Austino Galaxia's Universo.: April 2013

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

One More Night With Roy Cee.

(Parental Discretion Advised)

Just us and this diary...Just us and this diary...Alright, let's go.

I've been up since like 3am in tha morning. Which is like, mad early, or mad late depending if ur sleep or if you are still out making it rain on some bartender, but either way, 3am is still 3am. I just thought about that, ain't it wild how that time can be either make u happy or upset, depending on tha situation or how "lucky" u might be on that night. This could be a unique type of post, cuz it hasn't hit us what exactly we are gonna jot about, so we'll just keep it real until it does.

Be aggressive or Let it come to you? Huh. That's a question that was brought to mind on today. I think you can be both...somehow I feel another story coming, huh. You know what we're gonna switch gears a little bit here, so Yogi Bear with us.

We never know when its gonna be our last time writing in our diary, which just happens to be seen for the rest of the Galaxia. So on tonight, I'm gonna dedicate this one to one of my family members, one that has passed on. I'm gonna dedicate tonight to my Grandpa, Mr. Roy C. Martin.

Not even sure if I should be doing this because whenever someone who I consider to be a Sensei of sorts, the information that is given to me, I consider like gems of gold. But this is my diary, so...much of what I've learned about life, love and just being you in general has come from many friends, family and certainly strangers I see on a daily basis. Real quick, the other day I saw somebody I guess asking for money at a stoplight, this time with a puppet as one of his props. I put that on everything! A puppet dude, that looked like one of those old Jim Henson things that didn't make it out of the warehouse! Only in South Florida. But getting back to this special post...

I used to go over to my Grandpa's house, a lot before I moved down here in Miami. I used to call that period of time, "The Lost Years" since it was after I graduated from college, and before I took that big leap down here to "Tha Land of Tha Beautiful People". A good comparison would be like the TV show Three's Company after Suzanne Somers left and they had ol' girl come in as Chrissy. It wasn't tha same. By tha way, I still think Miss Somers playing Chrissy is one of, if not the top sexiest characters in tha history of television. Along with Denise from The Cosby Show...Elaine from Seinfeld...Jesse Spano from Saved By The Bell...Whitley Gilbert from A Different World...C.C Babcock from The Nanny...Hilary Banks from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air...Max Guevera from the show Dark Angel...I could go on and on, as u can see that I have spectrum of beaut...Oh, and also that one chick from that old show called Sherman Oaks, which was a show that I "happened" to turn past when my science teacher didn't tell us enough about the female anatomy, if u catch what I mean. I never knew that a woman could bend...and have her tan boobs just dangling in tha...I better stop. I'm gonna be unplugged tonight. But, that's how I once felt about that period in between gigs. Just dangling in tha air wondering when I'm gonna move from the 12:30am slot into that 7pm, primetime slot.

As I look back though, those years were truly gems. Having time to spend with Moms, Pops, and so much family, friends, and definitely my Grandpa. Grandpa was one of a kind. I don't know how to explain it really, and probably a lot of my craziness when coming to not only life, but definitely women, which I'll get into in a bit, comes from him. That's why I love, and still enjoy talking to people with experience. Cuz they can tell u real stories, and help you so much.

Even though I was single at the time, Grandpa would talk to me sooooo much about relationships and love. Now I truly feel that he almost saw my future before I even knew it, or even really talked about it. Back then I wasn't so open about this girl or that girl, but it was almost like he KNEW that I would be around a lot of women, a lot of really beautiful women, and he felt tha need to let me in on a several of his thoughts to help prepare me for tha future that laid ahead of me. I actually recall sitting inside of his house on Martin Luther King Drive, and have him telling me about a woman he met, and...I really shouldn't be saying all this tonight but our diary is special, and I want you to get the real me, and who I am, and who help mold me...So he was sitting in his familiar rocking chair talking about how this woman didn't really get down with how Grandpa rolled. So after he was done talking about this blasphemy backtalk this chick was giving him, he just flat out told me...

"I can't help it if I'm sexually active!"

I was just laughing cuz Grandpa had to be about 65 plus. But that's how our fam operates, u're never too old to rock n' roll!

Alright, I gotta go back up to tha top and put my "Parental Discreation Advised" disclaimer, cuz it's about to get real tonight. Hold up!

Ok...So on tonight, and for one night only, I'm gonna share some of the phrases and thoughts that help mold me to how I think. Now, u absolutely may not agree with what I write concerning religion, sex, love, and just life. But a lot of what my Grandpa has told me to some extent is true. I love him still so dearly. At his funeral, the Veteran's of the Armed Forces broke into that so familiar trumpet song of "Taps". But as tears rolled down my face, that wasn't the song that was on my mind. I knew it would never be tha same, and only one was playing loud in my soul's jukebox. And that was song by the R&B group Xscape....

"Who Can I Run To?"....

And with that here we go, on a very, very, very personal look into my Grand papi, and my inner teachings and views...U may have read some before, but still, this should be mad interesting...

"If you have to wait until nighttime to do something, then....u need to leave that alone." - This quote hit me directly cuz at the time Grandpa told me this, unannounced, I was trying to get at this cute Mexican Senorita named Kristina...Ooops! No names tonight...But after I first saw her, I thought she was the one, like Sure Nuff on The Last Dragon. After battling bad cell phone signals, and touch and go, I finally had a chance to lay that Pooh Daddy suave-a on her. "What's up bay-bee...Yeah, I got a bad signal, but now it's just me and you bay-bee...". I admit I was sprung on her, just like Sir-Mix-A-Lot in "Baby Got Back" rapped about, even telling one of my hoops teammates that "I met my wife." I approached her on tha sidewalk in between buildings on college campus. Walked up to her as she was with her friend, and in a true "I don't give a fudge" moment, as a stranger, introduced myself, told her what's up, she listened, she gave me her number in less than Dos...Minutos! We went our way, my boys were shocked, and I was thinking, "That was crazy easy...almost too easy." And it was. So I talked to this girl on tha phone, and she was always working, and like the only time I could see her was after Nighttime with Ted Koppel on ABC. Even back then, even I wasn't missing TK for nobody.

So my Grandpa hit me with that...and it's still true today. If the only time either a guy or girl has available is after dark or dag gone near midnight. For your safety, no matter how good him and her looks, u need to leave that alone. Cuz from that experience, and my Grandpa's words, I've learned the hard way that if somebody...I really starting to feel it y'all, today's gonna be special...if somebody really wants to be with you, or meet up with you, they'll make adjustments dude. If u ask a girl out, and she's like she's busy on Friday and leaves it dead right there, beep it, and move on. But if she's like, "I'm busy on Friday...but how about on Saturday", then dag gone it, high tail ur way to Walgreens, ask the cashier can you speak with Jimmy behind the counter, and get ready for to make Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Dream become a reality! U may not agree, but tell me it ain't true..

The Three Questions...I've mentioned this before, but worth mentioning again...Whenever my Grandpa would me a woman, and would like to get inside her mind...I mean, get to know her, he would ask her the following three questions:

Do you have a man?...
Are you happy?...
Are you satisfied?

Let me just say this, that if ur in any type of relationship, and u can't answer confidently with a "yes" to all three, then as the Oldheads used to say in church, u need to go back to "the old landmark" and redefine where u and ur mate are in this thang. My Grandpa would tell me how you'll get a 'yes' to the first one, the second one would get a shakier answer sometimes, then the freakin' crickets would come out at the last question. This line of thinking taught me how we...let me be real, how I shouldn't be settling for anybody or any piece of booty, just to say that I have someone. So many times all of us get caught up into a title, my girlfriend, my boyfriend, my husband, my fiancee, sometimes we don't even realize how much we mention that title, instead of that person's name. Huh! Doesn't that person have a name. Are we associate with a title more than that person. I love it when somebody is like here's my husband, John...Or just says I talked to Gloria today, instead of throwing "my girlfriend, soon to be fiancee" in there instead. Lot of relationships are just that titles, and you can throw me down a flight or stairs, and put red lipstick on me blindfolded, before I throw away all my lessons, time and money just for a title...now are you satisfied?!!

"You better open up that Bible for yourself."- My Grandpa loved God...a lot. And I'm gonna talk about this, cuz if I can talk about banging headboards I for sure can talk about The Word. So Grandpa used to talk about knowing God FOR YOURSELF. And not put ALL your trust in Pastors, Priests or what have you. Give the ultimate respect of course, but also realize that they are human as well. And just as God would want, u have to know what God's Word says for yourself, cuz say what so often happens is that something happens or a wild fiasco case my breakout with one of "God's Vessels" and then once that happens, u become disappointed, and lose all faith in God, when in reality u had more faith in that man or woman, than God Himself. Feel me...U need to know for yourself, and whether u believe in God or not, this goes for anybody, only you know what u've been brought through, all those long nights u didn't have a job, or money, or too much money brought crazy stress, yet u made it through. U are a living testimony urself. Tell u story, you never know who can be touched just by u saying, "It was tough in 2012, but guess what I hung in there, and I may it through. And now 2013 is kosher." Just a word, it only takes one, just make sure u know its the right one.

"I might meet my wife."- Grandpa used to come over to what I call "The White House" at 1600 'cough cough' back home. So this one time Pops asked him if he wanted to go to the drug store up the street, and Grandpa wearing a "Grandpa is #1" sweatshirt, was like, "Naw...I can't go like this, I might meet my wife." It was so innocent, but so true. Now that I live down here in South Beach, aka Fantasy Island, it's off the charts the number of sexy ladies I come into contact with, when I'm dressed like I just got off the 'S' bus after Midnight. It happens all the time. Heck, the other day, I saw this girl who was dressed like a mad cute New York Socialite with her big Chanel sunglasses, her Kate Spade bag just hanging in between her forearm and bicep, just how I like it. Sexy skirt, dark hair, sexy thighs...Am I being too real?...but she had that "look" that when worn right can really be attractive to me. Its rare that I see that, but u never know who u might see. I was bummed out like whatever in my Nike San Fran Giants shorts, Tampa Bay Rays tee, and as I like to call them my first Nike Galaxia "Simon" shoes. I wasn't even matching! I think about Grandpa's words all the time. I could have still approached, but I don't chase girls...girls chase...well u know tha rest. Thanks Grandpa for that one too!

"It'll never be tha same."- This quote after a well-publlicized case, where the party was involved in cheating on his wife. Grandpa just kept on saying, no matter if both of them get together or not..."It will never be tha same." He was talking about how even during intercourse, how one of them might be thinking about that cheating moment. And Grandpa was also saying how once one person cheats, the other person kind of has a "Get Out of Jail Free" card as well. Cuz if u did it...I forgive you. I, in a way, have a freebie as well. We don't wanna talk about this tonight, I know, but that's real on so many levels. It's best to resist, cuz, and I'm gonna be real here, females don't forget anything. So u can be along ur way, watching tha Heat and Lakers play in the NBA Finals in 2014 (We can hope can't we!), and suddenly u forgetting to wash a spoon that was left out, can turn into full fledge argument on how u were doing some spooning...or forgive me...some forking of ur own back in freakin' 2000! Don't cheat it hurts everybody. Everybody in Miami cheats don't they so...Maybe that's why everybody's hurt and doesn't want to take chances....Hummm.

"Whoever said that you can't get pregnant standing up...lied!"- Now this as personal, so I won't get all into it. But I think there was an old, what do u call it, no wives tale, but something like that, that said that if you had "relations" standing up, even up on a sycamore tree or something that you won't drop ur seed like The Roots. Grandpa KNEW this wasn't tha case. Knew! So he would tell my this and a little more that I will share in a moment about getting ur swerve on.

A lot of this stuff is personal, it ain't easy to share. But somebody might need to hear this stuff. Guy, maybe even girl, but...have to share this on tonight. Got a few more, sensual ones as well...

"I have to see what the sco' (score) is."- My Grandpa would say this a lot, and the meaning was basically find out what's really going on. It ain't nuthing worse than to be in a relationship or on a job, and not knowing that ur being played like bobo tha fool. That ish hurts dude. I remember this one time this guy telling me, as I was in an office, that my services were no longer needed. It wasn't even a firing, just a let-go. But ur like, dude u could've told me that before I wasted this gas money, dealt with all this traffic, and on top of that, I missed Judge Mathis and didn't set tha tape for it, u could've saved me some trouble, especially since I didn't do anything wrong and worked hard. That's life though, and it's best 2 know what's going on. Sometimes people can fool you, that's why I hate speakerphone. Cuz I don't like to be entertainment for family and friends. While ur whispering, "Watch this" to your primo, and giggling, no...I need to know "tha score". That means keeping ur eyes wide open..at all times.

"If you date a beautiful woman, you're gonna have to have sex with her."- This may be controversial to some, but my Grandpa has seen a lot, so he knows something fou sure. What Grandpa was basically saying...let me see how can I put this since a) my Mom might be reading this...and b) other girls might be reading this...then again, if ur a girl who's reading this u must be drop dead gorgeous inside and out, cuz those are the girls I attract anyway, thus, I ain't saying nuthing u don't already know. I'm sure somebody was giving a high-five to themselves as the read it. Beautiful women are a trophy to many guys. We have learned to look at beauty in many different ways, but also nice dames as people just we all are. Beautiful girls and handsome guys get discriminated against to... A lot, for that matter, but that's for another time. But Grandpa was just saying how a beautiful woman knows she's beautiful, she knows she's being chased by a lot of guys, and more importantly knows she has options. Now, what Grandpa was saying was that a pretty girl who has options, sooner or later, whether in girlfriend or wife stage is gonna get that urge to "get it in." (Kieno what up, that's tha saying for tha decade ain't it!)

Maybe u girls know more than I know, but a sexy woman or girl has needs, and if she doesn't get them fulfilled to her liking whether that's sexually, or being supportive and caring or just by listening, if she's not getting satisfied, and doesn't feel wanted and needed, I'll bet anything except my Desperate Housewives First Season DVD that she'll dip on you. A woman, not only a physically attractive one, which I don't like to say cuz all people and definitely women have something that beautiful about them...But any woman, has to feel like she's the only one in tha room. And that can mean tha bedroom as well. That's why when we say for ur mate u have to "make love to their mind, body, and soul", we mean it. 2 out of tha 3 won't do. I'm saying this out of experience bro. After the ladies I've met, I see that its true. There are a lot of closet freaks out her. Who act like a lady in tha street, but if a man doesn't do right behind those doors, just like The Bulls of Jordan-Pippen and Rodman...you can have ur hands full!

"You can't buy love...but you sure can rent it a long time."- Now I know some guys and girls that have been through "tha game" can attest that this is super true. Especially down here in tha MIA. I've never seen so many people who say that they can't stand their beau, and yet don't leave him. Why? That supposed lifestyle of driving fancy cars, or being on the scene, or having that super laid out condo...Or if u're a guy, u may think, "I'm never gonna have another chick who can spend cheese on me like this...Shoes, Food...and all I got to do is break her off every once in awhile...Bro, what do you want?" All this Rent with the option to buy mentalities has to stop. Ask me how do I know? Cuz I've been guilty of it!

I've spent money on girls, gone all over town looking for a freakin' toy to give a Argentinean baby girl, just to make her smile, or tricking off all this money on food, when afterwards just getting a "You just got over tha measles" type hug, and u coming home like this chick done wasted my time. Matter of fact, next time I see her I'm gonna hit her up for "tha real cost" of our time out on tha town. See that bill said, "42.57", but homie that's Mickey Mouse see, that's the actual cost in ur mind. But according to my Macro Econ class, the real cost includes battery usage on my cell phone to tell u "I'm outside"...tha time cost of u saying, "I'll be out there in a bit."...Gas, of course...The cost of good conversation gone to waste...The cost of me having to wait two weeks before I can rock this great outfit again...The Time wasted waiting for you to decide on what to eat, when u knew u were gonna order something expensive the moment u knew we were going out...The cost of me being seen in public with you, which can lead to somebody thinking we're "a couple" when as my Grandpa would say, this was really some "Bull (Beep)", and now I can't get at that girl sitting over in tha booth next to us, cuz she thinks ur my girl...

See, I'm just keeping it real tonight, cuz I know somebody, somewhere feels me. Girl or guy. That "real cost" in the Dating Index is a mug. Don't rent love...Be all in or nothing. Somebody out their may be shut the heck up Galaxia, u think u know it all, when ur single and blah blah. But dude, we've been through so many lessons learned and pre-screened through my Grandpa to last a lifetime. All I'm saying is that now once u go through it all, and once u've practiced, so many times, things can become second nature. And certain things come up in ur life, like where to go on a first date (Mickey D's of course!) or how to answer tough questions like, "Do I look fat?" or u get text messages that really show that all a doll needs are a few seconds of attention, that's when u can love right, and live right.

A lot of trial and error has us in the position today to even talk about past episodes even I shouldn't even share. I feel like Kobe Bryant or Paula Abdul on American Idol or having Letterman come on after Leno on NBC, u may not like them, but there was something underated and different about those times. One day, u'll may look and be like this was some kinky, or even deep stuff, but even though u have that mansion on Biscayne Bay, and have a family of four in a mini-van, I personally want our life, and our diary to hit u, so that many years from now, u'll be like, "I wish I could read Austino Galaxia's diary just one more time. Just for yesteryear's sake, like how he used to do." That day is a coming very soon...But until then...

Love u forever Grandpa. What a man! He helped mold me from birth, and his wisdom I share on tonight. For one night only...

Hope u enjoyed.

Bye.
Austino Galaxia.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Ponce De La Galaxia.

And here we go with another diary adventure...

What to write about today? Humm...just got done watching tha Bulls beat the Nets in Triple Overtime here. Mr. Excitement aka Nate Robinson went off in the 4th quarter and in tha Overtime periods in ways that I haven't seen perhaps ever...And we've seen a lot, especially at the United Center in Tha Chi. Sure my Pops and Uncle Kenny were going krazy at tha crib. Playoff hoops at its best...

Today was an interesting day. I mean how many people can say they were watching the movies 27 Dresses and Clueless in tha same day. I shouldn't be writing about those "girl flicks" as a guy, should I? Today's post is gonna be "in tha moment" so we're just gonna write as we feel....

Tha kid was a little taking back on this morning. We was reading from the LA Times, always like to read about our future home, but I came across an article that got me Pat Riles up. This article had to do with the actress Miss Gwyneth Paltrow and her fashion looks that she's rocking as she's promoting her new cookbook and stuff. The writer was I guess, acknowledging the opinions of readers on how or if Paltrow should dress her age or not. She's 40 years young, and looks good, but the article was questioning if she should stop wearing these short skirts, and dress more mature, or more what is supposed to be her age. Ohhh, why did I have to read about this on today. Let me crack my knuckles on this one, and get it in...I've been waiting to talk about this one.

What tha heck is age? Stop right now if u don't wanna read this ish, cuz we gonna write from our heart about some personal stories that we've experienced...Stop. Right. Now. No poems today, just real talk. But for real, what is age? Well, I believe that age is just a number. And it didn't take Aaliyah to tell me that. I'm a stronger believer in two things when it comes to my life. One, I get younger and better as time goes by. We'll explain in a little bit. Freakin' nat flying by my face..."Hater". And two, I will never die. Because I feel that my spirit will live on one way or another in jokes, moments, diary writings, TV shows, and more importantly influence on Pop culture, in such a way that it will always feel like I'm playing some kind of role if not only in this world, but also in tha Galaxy. Boy, I gotta save that sentence for when I'm sitting couch-side on tha Tonight Show, next year! I believe that with all my heart and soul, and nobody can tell me any different.

Matter of fact, I'm really starting to believe that I'm ageless. Jigga said that "30 is tha new 20." Pops told me not too long ago, that 60 is tha new 50. And by the looks of some of these mamacitas here in Miami, 40 is definitely the new 20. I just thought about that, if only my math teachers could have used love as arithmetic story problems when I was in High School. Talking about graduating with high honors in Multiply and Divide, boy...How, I don't even like to use tha word, but for tonight's post I'll mention tha O-word. Considering what I just wrote, I'm not talking about that "O" word (Freaks know what I'm talking about), but I'm talking about, how "old" (ouch) you feel is just a mindset dude. As with many things in life. If u think u're slowing down as you move along life's rat race, then you are. If u feel like, u're just getting started, well, that's where u are as well. That's what got me with this Paltrow article...big time.

If u look good wearing something, what tha (bleep) does it matter how old you are? I mean, dressing to what you've been taught your "age" is, to me is so...boring. For Exhibit A, u should dress and wear things that not only enhances your silhouette, but looks good on u, no matter how many years you've been on this Earth. And Ex. B., your outfit for tha day should not be pre-determined, I think, for I think one should dress on how they feel on a particular day or moment. You may lay something out the nite before, but in tha morning or right before you walk out tha door u may say, "I feel sexier today, or more geeky today", so u throw on a pair of 50's readers, or a low cut blouse, or unbutton your dress shirt 4 buttons down, and let it go. I cannot stand when people put u in a box, to either look like them or act like them. Just because u can't pull something off at your age doesn't mean...

I live down here in Miami. Let's get more specific, here in South Beach, truly and forever will be known to me, and soon tha galaxy as "Tha Land of The Beautiful People". One thing that stands out down here is it seems like so many people don't age nor work. And if you are driving down West Ave. at 1:30pm in tha afternoon you'll agree that this is like a playground for fun. Adult fun. And I mean that in a good way. "Grown folks" act like kiddos down here. Riding bikes...skateboarding...staying up late and then going straight to work the next day. Hanging out in clubs...Almost like a college atmosphere in a way. Everyday and night. I know that plastic surgery is big down here in tha Magic City, but there are some folks who just take great care of themselves. And I believe a lot has to do with pure attitude.

They don't think that they age. They are living in tha moment and doing things that resemble days of innocence. U know what that means right? When u just believe than anything and everything was possible and waiting to be explored, before all those trials of life. Sometimes u just have to regain those thoughts of...Fun. (Cough, Cough) and just enjoy life. Believe you me, it will make a difference in how you feel, and a big difference in how you...look.

Not too long ago, I was being ambushed it seemed by every Tom, Dick, and Harry...Although, it would have been better if I was being ambushed by Teresa, Diana, and Harriett, but all these people wanted to know how old (Freakin' hate that word!) I am? I was thinking, like what tha heck is going on, is somebody trying to write a Wikipedia page on me, what's going on? I will give them the most honest answer I know..."I'm ageless." Then I would follow that blank stare they would give by asking them, "How old do I look?" Most answers were early 20's which wasn't too far off...I think since I don't even remember my age. But I....

Ok. This just hit us off the Hot Press. Gonna have some fun tonight. Once again for one night only, and as an exclusive for our diary, we're gonna share some secret tips to remaining ageless. You never know what ur gonna get from this diary do you?!! Heck, I don't even know. So I'm gonna list (In my infomercial voice) "How you too..." can become ageless in this society where age is made such a big deal from people who figure there life is over when in actuality it has just begun. I don't know everything, but we're gonna share how we look at life, and how we perceive getting younger as time goes by. Always remember...

Just because Time flies, doesn't mean you can't jump on tha motorcycle!

OMG! This is gonna be good tonight. (Huge breath!) Let's have sum fun!!

- Thirst for tha sip called Life. When I was a kid, or younger as a kid, and even now, I'm really not allowed to use tha word bored in my life. My folks always told me that there's so much out here in this world to do, u should never be bored. You can play with bouncing balls, read a book, play "house", run around and play "tag" with your imaginary friend. Something can be done to occupy ur time, and help u develop some kind of skills, whether with making new friends or honing ur craft of creativity. As life moves, sometimes we feel like we've done it all, and seen it all. But a key to becoming ageless is to continue to enjoy tha small things that makes life worth living. That can be the view of an ocean skyline, to while being at a stoplight admiring how squirrels can chase each other up tha tree..."K-I-SS-I-N-G". There's a lot going on around you, and that leads too...

- The Power of Oui. You're looking at one of the most selfish people who can easily think that tha sun doesn't shine til u wake up. Well, bad example, since I get up early like 4am to do my thang and its dark, but that's not tha point. I can be very egotistical. But what I've learned is not to get so caught up in my thang that I can lose track of others who may be going through things myself. Sometimes I can be a work, and be on tha cusp of snapping like a Macho Man Slim-Jim, cuz something wasn't done right, or simply because u feel like YOU always have to be tha one to bring energy or break tha ice. While soaking I try to put myself into somebody else's shoes like maybe something may be wrong in their personal life, or they are tired from studying hard, some way try to help ease tha mood. If they don't accept that reach of "forget that or we'll push through it", then beep 'em, and I move on. But I believe life is better when we look at Oui, or "We" instead of just "Me." I really do.

- You are what you burp! Now I'm just gonna be real from experience on both extreme spectrums of eating salads with nothing but air dressing to slamming three Whopper's, only to realize that those doofuses forgot my large fry. What u eat does make a difference in how u feel. But how u look too. Everybody wants to look their best...at all times. (U have to here in Miami cuz u never know who u meet at any given moment, trust me on this!) For me personally, I really don't look to eat a lot of sugar, I don't remember the last time I had red meat, and I tend to lean towards turkey (That's funny when u read that.), chicken, and canned veggies that have ABSOLUTELY "No Salt Added" to them. I eat Oatmeal just about everyday. And I'm an addict of trail mix, but no just any kind. I loooove Almonds (Life's secret food of being ageless), eat Newman's Own Organic Raisins (They are easy on the pimples.), and try to stay away from peanuts because they don't mix well with how I want my abs to be. You may not be as narcissistic as I am about what I eat, but there are things u can do to eat ageless. Drink water, no soda pops (unless u have a tummy ache), watch tha caffeine, a lot of different ways to adjust what u burp, so that u can appear, and actually become ageless as well.

- Party Like a Sitcom. You know, tha kind that comes on once a week. Nothing wrong with getting it in, several times a week or month, but doing it everyday can and will catch up too you. I know a trick of sexy models to having good skin and looking refreshed is not only drinking a lot of water, but also getting lots of sleep, being easy on the alcohol and avoiding either smoking or inhaling a lot of second hand smoke. My thing is this, as with a lot of things, I prefer quality over quantity. So for instance, I may go out, and when I say go out, I mean dancing and breaking a sweat and doin my thizzle, and I will do it hard. See, this is the difference between how folks party nowadays, compared to these kiddos now. The Vets of tha game, know that one night can make their week and even month kosher. We soak up every moment of the night, from tha "pre-game dress routine" to the drive to tha party to that strut u have to put on as u enter tha club to dancing from the moment that u hit that open air room dance floor, and we make sure that the night is going to a good night without any dead moments. Nowadays u got these rookies who go out every other night, and come home upset, cuz they are dancing to a DJ who's on his/her game or because they were on their phone the whole night checking out Twitter. Vets can get more in one night, than others can in one entire week of partying. Plus u gonna see tha same folks anyway, so as I my math works out: I'll take One Great Night over 3 So-so nights of a week, every time. Plus u get rest. That's just me though.

- Love has no Speed Limit. Here we go, right. U know I'm gonna talk about dating and relationships. It's kind of ironic that Mark Morrison's 90's classic "Return of The Mack" is in tha background as we write. I believe that another key to becoming ageless is having the openness to date people of other cultures, and more specifically of other generation groups. Meaning tha mindset of the Ageless Ones is one of "Age doesn't matter, but experiences do." Like dating somebody who's 55 years old compared to an 18 year old, could be different, but depending how those two people lived, they could be very comparable to you. Sometimes it may take somebody 45 years old to realize that every guy isn't a jerk. Or it may take somebody just 21 to realize that you need to treat a girl like a queen and u shouldn't call her anything u wouldn't call u mama. Me personally am very open, because experience has taught me I should be. A lot of people believe that as u move in time, ur desires for what you want in a mate become more defined and pigeon-toed. I may be weird, but for somebody who's been around the block, and I feel for those who want to be Ageless, actually have their views of love more open, because since u've seen so much u believe that
great things come in different packages, and sometimes a Tiffany ring can be wrapped up in a box full of Sunday Comics!

- "Just because you haven't seen it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist." If u want to be Ageless, you must adapt this into your Psyche. Because it means that u think "Anything is Possible". Just because u've never seen somebody comeback from 0-3 in tha playoffs doesn't mean it can't happen. Just because u've never seen a 60 yr. young woman who looks smoking in a swimsuit, doesn't mean she's not out there. Just because u personally has never seen anybody "make it" out of the neighborhood doesn't mean it won't happen or it won't be you. One thing that comes with us Ageless Ones, is that others don't feel tha same way. Ok, life has thrown u curveballs, as they have all of us, and u begin to get down and let ur stuffy mood affect family and close friends like since "I'm down, u all gotta be down too." Well, how about if life throws u curveballs, u freakin' go to tha batting cages and become a curveball hitter?!! I mean, come on now...In my life, I'm no longer gonna be adjusting to somebody else's mood or what have you. I'll talk to you, if u want, and I'll pray for you, if God says too, but if I'm gonna remain Ageless, I must adapt the lifestyle of you have to come up to my emo....(Pause.)

Am I the only one who's tired of adjusting to how others are or how life says u should be, feel, dress, or act? I mean, if I'm doing something I KNOW IS ON THE RIGHT WAY TO SUCCESS, why should I adjust to you? In sports, we have a saying that "If you're going to go down, at least go down playing your game". If u can't handle how I feel about fun...sex...love....money...fame...God...reading a good book...admiring the workings of an ant or bird...or the enjoyment of a good laugh, then so be it. But if I'm gonna live, we gonna do it on terms that we've been taught, and through the experiences we've been through. You hate white people, well that's ur problem, I love 'em. U think that if somebody's gay or bisexual they should be outcasts to society, well I differ on that to some degree...You think one sip of alcohol is blasphemous, well, if Jesus turned water into wine then...

Which leads me too...

- The Standard is Yours. Ageless Ones already know they are going against tha grain, because they act in ways that others before or after may not have acted. But they realize that u only get one life, so u might as well be free, and enjoy what makes you happy as long as it doesn't hurt others. Meaning if that means going for walks, taking a swim, taking pole dancing classes (That was a good LA Times article as well), trying out a new restaurant every week, whatever makes you feel like bringing life from 2-D to a size F. In the end, it's not necessarily about doing things that make you feel young, but doing things that are fun, and let you continue to learn...no matter what ur # says u shouldn't.

- Read...Read...And Read Some More. The price of reading is so priceless. And for free through ur library, u can be taken to places, learn about people and adapt things all for nothing. It's crazy when I talk to my Grandma and she can tell me more stuff about celebrities here in Miami, than I even know! But reading is something that helps ur mind to continue to be refreshed, and if ur mind's right, then everything else follows. Reading is Fun, and I believe the Ageless Ones must adhere to this necessary quality.

- Quiet Time To Play. Prayer or meditation periods throughout ur day are paramount to remaining ageless. That quiet time within urself, or to God or what have you, can get u through so much. And relieves stress as well. I think the gathering of thoughts and the release of them makes a difference. That's why not only psychologists but even myself am a firm believer in keeping diaries. Cuz just writing down what you ate, of getting a scrap piece of tissue and coming home after a date and writing down, "Sheila told me she was not interested...but that could change...What did she mean by that?" Just jotting one thought down, can make a difference between a smooth thumb in ur mouth sleep and being up all night and having wrinkles til u can't take it anymore. Give it a try. It works.

Last one...

- Move it. Ageless Ones, I mean truly Ageless Ones inside and out, find it hard to just "waste" a day by at least not doing something, more specifically by moving their body. That can be from taking hikes, to that walk in tha morning, or even working out like crazy at tha Gym, they got to do something for their body. A lot of Ageless Ones love to dance too. It don't matter if ur good at it or not, at least they are out there, or at a dance class or just shopping at the mall. They love to move, and by them moving that helps express the joy they have for life. And they won't let anybody else take that away from them.

Alright. I gotta get something to eat. Once again, these are just what I find to be found in other Ageless One(ders). Somebody out there may be like, "Just wait Galaxia, u gonna feel it." But, I don't believe that, u believe that, so what. I think that nowadays it's possible to continue to live at a high level, in all aspects, if u take care of urself, and how u believe in tha joy of life. People always want to be "young" so to speak...it may not be as hard as one thinks.

And as Ageless Ones believe...Nothing is hard, sometimes it's just tha level of easy that associated with it.

Young Austino Galaxia.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Une. Quatre. Trois.

Now is the time to show...As we begin on tonight with a super huge blow.

There's a super feeling of a weirdness around us,

Like a beginning of a fulfilling of a dream.

I've had many dreams before, awake and sleep,

But this is something like the creme de la cream.

Could tonight be the first of that "it" so often talked about?

A feeling of knowing u're witnessing a Fred Astaire dance,

Or a J.J. Evans "Dy-no-mite" shout.

I suggest call a friend or dude...Please excuse me I don't wanna be rude.

A "thang" is surrounding our life,

We're gonna share the fun with everybody who wants.

This is what they mean when they say "on a nautral high".

It's amazing how fun can take you higher than a rolled up blunt.

We pray that you feel like this is tha best it'll ever get.

Anticipation perhaps building, a moment frozen in time,

Is this how the Wright Brothers felt with that first jet!

Told you not holding back no more...Simply echoing Rick Ross' voice in my car door.

Enough with the festivities on this evening,

Let's hop into what a diary should be and what it brings.

Nothing but keeping it real concerning our life,

And that consistent chase for that "championship ring".

Doesn't make sense, I know, but now is our time to thrill.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

That Little Red Can.

No intentions, whatsoever,
In doing this for another time.
So much stuff I rather be doing,
But we got a message from somewhere so sublime.

As I've learned whenever we get,
This message mind to face.
Then there's a need somehow, somewhere,
To release our thoughts into cyberspace.

I have no idea what we're gonna write,
That's been said a lot on tha daily.
The message is just so timeless,
Like a song by Phil Collins and Phillip Bailey.

Here we go, one more time,
Into tha light of an unknown abyss.
We are anticipating this one, just like you,
Hopefully, this will be one added 2 poetry's bliss.

Love me or hate me,
That phrase has become a rallying cry.
No in between, no Luke warmness,
U either want to see me fall,
Or see us fly.

We've learned so much,
And I used to be so sensitive by other's view.
Should I do this, Should I wear that,
All the trials of showing tha real "you".

Recently, or I guess tha last few days,
I'm been witnessing so much "top that".
It's like people I don't even know want to one up me,
Like, don't they realize Dr. Seuss's story is based on tha Cat...
Not tha hat.

Let me break this down, since this is our diary,
U may be reading this all cock eyes.
What are you talking about now, Galaxia?
And hurry up, cuz I got no time, for egos and sighs.

The other day I went to work out,
Up on 23rd and Collins Ave.
Drove up this time, straight from work,
Meaning my headphones I did not have.

This might've been tha day I spoke 2 Vanessa,
Good 2 see you girl, you're quite the sight.
I look for motivation is so many small ways,
Sometimes a pretty smile can help tha fight.

So I'm got my music banging, sans tha headphones,
Playing some music the get my mode of confidently hyped.
I go into the spa-like locker room, grab a towel,
By myself, so I won't have to see eyes that says,
"Guy u're just my type."

I'm switching some songs, into one of my favorites,
N.E.R.D's "She Wants to Move."
I can dance all night to that song,
Paula do you recall when we saw Pharrell,
Doing high-kicks to that song?

Now nobody bangs music like this,
At least not so it's like a musical speaker boom.
Usually the noise is about what club to hit,
What girls you hit,
Or why did those stock prices go "Ka-boom."

My boys are singing away on my Galaxy 3,
When this dude walks in like part-time gangsta.
Then guy then, pulls his phone out, puts on some Jigga,
I'm thinking that's a B-move like a wangsta.

So his music is like at a 32 max blasting,
I try to be cool and play it off like Nelly would.
Try to make small talk, I even picked up his water bottle that fell,
Not cuz I'm soft, but I was taught that I should.

We felt this air of like, ungratefulness,
Which hit me straight up like, "This guy is hating."
What is there to hate though, that I bust my butt,
I can resist a slice of American Pie,
Or that cool and beautiful girls I'm exclusively dating.

Motivation. That's all it is.
T.I. said that back in what...2004.
That was before Obama, before Iphones,
Before Lady Gaga opened up Fame's door.

The M.I.A. is filled with so many stories of the same,
Where folks are hating...dude for no reason.
Like guys and girls can't handle who you are,
Not knowing that it takes time to reach that Championship season.

When I was driving on my Vespa, for years I would see,
Through 25,000 miles of simple fun.
I would come to a stoplight in Brickell or Coral Gables,
Though it would be heavy traffic, I could feel all eyes on one.

Then the light would turn green, and this machivemous,
Would be turned on like a janitor's flick.
People would actually try to out run me, a scooter,
I would shake my head like P!nk,
"You make me sick."

U're in a ride that can go an easy 220,
At least if you wanted to.
Dude, I got nothing to prove to you,
40, maybe 43 mph's, is all I can do.

I'm gonna get into this now,
The topic is starting to reveal itself in the air.
We got to write as if its our last time,
So I'm gonna write as if I'm standing in line,
To get into Success' County Fair.

Don't trip when you get hated on,
When people may not believe in ur simple dream cloud.
Don't let that stop you from giving your best,
Put in Nas' "Hate Me Now"...and turn it up Ultra-loud.

Hater-ade is sometimes the best drink to taste,
Especially when you are about to do something first.
Get a gulp of that to begin, and then
Tha champagne with rose pedals will be an even better quencher of thirst.

I wish I could remember tha name of that drink, so I could give tha name,
I tasted it last year during Miami's Swim Week VIP jump off.
Whatever, just have to take my word on it,
Tasted so good, next time I'll share a sip with a beach moth.

Down here in "tha land of tha beautiful people",
People don't say it, but it's like a secret society of "Bigger and Better".
What Porsche model is faster, which yacht is larger,
Which wife's Pooh-nanny is wetter.

Comparison is like the lifestyle,
Sometimes it can get so bad like yesterday's South Beach flood.
There's no way around it, it forces you to get dirty,
Shoes come off, like it's fun to walk in all the mud.

That was wild yesterday though, for real,
But I'm not gonna talk about being almost sunk under H2O.
This is about all the hate, that comes with realness,
Actually it's tha gift, not tha curse, that comes with tha dough.

I've shared a lot through this diary,
Dreams I probably should have kept to myself.
Perhaps that's what has fueled some of the weird looks,
Like seeing Mama Claus going out with Santa's top elf.

Thoughts of living in Miami and L.A.,
Or even becoming talked in tha argument "the best."
There's a lot of things that come with achieving your goals,
It can turn into the battle of the Wild Wild West.

You lay in bed at night with one simple thought,
Is the goal worth all the trials?
Then u begin to wonder, I've come so far,
Yet I still wonder how many more miles...

This door opens, which is super cool,
The ones I really want still seem bolted shut.
I've tried this key, that blow torch,
Maybe I should just kiss somebody's butt.

That's not how I roll though, not me,
Being true to yourself hasn't worked thus far.
Let me pull out my Carmex stick for a sec,
I mean I can easily turn from life's ultimate fun guy,
To the world's ultimate porn star.

These are the never ending battles u fight,
From the outside to deep within ur soul.
You anticipate that "moment" to come just for you,
Like seeing a Feb. 2nd day, and that big ol' mole.

So as I spend this Sunday, just know,
That tha feeling of being hated is a good thang.
For it means that you're absolutely right there,
Something that will last longer than a Vegas fling.

Or should I say South Beach fling,
You know what I'm talking about here.
When things heat up for like 2 weeks, and then stop,
Leaving you yelling at the top of your lungs,
"God, U're cool and all, but that ---- ain't fair."

They go along with their life, and u see them about,
U wonder if u were just a spec on their radar.
Of course, when u see them, they look fine as ever,
With somebody else on their arms,
Who don't reach ur standards, at least u think by far.

That's ok, though, cuz u now know what's to be expected,
And the other side of ultimate fun is ultimate pain.
To think that a coin comes up heads every time, is crazy,
This only happens for Two-Face...and we all know he's insane.

When it keeps coming up tails, how will you react,
Will the odds overwhelm you and you'll give up and stop?
Will confusion make you go dizzy...
Like should I call this a soda or a pop?

Gee-ro or "Guy-ro", that's not tha question with this matter,
You have all the fuel u'll need sitting next to you in a red can.
It's been in tha garage for awhile now,
And I think now is tha time to become that handy man.

Let me see, on Tim Taylor's show he had a Tool Girl,
I think Debbe Dunning was her real name.
Don't have her, wish I did,
The thought of going to work remains tha same.

Now you pick up that red can, and bring it over a few feet,
Realize that this moment is now or never.
U've talked about it, thought about it,
No need for funky lines, or jokes that aren't really that cleaver.

Just do tha dag gone thing, what do u have to lose,
Somebody has to make a point that this can work.
Yeah, it's just like a German guy marrying an African princess.
By tha way, that German guy's name is Dirk.

A breath is taken, and you now bring tha can over,
To the grass where you're about to take a lay.
The grass is too high, it needs to be cut,
Don't have next week's barbecue make a mosquito gang's day.

U still lay down in tha grass, and then grab that red can,
Which has the smell of some old gasoline.
I knew Rachel lied when she says, "It only takes 30 minutes.",
Next time I gonna put all my faith in Paula Deen.

As u lay, you take another breath, and then,
Begin to empty tha can over you stomach by the sprinkle.
You never thought it would ever come to this,
Hey, it beats living with Failure's ever noticeable wrinkle.

You begin to pour, and pour even faster over your belly,
Now u filled soaked by some sort of magic potion.
Feels good, but scary weird by all accounts,
Like possessing a hope in a Dollar General lotion.

The thought of stopping doesn't cross ur mind,
Suddenly, this can is empty and no more.
You then pull out a book of matches, that are symbolic,
For this is what you found on the Four Seasons Hotel floor.

As u pull out the book, people now begin to gather,
Just like Harry H., back in his hey day.
Will he survive? Will he crumble?
I didn't think it would end this way.

The match is now flickered on,
The flame is now a sight to see.
You make a declaration to the crowd,
"Now this flame is going on my soaked tummy."

"Phoom!" , is the sound which is made,
The fire is now engulfing you mid-section abs.
A woman begins to cry in the crowd,
She says, "He was my Buster Bunny...
And I wanted so badly to be his Babs."

The end looks like its gonna come like this,
With a red can, a five-star match, and some grass.
No more diaries of love, no more talk of fun,
No more dislike of Miami Beach sass.

Then after some time, a boy yells, "Look",
With some awes and ahh's the guy now stands.
What makes it even more surreal is his stomach,
Because the flame is still burning even as the crowd fans.

He tells the crowd to back away,
As on a birthday cake, he blows down below.
"Wooh!", the flame goes hidden away,
With the smoke being the only glow.

This guy then walks away, with a strut,
One that only Denzel or Johnny Depp could relate.
He sly smirk crosses his face,
Because he knows no one would ever forget this backyard date.

Then that woman who was crying ran to that red can,
Grabbed it, and sped off in her Mercedes SLR.
She headed to the hills, speeding by the lights,
Cuz she's been watching him from afar.

She pulls up to her Frank Gehry home,
The smell is all over her sexy silver car.
A question of "How did he survive that?" captures her mind,
Knowing this is gonna be a long night, she grabs a Snickers bar.

The red can is now put on the kitchen table,
With a jealous stare wish to be beholden by every guy.
She turned down every date request for this night,
Just so she can study and answer the question of "Why?"

'That fire was burning so strong', she ponders,
'It wasn't tha match, but something else that allowed him to still be here.'
She goes to the internet, looks up all these famous magician tricks,
Nothing interesting pops up, except that all great magicians have no fear.

The moment then happens, as she looks at the bottom right,
Of this now familiar red can.
She wanted to have something to remember this night by,
Now she's turned into a psychotic groupie fan.

Her eyes see at the bottom of the can, ever so dimly,
"To be used only when in need."
Those words are kind of weird to her, because,
That's what her Ex told her when they used to smoke weed.

She hold tha can up, and tries to reenact the guy's moves,
Like an old episode of Unsolved Mysteries on NBC.
Then she glances at the can again,
With four letters spread out like crazy,
Like the TV logo of Contact 1-2-3.

Now she's excited and energized,
Because she's finally cracked this unbroken code.
The mystery is over to how and why this happened,
And to how this could be the greatest story ever told.

That's how he survives, that's how he's so motivated,
He uses this so much, and now I'm the only one who knew.
A red can was what made him one of the best,
This is why I wish this time would have never so flew.

She then wants an endless supply of it,
Knowing this is the key to making success happen.
People know it's in this can, but never tell anybody else about it,
What they go to, when all their spirits are dampen.

A thought crosses her mind,
'I have all the ingredients in my life to fill this can as well.'
She makes a recipe, to do the same,
Even practices in the grass, exactly how that man fell.

With no sleep in hours, it's no complete,
She even performs the trick just like tha guy she saw.
Although nobody was around to gawk at her,
The show went on without any flaw.

She smiled as the smoked pierced the air,
Just like the guy did, now on yesterday.
Her swag is at an all-time high, like his,
This is what u need to have, there's absolutely no other way.

See now she's stronger, and feels super good,
With a sense of urgency like never before.
Tha dame feels unstoppable, yet humble to know tha secret,
She'll only tell, if somebody is willing to explore.

Now she places that can by her bed every night,
Knowing that this can is better for her than any "hit tha town" date.
It's amazing how a little red can can change ur life forever,
Especially when tha four letters engraved on it, simply spell out...

H-a-t-e.

Austino.
Have fun on today...please!

Thursday, April 18, 2013

20/20.

Miami. Tha Magic City. "Heaven's Waiting Room".

South Beach. Sobe. Fantasy Island. "The Land of The Beautiful People."

How in the galaxy did I end up down here?! I still wonder about that every now and then when I'm walking down the street hearing Spanish, Portuguese and Russian being spoken within minutes of each other. Whenever I see cops gangasta-fied people on a street corner. I live really in my opinion in the best spot of South Beach. Not too much near the bay side where it floods...Not too close to the ocean where you have tourists, and traffic 24/7...But really right in the middle of this peninsula neighborhood. I see so much. The other day, as I was walking near my apartment showroom, these cops ran up on these two cats. It looked straight up like a scene from the TV show Cops, right where the split tha tape. So u know in between the chase, and the arrest, somebody got their skulls bashed in! Now, I'm looking at this cop car diagonally parked on the actual curb of the block. Like a straight up Al Capone style gang bang! Folks were walking like we see this everyday, but I checked out tha cops and they had like skulls on the back of their t-shirts. I had no idea that MB Cops were Grateful Dead fans, but u talking about undercover dude. Just a typical day on tha block.

This place is...different. I know I write so much from our heart. Probably too much. Too much love stories. Too much mentioning of God. Too much talking about Sex. Too much freakiness. But I MUST make this as authentic as possible. One day this may be all you got to reach or get inside us. So we have to speak like we're...well, like we're writing in a diary. I'm just a product of my environment so to speak. Huh.

Miami is so much like a...what's a good comparison. I've always compared it to a girl that you just want to "get with" but not one you want to marry. Does that make sense? When I first came down here in 2005, it really felt natural to me. You have the blue waters and the beach, the colors, tha newness of a city of the future, plus you have a lot of history with it, even though that's not mentioned a lot. I always say, "It always comes back to Miami." And it does. But some of the stories that has filled my soul, old boy. Why not share a few of the craziest things that we've seen down here. From our perspective...Should be fun.

Alright, first off when I came down (I'm from Indiana, tha land of corn! Hoosiers stand up!)...When u first move down here, the initial thing that gets you is tha heat. And I'm not talking about no Lebron or what note belts out from that Grammy winning tandom of Smith and Wesson either. I'm talking about pure humidity. I came down in the '05. And it was killer. Dude it should be against tha law to look at your watch and have it read 2:59 pm, and the moment it turns 3pm. "Bam!" And just like in the old Batman comics, you get hit with a Joker of heat, a riddle of "How can I sweat so much from just blinking my eyes?!", the wish that you had the Penguin's umbrella to shade you from straight up sun. So with that lead in here are some of the wildest weather sights I've seen:

- This guy, a South Beach Legend, as I like to call them (Definition: Someone you see all the time in South Beach either at an opening, club, party, restaurant or an alley, but have no idea what their name is.)...walking around with his shirt half way up his belly, showing his expectancy to the world! Not lifted up past his chest, but just around the Buddah line of his stomach. Wild.

- I was driving in Coconut Grove, oh yes, the home to tha eclectic and artsy folks. Anyway, I was driving and this station wagon was in front of me. I was on my Vespa so I had a clear view inside of his ride. And my man had a small electric fan in the middle of his car right where the arm rest was at. Whahh? Evidently he didn't have any A/C, so he had this Walgreens looking fan propelling in the middle of his ride. I don't even want to know where he stuck the plug! Tee Em Eye!

Rains are a mutha down here as well. I've never been in a place where it rains so often when the sun is out. I mean why don't that chick just leave the devil, I mean after that dude hit me once I'll be gone! Then while that's going on, u got the Angels in Heaven either shooting a remake of The Big Lebowski or Kingpin with all the thunder going on, all tha time. I love to see Miami folks when it rains because you get images like...

-People using any and everything to cover their heads. I've seen the ever popular from the 2011 season, Publix grocery store plastic bag. Shopping bags from retail stores. (That blue IKEA bag is like tha Versace of rain gear.) But nothing can top this dude wearing a Lay's Potato Chip bag over his head. He was walking on the Venetian Islands trail, and I was stunned. I didn't know u could get so much out of a 2/$4 deal. Some reason I think Homey just bought tha bag, empty all the chips or fed them to tha cats, which...I'll get into in a bit, and just put tha thang on like somebody was playing Mr. Potato Head with him. I totally feel him, but as Charlie Murphy used to say, "We got to do better!"

- Over on Alton Road, it can become flood nation, and no I that phrase is not a Pee Wee Herman T-Pain remix song either. But when it rains it hits you dude. So this particular day I had to walk to make some errands I think, and there was like two lanes compared to tha usual four on tha road. Then the puddles overwhelm the sidewalks so u're basically walking in bacteria. And it wasn't even the good kind, as if there is any right? But it was tha green slimy stuff that has u up 2 ur ankles like I've just ruined my good pedicure and now Shaquesha is gonna be trippin when I go back and ask her to re-do again with sewer weed stuck in between my toes. Cuz you know us in Miami don't take a shower before we get ourself done up anyway, right! I mean, let's be honest, I"ve seen so many folks either walking tha streets with robes literally from the Spa, or going into very high publicity places with nothing but rollers in their head. It's wild. And we still have tha attitude that "I may have no makeup on, with a shower cap, and Scooby-Doo's oversized face on my flip flops right now, but gurrl in about 3 hours, I'm gonna shut tha place down!" Like I said, only in Miami.

Another thing I had to get used to here in Miami, is tha abundance of pets. I think like, one in two people either have a dog, a cat, a goldfish, or a lizard. So here's a few nuggets on my experiences with animals and insects. Yikes!

- Those freakin' Geico lizard things. I've never seen them until I hit tha 305. We've almost broke my ankle so many times from trying to avoid them while they scurry across the sidewalks. What are they running to? But nothing, I mean nothing can beat trying to chase one of those things around your home for 2 hours. This little fellow had me going in circles. Up through the window, on the corner of the TV bench, behind my CDs, hiding near the A/C, I didn't know what to do. It was as if he had a pep talk with every girl I've been associated with in Miami, and they told him how to get to me. I finally got him, by getting him drunk on some Raid Ant Spray. Hey, in the ghetto we use anything to pass out. Heck, I didn't even know what a dry Martini was until I was watching The O.C., and saw how "the other half" got their buzz on! (Ha ha!) But after getting him punch drunk, I dragged him out my building to the sound of the Brazilian version of "Taps", I was finally able to simply sleep.

- Dude. Cat feeding is like out of control here in South Beach. And the cats know it too! They eat better than us humans do. One time I was walking on the sidewalk, and these cats, literally, had like organic pasta laid out for them. I've written in tha past about Cat Daddy, this guy who had everybody but Kate Upton waiting by his steps near this back alley. Cats worship this guy. He's so good, the other day, he even had dogs sitting near his literal platoon of felines. It was epic. But now Cat Daddy has some competition. With competition you get higher quality of food. I didn't think obese cats existed until I saw this one cat and I just thought, "My dude, u got to lay off tha Hungry Man leftovers guy!" Its serious down here.

- Real quick...dogs are a plenty down here as well. The only thing I really have to say, especially down here in Sobe, is to please, I mean please pick up after ur K-9. There's no reason for there to be a load of Alpo Burrito flavored Prime Cuts to be Kriss Krossed on the sidewalk or grass, when there are ample doggie bags like on every other block down here. That'll make u jump for real!

It's getting late are there any other experiences that I've had...Well...Here are a few other tidbits, and then I gotta get my Shop Til I Drop list together....Here's the best of the rest:

- I've seen everything being carried by and on people while riding a bicycle. You had this one girl riding around with freakin' Toucan Sam on her shoulder. While this guy had his pet lizard on his back while out for a stroll.

- And if you don't have a car, that's ok too, because there's a lot you can carry while riding your bike like: An Air Conditioner, A floor fan, A Vacuum Cleaner...I'm not making this stuff up!...A Gatorade Jug container, I mean are the NBA finals being played at Flamingo Park now?!!...Heck, on today I seen a guy who had a huge clock with him while riding his bike. Not one of those Flavor Flav clocks, but like a face head from one of those clocks you see outside of like South Miami's City Hall or even from the inside of a Bentley. If they made it, you can carry it on ur handlebars. And that includes a girl sitting facing you as well...Oh, Miami...

- I'm into using coupons, but nothing like Extreme Couponing where I'm walking home with $300 worth of toliet tissue and dental floss for the price of $1.99. Not that serious, but I've taken from that this one dude who actually tore off a coupon from the package of an item that was on the conveyor belt, after the cashier told him u have to have a coupon for that. He gave her tha "Rip" sound, and then said, "Here's tha coupon!" She was stunned. I was like, I just found my hero!

Speaking of which, I'll end on this...The art of Grocery Shopping. Now down here in South Beach, it's really wild, cuz u have monopolies like Publix which even has two stores like 5 minutes from each other. I don't know how they pulled that off. But u have upscale natural stores like Fresh Market and Whole Foods, plus some Mom and Pop joints where u can get a two-pack of paper towels, a box of chicken patties, a box of Mangnum's, a dinner special of Arroz Con Pollo (Dirty Rice of course!) and $20 worth of Florida Lotto tickets all for the low price of $11.99. So here are some of our grocery shopping "Experiences"...

- Does anybody else freak out when they keep running into tha same person in each aisle they travel in? And don't let them be somebody who u think is kinda cute or hot. This goes for guys and girls...It's like awkward, you don't know if this is Heaven's way of hooking you two up or if tha other person thinks you're just a plain weirdo! A few years ago after the Miami New Times named the Publix "Spaceship" on West Avenue as the best place to meet Singles, the whole grocery experience got out of hand. Guys wearing suits late at night...Girls going around the Beer aisle just a few too many times...I just speak, beep it, I like conversation. About two or so weeks ago, I was in the store, and this girl who had workout clothes was everywhere I was. And if a girl keeps seeing you, and she's in her workout biker shorts with grey stiching, up near the top 1/3rd of her pants, with the lower crevice of her cinnamon tanned back showing her...But I don't remember her really...but I was looking for some medicine, and her she comes. I asked her straight up, "What medicine is best for the cold?" Depending on the night, the DJ, and how drunk tha girl is, you'll get an whole array of answers. But, I wasn't looking to hit on her, just some real advice since they pulled TheroFlu off the shelf. But...good convo by her. Still...awkward.

- Don't be fooled by what people wear to the grocery store here in Miami. I'll never forget this rummy looking dude with some black Starter shorts on in front of me, getting rung up, and then dropping his Black AmEx card down so loud that I heard tha thump! Don't judge Son, u'll be surprised.

- Who else gets salty when they get stuck behind somebody who...This one time, I was in metro-shock by how much money this chick was spending on groceries. She broke them off for like $600 smack-a-roos. I was so shocked, I asked the cashier how much she spent after she left. That's cool, but what stinks is having to stand in line behind this treaty signing for 10 minutes when ur Eggo Waffles and Sweet Potato Tots are starting to melt. Plus, this is only so much u can read about Will and Jada's possible divorce, and Hannah Montana, and what is going on the Young and The Restless.

- Last one...I need to open up a shopping cart driving school instructor's class for real. I tell ya, if I wasn't for me eating my Flintstones vitamins on the daily, I woulda been flipped out TMZ style. You have the folks who are in a hurry, and take the curves past the pasta aisle like Danica Patrick in Indy. Then you have those who have seven kids smashed into those kid buggies that looks like something George Jetson would have drove, and they act like they own the cereal aisle. Then there's always somebody, in every grocery store, who figures that the dairy section is where we should talk about let's see...an upcoming party, how recovery from plastic surgery went, and my favorite, "(Fill in the blank) will be home for tha Summer." I'm not hating but a playa just parked illegally like an alien outside on tha meter, and I need to play Cuban roulette and hurry up, get this 2%, pay for this and tell the clerk to keep tha change, and then make a mad dash outside. Cuz I don't need my car to get huffed away because a) I can't be dropping $300 of them thangs on towing, especially since the my favorite Air Jordan VIII's just dropped last week....and b) I've been to towed before, controversially, and I don't feel like walking over to Tremont Towing again like before, cuz I've seen it in person, and have watched enough episodes of South Beach Tow to know, "these cats don't play".

Whew! I'm done. Hope u got a glance of what I've seen and see on tha regular here in "tha land of tha Beautiful People." There's more, trust me, but for now, that's enough.

Bye and Have a fun nighty nite.
Austino.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Use Hearts, Not Numbers.

(Parental Discretion Advised)

Boy it's always good when u continue to learn about yourself.

I don't know how to begin today's post since we have a little time to write. Our diary is sumthin' else ain't it. Even after tha last post I feel like I'm revealing too much...But heck we've been doing it for like 2 years now on cyberspace. And as of last week, our contract got renewed, so u can see our diary for years too come. To be honest, I think the things we write about aren't geared to tha present, but perhaps for tha future. Like somebody who wants to know tha ends and outs on what it really takes and what u really go through as u strive to become Somebody, will one day view this as tha viewprint. On how to keep going, on how emotional the journey can be, on how to handle different things when it comes to relationships and love. Hopefully, our life can just help that someone. I put myself out here, for reasons I still don't know why, cuz I feel like not too many are exposing themselves in tha fashion that we do. I'm sure there are some, but just the wacky and sometimes embarrassing stories that we share with you, and nobody else, can be a little too intimate, but hey, one day, we all will look back and laugh, and think back to these days when it was just beginning...

So on that note how do we write on today? I have a lot brewing inside of us right now, so we're trying to get tha right thoughts to what to say...Let me take a quick break to see how we're gonna be lead on today...

I think this is gonna be interesting...

Ok. The other day somebody asked me a question about my love life. Now contrary to the seemingly endless stories that are throughout this diary, I'm still kind of private when it comes to tha knowledge of who I'm "interacting" with. I guess I'm tha kind of brotha who has his boys tell him, "Dude, u just see that girl who walked in?! She's super hot!" When in tha back of my mind I'm thinking, "You should of seen what she was wearing last night when we were out til 2 in tha morning!" And I guess I like, no I LOOOVE girls who like to handle their business with their man, and not have their business all in tha street, u know. Hold on, I gotta play this Robin Thicke song for some inspiration. Sing it boy! So many times people ask others or brag to others about their supposedly conquests, and either who they are talking to begins to hate on them. Or the person who being confide in like an Amor Psychologist begins to have their curiosity peeked upon, and begins to move in on that person's crush or beau. Not too many times is somebody just gonna be Joe Cool about somebody else's brag-ga-to-cious behavior, unless they either have somebody or are comfortable in their own skin. Anyways...

The question that was asked of me was, "What is tha maximum number of girls that I've kissed?" Big H, that's a good question...

Well, since this is our diary, might as well share about how we operate right. Moms and Pops, I think there is something burning on the stove, so u might want to check on that for a little bit! (Wink!) The first response I had was that I very rarely, or basically never tell the number of dolls I've tongue kissed or eskimo kiss. Nor do I state how many girls I've bagged...done...hit...screwed...laid pipe on...made love...did tha nasty with...banged...slept with...played naked Twister with...or played Doctor and Nurse with...or even planted tha flag on. I recall hearing something in my pre-youth days. I'm actually in my youth days now...But I recall a man say something that has been a prep for my life today...

A true gentleman never speaks upon his love conquests.

I believed that to our core. And it hit home, almost like somebody was talking to me about our future. Because I have been asked numerous questions about us, or about this or that girl. And even though I share stories, I keep numbers to ourself. Which leads to back part of our response....

"I don't measure love in quantity but in quality."

Being a guy like myself, with a ego of myself, and having been around what we've been around, it can be easy to get caught up in the numbers game. Man, I think I'm gonna be too real tonight, but u know what, this is where we're being led so let's continue...Many of us, think that having more than one doll, that includes Barbie and her friend, on ur team, makes u more of a man. But in some ways it doesn't...Why? Becomes sometimes it can be...complicated.

Which girl do u ask to tha game? For Christmas, who gets tha Marc Jacobs bag, and who gets tha one from 5-7-9? What happens if I see this one girl while I'm out with this other girl? I always say, when dating somebody or what have you, to be straight up with tha person, and not trying to 'play' them. Meaning, if you're dating or courting like our parents and grandparents did back in tha day...Then freakin' tell them. Instead of lying or hiding behind tha truth, ya dig. If u be straight up, then u won't have to worry about those above situations, cuz they know going into this thang. And if they are willing to be part of tha team, and not be tha whole team, then that's cool...But a lot of times, and especially with us guys, we don't wanna give up that P Control as Prince once said. Cuz we know that if we allow tha girl to make the decision to be with us when we're dating others, that gives her also the right to date other men. And that can be too competitive, knowing that tha girl u dig, may be getting dug by somebody else. I play this song a lot, but I love TLC. Where was I?

Oh yes...so I'm learning to not get caught up with tha numbers game. For one...Somebody needs to hear this, so forgive me for speaking like I'm about to speak on, but I've been through a lot. I've been blessed to have family members say a lot about life and love, so I MUST keep it real. Forgive tha language if it's too much, but we need to get this dating and relationship thing under control...Especially down here in Miami.

Going back to the numbers thang...More doesn't necessarily mean better. There's a secret phrase among the guys which says that...All Pussy ain't Good Pussy. That can mean a lot besides just sex or what not. One, that means that just because u get with somebody doesn't mean it was...worth it. Two, that indicates that we shouldn't look at women just as a number in our notch. And three, just because a person brags that they are all that, doesn't mean that they are all that. It's almost like me getting drafted by the Dallas Cowboys football team. After being with them, somebody asks me if they are the best team I've ever played for. And since I was drafted by them, and its the only team I know then I say yes. But if I've "been around the block" a few times, I might have a different opinion. Which opens up a whole nother thing about dating...

Should I? Whatever I am....

We should get back to dating and learning about people instead of this "love at first sight" mentality. I raise my hand higher than an airplane flying over South Beach advertising what happening at Mansion this upcoming Friday night! I'm big time guilty of meeting a cool girl or seeing somebody, and thinking if this dame has...a speck of dirt on tha bottom of her feet or if she has four abs showing instead of six or if she one of her fingernails has chipped polish or if she's wearing a Dodgers t-shirt instead of my SF Giants or if she has a "tramp stamp" on her back or if she has a BIG dog or Khaki pants that were popular back in 1999 or if she cusses after every word or if she says she hates R and B music or if I see her eating a burger while rocking a swimsuit...thinking after seeing this first sight, that this girl ain't tha one for me. Not considering that...

Tha girl might have just come from tha beach...or she hasn't worked out in a few day cuz she was sick or she scraped her finger while at her desk at work...or her Dad was a Big Dodgers fan and today is tha anniversary of his passing...or she got that "tramp stamp" just because it was tha trend in '04, but she's getting it removed tomorrow...or she'e always had a big dog because it reminds her of back home in Massachusetts...or she's wearing those Khaki pants because those are her lucky pair...or she cusses cuz every guy she's dated liked that "one of tha guys" attitude, but will gladly change if she would to meet tha right guy...or she said she hates R and B music, because a R&B artist just broke up with her moments before u saw her...or she's eating a burger on tha sand because she forgot her cooler at home, and she's really hungry.

There are a lot of reasons why seeing ain't always believing. And I have, made several misjudgments in our past to why a girl AIN'T Galaxia material. When if I would have given her a chance, I might have made at least a cool friend. But, being in my South Beach mode of she has to be curvy, 36D-28-42, with a 29 waist being too big, type of mindset, I may have missed out.

I'm saying all this, cuz I don't want folks to duplicate tha same mindset I may have had years ago. I do mean years, but sometimes it creeps up even without knowing. Do you sense what I'm feeling...Yep. I sense a story. You didn't think I ran out of them did you?! I may even have two...So...If you've been following our diary since day one, you know what two words are about to follow...

I remember...

I'll try my best to protect tha innocent. So about a few months ago I was involved with a class that had to do with my job. It was cool and all. I learned a lot, had a chance to meet different people, who had some similar goals and work ethic when it camed to career goals and stuff. I appreciate when people dress up, because it's just refreshing u know. Nowadays everybody is so dumbed down that jeans is considered like the ultimate upscale fashion. So there are guys and girls in this joker, several girls who were cool, and looked attractive, but it was this one girl who I don't know why, but she caught our attention.

She was kind of my height. She really looked amazing, but...she wasn't my typical type. (As if I have one. Whatever...) But she was a very sexy plus-size gal, with a cute face, of Hispanic decent, she dressed in these two-piece dress suits, and she had a small tattoo on her wrist I believe, she had a small but noticeable nose ring and she had a thing for having long fingernails. All dolled up in different colors. Now I've seen and have even had a piece of her so to speak here or there in a girl, but never have I had like all those characteristics in one girl. She was...different. And always remember...

Different is Sexy.

I was fortunate to talk to her some. She was mad cool. Even talked about not having "no life" since she worked so much. (Interesting...) Then how proper she would speak in class, and looking at her style and how she rocked those stilettos, I'm like this girl is right for real...Yet...Even though this is a girl I want to get to know, this might not be tha type of girl that perhaps family or my boys expect me to bring home to a reunion. Basically I was still tip toeing and Mickey Mousing around knowing that I really didn't have anything to loose, but I usually interact with girls who has a presence but not this type of presence with her. So throughout all this instead of approaching her, being like "What's up", I was conjuring up all these stupid reasons NOT date or at least get to know her. I work out all the type, but she looks like she's not into that...She has the humbleness that she likes the simple life, when I'm used to dealing with chickenheads...I mean girls who get salty if their Chanel bag is not in stock when their hookup at the store told them it would be on tha truck that day...Whenever I sneak a peek at her in class, she doesn't look back, so that must mean she doesn't want me. All these crazy things dude...I needed a sign...

So the last day of class, I made up our mind that I was gonna "get it in" on today...if and only if the opportunity presents itself. Nothing forced. So I saw my girl, and of course she looked mad amazing wearing a low top blouse showing off her boobs, dressed professionally, as she always did. The class began, and deep inside I was wondering if fate was gonna be on my side. The class began...Nothing...We had a break...She left like before we did, and went to eat with somebody else...Nothing...Break ended and she came back...Class continued...Nothing. Class ended...Chalk it up to tha game, cuz it just ain't in tha cards.

After tha class, I just took the Zen Master approach of "What would be, would be", and realized that this girl wasn't meant for us. And I'm not forcing anything anymore when it comes to love. So the class ended, and I had to get my parking validated. I went to the usual spot for validation, but evidently they moved it. I then walked like 50 feet to where the validation stamp machine was. I ran into this girl I knew, sounds familiar down here in Miami, but I really did. And we talked. I got my parking stamped, and turned around my left shoulder, and low and behold, look who's walking directly towards me. The girl that I wanted to find out about "her brain."

What do we say? Now I got a familiar audience surrounding this whole scene, and they've never seen us like straight up get our "What's Your Sign?" pre-rehearsed script on. The girl is coming, and coming...she walks to us, tells us, "Bye, See you later." with an unbelievable sign and goes on by after we replied with a "Have a good one." of our own. I took a few steps and just stopped. I looked back briefly, and saw that this angel was talking to my homegirl who've I just spoken with. And a thought crossed us to do a complete Nike 180 and just let it ALL out. Not in a desperate mode, never that, but just in a, "Look, I've noticed you...blah blah blah...I just had to tell you, if nobody else does...blah, blah, blah...Do you prefer riding with the top on or off...blah, blah, blah". But in the most rarest of actions, and I DO MEAN rarest, I didn't. Which as soon as I walked out the building, I just thought, "Fudge!" (Edited) Number one, I don't fear opprotunities. Two, I don't usually goof up ones sent from The Great Matchmaker in Tha Sky. And Three, I let uncertainty dicate me not taking a chance on somebody, whom I don't usually date, but somebody I really thought was fine, just because of my so called status quo.

It was one of the worst feelings I had...Ever. And it lasted for days...Cuz I knew it was an opp.

Things happen for a reason, because I later found out that she moved up to like Palm Beach. I should check her out this weekend. Would that be stalkerish?!! Just kidding. But sometimes you have to act on your heart and not your eyes. SWV sing another one of my all-time classics! And what I'm learning is that sometimes "Love @ 1st Sight" doesn't become 1st sight, until you look back on tha moment u first saw or met somebody. Hindsight is 20/20. Even though I do think that u can have a funny feeling when u meet that "one", I also know that looking back on that moment, and realizing all the things that lined up in ur favor, can also mean "Love at 1st Sight."

This was long I know, but...Dating in Miami, and definitely South Beach is interesting. Sometimes a "Hot" plus another "Hot" can equal a "Cold". That was egotistical math, but true. Looks dominate the scene down here, and so many barriers whether artificial or made up prevent you from meeting the true person or for somebody to let their guard down for 3 minutes. You meet or go out with somebody, and they already have that MTV ring programmed. You know what I'm talking about. If you don't like who u're dating or just in case, u can have u phone programmed to ring, so you can hit ur date with that "I forgot I gotta go and get some milk" line! But for real, if somebody wears tha wrong color of Gap Blue, or if a gal decides to go geeky with tha glasses and drinking water, we decide this person ain't wifey or hubby material, so why waste any time. Not knowing that if u truly interact with that person, they not only might be a cool friend, but may even know a friend who knows a friend that might be right for you. You never know...never know.

That's it. Keep ur options open in all walks of life, and take some risks. You never know what's behind tha mask, and you might be tha one who can bring out tha best in someone.

I talk not from what I've heard...but what I know.

Two fingers on ur lips!
Austino.