy...it's like God has shut every door on me, in terms of developing a long term relationship. I would get to know this girl...Ooops, she's leaving tha country...Supposed to hang out with this gal for a special trip...Ooops, a family member dies...Get to know this girl...Oh, she forgot to tell u she had a boyfriend....I've never seen anything like it. EVER. This ain't just one or two strange occurrences, I can honestly say that it has just been weird bro.
I'm writing this cuz I'm right at where I wanna be, so I can talk...now.
When things in ur life, constantly happen in ways you can't explain, u question...well, u question everything. Its no use in being real with people...It's no use in being nice...It's no use in looking good cuz folks get scared when u look too good...I like u when u're in Ralph Lauren Polo...Now that ur rocking tha Ralph Lauren Black Label, I don't know if I like you now....These thoughts of What that (Fill in Tha Blank) constantly filled our head. We already had a mini-Elitest mindset of thinking that we can do whatever and whoever we want. So to constantly hear tha word "no", well, people really didn't tell us that, there was just nothing. No closures. Until we closed them. So I was kind of mad at God.
Then of course, whenever u get upset at life or whatever, another test or monkey wrench, gets thrown into our tool box. This came in the form of my friends, whom I love, and appreciate of, cuz of their supports or jokes or unknowingly living testimony. But the test, or slap in tha face, was that now, even they were finding their love of their lives. All of them...then as time goes by, they start to have families. All the while, I still have to go through step after step...after step...after Bobby Brown step, just to figure out why something so available, has been bolted shut.
That's not easy, and somebody knows what I'm talking about.
So now, even though u are happy for ur friends and fellow family, u wonder, why am I going through so much? It don't make no sense. And then u begin to think about waving off from that semi-Elitest confidence. Ur like, I just saw this guy with a girl walking down tha street, so why I am working so hard to get a six-pack of abs, or dressing to tha 10's when it doesn't take all that...Or why should I wash my car, when this hot girl in a super dirty car got out with this dude....The temptation to lower tha standards that u once set, begin to question...
What's Tha Use?
If u can put in less work, and get tha same re...Why put in 20 resumes, and waste 3 hours of a Sunday, when u can put out 2 resumes, get tha same results of rejection, but at least u will be able to chill on tha sands at tha beach. C'mon, I know I'm not tha only one, then maybe I am the only one who's felt like this? See its very easy to hold on to virtues or standards when everythings going your way. U got a big income tax check return...God is Good. That boy u've been checking out, asked u out finally..."Being patient pays off"...
But tha test is how do u react, when u do what u feel is right, and u continue to get bad results, or at least not tha results u want. Especially if u feel that ur...close.
So even now, I've had some interesting moments. Looking at my dudes, and wondering "When are we gonna get ours?" Not just love, but life in general. "You can't tell me it takes all this right?" I'm working like crazy to get this? When seemingly others are working less...but they get that.
Yet...guess what happens though, unknowingly. When things don't go tha way u want them....When people don't love u tha way u want them...When money comes easy, but leaves easier...A new person develops. It's like u have to go through that molding process, before u can turn into gold. U have to go through it...So what A. Galaxia do you learn...Well, how much time do we have?
I've learned that everybody has their own path to success. I've learned that motivation comes in tha strangest places. U'll be flipped out how...when u're successful in some areas, u look for motivation in a bevy of ways. (That's tha first time I've used bevy without following it with "of babes"!) U can get burned out, but things that happened 10 years ago can be motivating...Tha thoughts of "Will You Be Ready?" when tha time hits can be a motivation..."Joe Blow got a wife before me, how's that fair, he's not better than me?", that can be a motivation...This one person u don't even know is watching from afar, that can be a motivation...Heck, this week, I've used a girl to motivate me. She doesn't even know it yet, but just tha thought that I'm gonna be with her, whether it will happen or not, (I believe it will.) is a motivation. Real talk, folks. I've been blessed beyond words, and when u've been and experienced, and quite frankly have or had a lot, u need to trick your mind sometimes to keep going. To keep pushing urself...even if it is a mirage of sorts.
Which is why all this drama was designed in tha first place. To take us to tha next level. Now I know how to appreciate having money, and not just spend lavishly but now wisely...Now I can appreciate tha true beauty of a girl, and not get over enthoughed over her looks or be concerned if she has washboard abs (Pre-requisite of 2000) or if she is a tan blonde beach girl (Pre-requisite of 2007) or if she's tall or a big booty or pretty toes or speaks Spanish, all those things that artifically can make someone attractive. Now I look for subtle things, how she talks, is she willing to help others, when u talk to her does she continue to run her mouth or does she pause and patiently hear what u have to say, these are things that as time passes....last for a lifetime. Not just in love relationships, but also friendships. As we said before...
"Sometimes u set tha standard...Sometimes tha standard sets itself."
This is tha by-product of what u go through. U can either soak and get some Boone's Farm, cut of tha lights, and not shower for a week, or u can say, "U know what...u messed up." And use it as fuel to a fire, that can't ever be quenched. That's tha goal in tha first place. For u 2 go to a level never done before and for u to be turned into something bigger than even u can't imagine.
Its like driving in Miami traffic. When u first begin to drive, or when u first move down here, u just wonder what is going through people's minds dude. Somebody cuts you off, and u snap, perhaps cuss somebody out (At least in ur mind), or yell out tha window. But over time, as u continue...Man, this is some good stuff tonight...over time, as u continue to experience tha craziness, you begin to get used to tha conditions and tha things that used to get you all riled up, doesn't even bat ur eye anymore. And tha only way to do that is to get on tha road...I.E...U gotta get out and live ur life. The only way to get over ur deepest fear is to face it head on.
I don't really have any deep fears, but as this is ultra-personal, I think the only thing that I "think" upon, is that I'm never gonna be as big as a "superstar" in some way or another as tha route I've taken or more or less be thrown on has dictated. When u've been prepared though, and have gone through, and have come out better going out, than when u went in...What shall u fear? Who shall u fear right? U know when ur time comes its gonna be something never seen before. And as I'm at that point right now, u know it's gonna be special. For others who may read this that feel this post. Stay confident and relish in tha fact that u have had tha chance to sit back and learn from others success or possible mistakes. U've taken tha toughest hits and heartbreaks...yet have survived. U didn't think u could, but look at u now. I know I shoulda gave up, and thrown myself out of a moving car, many moons ago. But if I can withhold and survive, so can you. And u'll find out that, that job or person or group of friends that gave up on you, now want to be like you, or even want to get back with you. Life's amazing ain't it!
Tonight doesn't get any more real than this. Nothing to be embarrassed about cuz its our heart and tha truth from our soul. The best is yet to come. And 2nite is the continuation of something new, something special, something that can last over tha tests of time. Huh. "I'm ready" is what I said years ago...Heck even just last month... But only after u go through tha trials, nights alone and learn to use those episodes as ur friend can you say...
"I'm so freakin' ready."
And believe u me...
There's a big difference.
Toodles and Love.
Austino.
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