I really don't know how this post is gonna turn out, so we're just gonna go with tha flow.
I was gonna write something else on today, since we've been having a wild set of days recently. But, I don't know, I guess we need to write about something else.
Recently we've really been expressing ourself a lot, here in this diary. Really don't even know what's going on really. Just been letting The Great Editor in The Sky dictate what's to be written. If u've been reading this thang u know that we talk a lot about just having fun, and just love, dude. That's been out "m-o" or "code" of our life. Love and Fun. I'm a single guy, and have been through quite of bit, in terms of weird episodes, and situations. Perhaps I'm too open, as we write, maybe...But I guess somebody has to tell it like it is when it comes to this relationship or dating thing. Not only here in Miami, but everywhere. I think many people can relate in some way, shape or form, to what we say. While others may turn us off and give us the "ugly face" like u have to be making this up. But we are not...we are not.
Before I get into tonight's post, I have to give a shout out to Mr. Andrew D. Bernstein, whom I met last night at the Finals game between the Heat and Spurs. U may be like who is that? But I'll tell you in a bit...It's very rare, that I actually get 'star struck'. Yet last night, I saw this gentleman walk out of one of the elevators and I had to ask, "Excuse Me Sir, What is your name?" He told me, "Andy". And it confirmed that this was probably one of, if not the most influential photographers in American history. Definitely in the realm of sports. And to have him come over and shake our hand and chat for a brief moment was probably one of the coolest things ever in my life. He lives in Los Angeles and is heavily involved with the LA Lakers (Has his own show out in LA called 'Through The Lens', which he narrates some of his favorite photos) Takes pictures of Staples Center events, and is literally the TOP guy for photography for the NBA. Here's a few of his...Click Here. And some his team has done as well....Click Here. Mr. Bernstein has taken pics of not only hoopers, but just about every celebrity u can name as well. So for me to meet him in his LA coolness (Trust me, he has Cali Swag!), was an honor. And to be honest, after all the pictures I have, and basketball cards and posters of his with Jordan, and Kobe, and Magic 'nem...This was mad cool. Probably my favorite person that I've met...and that includes Bill Clinton and some other folks as well...One day I'm sure, he'll be taking out photo as well.
And what's mad crazy about it...Nobody down here in Miami knew who he was. That's always the case with the most influential people ain't it!
Don't even know where to begin....well, might as well just tell tha truth. This is our diary right, so....
I'm really not sure how to say this, but I think have some kind of disease in which I'm attracted to...
Beauty.
That's probably why our love life is such as it is, and has such a variety, because man...it's just tough. Now it's like steaming hot down here in Miami. (I guess it is Summertime!) So u see every girl walking around 3/4 naked wearing nothing but daisy dukes, and those Kelly Kapowski bandos or whatever they call those bras that girls wear under their extra-wide tank tops where the armpits stretch down to the waist. Yeah...those. All with a Trucker hat on top...Boy, that's a look right there. A South Beach look.
But this disease stretches beyond just the physical as well...It also goes into how a person acts, their accent...Any good deeds one may do, like properly saying, "Thank You" or giving a wave while they are crossing tha street, or what have you...matter of fact. I have an idea.
Alright. Our diary is totally off the top, meaning we just write whatever goes on in our mind. So let me play a little doctor right now. Today u can call me Dr. Galaxia. And believe u me, I'm always willing to pull out my stethoscope!...To feel the heart beat, or feel something else...Anyways though. Alright. So for one night, and I do mean one night only, I'm gonna give some of the sure sign symptoms of a person who has this disease of beauty, which I'm now gonna call, "The C.J. Parker Syndrome". If u were a fan of the show Baywatch, u know who that refers to, if not, then look up tha name, and "Wha-lah! U'll get it.
*WARNING* This is gonna be long and unedited cuz I'm starting to feel this thang, I don't know if anybody's gonna read this thang anyway, so I'm gonna let it freakin' rip! Are u ready? Alright...First off...
The Symptoms of "The C.J. Parker Syndrome"
- U become moved, or attracted to somebody who can be either your Parents or literally your Grandparent! Alright, so I'm walking down to the Walgreens here on 5th and Jefferson Ave., here in South Beach. And I had to stop in to get me some Quaker Oats 1-Minute Oatmeal (And that's the only time I'll associate 'one minute' with my name ever again!) because it was on sale at a mad good price. Like $2 fitty with a coupon when this 42 ouncer would usually cost like $6 in tha hood, and $3.99 at the surbubia known as Target. I was on it....I about to get tha coupon, when this woman is like, "I can take you in cosmetics." Now that I think about it, she was totally coming on to me with that line...like totally!! (Don't like can't stand people who always think people are hitting on them ALL THE TIME!) Anyhows, I tell her I have to get the coupon first, so she tells me, "I have it over it." Then I begin to look at this woman, and I'm just gonna be real, I was like, "This woman is like...Hot!" Peep this...she was about 5ft 5in., of Hispanic decent, petite build, a face like a model, and even though age ain't nothing but a #, she had to be like 55-60 years old.
Not done, so she's looking through the weekly ad, and I notice all these silver bangles on her arm. Then I saw that she had her fingernails painted like white, but she had her ring finger in that trendy Miami Girl alternative color of glitter silver. I almost did a backflip! She dresses like a 20 yr old club girl, looks "ageless" and has the presence of a real...real woman. So as she's trying to find the coupon, inside I'm like, "I gotta tell her something...I have to tell her something...". I go to the front get the ad, bring it back and point out the coupon. So she scans the coupon, and oatmeal, and tells me the price. I grab my Citibank debit (Freakin' $10 monthly fees!), and decide bunk this I have to let it go....
"I'm sorry, but I totally hope u take this in the most positive way, but you are a really attractive woman."
(Silence.)
"I'm serious."
(A smile.)
'And here's your coupon, and I'll put it in tha bag for you...Have a nice day!'
Dude. I'm not sure why I'm telling all this, cuz it was awkward as seeing your best friend's good-looking sister walking around the house in nothing but a revealing swimsuit! But just in an appreciative way, I admired her beauty. That presence, and how u could tell she took care of herself. But I KNEW that I threw her off by saying that. My Moms beautiful, and this was one time I'm thinking if she breaks down and can do the Beyonce booty shake, I may have to get my AARP on! All jokes aside...
- Plastic Surgery doesn't matter to you. Now I've been a stickler for All-Natural, but let's be honest when in Rome u sometimes have to do what tha French do! Or something like that...Down here in Miami, u see fake...I'm sorry..."Enhancements" on everything. From Breasts to Calves on a guy to Butt...This has to lead the nation in billboard ads where u see nothing but before and after pics of , as Big Sean would say, "Dance...Dance...Dance...Dance..." (What up Pete, that was that Club banger!) If u really have "The C.J. Parker Syndrome" then plastic surgery doesn't matter to you really. U see other qualities that make that person attractive to you. I used to really care, now it's like if u're happy, then I'm happy, ya dig. Besides, I'm dating you for more than just the size of ur butt or lips or whatever. That's cool short-term, but long-term I'm more concerned if u can make my favorite, "It's Turkey, U Jive Fool!" pasta dish. That's what's gonna make me spend them dineros.
- U Complement Strangers. It sounds so "eh", but for real, when was the last time u gave a compliment to a complete stranger. I'm not talking about co-workers or what not, I'm talking about u walking down the street and see somebody, and straight up be like, "OMG! I LOOVE YOUR HAIR!" or "Your look rocks!" I'm walking up and down freakin' Euclid waiting to see this chick walking her dog who has her arm tatted up in a sleeve. That look doesn't work for all women (Believe u me!), but on her she looks straight up like Kat Von D's muse, and I'm gonna flat out tell her, she looks good. Not in a degrading way, or in a David and Cathy Guetta "#$%@ Me I'm Famous" kind of way either, just in an admiration way. A sure sign that u got That "C.J. Parker Virus".
- Other People with the "CJ" will flirt and hit on you as well. The thang with this syndrome is that it is contagious in that others who are prone to catch the disease, once the are around you, they will actually catch the disease full-blown! Boy, all those days flipping past E!'s Dr. 90210, has payed off! Now, this means that u will get approached by people of the opposite sex or...of the same sex. This disease has no choice of persons. I personally don't have a problem with getting hit on by tha same sex, I always say...
It's easy to be attractive to one sex, but only the sexiest and most beautiful are attractive to both.
Just saying.
-"CJ" patients know when other "CJ" patients are going through. Alright, here's another story from the weekend. So I'm working out at David Barton Gym up on 23rd and Collins. Upstairs, before I got my Yoga/Gumby/Nadia Comaneci stretch on, I saw this girl in tha corner of my eye. Oh well...I go downstairs to my dark corner where I can just concentrate on my extensive warm-up of lunges with weighted balls, and calf raises...I'm doing my thing, and I sense somebody sit on the farthest of the two leg machines next to me. I'm thinking, "Concentrate...Concentrate...Concentrate" cuz I needed to get a good workout in, and can't be gawking (Like I do that anyway) and any 'Hotness' that is coming my way. So I continue on, and then, yep, this girl then sits on the leg machine next to me. "Concentrate...Concentrate...Aw, what tha heck, let me take a glance." So I look in the mirror to sneak a peak at who's next to me, and of course, it's this really attractive girl, wearing a red athletic top, with her black pants, semi-tan, with her boobs all out, flopping over each other. (Guys know what I mean by that.) Of course, I was cool, but I could sense something was...wrong.
I'm doing my thang, and I would sneak a glance at tha mirror, and see her looking dead at me through the mirror as well. Now my interest is peaked a little more...I continue on, and then I see her like put her head in side of her hands, like something was bothering her. So to see a beauty in this state, I did the rarest of things, and broke my workout for a sec. I tapped her on her right shoulder, and she took off her earplugs to her IPhone. I then asked her, "Are you Ok?" And then she smiled, and in the sexiest of Eastern European accents, she replied, "Yeah, it's just that I have a lot on my mind. With school, and all that..." I noticed though she left her earplugs off, so evidently she wanted to talk some more. So as I started my workout back up, I asked her what school she goes to? She told me she been accepted, get this, to schools in London, Paris, and Pace University in New York City, and she didn't know which one to choose. Especially since those weren't tha schools she wanted to really get accepted into. We tried to tell her that "everything will work itself out", which it does. She's studying Language as her major...So for like the next ten minutes or so, we were talking about the gym, her upcoming schedule. I got into a very tough exercise, that's secret, but she was like, "Wow!" I invited her to join, and she just said, "No...No...I'll just watch!" But we ended with a "Have a Nice Day", which told me she was a "CJ" patient as well. A cool, sexy dame, who in a way was just my type (If I actually have one!), who perhaps just needed to know that she wasn't the alone on her journey. Like I said, "The CJ Syndrome" attracts others who have the same disease.
Time is getting long in tha tooth, so I'm just gonna give the I guess, "Best (Or Worst) of The Rest" Symptoms:
- "CJ" Patients are not undercover. Meaning you can ususally spot them not a, but two miles away. For real.
- No such thing as a "Type". Those who have full-blown "CJ" don't have a particular type that they just have to have or constantly be around. They find beauty in all, and even the most unlikeliest of places. Tall, short, Full-Figured, Bald, Bearded, Large Feet, Dumb as a brick, Smart as an Owl...All types are attractive to them. Which sometimes makes...
- Those with "Tha Syndrome" the toughest to please. Pure honesty here. Cuz when u see beauty in so much, and in so many, it's tough to get that complete picture that u want. It's possible, but mentally can be a challenge. U can think about the qualities u like.."If she had abs like Nancy, but can throw down eating like Peggy...Yet works out like Darcy...Has a face like Priscella...But enjoys candy like Marcy...Loves sports like Cindy...Enjoys classical arts like Amber...On the other hand has that ghetto "Ryde or Die" swagger like Jennifer..", and the list goes on and on. It's not that "CJ" patients are like out of control with their egotism. Well, I guess they might be! But...it's just that their sample size is so much larger than the regular population meaning that even if they find somebody who has 99% of those qualities, in the back of their mind, they think that there's somebody who might have 100%. Just being real.
- "CJ" Patients are usually humble in who they are. From my studies...Oh, how I like saying that...but from my observations, I find that true carriers of the "CJ" gene, are humble within who they are. Meaning, they know they look at life differently, and they know that their looks or actions set them apart naturally, but they try to put others at ease around them. They don't use the after effects of having this "disease" be a deterrent to others. They use tha disease as a blessing and not as a curse, when if used wrongfully it can truly become.
Enough from the offices of Dr. Galaxia. Just my opinion. I can't be more honest than I am with this diary. I probably am too honest, but hey. I've been through it...I'm going through it...And like I always say, one day ur gonna come by these offices and knock on the door, only to find an "Office Relocated" sign on tha door. Meaning it's time to move on...
That time is coming soon...very soon.
But until then...
U can stop by my secretary on ur way out, and she'll handle all the payment options for this session.
Until next time...
The Doctor has officially left tha building!
Cheers!
Dr. Galaxia.
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