(Somewhere in Tha Galaxian Courthouse...)
(All Rise...You May Be Seated..Prosecutor, Please Proceed.)
"Your Honor, I'm please to be here in your courtroom on today,
And I feel like finally, after 3 years we are about to have justice serve.
THIS MAN!! (With a Finger Point), needs to have tha book thrown at him.
For all that he's done over time, and for tha simple fact that he's gotten on my nerve.
Now this isn't tha first time this clown has had it with tha law,
Before somehow tha system failed, and let him get off scott free.
The only Scott he's gonna have today, is that toilet tissue up in tha joint,
There's no way, I'm allowing him to walk out of here in his jumpsuit with a bargain of Plea.
Today, I am proudly gonna present my case against Austino Galaxia,
As well as do some free advertising for this crisply ironed Armani Suit.
They said all tha cameras were gonna be in here today...Hi Mom!,
This case is so big that CNN is showing it live from Indonesia to Beirut!
(Bang! Bang! Bang!)
I apologize Your Honor, I read tha sign as I came in...that said,
No needless plugs for any clothing line, or shout-outs to old friends or lovers.
It's just, I've always dreamed of being a top lawyer, like that Perry Mason fellow,
Besides, my semi-gurlfriend is still asleep naked in my bed sheets...Oh, I how I wish I could be those covers.
(Bang! Bang! Bang!)
Anyway I'm ready to go Your Honor, that's for real,
I'm gonna show tha world or "Galaxy" (Fingers in Quotes), this guy is a fake.
Mean, he portrays Love and Fun like twins he's never forgotten from 7th Grade Science class,
Then he talks about how he doesn't like sweets, but his car literally smells like Funfetti Cake.
Today is gonna be my People v. Larry Flynt...My Board v. Tha BOE,
It's gonna be my Shaniqua vs. Boo-Boo, that I just saw on Tha Judge Mathis Show.
Your Honor, I'm gonna put every ounce of my Harvard Law education to work in this courtroom,
And after I win, gonna walk my size 13 Gucci's onto tha courthouse steps, and simply Bubble Yum blow."
(Bang! Bang! Bang!...Defense...Please Your Opening Statement.)
Your Honor, My name is Stacia Lolita Rositas ...
And I represent Mr. Austino Galaxia, throughout this very important case.
"I OBJECT YOUR HONOR!! This Galaxia guy is trying to influence the jury,
No defense lawyer should look that good...This case should be thrown out for his eye candy taste."
(Bang! Bang! Bang!...Sustain...Continue, Ms. Rositas .)
Gracias!...I'm a little nervous because this is my first trial run,
And never have I been in tha spotlight so much...I mean, this is bigger than the Miss World contest.
But after speaking with my client at tha Discoteca...(Cough, Cough)...I mean at tha local dance cafe,
Senor Galaxia felt like with my experience Boston Legal, I should represent him tha best.
My client Big Papi...Ooops, well that's what he is to me...but 2 u all, Senor Galaxia is innocent,
He's says what he means, when he talks and scribbles about Love and how life should be fun.
I should know because he just gave me tha most beautiful Michele Watch,
Then for scrubbing his back while taking a bath, he took me to Pollo Campero and let me order a #1.
(Bang! Bang! Bang!)
Oh...Lo Siento!...I'm so sorry Your Honor, I forgot about the sign you have posted,
What I'm trying to say is that I'm gonna prove that my client is a good man.
I hate to use tha word 'Client' because I'm not that kind of Senorita, I don't get paid for my services,
Well, I do...but...Aye Yai Yai!...Honey, are u still gonna take me to Bongo's Cafe like u said before all this began?
(Bang! Bang! Bang! Prosecution, call your first witness.)
"Your Hon...or....Do we even have to proceed with this Daffy Duck Case?
I mean, we all know Galaxia is Guilty, and his lawyer's best assets are what's in her dress.
Personally, I got a tee time with Tiger and Mini- Me, and I know it's a weird combination,
This is all a waste of tha public's tax money, it should be used on important things like how the Heat can give D. Wade more rest.
(Ba..)
I got it, I got it...Well in tha farce of a case, I guess it's only one man to call,
Your Honor, I gladly call Austino Galaxia to tha stand."
I SUBJECTS!!...'It's Object.'..Oh...EYE, IT'S OBJECT, YOUR HONOR! He can't do that.
U can't call Saint Christopher to Thanksgiving after he's first landed on tha Pilgrim Rock Land!
"Now, Now Ms. NuestraBellezaLatina...Wow! Where in tha world did that come from?!
I had no idea that I could speak Spanish so fast.
But whatever, In this court system of America, he has to take tha stand, he can't run,
I'm gonna ask him everything from Where is DMX? to How come he kept getting D's in AP Calculus class.
Your Honor...I repeat, I call Austino Galaxia to the stand.
I'll even read him his rights...Do u solemnly swear to tell tha truth?
And I do mean, tha whole truth, and nothing but tha truth,
Including, why u feel like ur gonna be a Big Star...As if ur some kind of Seer of Sooth."
I, IT'S OBJECT, YOUR HONOR! He's Wisconsin Badgering tha witness Your Honor,
Where I grow up, it's always good to have dreams. Yeah, Always good.
"Would you sit down Little Miss Eva Longoria! And stop being so Desperate,
Big Dreams...You'd walk outta here if Daddy Yankee were to walk in here...U know u would."
(Bang! Bang! Bang! Please Prosecution...Proceed.)
"Can I proceed...Yes, indeed!! Ah, I was watching a some old hip hop videos before I came...
(Cough, Cough!) So Austino Galaxia...Can u please state ur name to tha court?"
'Homedude, u just said my name.'....."Yeah, but still I want you to say it,
And I want you to say it in that way, that stimulates that ur Tha Galaxy's Ultimate Flirt."
'Whatever...Austino Galaxia. Are u happy? And where do u get this flirt stuff from.
Like just because I like make a gurl who's having a bad day smile, doesn't mean...'
"True, you are right Sir Galaxia...Or as ur lawyer calls you, Big Papi...
But I got eyewitnesses from here to freakin' Australia, that say otherwise...Plus emails that put u at tha scene.
So, let's just chat a little bit, it's just u and me anyway,
Why do u talk about this Love and Fun thing so much? I mean Why with such might?
How can one talk about Love when he has no girlfriend?
And How can one talk about Fun, when he sleeps next to a teddy bear every night?"
'Well....'...."Before u answer that, should I go through ur thoughts of tha past few days,
Huh...Tell this jury and ur Galaxy how u almost stopped believing in Love and Fun as early as today.
Tell this jury and ur supposed to be Galaxy how u drove earlier today with no music on,
Just trying to see if u still had it...all while hitting stop on radio, as ur Natasha Bedingfield CD was on play."
'Well, dude, what I meant was...'...."Hold on, tell this jury, and Ur Galaxy,
How this gurl earlier today told you look like u only date ladies of The Caucasian Persuasion.
And ur reponse was that, U Date Beauty. Huh. Sounds too much Today Show don't it jury.
Especially when I have a tape of u saying that there's only one quotient in ur Love equation."
'Tape...U don't have me on tape saying nothing.
Besides, I do only date beauty, especially 10's don't u read my diary before u go to bed.'
"Like...Ah...No. I actually read tha Swimsuit issue of Judge's Illustrated before I call it a night,
Your Honor, I saw u at Publix tha other weekend, them jeans had me thinking u would make a very nice spread.
(Bang! Bang! Bang!)
I sure would like too!...Ok....Your Honor, let me show u and tha court something,
I would like to call this Exhibit F-A-K-E.
On this tape, which is a first of many to prove my unlimited point,
How this Galaxia fellow is a Croony, who is only concerned about tha Power of Me.
Bailiff...Can u please pop that tape into tha tape recorder please?
Ok, Ladies and Gentleman, please just close your eyes and enjoy tha sounds of this sorta flick.
I know, that tape recorder is old, just put tha tape in and do ur job will ya?!
Let me do this...Alright ladies and gentleman...the next sound u will hear will be this man's after tha...Click.
('It's tha bottom of tha ninth, and tha Marlins are down by two,
Runners on Second and Third, with their MVP Miguel Cabrera coming to tha plate.')
Sorry about that, I'm kinda ghetto, I guess...let me just...Fast forward...a little bit.
And...Stop! Yeah, that should be it, sometimes it's better to be never than late.
Alright, We're gonna hit play, and see what we got...Play."
('Man, one day I'm probably gonna end up marrying a Blonde gurl with a tan.
These California gurls are so freakin' hot, u just don't know how they make me feel,
If I had to choose one gurl I would want to date, it'll be Marilyn Monroe...or Pamela Anderson.
I love Buffy Tha Vampire and that Lisa Simpson is so freakin'...Click.) "So there u have it,
And I got more of all these lies this man claims to tell.
Galaxia, what do have to say for urself,
Somehow I think I need to call up Terence Trent D'Arby, cuz ur gonna need a Wishing Well."
'I used to feel that way, for real. Like back in 2005,
Seemingly it seemed like every gurl I liked was either a blonde or definitely had a sexy tan.
That Cali thang, came after I said that I'm gonna move out there some day,
Then Marilyn and Pam, I do think they are hot, Don't u agree? And speak honestly as a man.'
"I'm asking tha questions, now I have here in my hand another envelope,
That's gonna blow tha top off of ur lawyer's outfit, and this entire case.
In my hand is a envelope, that has names, episodes and confessions,
From past gurls who have been in Galaxia's life...Including times and place."
'Ah, Ur Honor, Can I have a Time-Out 2 speak with my lawyer.
Please I just need 20 seconds to talk with her about this new item release.'
"No no...U sit. Now...shall I proceed to give tha jury, tha real scoop on his life of Love and Fun,
Witnesses from former crushes, and those who u have partied with...even to a little cute Beach Police."
Your Honor's...On behalf of my client Austino Galaxia, I Senorita Rositas ask for a break.
For I need some time to speak with my client on this unforeseen issue.
(Bang! Bang! Bang! The Court will reconvene in 20 minutes.)
Galaxia, I...I had to do something, or else u were Adios! And I would need a tissue.
'Gurl, I need u like never before to get me out of this one,
If he opens up that envelope, and let those girls speak, I'm done Son! And my whole face will turn blue.
Stacia, ur a beautiful gurl, but I need ur brains, and I need u right now!'
I...I...know Austino...Austino...but for tha first time in my life...My flawless looks aren't gonna help...
And I...I...don't know what to do.
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