Close Your Eyes.

Here we go...

I actually deleted a post that I was going to write on today.  Guess it wasn't for tha Galaxy to read, thus it has disappeared into cyberspace lore.  I'm gonna fight to write this...fight to write this.  Even though I don't want to.

We've written a lot of poems...and not sure if I should try one tonight.  But, we like to make history here in our diary, so for tha first time ever, if u like rhymes, then this is for you.  We're gonna give back to back posts in a poem form.  This should get interesting...Do we have anything left to say??  Just gonna close our eyes and see what happens...Hummm....(As a finger touches tha side of our lips.)

Write like its ur last time.

I close my eyes,
I've done it so many times before.
Yet on this Easter Sunday,
My heart has dropped to tha floor.

See it was like around 6am this morning,
During tha time many are just leaving tha pub.
Others have had their fun at tha discoteca,
A few getting a hold tha mayo type sub.

I woke up, like never before,
After a very enticing type dream.
I was at tha gym,
These girls were bending over in front of me,
A perfect way to flirt it seemed.

But that "butt" quake, is not tha goal,
That's not what I'm writing about.
Even though I'm due to talk about that in a few,
I wanna talk about me waking up with a pout.

What is tha coast of success?
And how much are u willing to pay.
I can see that "x's" being hit on tha computer,
Austin, not again, this is supposed to be Resurrection Day.

But that's tha thang right there,
Believe u me I didn't want to wake up like this.
I rather wake up, well rested, with an handful of cups,
If u got that, u must have Cinemax on ur satellite dish.

So I sat up, just with that flat out notion,
Enough is enough, I gotta change.
I have tha best life to some,
Yet in many ways I've become somewhat deranged.

Is it our ego?  Or lifestyle?
The belief that anything is worth while?
Could it be that I want so much out of life,
More than a 3-pack of suds from Dial.

I did that "Gangsta Lean" in our bed,
Like God it may be time to have a talk.
I've been going at this so hard,
When are YOU gonna walk tha walk.

Is it a curse to be confident?
These questions seemingly always abound.
How come we keep on sacrificing,
With no sunlight to be found.

I close my eyes, and wonder,
If not for a moment's time.
How would it feel to get what we really want,
And let our life speak louder than a simple mime.

Sometimes we feel like everybody has gotten theirs,
While we're on this ultra-weird road test.
Like how much longer do we have to go,
To finally get tha stage to show we're simply tha best.

I still get this sense, a funny sense,
That we're just a boy toy to many.
Like a gimmick, or something not real,
Does he have any troubles?  Not any.

That may be true, which is fine,
But there is something that lurks so deep.
And this morning it surfaced like never before,
I gotta stop this before it gets too steep.

A sense of urgency, at a ultra high,
Knowing this is tha closest ur gonna be.
Just don't know how close u are,
At tha apex of when Y turns into Z.

The knowing that ur doing what ur being led,
To believe at least gets ur focus.
But after awhile u wonder u need a trick,
Perhaps figuratively, and through some Hocus Pocus!

I write all this perhaps,
Cuz our life is about to shift.
Like gears on a bike, in a car,
Like a kitchen on Avenue Fifth.

Frustrated...I don't know,
See u never know what tha future entails.
It can be something so beautiful and unique,
Or it can be him rapping "Tony Montana" to Jingle Bells.

How many times though,
Has peace been found through tha shutting of our eyes.
That moment where everything makes sense,
Every 't' is crossed, no effort in dotting tha "I's".

Like others, who feel this way,
What is tha route to go?
Do we give up on all our dreams?
Live with that fact of  "we'll never know".

I have it good, been blessed,
I can quit and have a right to believe "I tried".
Almost believe that phrase right there,
So much I can almost begin to cry.

But as I closed my eyes this waking morning,
A voice, a still one gave a whispering pep.
I'm tiring of busting my toosh for nothing,
Yet tha words I heard were of deeper depth.

"It's all about to change, get ready",
Seems like I've heard those words before.
This time I feel like it carries deeper meaning,
Like hearing that one  special "I Love You",
And that's tha one that you adore.

This is from our heart, for real,
Cuz life can be a real trip.
One day u feel like it's too perfect,
Other times u really feel like a dip.

And even though I'm writing all this,
Too personal, yet from our mind and soul.
For some strange reason, I feel good,
Like a beautiful rose blossoming, anticipating to hold.

Egotistical confidence, that's what u must have,
I think we talked about that in 2011.
U must believe that tha impossible can be first,
May have to go through hell before u taste some heaven.

During that period though,
U cannot be thrown off ur life's burning desire.
Yeah, it happens that others may get a new car daily,
While u're just fighting with two or three flat tires.

But u gotta realize, I gotta realize,
That "This too shall past."
And although u had a rough go of things,
Bad times...they never last.

So after hearing this rhetoric,
I'm thinking it's not enough, I gotta make a move.
Get more aggressive, take more chances,
Something that makes tha road less ruff, and more smooth.

Another few words seemed to speak,
From our ears down to our heart.
Those like remain patient, its gonna be really easy,
Don't rush, remember tha horse comes after tha cart.

I almost feel weighted as I write this,
Like this is more than for me.
Come on fingers, let's finish this out strong,
Let tha masterpiece speak...through me.

The moment is here, and even though I still wonder,
What these next few hours shall show.
Could it be us stop writing or moving away,
Or getting a secret check with a hidden amount of dough.

No idea what's about to occur,
And that can make it...fun.
Just knowing that finally a reward to be had,
Especially after all tha work we've done.

I feel kind of confident, right now,
And I wonder if I should write this here.
Nothing to lose, but there's a feeling in our heart,
Like Underdog, I have no fear.

Boy, I wanna say this, make a prediction of sorts,
All in tha name of simple belief and faith.
Might as well believe it with all our heart,
I"m gonna say this and no longer wait.

As I now close my eyes, I can see,
Everything that we dreamed coming true.
Why don't u give that a try as well,
There's no shame in losing control within...you.

I see tha things that I want, how cool,
They are now no longer within, but in our reach.
Some are material, some are not,
But things that only tough lessons can teach.

That chance has come, u've wanted it right,
Never has that spotlight so shined.
I'm confident, more than ever,
I already know this time is mine.

Tha motivation has been given, focus strengthened,
Razor sharp like Ramon's Razor edge.
Remember how tough it once was,
How u wanted to Superman over that hefty ledge.

They're still close aren't they,
If u open them up, u'll lose your prize.
It'll be a shame to go through so many lengths,
And only lose it all cuz of unshut eyes.

I'm squinting my eyes now, even harder,
The excitement is beyond compare.
The stage now bears our name on it,
Wait, is that Brangelina over there?!

You've taken so many shots,
From guys and Lord knows from so many dames.
Tha dues have been paid, over and over,
Now there are Crayola signs bearing your name.

U hear tha chants in tha dressing room,
A smile by u crosses tha mirror.
For this special moment, u get a special gift,
Considering all u've been through, it couldn't get any weirder.

A note on top of Grandma's Sweet Potato Pie,
Made just for you, as she knew u'd reach this special day.
Her baby, has endured all tha trials of time,
Still, it's a note that u wanna know what its to say.

The opening of this telegram note is unique,
A thrill in tha air is nothing short of hype.
Tha final makeup artist just entered tha room,
Ur even more excited cuz she's just your type.

As she applies a light dash, just enough,
You grab this ever waiting note.
Nervous like a guy waiting for his date,
Or like going through airport security with drugs in ur tote.

"What is it?", she asks,
Knowing that tha tone seems to hit a stoic you.
"Nothing" is your reply, just a huge breath,
And a "No more makeup please, I'm through."

As showtime is near, she kisses you on ur cheek,
"Show them what you got", she says almost in a beg.
U now realize that this moment is bigger than you,
A kiss by this beauty though, beats "Break a Leg."

You walk through tha hallway, give a wink to tha guy,
Tha one who opens tha curtain to you never go back.
He winks back, gives you a thumbs up,
For \he even knows there's nothing in the world that you lack.

There's a introduction to who you are,
Funny cuz you're hearing familiar words, and now your smitten.
This is pure amazement, totally unexpected,
There's a 5 yr. old kid reciting tha words from ur diary once written.

Still not time though, as u hear those words,
Remember like it was all yesterday.
How many stories, how u just wanted to have fun,
Talked real about that all tha work before tha play.

Ooops!  He's too young to recite that one,
I guess imitation is flattery, in its ultimate form.
I knew I shouldn't have written about girls and sex,
Those thoughts shouldn't have left my South Beach dorm.

Good a glass of water, that's what I need,
Oh, boy, I just got that cue.
One finger is put up, just one more sip,
I don't even know what I'm about to do.

Tha point from tha side comes, and tha curtain breaks,
And u stroll out like ur moment has arrived.
Celebrity over there, Reality star over here,
Jordana Brewster, Don Omar,
And tha rest of tha cast from Fast Five.

Your putting on a show, tha laughs are plenty,
This is a night to never let go.
After ur performance, the crowd stands up in unison,
And they all walk out saying tha same thing,
"What a show!"

Now backstage is crazy, in a frenzy,
With tha taste of we all are a part of history.
A beginning a something new has dawn,
This theater was tha first one to see.

The dressing room is your safe haven,
Now it's like everybody wants more.
Photographers, groupies,
Heck, it's like everybody's waiting outside ur door.

Door now opens and it's that makeup artist, u left,
She bursts in with such a Hollywood smile.
If being a star, gives you perks like this,
Maybe I should throw away that old black book file.

Once again, she gives you a kiss,
This time not on tha side, but one on tha mouth.
She says, "I had a feeling that you were special.",
U wonder if her hand is about to go down south.

She pulls away for a moment, in a hesitant way,
Her perfume is now laced all over you.
She says she has a question to ask,
I guess after that kiss, I can answer a question...
Or maybe two.

She asks, "What was in that telegram?",
Was it from somebody that you knew?
Your response was a short but definite "Yes."
That somebody is who really knew you.

U then grab her hand, and then reach over her makeup,
She has everything inside her beauty kit.
Tha telegram which was faced down u grab,
And point to ur lap, so that she can sit.

A gleam strikes from you eye so strong,
As you know u have all that you could want.
Tha show to start a career, A chance of a lifetime,
Also that "10" in ur lap and in ur arms...
I'm not gonna front

You begin to tell her about ur life,
And how it's been such a test of that wait.
Seems like this day would never come,
Like we had a ongoing war with that thing called fate.

U tell her how moved you were, before u walked out,
To have this kid read ur words of yesteryear.
How as u were writing in ur diary, u just knew,
That it would open somebody's eyes like a dear.

Tha flip of tha note, she provides so sexy,
And u tell her, "Let's read it together."
She looks in ur eyes,
U look into hers,
Two sets of eyes are so much better.

She knows this is personal to you,
As your cell phone gives that ring.
But you turn it off, and capture this moment,
"Ur ready let's do this thang."

"TO YOU: JUST A SMALL WORD,
BUT DO YOU RECALL THAT HOLIDAY EASTER.
CAN YOU REMEMBER THAT EARLY MORNING TALK,
WHEN UR SOUL BECAME SOME WHAT FESTER.

I KNOW YOU'RE READY NOW, AND I'M NOT WORRY,
SO I'M GONNA LET YOU GO.
BUT WHATEVER U DO, WHATEVER FAME U GET,
ALWAYS REMEMBER THESE WORDS...
I TOLD YOU SO."

And u put tha letter down, and glance to tha side,
Recalling that special Sunday in 20-one-three.
How u wrote about tha moment,
How u dreamed so hard about it,
Now can you believe what you see.

Shake of tha head, and another kiss from ur friend,
Pure amazement is ever a present glow.
Just think about if u hadda given up,
That would have messed up all of destiny's flow.

You get ur stuff, and grab your suit coat,
And now its time to leave.
U open tha door, the media is still there,
It's ur baby girl's arm that u constantly cleave.

Tha weeve through tha traffic is long, yet revealing,
How life can ever so quickly change.
Once was a dream, now it has happened,
Even ur agency gave you keys to a Range.

That's not ur ride tonight though, not ur style,
Both of you finally get to ur fast sports ride.
She gets in, and you're about to,
But then ur world and this other fan's collide.

Tha girl said that I once followed you,
Before you had all this show and fame.
I knew you before you got ur chance,
Seems like I knew more than just your name.

She went on to say that all that you wrote, I knew,
It would all one day come true.
Not just for tha life of me,
Even from the life of you.

"One post" stood out from tha rest,
And she puts it above her bed ever since that day.
She said it was what got her through tough times,
With all the tests, it was tha only way.

You are humbled, and almost tear filled,
Cuz this is more than any dollar.
To give a laugh, to crank a smile,
Even to provide tha guts to make you holla.

The question was posed by you, "Which post?",
Made an impact as she stopped you before ur drove off.
She told you, u then gave her a hug,
For how can anyone use her words for scoff.

Now ur inside ur car, and ur baby girl asks,
"Honey, are you alright?"
You tell that u're cool, just so much going on,
It's just been one of them nights.

She then asks, what did that girl want,
Her eyes were filled with so much hope.
If anything she looked like she wanted you,
Like you are like tha next sitting Pope.

U tell her, she simply showed us love,
And told us how she's been a big fan.
Then she told us how this one post in our diary was special to her,
How it stopped her from all her sinking sand.

"Which one was it", u baby doll replied,
"U have so many."
The reply was, 'Perhaps, cupcake...
But this one stood out more than any.'

"Well, aren't you gonna tell me,
I actually would like to know."
A passionate kiss was shared between you two,
And u simply say 'Let's Go.'

'I was blown away by this girl, who was so real,
As she told me all about, well, me.
How this one post was above her bed,
Every day and every night she would see.

So as us two begin a journey like no other before,
One so special to me.
I want you to know that this day was always a coming,
It just to a while to simply see.

Baby girl, this has been a memorable journey,
With tears, and laughs,
And a crazy number of sighs...
Like that girl reiterated to me...
Buckle up for tha ride, cuz to have tha most fun, u need to sometimes...

Close Your Eyes.

Galaxia,
Signing Off.

A Bob a Day.

Closer than close,
What a mighty phrase to say.
Yet this was tha everlasting feeling,
On this particular post hump day.

Today is a rarity of diary,
One that hasn't happened as of late.
I'm gonna write on back to back days,
So consider urself, my personal date.

I've been talking a lot from our heart,
Seemingly too much and with all our soul.
But we've always wanted this to be the realest ever,
From day one, its been our goal.

Love seems to be tha topic,
Tha one that echoes from our heart.
I guess that's where we've been inspired,
From tha pain from Cupid's dart.

Now on tonight, I'm gonna let this flow,
Meaning buckle up for tha show.
I have no idea where this can lead us,
But tha price is truly worth tha show.

If u don't wanna read it fine and dandy,
This may not be for you.
I just feel something in my soul, a natural high,
Consider this a can of Galaxian Mountain Dew.

Are you ready?  I hope so.
There's no turning back.
This is gonna be real yet fun,
A little something before u hit tha sack.

(Huge Blow.)

Now is tha time,
There is no more time for waste.
We have to let bygones be bygones,
We're an original, not a copy and paste.

The thrill of finally having ur dreams,
Oh, is there anything better said.
Yeah, u can eat at tha finest spots all day,
But it's ur soul that wants to be fed.

I've talked alot about having fun,
How special life can be when had.
That can be hanging with friends, kissing a pet,
Or a simple conversation with Dad.

As our life has turned tha corner,
A feeling has come upon us like never before.
Just as I'm about to enter tha hall of dreams,
I'm determined to prop open its door.

So much I wanna say, so much to do,
Yet I don't know where to start.
Its like u smell it but don't see it,
Compare it to a mosquitoes fart.

To be tha best, huh,
What does that truly mean?
I used to sign my autograph that way,
Like I was prepared for Life's big scene.

Now I'm in this position as a first,
Where there's a fork in tha road.
Am I scared of being too successful?
Should this Prince just remain a satisfied toad?

The last few days have been hard,
Sickness and even our workouts have been a few.
Even my Lakers, and now tha Heat have gotten some "L"s,
I guess after 50 plus days they shoulda been due.

What I've learned though is for me to share,
As I'm gonna do just like it's our first.
I'm gonna share what adversity can do,
How it can really heighten ur thrist.

Now somebody is saying, I'm tired of hearing it,
Its junk, who are you to even say?
Ur not famous, Ur not Forbes rich,
U just talk gibberish about every dude wishing u was gay.

That's why I'm writing this though,
Cuz when u know, u just know.
I don't have to brag about it,
Our life is crazy, it's more than a reality show.

And this diary is real time, u dig,
Like that Pre-MTV awards thing.
I take confident that we are gonna be big time here soon,
And on that day u really gonna hear a caged bird sing.

Don't give up, no matter what.
I say this from experience of just us.
When life just doesn't add up,
U wonder what's tha use of an A-plus.

Its like u have it all, right there,
Yet it seems so far to go.
Believe u me, I've been there too many times,
So far we have come, So far to still go.

I call it tha chase for tha ring,
Oh, how we can use that in many different ways.
Its a sports analogy all that way,
But love can be substituted on many a days.

I write from tha point of view of one,
One who's single to tha tee.
Yet has seen so much,
Planted by tha waters of Love's sea.

Just like that tree, I've felt its waves,
Every now and then again.
That feeling is something to behold,
U understand why Adam committed tha first sin.

It entraps you, and just wonder,
When can I just get a glimpse of her face.
Just to see her shadow in tha sun,
Wishing u can replay that night at her homegirl's place.

That's tha toughest thing about this chase though,
The knowledge of having been inches away.
U don't believe me huh,
I've always said I was gonna do this one day.

Let's see, Kristina, Amy, Amy,
And oh yes, there was an L.P.
Two Maria's, and Erin,
Freakin' A, another Maria, so let's make it three.

I shouldn't be doing this but I feel tha need,
Cuz if I can survive tha madness so can you.
This one girl was named after a Star,
While another had an Iranian name with letters full of slew.

This probably would take all day,
So I better stop before I really get deep.
Some of those names weren't even spread out,
2 out of tha first three were in a span of a week.

This diary is filled with stories about not stopping,
Even though tha right answer is to quit.
But why stop after u've endured and are still standing,
If u stop not its true then, "U ain't ----!"

What doesn't break u though,
Makes u stronger than ever.
U look sexier, look more determined,
Even ur style of dress makes u look more cleaver.

There's something about having ur back against tha wall,
Like when u know there's no way out but to fight.
You can slump ur shoulders, and cry I have many times,
But afterwards a vigor stirs up that's outta sight.

"This girl thinks I'm not even worth a 'Yes?" Whah...
All I can think is What Tha Ef?
How can so many others think we're tha funnest around,
Yet when I step to her, those cute ears turn deaf?

Or how come this person is getting a new job before me?
When I've put in more time than most.
I'm being patient, following tha rules,
And to make it worst, they're going to my dream coast.

If u haven't learned by now, forgetting I do,
Not without factoring in all tha pain.
See when I become what I'm gonna become,
I'm gonna use ALL this rejection for our sexy gain.

People just don't realize what gets our motor going,
Even when we feel like we've made it into tha VIP.
It could be an ignored 'Hi', a crazy look,
A teacher screwing our test by giving us a stupid "D".

I thought I was by myself, and I seriously thought,
"Galaxia u have a big problem to deal."
U take it too personal, u gotta move on,
U have to leave that deflated heart wheel.

Then I began to see tha successful of sports, arts,
And of course of Hollywood fame.
They speak their story of having a chip on their shoulder too,
U once wanted to win, now u want to dominate tha game.

It's not an "I told you so" attitude, not at all,
For that's getting back at one.
See this is bigger than one person, believe that,
This is about feeling life owes u big time son.

Tha Ring isn't supposed to be easy,
And I made that mistake a time or two.
I sometimes feel like haven't we done enough already?
U think about old episodes and wonder where time flew.

They say to win a championship is tha hardest thing to accomplish,
At least in tha sporting glow.
I'm gonna take it even further,
The first one is extremely difficult,
Like hitting "Jackpot" with no dough.

I can speak on this one,
Surely more than I want to admit.
Years of wondering, "Why again?"
Nothing but slamming walls and balled up fists.

People may not believe this, but I'm very emotional,
Especially when I think I've done my part and still don't get.
I feel like why am I working so hard just to get close,
U get tired of wondering, "Are we there yet?"

But as u go through tha ropes, u realize,
U are closer than u really think.
The ocean of despair can seem so never ending,
In reality though there's only a swim, and no sink.

It's tough, I know, and u simply wish,
It'll be nice to get tha credit u derseve.
I show up to class or work after a heart break,
Don't that take some kind of nerve.

Then u think, "Nobody knows how tough it is.",
Its taken for granted that it looks so easy.
Yet they don't know how tough it was to walk past a certain someone,
How just their name can make u so ever queasy.

U are tha one to have to see their face,
And peep this they act like they did nothing wrong.
U have to take the high road, even though u wanna cuss them out,
You have to hum Mya's classic song.

Peep this...they messed u over,
And u now feel embarrassed like u did something out of bounds.
A funny thing happens though,
We're gonna say it no matter how crazy it may sound.

So many people or girls who have did us bogus, check this out,
They became sheepishly on our side.
Like they realized that this guy is one of a kind,
They not only say it, but I can see it in their eyes.

I gotta say this, just because u haven't seen someone or something,
DOESN'T MEAN IT DOESN'T EXIST.
We can compare one person to that last goof up,
Then u miss a chance at Heaven's answer to ur wish.

All guys aren't dogs, all Miami girls aren't golddiggers,
Don't let one bad apple ruin a bunch.
Even if u have nothing but bad ones in tha batch,
There's a chance tha good one's at tha bottom,
Its that which makes it worth u hour lunch.

Oh boy, I'm finishing up, cuz UM hoops is about to come on,
But did anybody else get what was just said.
Not every batch of apples have tha ripe ones at tha top,
That's contrary to everything u may have heard or even read.

Some may turn their head and pick,
And they have their apple delight.
Others have to get to tha middle,
Dig a little bit, but still have some sight.

Then u have tha people like me, and others,
Who have their wills tested to tha max.
Toss bad apple after bad apple,
Wishing a map of tha thing was sent via fax.

Those are tha successful ones, and not only that,
The peeps who remain strong for a lifetime.
The remember all they had to go through,
Just to get that precious juicy find.

They remember all tha bobbing,
And tha feeling of having their hands tied behind their back.
Diggin in tha water, holding their breath with hope,
Wondering if they should just settle for a pizza made by Jack's.

But as u go up and down into tha water,
Those memories begin to dance, and ur soul's light goes a flick.
U have something to prove, it is personal,
No way are u done yet, u still have a up sleeve trick ever so slick.

Now u are looking at tha bottom of tha barrel,
And tears begin to creep cuz u've given ur best.
The feeling of coming up empty is overwhelming,
Just like u've failed another AP test.

U get ur towel, and wipe ur face,
Tha water has soaken u up like never before.
Tha last chance was what motivated you,
This was it, there isn't gonna be another door.

Yet just as u turn to walk away, u turn to look down,
Simply to get a taste of what might have been.
Low and behold, u look, and u can't believe what u see,
Like a hidden diamond in life beautiful den.

Could this be happening?
After all I've encounter finally something for me?
The excitement fills you like never before,
Never have u felt so much pure glee.

An apple...just one is still in tha barrell.
Floating at the bottom for a moment's time.
Now just like a Spielberg movie,
It slowly floats up...and this one has a special shine.

U grab it and look at it,
And realize its even more beautiful than u even dreamed.
This one even has ur name on it,
Wipe it dry u think, cuz this has a special gleam.

Now u think of all the bad apples u had to go through,
Just to get to this special one.
How many times u wanted to give up,
How many times u thought u were done.

A wonder crosses ur mind, like what in tha world?
Like how didn't I see it and why so long?
Then a thought hits you,
And u smile like listening to a George Michael love song.

See to get tha best, u have to dig deeper,
I mean deeper than most.
Yeah, see just because its on sale,
Doesn't make it tha best thing to put on ur piece of toast.

U may have to go up and down, and through tha water,
And still might come up with not a thing.
But just when u think its over,
A gift comes on life's wing.

That's why u shouldn't give up,
Even though u feel like it's no use anymore.
Been thrown outta of life and love's exclusive club,
And even have proof do to all your sores.

I believe though in karma, a strong believer,
And sometimes life has to take time to get to you.
Patience is hard, being calm is even harder,
Yet those ingredients stir u successful brew.

I talk from experience bro and dudette,
And now we see how close we are.
Our life is gonna look simple to many,
They just don't know how many times we've tried to unscrew this jar.

We've banged on it, got a napkin,
Done every thing we knew how to make it pop.
Knowing deep inside once it gets to going,
It's never ever gonna stop.

There's still time on tha clock,
And now ur better of the hardest way.
Gold must go through tha toughest refining,
Heck, even Rome wasn't built in a day.

Now ur time has come,
I know ours has,
Everything u've experienced has been worth every tear and cry.

Its ur turn now,
And finally your heart to heart...

With tha apple of ur eye.

Bye.
Pooh Galaxia.

A Filthy "J".

Alright.

We're writing this almost in a blur.  Basically we just woke up from a late or early evening nap.  Secondly, we've been under tha weather tha last few days so I don't even remember too much.  And thirdly, we don't know how to go about tonight's post so...we shall see what will happen.

I guess we'll just write from our heart, at least tha part that we can remember...

I don't know if its been tha medicine or what, I don't think so, but as of recently we've had some very interesting dreams during our naps and nightly sleeps as of late.  Let's see, we've had like three dreams where it's like we're about to be on tha verge of something.  I say that cuz one dream was us being on one of our basketball teams and the setting was right before our team ran out before tha game.  Others had tha same feeling of like right before sumthing was about to occur.  Then its like I'm hanging out at my old crib, and I'm like friends with all these different types of famous people and celebrities.  Not kidding.  No idea what's about to jump off, but there's a sense that something unique is about to happen.  Sumthing very unique.

Our life is...different.  Not a brag or boast, but just is.  We're always talking about us and different episodes with girls and stuff.  I probably talk too much, but tha things we encounter.  Just today, I was coming home and was on "Tha Big Bridge" aka Tha A1A bridge that connects the mainland over to our neighborhood of South Beach and 5th street.  Traffic was pretty close at a standstill, and I was over in tha left lane taking tha exit to Alton Road.  While I was coming Eastbound, I could sense this car across tha big median possibly eyeing us.  Please bear with us tonight, I'm fighting to write and get our thoughts together so please be patient...So as I'm banging Omarion's "Entourage" classic, I look over, something I rarely do when I feel like somebody's watching us while we're in our ride.  As I look over, I see these two girls in a car.  Mind u, this is over a pretty good size median that's separating traffic.  I glance over and catch eyes with tha girl in tha passenger seat.  Her friend is like talking to her, but she's looking over our way, with her black sunglasses on.  She turns even more intently our way, and give a slight head nod like, "What's Up!"  And she ducks her head and sunglasses down some, and gives the slightest yet most flirtatious double raise with both of her eyebrows.  I began to smile, and shake my head, as traffic was moving on, "Gotta Go", u know, but it's interesting when u feel like all eyes are on you...especially from tha attractive opposite sex....I mean...

This past Sunday, I was a little embarrassed.  I'm up at tha Triple A for the Heat/Bobcats game.  And I'm talking on tha phone inside of tha Gate 3 Premium seating lobby, answering a call, and after I'm done talking I look to my left, and I pause kind of sheepishly cuz these two Hispanic Mamacitas are like gawking at me in a dead stare.  I had no idea they were looking at us, and for how long, so I just naturally asked, "How are you all doing?"  One of them responded, "We're doing fine...How are you doing?"  Yada, Yada, Yada...But we are used to it, but u still don't get used to it u know.  I really don't wanna turn our diary into a love diary or lovefest in terms of relationships, but when things happen we have to write.  It's our diary and well, this is real life...so might as well get loose right.

Jealousy.

Oh yeah.  This one trait can ruin friendships and especially relationships...Dag Gone, Lebron got smacked upside tha head again?!!  He's gotten tha "Oops Upside Tha Head" every rip tha last four games!...But this J-Word has messed with me a lot.  I wonder has anybody else like had a "crush" or liking for somebody and been geeking them all up as this mini-goddess or god, like they're tha most sexiest thing created since tha Google Maps App, and then be introduced to who that person is dating...I'm about to get ultra-real 2nite...then be introduced to tha person who they're in tha relationship with and have been flat out flabbergasted!  Ur just standing there with ur mouth at a standstill like traffic on tha 405 freeway in L.A., but inside ur mouth is as wide open as a Video Vixen saying "Aah" in tha back of a VIP section of a South Beach club during Memorial Day Weekend.  I see this stuff only happens to me.  I have no problem talking about it, cuz many a times, I've been almost dessip backwards over tha situation.  But why?

Then u begin to downgrade tha person u had the Orange Crush on.  Not even knowing tha....I remember this one time....It never stops does it!  I'm telling u, it's never ending with stories and us... I was with my guy, and it was this girl, I thought was a slept on beauty.  (Can't u tell that's my type)  She had red hair, an absolutely uniquely built yet flawless face.  Now that I think about it, she was built physically like ah, Christina Hendricks, from Mad Men, but I always remember her from one of my and my Mama's favorite shows Kevin Hill. She always had a friend with her, her BFF or GFF or whatever.  So I already knew that I would have to go through tha Secretary of Defense if I wanted to drop my A-bomb on her!  To get to one, u gotta go through two...Oh, tha perils of life.

So through tha grapevine, or TMZ, I found out that she had a boyfriend.  Which is mad cool.  I only want that best for whomever.  But for some reason, I wanted to see who this guy was to be with this beauty who could win any cowgirl contest.  Anyhowser, by chance me and my guy happen to be up in this one joint, and she was in tha same place...with (Huge Sigh!) her girl, as usual...We chillin' and what have you, and next thing I know it, this dude straggles in. Me and my dude are looking...My angel then gets up and gives this guy, I do mean italics when I say this guy, a hug and a kiss of sorts.  I look at my guy, and am like, "U gotta be kidding me?"  Gots 2 be...Not only was I stunned like a Stone Cold Stunner, but I was hotter than a party thrown by Bacardi in tha Summertime.  I felt like throwing my shoes at him, like old dude did George W. a few years ago, but I thought twice.  It was a crazy scene.

But jealousy dude.  That was one of tha few times that I let somebody's happiness effect my own...for a moment at least.  It showed me what attraction can do and all, but it also taught me how being jealous of somebody can make u downgrade another person or two.  So now, I was basing what type of person this former Angel was, just how her boyfriend was dressed?  This junk happens all tha time...U go out with a girl who dresses kind of revealing, and tha guy is looking like Urkel, then people make assumptions that she's a golddigger only with him for tha money or what not.  Things happen, and what I'm learning when somebody u like or who likes u, is already in a relationship is sometimes it's not about a person being better than you, but simply getting to that other person before u did.  In other words, timing plays a crucial role.  Enough on that.

One more thang on a topic I have no business talking about...but I've always wondered...should I say this or not...U have to be strong within to be with some people, and u have to know that going in.  Just being real...As a guy, who's seen and have been through a lot (That doesn't sound right, but whatever), I'll be a fool, not to desire a girl who somebody else doesn't want.  U know what I mean.  I mean, a girl would want some kind of man, who's attractive to not just her, but at least one other person besides his mama!  Somebody may argue me on that, but to me that means that ur not self-confident within urself, and are afraid that somebody else is gonna take that person away, which is bad thinking on ur part cuz if ur taking care of business and treating a person with respect, as a king or queen, then a) they won't leave or b) if they still leave after all that, then u don't wanna be with that type of person anyway.  Fin!

But u want, at least I want to feel, like I'm with someone of...value.  That's good right there.  When u have or are trying to get something of value, there's gonna be a lot of hatred and jealousy surrounding that.  Everybody who smiles in ur face, and pats u on tha back cuz ur got urs or getting married, don't necessarily mean it.  Same thing with girls, I've seen girls smile in another gal's face and tha moment their shadow passes through tha doorway, they all gibber gabbing about her.  I've heard that "a good man is tough to find", so u best believe that if u have someone of...value.  Somebody's gonna be upset, or wonder "why not me", or "how come she gets all tha ballers" or "she don't know how to put it on a guy like that".  U know why I know girls do it?  Cuz guys do it all tha time!!  And being around certain girls, I know...Us guys are quick to downgrade a dude, as I aforementioned, if we think he's with a hottie that's "above" him.  I don't know why I'm writing all this but...

I guess I'm just trying to say that relationships are interesting, and u have to be strong within them.  But one way to overcome haters or jealousies within friends or families, is to expect them.  If u want a creme de la creme type of mate, then u should already know what comes along with that, besides a Black AmEx bill full of Louis bags!  Some guys and girls just attract a lot of attention from tha opposite sex, and it does no good to get upset when somebody is gawking at ur girl on Ocean Drive, when before u had her, u were doing tha same!  I'm gonna say something personal right here, I've always wondered if I could date a girl who would want to pose naked say for Playboy or whatever.  Or even be a stripper at tha Pink Pussycat or whatever.  Tha main reason guys don't want their girl to do those things is that they don't want their girl to be naked and have all these guys looking at her "goods" and stuff.  And I get that a little bit...But I believe it's absolutely up to tha girl.  And I think, us guys have to be more confident in ourselves to know that we are treating this girl so right, that she wouldn't even think about leaving.  Guys, myself included, have a power thing where we want what's ours to be ours...to have "something" for ourself.  But if u've been around numerous naked models like us, or been in Europe or heck even the South of Fifth beach area here in South Beach u see folks naked all tha time.  So instead of fighting to own somebody's body, I'd rather fight to own tha most important feature of any woman...

Her heart.

This is just me.  Jealously can kill u man.  U have to leave it alone, and realize that ur time is coming.  Or if ur with somebody, and they are seemingly getting constant attention, take it as a compliment for one.  And two, realize that u need to treat that person like they are tha most special person in tha world, cuz their is competition waiting for u to slip up.  It's gonna take a very special person to be with me.  That person may be soaking this all up, and think, "I'm tha one" who can handle all this.  Which may be true.  I may even be alienating some by being so up front on so many real issues in life, and in our heart.

But there comes a time in all of our lives where u have to look in tha mirror and realize that u are special and unique.  And that u won't settle for nothing but tha best for you.  If nobody else tells u that, u have to believe that urself.  Once u believe that...u start to dream about it...and once u dream about it...they begin to happen.

They claim step by step u gain success.

And only success can be gained by stepping over...hate.

Austin(o) Lamont Williams Galaxia.

Blindfold Me.

(Parental Discretion Advised...Added this once we began writing tonight cuz tha topics might not be for tha youngins.  Been forewarned!)

Have a moment or two, so might as well jot some.  Once again, have no idea what this is gonna turn into, which, if u've been following our diary for almost two years now, can mean that some wild stuff can be written.  So let's see what's to transpire on tonight...

Miami is crazy right now.  I mean...CRAZY! So many things going on, and as we walk tha streets of our neighborhood of South Beach, truly,without a doubt, and forever will be known in our hearts as "The Land of The Beautiful People", we are almost in awe in how many people are around.  I mean traffic is at a stand still in some of the weirdest places, u have sexy gals and guys walking around in swimsuits like 15 minutes from tha sand, it's truly like a music video dude.  The weather has been just about perfect beach weather.  Like low 80s, with tha sun shining, heck I was out today and was sweating just walking around.  It seems like everybody wants to be in tha M.I.A. Even though every once in awhile we think about moving to our big sister out west (L.A.), still there seems to be a feeling that this is "Tha Spot".  Like not only in Los Estados Unidos, but all over tha world.  People like to have fun...People like to feel sexy...and People like to party.  So when u put that all together, there ain't a place like this really.  Which is cool....actually very cool.

As of late, I have been writing a lot.  Hey, somebody told me that there was a guest writer for my last post, what was up with that?  Whatever was said, I hope they got things write and keep my life private, cuz tha last thing right now I need is some of my secretive life being exposed for everyone to see!  But neverthaless, things happen, speaking of which, I've been sharing some private thoughts in this thang.  Stuff I shouldn't really talk about, but it's a diary.  And I believe that in any diary u keep, u need to express how u feel in that moment.  Ours just happens to be exposed of sorts, but what we write is from our heart, and private or public its gonna be written...Huh.  Sumthing just hit us...

I got some wild stories and thoughts to share, so Big Bear Mountain with us.  How do u react when somebody wants you to do something that u really don't wanna do, but they just keep harassing you about it?  And know I'm not talking about forking up tickets to go see Jay-Z and Justin Timberlake, and no I'm not talking about actually taking a shower for a date u know ain't going nowhere, and quite frankly no, I'm not talking about cramming for a Final Exam tha night before when u know u gonna flunk anyway cuz u never did any homework thoughout tha semester, but...I was walking at a mall up in Broward, the Pembroke Pines Mall the other day.  I wanted to get some music at F.Y.E., and use up this coupon that I had from tha store that closed up down here in Coral Gables (Blasphemy).  But I lost myself for an half an hour to 45 minutes, and after I got out, I was walking through this suprisingly packed mall, and this guy was at a kisok, and he basically was yelling at me like, "EXCUSE ME SIR...."  I cringed like, "I got stuff and people to do, I ain't got no time for no Blu Blockers or Ginsu Knives or whatever u trying to get me to try.  But this dude was like relentless like none other...

Then he plainly asked, "How old are you?"  And I put this on Ponce De Leon, I immediately thought, "Not you too?  Please say that ur not trying to hit on me, in front of all these high school kids, and while ur on tha clock!"  I mean, for real...Who starts a gimmick, I mean, a presentation like that.  So this guy walks up to me, after I flat out told him that "I'm ageless."  I did say that by tha way...He walks over to me, and grabs my hand, and is like, "Let me show u something."  Now this is getting ultra-weird, like being at a party and everything's jumping off, and then all of a sudden a girl (or a guy) who's had too many Heineken's and Presidente's comes over to you, and puts there arm around you, and spills, "I loooove yooou.", like Brother Love from tha old WWF wrestling days.  It's like this is what I always wanted to hear, so do u move in and do tha fool like a night in Vegas or do u simple say "I love you" back and watch as they fall over onto tha ground.  Like I said....Awkward.  So he brings me over to show me off all things, this psuedo-sponge to manicure ur nails.  U cannot make this stuff up.  So I'm doing my best to leave, but no lie, I couldn't shake my hand from his Kung-Fu grip.  Literally!  I'm trying to pull away, but he won't let go.  Flat out...I'm getting a little heated, cuz I'm seeing all this tenderoni's walking around and now I'm stuck getting a bad Flea Market manicure, from a guy at a freakin' kiosk.  And right before he really got loose, he told me in a surprising way, "You have perfect nails."

 I'm thinking this is ridiculous, and to make matters worse he got my left fourth finger, does anybody know tha name of that finger??!!  Now dude got one of my fingers all shining and glistening and to make matters worse, I literally just threw away my nail remover concoction from CVS, so now I'm really looking Chonga-ish for a few days til it goes away.  I'm not gay by tha way.  Just because u have nail remover liquids, and like tha color pink, and grew up loving, absolutely loving, Denise Williams' "Let's Hear It For The Boy" doesn't mean I'm...just saying..

Heck, let's talk about it.  Age and Sexuality.  I can almost say without a blink of an eye, that down here in South Florida, that can be the two most uh... suspicious aspects of trying to figure people out what they are, and how old they are.  This ain't gonna be judgmental one iota, I'm just speaking from what I've seen.  U got guys who look older than they are, and they end up being like 20.  A girl looks and acts super cool, and before u ask her does she perfer tha top or bottom of her Whopper experience (I know I'm tha only one who got that!), u find out that she's not into us guys.  I've had some wild times with both...boy have we ever.

I believe I even wrote about that one time, not too long ago, a girl whom I didn't even know just flat out ask me, "Are you gay?"  After I told her I wasn't, I could hear tha disappointment in her voice as she went on to discuss how all tha "good guys" are.  Not true by a long shot.  But I could hear that she's had some bad experiences in terms of being disappointed.  Am I a metrosexual?  What is tha definiton of that?  I guess in some ways I am, or at least to tha naked eye appear to be.  I know a lot of guys, some of my dudes who get super heated when they feel like they are getting hit on by another fellow.  I'm tha complete opposite I guess in some ways, cuz I said before, anybody can be attracted to one sex, but very few can be appealing to both.  That sounds so egotistical.  But it's how we feel, and it's true.  I grew up in that Madonna era of tha 90s.  U know where people were like, "She's dating hot guys, but she's around these hot girls too", releasing books titled Sex,  so u don't know if she's into tha lolipops or pudding...heck she might've been into pudding pops! (Aw...that's good!  See she might not be straight, but may have been bisexu...once again, only tha freaks got that.)  Same with Janet Jackson, in her moods and in some of her interviews that kept just enough of tha door opened to make u think...

Some people give off that vibe of ultra-sensuality.  I feel like we give off that vibe I guess as well.  U have to be comfortable within urself...I be in tha locker room, matter of fact this happened twice just this week.  I was getting undressed and stuff, and on two different occasions, I had guys put their stuff down, and basically get undress right on top of me.  I was thinking, "u tell me this guy has to put his stuff (Not that 'stuff' get u head out of tha gutter!) down right 9 inches next to me?"  That totally didn't sound right, but it was kind of ridiculous when there ain't NOBODY in tha whole place.  Don't make sense.  Tha first time, I was a little hot...when it happened today, I was calm, and just realized that it comes with tha territory.

But down here in Tha Magic City of Miami, I've heard girls get into almost blows trying to figure out tha sexuality of a guy.  Arguing and junk...it's serious.  Then if somebody does swing for tha other team, I think sometimes, some people consider it a challenge to get them to go straight.  Believe me on this one.  Sometimes people say they are "such and such" but really aren't.   U know.  There's no need to shout ur preference to tha world, or make an announcement through the Reuters news wire to show ur new beau.  U are who u are.  One thing I will say is this...

We need to stop being so concerned about other people's love life, and who they are dating and who they aren't.  I know I've grown not to gi...wait, let me get new age here...N2GAF, when it comes to wondering who a person or friend or family member is with.  Are they straight?  Are they Mexican or Puerto Rican?  (That question alone may break up many a homes here in Miami.)  But for real.  We've just reached a point where if tha person they are with is happy then I am too.  I got too many things to think about than who ur pound caking with at night.  One thing I'm thinking about as I'm still in tha game, is not to get so caught up with expectations from family, friends, or whoever in terms who we date.  I see I'm not gonna get to tha 'age' thing tonight, but that's ok, this is important, and somebody, somewhere, it may be in tha year 2019 may need or want to hear this stuff.  So let's get really real...

I was talking to Moms about this sort of earlier today.  It's easy to feel pressured to be with somebody cuz a) that person is madly attractive....b) everybody says ur a perfect couple...c) ur family and friends think u should make it official.  I recall two quotes specifically indicating some of tha expectations that accompany me from afar from people wondering who I'm getting my freak on with.

First was before I came down here to Miami.  That was in 2005.  One gentleman told me that I should get a rich Sugar Mama.  Huh...Sorry, I lost my thought as I imagined what it would be like to get half of that Social Security check....Anyways..My own Grandpa, who I might one day write an entire post just on his wisdom, told me that I should turn Jewish to get a good girl.  In his words, "Sammy Davis Jr. did it!"  And after being down here, and seeing how sexy these Jewish girls and women can be.  I should make a wristband with "HDJDI" meaning, "How Did Jesus Do It?!"  I've met sum super cool and madly attractive girls who happen to be Jewish down here.  Mad cool girls...But this one guy, was talking to me about who I should date and all that.  And as he was ending this borderline scolding experience, he ended by telling me, "Just whatever you do, don't get no fat white girl...walking around Wal-mart, holding her hand like she's a beauty queen."  Huh.

Now, evidently he had a chip on his shoulder.  And I know in many parts of tha U.S of A, interracial dating is somewhat "fashionable."  (Are we too real tonight?)  But I hang out with and definitely date all races.  And if u've seen some of tha girls I've seen, just from a plus-size perspective, u might feel tha same!  C'mon, I know I'm not tha only one dealing with this stuff...Just on today, I was by tha Bass Museum, and out walked this woman with a nice blouse, and she looked mad sexy in her Not Your Daughter Jeans, with dirty blond hair and curvy shape.  Half way debating to Chevy Chase her down, but Homey don't play that...But beauty comes in all shapes and colors bro....And if a fat (Whatever that means) white girl is tha coolest girl I know, loves some Jon B.,  has soft hands, and doesn't mind me getting her belly button licked with some KFC honey with tha Heat game in tha background, then u for dag gone sure gonna see me walk around Wal-mart with homegirl....Tar-shay (Target) might be a different story though. (Ha Ha!)

If I'm too much tonight, just stop...please cuz I don't know how many posts I got left in tha tank, at least in this format, so I'm leaving it all out on tha court, so to speak.  Now...

Now this next one is really personal.  While I've been living down here in "3-0-5 for life" country, we've heard some wild stuff from girls.  Especially concerning me, from what faces I make while doing tha wild thang, to girls telling me they bout to take baths, it's been intriguing.  But I was talking to this one doll.  Or she was talking to me.  She was of African-American decent, and of course, somehow, someway, tha convo came back me, and who we are seeing and what now.  So she was cool, since I was available at tha time, but then she hit me with something...and it went something like this.

"As long as you don't date no Puerto Rican or South American girl, I'm alright.  I'm so tired of these brothas dating these Hispanic girls."

Huh.

Now, I ain't gonna front, I know what she said, she felt cuz I could tell. And, I may be wrong, but I think how and what she said was felt from a lot of other "Sistas", who feel tha same way, but don't necessarily say it.  I'm talking about this...

Down her in Miami, u do see a lot of Black with Hispanic dolls with each other.  While u see a lot of Hispanic girls who exclusively date only White guys, and don't give African-American guys or heck even other white guys a second look.  I know I'm right about it, I should start calling out names...Bran...This is just something that goes on down here, not all tha time, but a lot in Miami.  To me, this girl was speaking from a frustration point of view, in which us guys of African-American decent sometimes don't give them a chance unless they are light-skinned or look like a Hip-Hop video vixen, and many times just date outside their race just because it's tha "in thing" to do.  Believe u me, these are real issues.  And as I was cool with this girl, I could sense that she didn't want me, of all people, to join in on tha possible Dade County trend.  This was a tough one, and I'll tell u why....

As we just stated I like all races.  And many of tha girls we've approached, have been of some different heritage.  Whether that's Spanish, or England or Cuban or whatever.  I recall this one guy who was into that Santeria religion, which I'm not into, but for tha heck of it, I asked home dude, what kind of girl am I gonna marry.  He told me, "A blond Cuban girl, with big boobs."  And I've been hanging out in Little Havana ever since!  But jokes aside I like all different cultures and people.  Now a guy in my position, can feel a little pressure from a statement like that, coming from that particular source.  U can start to believe that u are one of tha few remaining "good catches" of the black brotha fraternity left (Which is not true), and she doesn't want me with another girl of another race but with someone of her "own."  It used to be a underwritten joke how girls from different races would see a black guy who had it going on (Nice Job, Educated...), which some people viewed as rare and steal him from tha race so to speak.  Thus hating not only that girl, but every other girl of that race.  "You got ur own, why u gotta take ours."

So here's how I react to that statement.  I react by giving no reaction, cuz I'm open to dating all of God's people, and if tha jukebox is pumping and I got some Jungle Juice in me, I may be open to date some of satan's people too!  I'm too much...but one person cannot save an entire race in terms of love.  If u see me dating somebody of my race, no matter how good it looks to friends or people who don't know u, or tha media (Just wait til I get really famous, u talking about gossip on our love life then.), if u ain't feeling it, don't do it.  Not even love, but sometimes "liking" a person should be based on YOUR feelings and not how u think u're gonna be perceived.  Yeah, u may think about race or monetary background, or religious things, but in tha end, if u dig a person, u dig them.  Period.

Sometimes it's ur environment too.  Everybody's view of beauty is different.  We have...Beep it...we have a high standard of beauty.  Not so high that it can't be reached, but we enjoy conversation from confident women of experience, of different ages, and I'm not gonna get into pre-requisites cuz considering all I've experienced how dare I get so egotistical and limit tha possibilities to friends or future lovers.  That will be blasphemous really on my part. U never know tha package someone may come in.  U may want somebody who's mad cool, and rocks Jordan's and listens to smooth jazz.  U might get that package, she just might've been born in Asia to a father who's German, and a mother who's Indian.  U never know...Austino Galaxia.

Alright.  Once again, we've said too much.  But these are some real issues, and since I have tha titile of being "The Most Eligible Bachelor in Tha Galaxy", guess tha Great God above feels like we should talk about these things cuz it crosses our mind.  What would our friends think if I date this girl from Honduras?  What would tha girl who can't get a date think if I settle down with this type of girl?  What would my family think if they knew I dig these South Beach pin-up beauties with a arm sleeve full of colored tats?  In tha end though, it's personal. And what goes on between two people, goes on between just those two people.  They say love is blind.  Even though considering our crazy lifestyle, I guess I agree.  Love should be blind...which fits me perfectly...

Cuz I'm into blindfolds anyway.

Austino Galaxia.

Ghostwriter.

Ah...how's should I's do zhis?  Press ah...en-turr?  No...I'm a gonna just a zalk like eye's a zalk...or vice ah...versa.  Anyways...

Zhis is a first for zhis ah...di-a-ree.  But on zhis night...What's up ah...ladies!  (Hehe...) Oh, yes...on tonight, zhis di-a-ree will have a...how's to put zhis...we will have a guest writer...a guest ah...star...a great man.  Zhe best in zhe world I have been called.  Yes.  And also's zhe...sexiest spy around.  My name, u ask...it's a simple...

Yammi.

Do you's a remembers muah?  How can u a forget?!  U see's before's all this boo-hoo stuff, before all zhis ah...poetry of um...21 and Zha Climb, zhis diary was all about me!  I enjoy's ah, every's night pulling up zhe diary to see me star in zhis show.  Galaxia, he's a...how do us Canadians put it...in French we call it "Doux".  So on tonight's I have Galaxia's prize ah...possession. His lap-top.  And we're gonna zell you's what's a been going on...he's been quite ah...bu-see.  But I've been on it, and will zell u how's it's really going down.  Is zhat Fish and Chips?  Cool...

Before I ah...continue.  Let me explain some stuff.  First off, I'm ah...emotional...at Austino Ga-la-cee-ya, because if you followed our TV show drama, he left me at an important ah...mo-ment.  I was just about to ah...how you's Americans say...ah...I was about to "Get it in".  Yes, zhat's it.  I was about's to 'get it in' with zhe beautiful Julia Angelica Gutierrez.  Yes, and right when...

(Girl, you're my Angel, You're my darling An-gel.  Closer than my peeps you are to...)

Ah, here she is right now calling ah...me.  One moment.

(Hola, my Brazilian beauty!  Ah...repeato mamacita.  Oh....Oh...So you have wrecked zhe Aston Martin.  Uh-huh.  Are you ok?.....Huh...So ah...u're gonna be late tonight for dinner...Ah..are you gonna wear zhat one...Yes...YES!  Alright.  You's gonna make it up to me's ah...right?...Well, Zhe Boss is gonna be hot but...Say Whah...Well, she can come too I guess.  Ok.  Hawaiian Tropic....And she does...with Gummie Bears...Oh, baby, I ah...likes you.  One day, I'll say it, but you knows how I feel.  But honey...)

Sorry, but ah...zhis night is gonna be a great night.  But Sir Galaxia, stopped zhe show right as I was getting very cornbread and ah...greens...Did I get it right?  With Julia.  She's so beautiful, definitely somebody zhat is  Galaxia's type, which has been a hot topic of ah...sorts huh.  People always stop me on zhe street and asks what's it like to follow Galaxia and what is his real type of girl.  I just tell him, if you can ah...count to ten, he'll give u a call!  Ha, ha!  I'm so ha ha!  He's around a lot, likes on today...I was ah...following him here in ah...South Beach.  Or how he likes to a call it, "Zhe Land of Zhe Beauti-ful Pee-ple", and zhis like Titanic open air bus buggy was next to ah...him.  And it was filled with nothing but ah...girls in tiny bikini's and zhey were dancing, and I saw some words like zhe "Clevelander" on zhe side or something.  He sees ah...so much, I talk on zhat in a moment.

You want to know, what is zhis guy really like.  What have I found him, ah...to be.  After a following him for some months, I found him to be...like weird.  Not in zhe War...War...What's zhe name?  Oh, yes, Warhol sense.  Nor is he like superthug either.  He's actually in between and on both extremes if zhat sounds well.  One moment he's laughing...zhe ah-ther he's quiet and wants to be alone.  One moment he feels like zhe gift to zhe Galaxy, zhe next well...he feels like he's zhe gift to zhe Galaxy.  I think zhat his confidence in "anythings possible" comes from his road.  I think he's obsessed with ah...having toodles.  Or having fun.  Sometimes zhat's so hard, when he doesn't think nobody else wants to enjoy life as he does.  I can see why.  That might be what he here for so...

But he's like what u read, but he's also...more zhan u read.  He really talks to strangers a lot.  Just last night, he was in zhe Pooblix or Publix groceries and was talking for several minutes about zhe Lakers.  Which I don't know either, how Galaxia can like zhe Lakers and zhe Heat, but zhat's why he's strange.  Zhe guy was from Santa Monica, California, which is where Galaxia once wanted to move to.  So zhey talked about hoops, but a lot of people approach him in one way or zhe other.  It's quite zhe intrigue.

We gonna fill you in on some ah...personal stuff, u can't find anywhere.  Ah...let's see...what hasn't been said...Well, he actually almost stopped writing zhe other day.  After his last post, he felt like he's been um...too real.  He writes from his heart, and he wonders if he should just stop as in a "I can't say no more" sense.  I don't know how much he has in zhe ah...gas tank.  But, zhe time is getting short.

He is falling in love with zhis Chicken Philly Steak thing whenever he goes out to eat.  Zhe other day he had one in a wrap.  Pardon me, but we don't eat zhis in my homesland of's Canada.  But now zhis hybrid is what he looks for when eating out.  Must be zhe peppers....I know people know he likes to go thrift and vintage shopping...Zhe other day he pick up some Hugo Boss, almost a Dolce & Gabbana shirt for like $6 as well.  He has found zome stuff u won't believe.  Also, one thing you's may not a knows, is he is collecting zhe First Seasons of some of his favorite shows.  Like Danger Mouse, What's Happening, Sex and Zhe City, now he has found ah...Entourage and please don't say to anyone please, but...Desperate Housewives?  Zhis guy is...one twinkie away from zhe asylum.  One twin-kay away...

Zhere's a lot of zhings I've learned from following zhe guy called Austino Galaxia.  How about...he sometimes eats waffles without ah...syrup.  How he do zhat, I don't knows...

His favorite magazine of zhe mo-ment is...People en Espanol.     He reads zhem for inspiration for his style, wardrobe and home decor in terms of color design and fashion ideas...and I guess zhe chicas don't hurt either.

It takes Galaxia about 2 hours to write a post.  People don't really realize how much ah...time it takes to paint a masterpiece.

Ah...one of his dream jobs is to be a late night TV show host.  Interesting...

I'm spilling too much about him's but...

One of his goals is to try every ah di-nur in Miami...

While after doing some re-search, I found out zhat he was absolutely, insanely intrigued about visiting zhe city of...

Monte Carlo.

Zhat's city is ah...beautiful.  I once knew a girl named Claudia who once...ah, maybe later...maybe, later....

See, he hasn't wrote about some of zhis stuff, so I must tell. Like how last night I "heard" he dreamed about hanging out with James Bond on an espionage.  Ha!  Bond...Zhat guy stole my fame...I'm zhe best! Me!...

His dream first date is one where zhe beauty makes him laugh and wears...no makeup.  Not ah...jokee-joke on zhat either.

Zhe next hairstyle he wants to try may be zhe Gumby high-top fade or...

Zhe Jerry Curl.  Ah...what's zhat?

I wanna say ah...more, but I gotta go, so I'll leave's u with a few zhoghts...

Galaxia is zhe only person I know who showers in...zhe dark.  Never in zhe light...Never.

Zhe next time Galaxia does ah...Kary-oh-kee...zhe first song he will request will be...

No Doubt's "It's My Life."

Zhis guy claims to be a Skee-Ball enthusiast.

He thinks he's gonna be zhe first writer to be on zhe cover of Gee Que.

While he has nicknames of Pooh and "Oh"...his favorite nickname might actually be...ah...

"Flash."

Galaxia owns no pet...but if he would to ah...get one, he constantly says he can see himself with a cat...

By zhe way, he wants to have one on a leash.   Zhese South Beach guys, I tell ya...where's zhe real men?

And last but not least...

Even though he's one day gonna get a purple Ferrari...his dream car is actually a....

Koenigsegg?

Alright.  Time to ah...go.  Have a party to attend...plus I got to save myself for zhe Ms. Ju-lee-ya.  Zhis was ah...cool.  Just a few secrets on zhe guy known as Austino Galaxia.  But just as I've learned...once u think you's got him figured out, zhen he comes out with something else.  Love him or hate him...but know one zhing...

It's always an adventure.

Always.

Yammi.

- - - - - - - .

First off, I'm recovering from a very, very interesting last few days.  I didn't even go out last night, I just couldn't.  Its such a thin line between going all out, and getting some needed rest, which I haven't been getting, at least to our standards.  I mean, I gotta make sure we don't get no wrinkles under tha eyes, u know what I mean.  Guess I'm so superficial when it comes to that, huh.  But, so far even on today, I got some needed rest.  And now, we can live it up, as we want to.  Forgive me for this post, I'm finding it tough to grasp tha words to write.  See what happens...

I need to calm down, don't I?  After tha last post we wrote, I was like spent in some ways.  Just when u really talk about what's going on in ur heart and soul, I don't know, a part of you is released and u'll never get that part of ur soul back.  I've been going so hard...for so long...people just don't understand.  That's what excellence is, I guess, doing something at a high level, for so long, and not just a one time thing.  As we continue to write, for right now, in this diary, and discuss portions of our life that we flat out don't understand,  its like our heart is striving for that goal.  That dream come true.  Interesting.  Sure others have tha same things they are dealing with, just have to move on.  We have to look at everyday as a new at-bat so to speak.  It can be tough to do that, but if we're gonna move forward, that's tha only way.

Now tha other day, something interesting happened. I had tha chance to be around this girl, whom I've had our eye on for a little bit.  But tha cool thing about it was I had a chance to talk to her, directly yet indirectly. U know, instead of being in a high-pressurized situation like a club or singles night at tha Bingo hall, it just happened.  I'm just gonna write, and let it all hang out, I think that's tha best way for this post to be written.  I had a feeling that I was gonna run into her that day.  Sexy look, hair in ponytails, that are seemingly making a comeback here in Miami.  I have grown into tha type of person that isn't chasing tail, so to speak, anymore.  Not to sound snobby or an Elitist (Inside joke from previous post.), but I honestly just don't feel like my ego can do it anymore.  Why should I have to put in days work when, honestly, if u get to know me, u should be putting in work to get to me.  Jokes aside.  We've been blessed with tha ultimate lifestyle in many ways, u gonna get the ultra-experience of fun, so...I think I may hit on that later.  But for now, as usual, I just played it cool.  U may be beautiful, but for us to call u "the most beautiful girl I know", we got 2 get to know ya.

Neat is tha word that can describe getting to know somebody.  Anytime u can share experiences and likes and dislikes with somebody, it's awesome with a capital "A" in our book, ya dig.  But before I go any further I have to say, that tha lessons regarding our life keep getting revealed to us.  Like...Ok....As I was talking to this girl nonchalantly, I could sense that other girls I knew who were around, were like eavesdropping on our conversation.  And to be frankfurter about it...they were interrupting our vibe of sorts.  Was it hating? Not sure about that son.  I didn't say anything, I really just brushed it off, but inside it kind of hit me like, "Here we go again."  We get tha feeling that sometimes...how can I say this safely...we get tha feeling that girls have a way of planting their foot down on their turf whenever a possible threat can be moving in.  Did we say that politically correctly?  Like, I've been in situations where I happen to be single, and I can be chillin' just talking haphazardly or relaxing , alright.  Then, another cutie pie comes into tha room....I'm gonna get loose here, I feel it.  Another girl, who's pretty as such, walks in and begins to give us conversation or game or Vibe magazine, and next thing I know it, tha girl I was just in tha room with basically, begins to trip.  Saying all this stuff in between me and the other girl's talk, just so that she can get attention and be tha focus of tha room instead of tha newbie.  It's a feeling that many guys, and girls really, go through.  This feeling of, even though u are free to be with whomever u want, there's a sense that "Even though I'm not with him, u can't be with him either."  Oh shoot, I think a can of Dennis Rodman's have been opened up!

And tha bunked up thing about it, is that sometimes the people who pull this stunt...have "somebody"!!  I put this in quotes because...I guess I'm tha only one this stuff happens to, so I guess I gotta represent, so I will, cuz I know my love is tha...I be thinking, I'm cool that u have a guy or girl, depending on ur preference, not tripping, not whispering in ur ear, "U can do better" and what not, so why is it that u trip when somebody is trying to connect four with us.  There's a double standard somewhere in there.  But I don't get all bent outta shape, cuz I really, really believe that our love life is bigger than us.  I mean that.

Like when u date us, I think indirectly ur dating a lot of people.  There are a few people...I remember seeing a great ESPN 30 for 30 special on "Tha Great One" aka Wayne Gretzky and his hockey move from Edmonton to Los Angeles in tha 90s.  They were talking about his marriage to starlet Janet Jones, and how when she married Wayne G, she was like marrying tha entire town and divorcing tha entire country!  Wayne was everybody's guy, like a "son" of sorts. So as we're writing this, we since that sometimes people thing that they own us, and that u don't have a life of ur own.  I can handle attention to our life when it comes to our social or love choices.  The thang that gets me though, is don't get out of character when I'm talking to somebody, and she likes to have fun as well, and tha rhythm of tha night (or day) is moving positively.  This happens with guys too.  We would sometimes fight tooth and nails just to get tha attention of gal.  Just to get a glance dude.  If u're interested in somebody, let them know.  Don't disrupt and try to knock down an arrow shot by Cupid.  And if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, u definitely shouldn't be concerned with who somebody else is dating...I mean u're supposed to be hubby'd and wife'd up, so...Why tha hecky pooh should u even care?  Why...

Less they think that we should be with somebody...else.  Kind of stuck on this thang.  We've been in some weird situations in terms of people telling us or suggesting who we should be with, or just tha interest in who we are dating.  Like I said, its a double standard of such.  Been in situations where guys huddled around to see who tha girl I was talking about looked like...Have had girls talk to us and say, "U and such and such make such a good couple."  And this was after just sitting next to a girl, one time in a class...After talking with this one homegirl, had this one guy who was listening in apparently ask us, after she left tha room, "Austin, is that you?!!"  Some wild stuff, plus much, much more.  I guess people want tha best for us, which I can't hate on.

Yellow is tha color of caution.  I can just remember how many women, not girls, but women have told us so many things about dating, just here in Miami.  Like, we've been blessed.  Let's see...I recall, talking to this one woman for like 2 hours, on tha clock.  We got to talking about life, and she began to discuss how her man has changed once they moved in together.  Now mind u, she was in her 40s, but she was spitting this old school knowledge to us. She just keep on saying, "Austin...DON'T DO IT!...DO NOT DO IT!"  And I took it as a sign from above, because she got deeper in saying how girls may try to take advantage of our personality, and "see that we're nice" and then try to manipulate us.  She was talking about guys and girls living together before they get married.  Everybody's different, but I feel like a lot of people feel or would have felt what she was saying to us if they could've heard her.  And I take it as a blessing, cuz a lot of people wished they had someone to tell them that before they made a life altering decision.  As we said, above a lot of people do have an eye on who we're dating, and some do want tha best for us.

This wasn't even part of tha script, but we gonna write.  This could be for tha fellas.  So let's continue.

As I said before, it's been amazing how many lessons I've learned from women down here in Miami.  Not just girls, but women who have been through tha stages of life...of clubbing...of getting drunk...all those things that are sometimes blinded when younger and have lessons that only experience can teach them.  And I'm gonna be even more honest...some of the women that have told me some of tha greatest pieces of wisdom, are women who I think are super attractive, and let's be honest, mega-hot like right now!  We've had some memorable chats..

I can recall having a chat up at the American Airlines Arena with someone who worked up there.  We used to talk a lot about relationships.  She was older than us.  She help teach me how to treat a woman.  As a pseudo-Romeo as we thought we were, it's amazing all the things she would tell us.  How tha little things would always matter.  She was dating this one guy, and she would tell us, how he would make sure that she had "something" in her pocket in terms of money.  That could be $20 or $100, just something to let her know that, not only he cared, but that she could be safe just in case something happened or if she wanted to treat herself.  She would also talk about how he would care for her personal being.  Like getting her hair done, or even go so far to make sure she could keep her cooch...I mean "stuff" clean.  (Parental Discretion is Advised)  Like all those things to keep tha flower blooming takes money, and he wanted her to feel clean and precious, and he wanted her to feel special.  If u feel special in tha places not seen, u'll feel special all over.  I believe that.

She would also tell us stories on tha mindset of a woman when it comes to sex.  I'm telling it today, so if it's too much or 2 deep, click tha 'X' tha top right hand corner, cuz one day this will help somebody.  She would tell me on tha standards of a girl, and how a woman shouldn't just sleep with some and any (There's a difference) body just for tha thrill of it.  She would discuss how a girl is giving up tha most precious thing she has so she better make sure that tha guy she's with, is not only somebody she wants to be with, but somebody who takes care of her.  Now, my doll went so far, as to say that when she has sex with somebody, she expects C.O.D..  What's that u ask...she expects Cash On Delivery!  Not making this up!  Now that is borderline prostitution, but as many guys believe (and some girls), some people are tricking anyway whenever they have sex not for love, but for money, or fame or mind control or  for a new Kors bag or whatever.  That's another conversation.  She taught me that a guy, when he's doing a girl (Perhaps too ris-kay, but makes tha point) shouldn't think that a girl ain't keeping count in her head.  Like any female, ain't gonna consistently keep giving up tha goods, without sooner or later expecting something for her Youtube Oscar performance.  If a girl keeps on giving up sex, and is not getting taken care of financially or mentally or something, then that girl doesn't have standards for herself, and that guy isn't a real man.

Huh.  Or Amen to that.

I came at her on one of those Sunday's at tha Triple A with a situation. I told her that I had an interest in this one girl, but there was a problem.  A serious one cuz I really was feeling the vibe me and this girl were having.  And I really thought she had that "one" potential.  She asked what tha problem was.  I just told flat out, that I like her, but she parties...all tha time.  This can be a dilemma for some guys and girls down her in Miami.  Cuz I've never seen so many people party it up and then come into work like 2 hours later, sometimes folks walk in with exact same clothes they had on when they worked tha day before.  I've seen that on numerous occasions.  I told my confidant, this girl is sexy, everything about us is mad cool, she had tha rare combination of upscale-ghetto-beautiful-exotic with a touch of hip hop.  I told her, that I like to have fun, and go out, and myself am a "life of tha party" person, but she's a...Professional Partier.  Club to club...everything.  But I liked her...a lot.  After explaining my case to her, she told me how just because a girl likes to go out...a lot...doesn't mean she isn't a good catch or a "nice" girl.  She told me how a girl like that may just like to dance, or may have a touch home life and just wants to get out.  A beautiful female always wants to go out...always.  (That's from me!)  But she really altered my outlook, cuz as a kid growing up, a lot of guys can associate...

As a kid growing up, a lot of guys can associate a girl who parties all that time, as someone who isn't someone u wanna settle down with. "Always on tha scene" is how tha old heads would describe her. Even Jay-Z said it in this autobiographical song of my life.  And living down here in Miami, u find a lot of girls who can be found on boats and yachts during tha day, and in all tha hottest spots by night.  So just how she began to spit tha ka-now-ledge to us, it opened it up to sometimes it's not what a person does, but who tha person is.  I should stop right there.  For real  C Lee I luv u girl for ur honesty!  Luv u homegirl!

It's still early on this Saturday, and I'm feeling good so let's continue on what some of tha sexiest women have told me about the female sect.

In tha crates of this diary, there's a post about this one girl.  I wrote about her, some time ago, and u'll have to dig to get tha story.  She was...right. Cinnamon tan skin, jet black hair, her style of dress was modern in a very crazy way.  Mad cool with a laissez faire attitude, born in a small South American country, I could see it.  The even wilder thang was that I knew her mother.  And her moms was very cool...and a flat out natural beauty herself.  I still remember seeing her, tha Moms, walking around in this like super revealing outfit as she was about to go to tha gym to work out.  Just tha sight of her, man...she almost made me drop to tha ground and give her 50!  That's push-ups, not dineros don't get it twisted!  But she was always, always kind and nice to us.

Both of us got to talking about women, and girls.  I even flat out told her, after her daughter was 'taken' how I had a "thang" for her.  I told her.  And the funny thing, was after I told her that, our conversations began to get even better.  So we were talking this one particular evening or day, and she began to tell us about dating here in Miami.  Now, once again, let me set up tha scene, this is a convo from a mad cool woman, who had a daughter I wanted to get with, and if tha night was right, and if she wore them Tory Burch kicks and if tha Apple Sparkler was chilled just right, I woulda got with her herself!!  Forget tha daughter!  (I'm getting myself in trouble right!)

So out of nowhere in our conversation, she began to tell us how Miami girls are nothing but trouble.  How they are all about drama.  She told of the conversations with her daughter and her friends, and how it's 24/7 drama.  I was kind of in shock.  I told her, I think I did, about how I like...I'm getting personal here...But how sometimes I like a girl who wasn't born in this country because they have fun in a different way than American girls.  Not a pre-requisite or anything, cuz u never know who God chooses, but in a lot of ways its true.  And tha Mamacita was getting at all tha material drama, tha hating on from one girl to tha next.  I strongly believe in dating tha person, but sometimes friends can ruin relationships and friendships to tha point where it just ain't worth it.  Who wants to date somebody where u go on tha town for a night, and tha girl u out with tells her friends ALL tha details, and next thing u know it tha friend are on Facebook or Instagram talking crazy, and watching ur every move.  "I saw Austin with such and such today."  Homegirl, she was ahead of me at Pollo Tropical and I was just talking to her. (Wink!)  But for real, I don't date crews.

I learned from her about how some girls, even the ones u want, just want drama.  It's ok to keep it interesting, but to just stir tha pot for attention...Naw bro.  So many others, like this really beautuful woman, who told me about how her man treated her.  Travelling, and making sure she's happy.  Even travelling from the west coast of Florida to Miami every weekend to party during tha hot years in South Beach.  That's what I call cash.  But what this sexy dame also told me about this guy, was that money can't buy u love.  She had the ultimate, and I mean ULTIMATE lifestyle, but she's no longer with tha guy.  Lesson told to me by this beauty...U can spend all tha Dollars, Francs, and Euros u want on a woman, but no matter how much u have...sooner or later, she's wants real attention.  And more than tha material things.  What's tha use of having a penthouse on Brickell Key, if u're never home to share it with ur baby girl?  The Life looks good in tha beginning, but if tha attention ain't given, and love ain't being transferred into an "action" word, mark my words, a real beauty ain't gonna keep on taking it.  Or if she is, believe u me, she's playing u, and getting tha attention she really craves...on tha side.  Like an order of Sweet 'n' Sour sauce...

Another woman told me how if u wanna know how a girl feels about you, u should get around her and see how she reacts when ur around.  Like if she gets nervous and stuff...this happened to me yesterday, when I was around this beauty that seemed to be rambling like Loyola.  I think she may want to...I know that I would like to...save that for another night.  Anyways, this same woman told me how, "The good girls are tough to get."  Which was involving a situation where I didn't know how much harder a guy would have to put in.  She told me those are tha ones u want (Sometimes.), and how u should let time dicate true love.  Good stuff, cuz I used to get into that NCAA Tournament "One and done" thought process.  Meaning, if u wanna do something or whatever, u get one chance, if u turn me down, I WON'T ask u again. There's only been an left handful of those I've asked more than once. I've changed...sort of.  But believe u me, I still have that  "I'm a comet" attitude.  U better catch us when u can cuz tha opportunity more than likely won't come again just because of our ego, and simply because there's somebody us who will say "yes".

I didn't even talk about tha girl in tha first paragraphs and our interaction.  We're gonna let that pass and let this post be about what fine women have told us about girls and other women.  So when u read throughout our diary, this ain't just us talking.  It's lessons, that for some reason have been embedded in our hearts and souls.

There's a saying that my Uncle and one of my guys once said:

"I am what I am, because what women have made me." 

Tonight is evidence of how people can help mold you, and perhaps how people who have been through this crazy thing call love, perhaps see what ur life is gonna be afar off, and are willing to help u deal with it.  Maybe these women saw that I would have a "most interesting man in tha Galaxy" lifestyle filled with a lot of decisions in regards to females.  And they wanted to chip in with a little wisdom.  Thus, what I learned, I want to share.

Now u know why I feel like I do.  I'm a by-product.  And I just wanted to share tha truth.  And hopefully as u read this, u can breathe and exhale about hearing and reading about not what's going on, but what's really going on in dating and relationships.  I wish I had a tell-all diary when I was a kid.  Maybe this is what this is all about.  And if so, u can sum it up in one word...which if put together the first letter of the first seven paragraphs.  I think u'll agree, that one word sums up how I feel about the upcoming moments and people in our life.  After it all, I can now take a breath and simply say...

-------.

A. Galaxy.

The Birth of Gold.

Here we go...

I'm gonna tear some sleep up on tonight! I mean tear it up bro!  Its such a thin line between going hard and getting ur proper rest ain't it?  Like when do u party hearty and when do you like pass out on ur bed for a while...just face down u know.  But before we do, I guess we should write a few nuggets.  

We've been writing for a long time, and have kept an online diary for what, going on 2 years now, and for as long as I've known myself (Ha!), we've been trying to figure out what and who we really are.  I'm reading this autobiography on one of the best basketball players of all-time Jerry West (West By West, My Charmed, Tormented Life), heck of an title, I know.  But as I was reading on this particular page I came upon this word that rightfully or wrongfully my sum up who we are or aren't as a person.  Anyway, it stopped me in my tracks like a slow cruise down Ocean Drive, and it hit me like, "Dude, this may sum u up."  The word that popped out like...I can't say that...but what jumped out at me, was the word...

Elitest.

I cringed a little bit because I know what that can signify.  But I had  to look tha word up.  After further research, I went to the real source of definitions, Urban Dictionary dot com, and they had this to say.  Now, tonight can get personal, but as we say a million plus times, this is a guy's diary.  It just happens to be for the Galaxy to see.  So what we are gonna be writing here, we'd be writing if it was just us in our notebook.  Ok, that's out of tha way, so let's discuss...

Is this tha attitude that u need to be successful?  Like do u have to have that edge to you that "U're tha best?"  or "Ur tha hottest" just to get by?  I think in some ways...Yes.  But...Ah, there's a but.  I don't think you should let that attitude negatively affect others.  That's when ego and this thought of perfection can down work against you, but...

What I'm learning is that nowadays, maybe its just me, but people don't compliment or how about encourage other people like they once did.  Seems like back in tha day, folks u didn't even know used to be quick to drop a "U look nice 2day" or a "Keep working it's gonna work out".  Its tough to find that kind of talk in today's day and time.  I think for one, everybody is really zeroed in on taking care of themselves.  And two, I think there's a sense of jealousy in some circles.  Or intimidated in some ways.  U can stop reading if u don't want our heart tonight, cuz I'm gonna call it like we see it.  What happened to those days where teachers were more concerned about a soul, than a paycheck?  What happened to those days in tha workplace where people were genuinely concerned about seeing you make it, possibly even further than they are at that time.  Like ur success was their success.  Now u may start a job, and people don't wanna give u all the in's and out's of a gig, just because they don't wanna  lose their job themselves.  All this "I'm gonna tell you everything you know, but u don't know everything I know" attitude, I think has to stop.  I'm a victim...I'm also a culprit as well...Oh, have I ever been.

I'm still a secretive kind of guy.  Flat out.  It may be of some surprise to hear that considering our "cartoon" personality and all that we discuss in this diary.  But I like our privacy, especially about our love life, don't giggle, and just personal stuff, that I think eventually everybody will find out about sooner or later.  Over tha last few years though, we have opened up....a lot.  And I think that...how can I put this...When u don't get what or who you want, over an extended period of time, that sense of not getting over tha hump forces you to look deep within.  And it also forces you to realize that you are going through tha fire for a reason, and that tha lessons u've learned, must be used to help others as well.  

We are asked a lot about love.  Like different situations and stuff.  Somehow and someway, it's like we have a story or a girl that can give a clear illustration of lessons learned.  That's just an example, but in many stages of life, we've been through.  That's why we say, cherish tha lessons and all tha pain, cuz u never know when that can be a motivator for not only you, but someone else.  We all need encouragement  even me myself.  Which goes back to this Elitest thang...

To us, tha mid-level exception of being or having an Elitest attitude is self-motivating yourself...I heard a quote the other day from a sports reporter...

"The great path...has no path."

That's a powerful six words.  Cuz to us, that indicates that what makes a path or road to success so great, is that there isn't no blueprint for it.  That's tha allure of it, that nobody has traveled this route before, but its also the most difficult because since no one, or not too many have traveled like this, u REALLY have to look within and develop an attitude inside of you...and sometimes u have to do it by yourself.  

When ur on this path, u look around and nobody's there.  You can have family and friends, but do they really know how it feels.  I'm gonna let it all hang 2night, it may be too deep, but whatever..How can somebody tell you how to get an "A" in class when they've gotten nothing but "F's" in class?  And had to cheat for that...What about having to go days, having to sacrifice and freakin' ration out meals, and cans of baked beans just so u can make it, unless u've done that, u don't know how it feels.  I got a personal situation, right now, I'm experiencing.  Something that me and tha Great Editor in Tha Sky have been having an..."out" about.  This is really...really personal, but...it may be tha last time...I don't know....

Our stories about love and relationships...they are flat out crazy.  Just on today I thought about a girl or another wild episode with us liking somebody, and having another person know about our feelings, and whatever.  I've been a romantic kind of person, our entire life.  As a kid, listened to love songs religiously, got giddy whenever somebody approached another girl, to test tha waters.  Love, sexually and emotionally is just a trait, that has been embetted into our souls.  That's who we are, and who we'll always be.

But over tha last few years...something stranged happened.  Even though I'm like showered with adoration from tha most beautiful women in tha Galaxy...it's like God has shut every door on me, in terms of developing a long term relationship.  I would get to know this girl...Ooops, she's leaving tha country...Supposed to hang out with this gal for a special trip...Ooops, a family member dies...Get to know this girl...Oh, she forgot to tell u she had a boyfriend....I've never seen anything like it.  EVER.  This ain't just one or two strange occurrences, I can honestly say that it has just been weird bro.  

I'm writing this cuz I'm right at where I wanna be, so I can talk...now.

When things in ur life, constantly happen in ways you can't explain, u question...well, u question everything.  Its no use in being real with people...It's no use in being nice...It's no use in looking good cuz folks get scared when u look too good...I like u when u're in Ralph Lauren Polo...Now that ur rocking tha Ralph Lauren Black Label, I don't know if I like you now....These thoughts of What that (Fill in Tha Blank) constantly filled our head.  We already had a mini-Elitest mindset of thinking that we can do whatever and whoever we want.  So to constantly hear tha word "no", well, people really didn't tell us that, there was just nothing.  No closures.  Until we closed them.  So I was kind of mad at God.  

Then of course, whenever u get upset at life or whatever, another test or monkey wrench, gets thrown into our tool box.  This came in the form of my friends, whom I love, and appreciate of, cuz of their supports or jokes or unknowingly living testimony.  But the test, or slap in tha face, was that now, even they were finding their love of their lives.  All of them...then as time goes by, they start to have families.  All the while, I still have to go through step after step...after step...after Bobby Brown step, just to figure out why something so available, has been bolted shut.  

That's not easy, and somebody knows what I'm talking about.

So now, even though u are happy for ur friends and fellow family, u wonder, why am I going through so much?  It don't make no sense.  And then u begin to think about waving off from that semi-Elitest confidence.  Ur like, I just saw this guy with a girl walking down tha street, so why I am working so hard to get a six-pack of abs, or dressing to tha 10's when it doesn't take all that...Or why should I wash my car, when this hot girl in a super dirty car got out with this dude....The temptation to lower tha standards that u once set, begin to question...

What's Tha Use?

If u can put in less work, and get tha same re...Why put in 20 resumes, and waste 3 hours of a Sunday, when u can put out 2 resumes, get tha same results of rejection, but at least u will be able to chill on tha sands at tha beach.  C'mon, I know I'm not tha only one, then maybe I am the only one who's felt like this?  See its very easy to hold on to virtues or standards when everythings going your way.  U got a big income tax check return...God is Good.  That boy u've been checking out, asked u out finally..."Being patient pays off"...

But tha test is how do u react, when u do what u feel is right, and u continue to get bad results, or at least not tha results u want.  Especially if u feel that ur...close.

So even now, I've had some interesting moments.  Looking at my dudes, and wondering "When are we gonna get ours?"  Not just love, but life in general.  "You can't tell me it takes all this right?"  I'm working like crazy to get this?  When seemingly others are working less...but they get that.

Yet...guess what happens though, unknowingly.  When things don't go tha way u want them....When people don't love u tha way u want them...When money comes easy, but leaves easier...A new person develops.  It's like u have to go through that molding process, before u can turn into gold.  U have to go through it...So what A. Galaxia do you learn...Well, how much time do we have?

I've learned that everybody has their own path to success.  I've learned that motivation comes in tha strangest places.  U'll be flipped out how...when u're successful in some areas, u look for motivation in a bevy of ways.  (That's tha first time I've used bevy without following it with "of babes"!)  U can get burned out, but things that happened 10 years ago can be motivating...Tha thoughts of "Will You Be Ready?" when tha time hits can be a motivation..."Joe Blow got a wife before me, how's that fair, he's not better than me?", that can be a motivation...This one person u don't even know is watching from afar, that can be a motivation...Heck, this week, I've used a girl to motivate me.  She doesn't even know it yet, but just tha thought that I'm gonna be with her, whether it will happen or not, (I believe it will.) is a motivation.  Real talk, folks.  I've been blessed beyond words, and when u've been and experienced, and quite frankly have or had a lot, u need to trick your mind sometimes to keep going.  To keep pushing urself...even if it is a mirage of sorts.  

Which is why all this drama was designed in tha first place.  To take us to tha next level.  Now I know how to appreciate having money, and not just spend lavishly but now wisely...Now I can appreciate tha true beauty of a girl, and not get over enthoughed over her looks or be concerned if she has washboard abs (Pre-requisite of 2000) or if she is a tan blonde beach girl (Pre-requisite of 2007) or if she's tall or a big booty or pretty toes or speaks Spanish, all those things that artifically can make someone attractive.  Now I look for subtle things, how she talks, is she willing to help others, when u talk to her does she continue to run her mouth or does she pause and patiently hear what u have to say, these are things that as time passes....last for a lifetime.  Not just in love relationships, but also friendships.  As we said before...

"Sometimes u set tha standard...Sometimes tha standard sets itself."

This is tha by-product of what u go through.  U can either soak and get some Boone's Farm, cut of tha lights, and not shower for a week, or u can say, "U know what...u messed up." And use it as fuel to a fire, that can't ever be quenched.  That's tha goal in tha first place.  For u 2 go to a level never done before and for u to be turned into something bigger than even u can't imagine.  

Its like driving in Miami traffic.  When u first begin to drive, or when u first move down here, u just wonder what is going through people's minds dude.  Somebody cuts you off, and u snap, perhaps cuss somebody out (At least in ur mind), or yell out tha window.  But over time, as u continue...Man, this is some good stuff tonight...over time, as u continue to experience tha craziness, you begin to get used to tha conditions and tha things that used to get you all riled up, doesn't even bat ur eye anymore.  And tha only way to do that is to get on tha road...I.E...U gotta get out and live ur life.  The only way to get over ur deepest fear is to face it head on.  

I don't really have any deep fears, but as this is ultra-personal, I think the only thing that I "think" upon, is that I'm never gonna be as big as a "superstar" in some way or another as tha route I've taken or more or less be thrown on has dictated.  When u've been prepared though, and have gone through, and have come out better going out, than when u went in...What shall u fear? Who shall u fear right?  U know when ur time comes its gonna be something never seen before.  And as I'm at that point right now, u know it's gonna be special.  For others who may read this that feel this post.  Stay confident and relish in tha fact that u have had tha chance to sit back and learn from others success or possible mistakes.  U've taken tha toughest hits and heartbreaks...yet have survived.  U didn't think u could, but look at u now.  I know I shoulda gave up, and thrown myself out of a moving car, many moons ago.  But if I can withhold and survive, so can you.  And u'll find out that, that job or person or group of friends that gave up on you, now want to be like you, or even want to get back with you.  Life's amazing ain't it!

Tonight doesn't get any more real than this.  Nothing to be embarrassed about cuz its our heart and tha truth from our soul.  The best is yet to come.  And 2nite is the continuation of something new, something special, something that can last over tha tests of time.  Huh.  "I'm ready" is what I said years ago...Heck even just last month...  But only after u go through tha trials, nights alone and learn to use those episodes as ur friend can you say...

"I'm so freakin' ready."

And believe u me...

There's a big difference.

Toodles and Love.

Austino.