Assignment: Tha Showroom

Previously on The New Adventures of Austino Galaxia...Click Here.

And now, the return episode...Please Enjoy:


Oh, it feels so good to be back home.  Just to be able to open up my showroom and just relax, you know.  Let me get my keys out, and pop this lock...

(Click, Click!)

What tha...?  The door is open...I know I left it locked when I left.  "He-llooo?!!  He-llooo?!!"  Seems like somebody's been in here.  What's that smell?  (Sniff, Sniff) It smells like this perfume that I love.  So baby powder-ish.  I only know one person who smells like that....Miss Julia Angelica Gutierrez.  I don't even wanna go there on today.  Seems like she always creeps back into my picture whenever I tell her it's over.  Oh well.  Let me just cut the TV on, I'm gonna just relax and watch this HBO Documentary titled 'About Face' which talks about supermodels after the fame, I love hearing from beautiful women who's been through life and how much wisdom they've obtained from living it up so to speak.  It's just so refreshing to see sexiness matured, I don't see it too often anymore, so...Let me use the bathroom first.

Boy, sometimes the most peaceful times in our busy life come when I'm just about booty naked on this toliet.  I might need to install a phone in here.  That way I can call up these...

(SLAM!!)

Did I just hear a door slam?   That's kind of weird.  Somebody just leave?  But how could they if...never mind. It must've been from the apartment next door.  All these new people moving into the building.  This guy earlier today asking where to throw away the regular trash.  He sounded like he was from like Britain or somewhere with a Brooklyn Nets hat on.  Interesting.

(Flush!)

Oh, the sound of victory.  Ha Ha!  Let me wash my hands.  Finally to sit down.  Man, look at this place.  Just to sit down.  Boy, I got a unique life.  Just thinking about all that has happened to me recently.  Or the craziness I have seen.  Huh.  I saw a Dr. Dre aftermath of a robbery off of Biscayne Blvd.  I say that because I was driving like on 90 something and Biscayne and all of a sudden this guy decided to play Frogger and run in between cars while the light was green.  He was running free like a pair of Nike kicks like he wasn't afraid to die.  I hadn't seen anything like that since well...I've never seen anything like that except on an episode of like World's Most Amazing Videos or something.  This other driver to my left stopped arruptly as well, and gave a look like "Are they filming a movie down here?"  I then looked to my right and this gentleman was trotting after the guy, and had that look of "Stop him!" on his face as this guy was running rampant through busy traffic.  Just wild.

I love how this Marisa Berenson woman is talking about life and her outlook on the modeling industry and stuff.  Just so...anyway.  She is attractive like RIGHT NOW at like 65.  Oh, if people could really know how I define beauty.  I think...didn't I write about that in our diary some time ago?  You're never too old to rock 'n' roll!  Believe u me on that...So much wild stuff...Great to see tha family over the Holidays.  Talking to everybody, chit chatting.  Coming back home I got stuck in Louisville, Kentucky.  That was like...wild.  There was some snow in the area, so the flights were all jacked up in this small airport.  I wish I was in a clear port that way I could have been in and out like the burger joint.  But instead of getting the White Castle treatment I got the Steak 'n Shake make it fresh delay.  I got all that I could ask for, and some extra mayo which could have been kept during this fiasco.  The only thing that kept me sane was listening to some great music on my headphones and admiring glasses on this wo....I won't go there either.

But through my headphones i could hear these two men and woman jibber jabbering like we was fishing on the Mississippi River.  Talking so loud dude...the whole airport could hear them talking about shooting at people in their front yards and junk.  I've seen a lot, but I promise you this was from one of those lost episodes of The Andy Griffith Show.  In that heavy southern accent that you only hear on the glory days of the Cops TV show.  Those shows from the 80s.  These folks were carrying on, and next thing I know the woman says in referencing her ex-boyfriend, "He's a Yankee."  Now at first I'm thinking she's talking about A-Rod or Jeter or by how she was dressed she might've been talking about heck, Babe Ruth!  But then it she said it so slick and Pina Colada smooth that she meant he was a Northerner.  Like in a Civil War sense.  I thought the war was over.  I mean IPhones are now on Verizon...T.I. and Jigga are on the same tracks...they sold FUBU down here in the Dirty South...Heck, they even let Lebron come down here to tha MIA, I wonder what Lincoln would've done if he hadda lived through "The Decision."...'A friend is somebody who has the same enemies as you have.'  Ha ha!  That's a good one...speaking of which, I gotta write down some of these quotes from these sexy ladies, let me see:

"You have 2 like who you are."

"Who knows one is living history, when one is just living it."

"The most beautiful thing is...Confidence."

"The key to beauty...Always educate yourself...Always learning something new...Always doing something new...Have something 2 talk about...that's how one ages beautifully."

That's some good stuff.  But yeah, it's been wild!  I look around our place, and all this stuff!  We've been blessed by no comparison.  I got like 20 more CD albums to listen to.  It's off the Bilboard charts...literally.  Then all these books, wow!  My boy big Carlos hooked me up with this book by Pharrell Williams, which I didn't even know was out.  Much luv to him, I love that Neptunes sound so much.  It's our personality, it's our style, it's so...Galaxia!  Out of space...I remember this song, 'Maybe', by N.E.R.D their alter-ego...describes so many of our "normal" love episode.  A girl rockin' Abercrombie...huh.  Anyways, we got to find a place to put everything.  NwO DVD's from our bro.  Those were the days of wrestling....LCD alarm clocks...been a crazy few days.

That was a cool girl that we walked with to her apartment building on today.  I just knew she couldn't carried all that by herself.  Getting ready for that birthday party for her daughter.  To be 8 years old again.  She lives like right behind us on Michigan Avenue.  She's a Julia Roberts.  People are probably tired of me talking about my life and all the meetings I have with people I don't know.  But it's such a movie...the other day I was driving down on Sunset, and as I was listening to Taylor Dayne or somebody, I don't remember who was in the CD player at the time.  But I was driving and this car came next to us on our right and it was a seemingly mother and her daughter asking for directions to the 'Sunset Mall' or The Shops at Sunset Place.  As we were talking via the wind in traffic I thought briefly "That's kind of hard to give considering the location".  Almost like asking somebody how to drive to the Eiffel Tower while you're in Mexico City!  But we just yelled over to them to 'follow me' like the leader in Simon Says and I'll show them where it is.  They agreed.  And we bob'd and weeve'd through the turns of the ghetto of South Miami, we made it onto US-1 and I threw my left hand out the window and pointed over to the mall on the left, and they both waved out the window several times and made the turn into it.  Just interesting who we pass...

I haven't written in our diary in awhile.  I'm different.  Life has changed in so many ways.  Should I continue to write?  I think now, I'm just going to write so straight up that it's going to blow people's minds.  So many good things are and are about to happen to us...I used to write and just say, "Hold on" like En Vogue, and everything will work itself out.  Now I'm at this point in our life where it's all about having fun.  Not too concerned about money.  Just fun.  FUN! Our social life is amazing...we're coming upon the most beautiful people around.  The other day I was thinking how boring some of these girls we've met seem.  I shouldn't be thinking about this right, I know I can't write anything like this, but it can be like who can really get my juices flowing.  It's sometimes like when u've tasted the best cake, it's so good, and addictive, that you want another one.  But u don't wanna go through the process of adding the flour and sugar and eggs.  Just let me get tha finished product with the white froasting and sprinkles on top.  Well, sometimes it's chocolate frosting or vanilla frosting depending on our mood for the week.  That's how we felt, we just want a taste, it doesn't matter how many candles are on top, just...

I know others have experienced the same things.  This is a big Packers/Vikings game today.  I shouldn't be talking so myself so, since I just came in not too long ago, but u wonder why u've seen so much.  Yeah, yeah...u like such and such...yawn!...u think that music is cool...yeah, whatever.  Now our thinking is, "I've seen it all, but I've haven't seen everything."  Now we feel like...once u've been through every step and haven't skipped anything, u feel...ready.  Ok, u don't wanna be with me, whatever.  I applied for this job, and they rejected me even after 4 interviews, so what.  Now I'm better than ever, and now what happens when u really see how we do things.  It's like a guy who's been hitting on his so called girl.  Beating her up and junk, and the girl goes and get's hi-karate lessons.  She's able to defend herself and all of a sudden it's like, 'What's up now?' I can't write all these thoughts down, but I gotta make it real u know.

Others have gone through a similar path, and many will soon as follows.   I'm feeling so good.  A new era has dawned, and it has nothing to do with this new year and resolutions and stuff.  No, I just feel right and primed for something big.  One thing about being forced to be patient or being forced to have to endure when u think u shouldn't is that the timing becomes so perfect in so many ways.  One thing I've learned about ourself is that we're a person who gets better as time goes on.  When people may get tired or stagnate, that's when we are actually just beginning.  That's probably why we aren't married yet.  If I had of met the one, say 5 years ago or during high school, I might have gotten tired or bored which isn't healthy for a relationship.  Now, that we've experienced things not too many can even dream or nightmare about, I can share the fun in so many different ways.  While some may fizzle out at this age, we're just getting rolling.  That's not cockiness, but just knowing that God works in mysterious ways, and to share that sometimes when u don't get what or WHO you want, those experiences are actually building toward something and someone better.

That documentary on those Supermodels just further reinforced our desire to be around people who get better with time.  And not stop developing as a person, or stop taking care of themselves physically just because they caught the "Big Fish" girl, or got the gig they've always wanted.  There's always another level of living.  Always...

I just wish, as I'm watching this game, that I could put all these feelings into some words.  But I now know that time for bragging and boasting is over.  Our life and lifestyle is gonna speak for us.  You just know it's going to be something never experienced or seen before.  We're gonna show 'em....we're gonna really show 'em...and hopefully our diary and entries of the past will show as an example that there are stages to fun and love, and u can't skip a one.  We haven't and now it's on.

This scent though is flowing all through this joint ...It reminds me so much of Julia.  I know she's in Brazil right now, I wonder if she still thinks about us.  She's so physically attractive that u wonder if u're gonna ever meet anybody as beautiful as she is.  I mean her middle name is Angelica.  She is an angel.  Will I ever get the feeling I had when I was with her.  Huh...I think I'm primed for something better.  Sometimes u just have to let tha past be.  And simply move on...move on.  But for some strange reason it feels like she was in here.  Her presence u know...Whatever...What's this though?  Is this a Chanel wallet?  I didn't notice this before...Purple?  I know u gotta special order that color, cuz I bought one for...and only one person I know has that col...

(Click.)

Wow. Am I even surprised?  But how did she get inside...?

(Splat!) 

Oops, all this stuff fell out...What does this business card say?

The Boss.  011-21-324-692-2413

Huh. Interesting...And all these photos...it's of me and Julia. Together.  Wha..? And a picture of me, like a few days ago.  What's really going on in here?  I need some answers...fast.

And we all know who I need to talk to.

I guess our life is turning into a movie huh?!!

Here we go...again.

A.G.

Assignment: Holiday Break

A new episode of The New Adventures of Austino Galaxia will premiere on Sunday, December 30th.  

Happy Holidays,

Austino.

Assignment: The Stake Out.

Previously on The New Adventures of Austino Galaxia...we had a special guest...

And now today's newest episode...Enjoy!

"We've been in this Aston now for 3 hours and he hasn't come out yet.  Are you sure that ur source told him that he was gonna be leaving, I mean any time soon?  I mean Yammi...seriously?"

'Ah...me Julia.  Be ah...pay-sent.  Zhis Galaxia will be out in a few minutes.'

"Yammi, I've missed my spa appointment and my Yoga class, and if he doesn't come out in a few, I promise you I have to go and get ready for tonight."

'You's saids...Ah.."Tonight?"'

"Duh?!  My girl from Sao Paulo is flying in this afternoon.  And we're gonna hit up tha town and interact a little bit."

'U South American girls...Canadian girls are so much ah...simple.  Fireplace with a fire.  Ah...marsh...mellows.  Hot cho-ko-let...But you...No...No....No...Party.  Louis Vuitton.  Party.  Beach.  Party.  U knows...life is much a mores.'

"Yammi, u sure think u know a lot about us mamacitas, have you ever dated one?"

'Que?  1998.  Ah...I was in Puerto Rico doing a jobs for a client.  Me never forget her.  Her names was ah....Ginger Ale.'

"Like tha drink."

'Believe u ah...Julia.  Just like.  But better.  She approached me around a Midnite.  A beautiful dancer.'

"And...."

'I don'ts like to talks about zhis but...she tolds me zhat she wanted me to...to....'

"To do what Yammi?  Spit it out!"

'She wanted me to lick her on zhe tip of her...nose.  Like some kind of...she said she saw it on a novela once and ever since then ah...it's her thang.'

"But ur supposed to be a playboy right?  So what did u do?"

'Oh...I did zhe deed!...but after she caught a cold, and when she was ah...sicky.  She would still ask me to do it, on how it would make her feel ah bet-ter.  But I don't do sniffles.  Maybe a cougher, although zhat's a little awkward to be ah...having someone ah...coughing during...'

"Ok.  Too much.  Too much.  Your nuts...(Ha ha!).  Yammi, don't you wish love was simple."

'Yeah.  Galaxia once wrote about zhat very thang...it's part of zhe jour-ney.'

"I just wish...wait...wait.  There he is.  Oh...he got new glasses huh.  He didn't have those when were..."

'Ah...Playing naked footsy.'

"Ok...A little mohawk...Blue v-neck tee....white and green shorts...I bought him those Creative Rec's he's wearing.  But he's not wearing no wrist bracelets."

'Ah...somebody told him not to wear them anymore.  It happened right before he ah..voted.'

"Whatever.  Alright.  He's gone.  U ready to go up in here to see what's poppin' pimp?!"

'Ju-lee-ah....I thought u were's a lady.  U sound likes zhe west side of Vancouver....I likes...I likes...I remember zhis South African beauty who showed me her tat....'

"Later, Yammi.  Let's go inside zhis place and see what he's been up to."

(Car Doors Slam!)

'Ah....me ice picks in zhe car.'

"No need.  I still have a key."

'Whah...'

"I used to spend the night all the time when I was in town.  After those nights riding on his Vespa...look it's still here.  Needs some cleaning though...but after those late nights on the town.  He would wake up early to do his thang, and told me to lock up after I left....Who's this guy sitting on the bench?"

'No idea Julia.'

"Alright...Apt. 4.  Let's crack this bad boy open...Wow!  If this doesn't bring back some memories."

'I just broke in...I means...I...it's not my first time.'

"Let's see.  Books of course.  Andre Agassi.  Austino loved him.  That was his favorite tennis player.  I know this is a good book."

'I don't like him.'

"Why Yammi?"

'Well...one time...'

"Here we go..."

'No...No...one time during zhe US Open in New York...I was chatting it up with ah...Steffi Graf asking her zhe conversation about zhe beauty of German women, VW's and of course I asked her...What's...'

"...Your sign.  I know...I know...so why do u hate Andre."

'He interrupted me.  And zold me zhe was his wif-ee.  And shoved me in zhe pro...cess.  And NO ONE PUSHES ZHE GREAT YAMMI!  So as I ran behinds him and...'

"And he has a book by R. Kelly.  That's a name...Soulacoaster.  Huh."

'I ah...pushed him back.  And zhe mayor Giuliani  or was it ah...Bloomberg?  Anyhows, An-dre  Ag-a-ssi knocked over his cup of Zinfandel, and next zhing's I know...'

"I remember when Galaxia used to light zhe candles and would put on zhat 'Bump 'n Grind'.  We would talk all night and then...Oh, those were tha days."

'So zhis security guard who looked like a baby...ah...Vin Diesel.  He tried to grab me...but I was a Mounty since zhe age of nine. Me more zhan a pretty face. ... So I hits Baby Vin with zhis ah...Billy Banks chop which...'

"YAMMI!  SHUT UP AND GET OVER HERE!"

(Silence.)

"Look at this table."

'Julia...he's been ah...shopping.  No wonder u dated for so long.'

"Lo que sea!  Look at this stuff...a Burberry wallet regular price $265, but current price $19.  Where he get this from?  All these CDs....Angie Martinez...Craig David...Crystal Waters...The Rembrandts...Backstreet Boys..."

'Who are they?'

"I'm gonna ignore you on that.  He always finding these deals, and by this pink shopping bag I know he got them from Out of The Closet off up the street here.  And look at this receipt...all of these CDs were...one dollar."

'That's amazing...12 CDs for a dollar.  I remember...u ah.. did u have Columbia House in Brazil?'

"How u think I got my Santana collection.  I miss going bargain hunting with my Pooh."

'I'm just gonna hop on zhis com-pu-ter to see what Galaxia's been on.'

"Alright.  Hey, Yammi.  You may not even have to look.  Here's some notes he took."

'On a back of a...ah...Capital One Bank envelope.'

"Hey, I gave him my number using the inside palm of his hand, ok.  Anything is game with him."

'I do recalls ah...reading about zhat in his di-a-ree.  Let me see....U got all zhese ah...nombres....Excercise is...King.  Nutrition is Queen.  Put them together u gets a kingdom?  Huh?...'

"Let me see that.  Laugh.  Long life.  Longevity.  Who makes it happen.  You.  In touch with beauties and opprotunities of each life stage...Expanding Our Horizons.  Stop worrying.  Chapter's are close, that's that!"

'Oh no!  I think Galaxia is about to kill himself.  And try to go up in zhe atmosphere.  He wants to be ah...comet!  Don't do it Galaxia!  I'm coming to save you...Don't do it!'

(Bam!)

"Now why did he go running out of here...let me see this thang...u know what.  I got it.  By the parentheses...how would you like to spell that huh...but it seems that he was watching some kind of movie called How To Live Forever.  I actually heard about this.  It talked about how to live life to the fullest and
interviewing some of our elders on their thoughts on life.  Interesting.  Galaxia always said that he never gets old.  Calling himself "The Kid" and stuff.  I think along the same line.  I guess that's why we got along so well.


Everything about this place reminds me of those days of us sneaking around.  I didn't need to hide much here in South Beach, cuz celebrities are everywhere.  But just looking around...from this mini-camera. I can't believe he still has this.  He always and still does have it planted right on the bed.  Just ready for an "J" movie film to be produced.  Huh...Empty bag of Chocolate Cranberry Crunch from Target, of course.  I remember the other day him telling me about walking into the women's bathroom there.  He says by mistake but...knowing his goofy self he probably did it on purpose.

Wow.  Looks like he's finally got Wi-fi now in his place.  He always talked about it.  That's good for him.  Christmas card from Billy and Amy.  WHAT?!  They got another baby?  Camden.  Where have I been for real.  He loves his college friends so much.  The Dynasty.  Oh, if people could hear the stories he's told me about his days living in "the party dorm" of Olson.  People just don't know how much fun he's had...

Look at this.  A notebook filled with stuff from his diary.  Oh, this is special.  It has a list of every single person he asked to participate when he first got started.  All these names.  Wonder why nobody did.  I guess it was meant for him to do it from a personal perspective.  It worked out well...very well.  This is wild.  It has every music playlist he's ever done.  These are so good.  He should be a DJ for real.  A list for the Top 100 Sexy Bea...Oh, yeah. I saw this.  It was on Fuse TV the other day.  He's writing down all 100?  I bet he can't guess what's number one though?  I know...Ha ha!  Here's another list.  Oh my.  Bank.  Restaurants.  Art Basel.  Heat Games.  Apple Iphone.  He's getting ready for next year.  Incognito and Sheila E. in New York City...Yep.  He's never been to New York, always talking about LA this, LA that....I think he'll like it.  Other girls have told him this too.  Whatever.

I miss these days and nights in here.  Laying in his bed with nothing but my Fredrick's of Hollywood's on.  Just the bottoms, as he preferred.  Me and him dancing in front of the TV trying to perfect dance moves from music videos...Him holding his basketball all the time.  I told him to have it in his hands when he does those videos for his diary cuz I knew it would make him more comfy.  Just so much.  Maybe I should try to make it work again.  I think we look so good together.  So sexy.  He says it doesn't matter how u look with somebody, but I know it does.  After all he's been through.  He wants nothing but the best.  I fit.  Why did we have to breaku..."

(Beep-Beep!)

"What's this?  A Text from Yammi:"

He's cuming...Right Now.

"Son of a... Where can I hide in this place?  Bed...Too small for me, I told him girls like me need some....Kitchen, he'll see me...He really stocked up on those Del Monte veggies.  They must've been on sale.  Still No Salt Added...Oh...Where?...Where?...."

(Click, Click!)

"Fudge."

A.G.

"
'

Assignment: A Surprised Guest Appearance.

Previously seen on last episode titled, "A Night With The Boss"....

And now...today's episode...Enjoy!

'So you're absolutely sure about this?  I mean no joking around, this is true?'

"Listen, he told me himself.  One night when things were hot and heavy between us, he told me a lot of stuff that like boyfriends and girlfriends in a relationship would share.  This was one of them."

'Let's just keep this between ourself, until the time is right.  We may can use this information, for us, I think it'll be as useful as a broom sale on Halloween.'

"You're Tha Boss."

'Get some rest, Julia,  alright, it's gonna get real crazy down there in South Florida, and from what I'm hearing you and Yammi are gonna have ur hands full following this Galaxia fellow.  So get ur beauty sleep and I'll talk to you later.'

"Sure 'nuff.  And I just wanna than..."

(Click.)


(The Next Morning)

Man, this has been a wild last couple of days.  (Yawn!!)  Boy...just felt a little out of rhythm of sorts.  Our workout on yesterday was a fight just to get through.  Didn't feel like doing too much, yet was up to the wee hours of the night taking care of some stuff.  But hey, it's a new day, let's see what's going on?  Let me turn on the TV...I just can't watch any of this news coverage of that school shooting.  I just can't do it, I mean who would shoot innocent people for no real reason, just makes u so sick.  And of course the news is gonna really blow it up, almost just like tha shooter would want it...u can't live in fear so...just pray for those families and friends cuz...it hits home for everyone, especially if u have kids.   

I was just thinking the other day, how my life is so different from so many people I know.  I wonder what have I become.  Not in a bad way, I hope (Gulp!), but just in a...it's tough to explain.  When many of ur friends have their wives, and soon-to-be's, with a kid or two, maybe got their careers in order with their homes and such, we just wonder what about "The Kid" u know...The Heat beat the Wizards last night, I knew they were gonna blow them out, I really didn't even concern myself with the game cuz I knew.  It's different this year, not as much hype, this seems like a good article in today's Miami Herald from my guy Dan Le Batard, I guess he feels the same way.  It's like sometimes its more fun chasing the prize than the hype of actually getting it.  Not for everything, but in a lotta ways. 

Man, nothing on TV, I guess I'll settle on watching Pop's dude Guy Fieri as he cooks with my Pre-School crush Brooke Shields.  Having a crush when u're six years old, is that even legal?  I mean while other kids were thinking about playing with toys and crayons, I guess I had other things on my mind.  Some kids learned the alphabet A-B-C-D, etc...I guess I learned mine, L-O-V-E-K-I-S-S-I-N-G, etc., heck I didn't even know their wasn't two S's in tha thang until like 3 years ago.  It took me until last year to know that there aren't three X's in the alphabet!  That's funny, once again, u gotta be a freak to get that!  Maybe that's the whole problem, I see so much beauty in not only people, but in these girls.  It's insane, what I encounter on a daily basis.  I feel so different...it's not a craving, but more of an appreciation of what sexiness is really all about.  A girl can look girl with short stature, tall stature, 32A cup, 44DD cup, pretty smile, arm full of tattoos, dresses like a fashion intern, has the freakyness of a political intern, loves God, loves to party, has a voice of an angel, weighs 195 pounds but carries herself like a queen, is over the age of 40...50....60...under the age of...well, I better not go there.  But it's like I have gone through EVERY single step in terms of love life.  Every one.  The lessons I have learned are so invaluable, I mean just within the last few days I've learned so much it's ridiculous.

Learning that sometimes u just have to 'Let Go', u know.  Ah, let's see, I learned that it's gonna take a really special person to be by my side.  The standards have be defined, and I'm seeing that it is more of the little things that I notice that will be the basis of my dating and love decisions.  Does this person or is this person really down to help others?  Are they always talking about people instead of ideas?  Do they really have an interest in changing the world, cuz if they don't have a feel for that how can they want to change a Galaxy?  I also want somebody who is as real around us, as they are when they 'aren't' around us.  Sometimes I think people act differently with us around, I don't want that dude.  Be you.  I've been thinking about all these dolls that I've been blessed to come around.  Some have boyfriends, which is a subject for another day...this one girl I recall asking her, "What type of music do you listen to?".  And her answer was so precise, it wasn't that standard, "1 in the morning" at the bar type answer, "I listen to everything." No this girl gave me precise genres, artists, the whole she-bangs...I mean sha-bang.  I guess u could tell what was running through my mind as she was telling us this.  It was awesome and refreshing.  I think when u have somebody like myself or other guys and girls who've seen "a lot", u reach a point where u want and need to see and hear something...innovative or different from the norm.  

U just do, like I always have said, if u've grown up all ur life in a field full of naked bunnies, u need to find out what differentiates each bunny from the next.  They're all naked with similar features, so does this one like to hop more, or does this one have to have grass to survive (Watch out for those, drugs can kill!), does one just want to make eggs all day....Which is cool, just know I like mine 'Sunny Side Up'!! If u catch my drift!!...I guess this is the route u have to go through, there aren't any shortcuts and u can't "Choke The Process" as Kobe said, that was a good interview.  I felt like I could relate so much to what he was talking about.  I have a special life, but now we starting to realize that much of everything that has happened has actually turned for our good.  Weird stuff dude...u can sometimes feel rejected, or wonder why do "I" have to go through all this mumbo-jumbo, when if life was really fair...it's part of the molding.  I can't be sitting here thinking about all this, cuz I got stuff to do, but it's been wild.  U change, and u adjust, but u wonder like "W-O-W!" did this just happen...again.  Sometimes u wonder the route, but as time moves on, u realize that it takes each and every "this stinks or this sucky ducky" moment to reach that "Ok, I can handle it" or that "I don't give a fudge" attitude.  That's real talk.

Now things have turned in some ways, indescribable.  Good things take time.  And it's taken us some time to realize that.  When things don't look so peachy and cream, u gotta or u're forced to look within urself.  How bad to u want it.  Do u wanna take it to the next level?  Are u in the right place or the wrong place at the wrong time?  I'm such a...dreamer.  Is believing that anything is possible really worth it, if others don't feel the same way you do?  If u gotta go alone can u handle it?  Are high expectations of being who u wanna be a bad thing? All these things go into ur heart and mind, but that's when the true you comes out.  And all of us are an original.  There's only one "me", so u learn it won't work if u try to be somebody u aren't or if u try to be like everybody else.  The combination of 'you' makes a huge difference in the winds of life.  I always talk about having fun, and I still believe that before all is said and done others will feel the same way.  I used to think that I was ahead of our time.  It's kind of funny cuz now I just think we aren't ahead of our time, but just live in a different time zone.  Some people like living in New York and the Eastern time zone, others prefer the late sunsets of the Pacific.  I prefer the Fun zone.  It's not for everybody, and there are adjustments, but while others may be doing their thang, I think it's suited for a select few.  I know it's suited for us.  Perfectly.  Come rain or shine, or the extended dark nights or hot days...I love it.  And wouldn't live in any other time...Huh...It's our time.

Boy, I kind of miss writing in our diary like we used to.  I remember those long diary entries where we poured out our heart to a computer.  People may have read our stuff, that we don't even know.  So many stories, I shouldn't have told, but...now I'm thinking about this girl, Julia.  She represents so much.  Maybe she's a combination of all the girls of our past  and future.  Beauty outside, the arguments, which I shouldn't have gone off on her the other day.  I know right now she's on the beaches of Brazil, I can tell you right now, she eating an half a bagel, with Tropicana 50 Orange Juice with a small bowl of granola on the side.  I wouldn't be who I am without her.  I don't even know why I even talk to her, and vice versa.  When u break up in the manner we did, most wouldn't even wanna remain pseudo-friends.  For real.  Perhaps it's something in her that still motivates me....maybe in not having her, just the thought of her pushes me to the next level.  She always says I'm the ultra-competitor when it comes to life and love.  She knows me...and I know her.  Relax Austino.  It's over.  Move on.  I guess she represents so much of my past, that she now defines my future.  Let me say that again...she represents so much of my past, that she now defines my future. 

Huh.

Well, enough of me just sitting around here thinking and talking to myself.  I got stuff to do.  I gotta hit up Target for some buns and trail mix and some wheat pasta.  Gotta wash the ride.  Also wanna go up to the Plantation and Fort Lauder...

(Beep...Beep)

This is what I'm talking about.  This girl...

"We need 2 talk. Ur Babe. Angelica."

I guess she can't let go.  But today is start of something new and the very first day that I've realized...

I have.

A.G.

Assignment: A Night With The Boss

On the last emotional episode of The New Adventures of Austino Galaxia...

'I'm back...me friend..'

"Oh, it's you."

'Calls him.'

"Ok.  Here goes..."

'I've created something that's so much bigger than ourself.  You feel like you should be done paying the dues needed for success, and you sometimes just get fed up with having to wait...'

"...In life you have to pay the ultimate price for the ultimate prize."

'I don't believe I'm hearing this right now.  Not from this Brazilian girl who...'

"The thing this guy doesn't know is that I know him better than he knows himself..."

'You sounds like you's have...a plan.'

"You have no idea....and neither does he."

And now tonight's anticipated premiere episode...Enjoy!


And today was another hot and unseasonably humid day here in South Florida...

(Click!)

No, you're wrong.  Manny Pacquiao should not have even thought about fighting Marqu...

(Click!)

And you can catch Dicaprio in his new flick Django Unchained on this upcoming Christmas Day.

(Click!)

We caught up with DJ Khaled on his new jam, "Models and Bottles".

(Click!)

There just ain't nothing on TV nowadays, I tell ya.  You work hard all day, wanting to just come home and kick off your shoes so your puppies can relax, and there ain't...I remember the good ol' days when I used to come home to classic family TV shows and when the news was about something good.  Now all I can catch is sum booty action and who got shot, and which public officer got arrested for this and that...I think I need to cut my cable, it just ain't worth it anymore.  Other than watching the NBA League Pass, and my Cooking channel, ain't nothing going on in the boob tube.  It used to be a time where I didn't even have to pay for that but now I can't get Cinemax on the black box hookup that my friend's friend used to do.  So now I'm stuck like Chuck.  Oh well, all this talking to myself.  Maybe I need to get some work done.

You know what I'm gonna do some homework on this Galaxia guy, u can' never work too hard.  I'm sure Julia and Yammi are on the case down in Florida, well at least Julia.  As for Yammi, he just wants to party and see if he can bump into a Real Housewife of Miami cast member at a benefit party.  This guy...Love him or hate him, he never stops loving the ladies or having fun.  Reminds me a lot of myself back in the day.   I was always The Boss, but back in the day, my worse days were better than many folks' best years.  I RAN... things.  I partied all the time.  Had all the latest in cars, fashion....I once wore a fur coat down in Portugal during the Summer months just so people could see I had that cheese.  The babes I had.  Oh boy!  I left no expense in making sure that those dolls and myself had a grand time.  Steakhouses in New York, the finest Asian joints in San Francisco, I remember eating at The Forge down in Miami Beach in the 80's when u either was a star or a drug dealer just get inside the coat room.   I had my own table there with wine waiting.  It was the good old days of me just jetsetting and enjoying life.  That's what attracts me to this Galaxia fellow.  Seems like this world is missing something or someone to just help take it up a notch and really help and show people what fun and more importantly what dreams are made of.

Alright, let me cut on my computer.  Let me see...w-w-w...dot...a-u-s-t-i-n-o...glaxia....dotcom.   Boy I love these new computers.  You know what let me put on some music, and dig into this guy...Looking through my albums...how about some...Steely Dan.  Oh yeah!  Gimmie some 'Black Cow' and this party is gonna be happening.   (Phew!)  These turntables are dusty...now it's on..."I don't care anymore...how you run around", see this is real music.  Let me go to the fridge and get me a cold RC Cola, let me see do I have any more twinkies left.  I can't believe these guys are going outta business, I just may have to hit up the Piggly Wiggly down the street and just buy up every hostess product just to save them. (Pop!)  Ah....yeah, that RC is gravy, now let me take a seat and study this guy.

(Bur-ringgg....Bur-ringgg!)

Was that the phone?

(Bur-ringgg...Bur-ringgg!)

Boss speaking.

"Hey Boss, what's ah...going on?"

'Yammi!  I haven't heard from you since you returned from Paris, what's happening pal!'

"Well...ah Boss it was a fan-tas-stick trip.  No jail time for...ah me.  Now I'm back in la Miami.  And am about to go out tonight.  Zhat Art Basel wore me out...zhe exhibits...zhe parties...all zhe questions of ah, "Is Yammi yours reals name?"  WHY OF COURSE, I'M ZHE GREAT YAMMI!  ZHE CONQUISTADOR OF...."

'Have you been drinking again?  I told you about all this pre-game activity before you hit the town.'

"But ah...Boss, me no drink.  Just excited.  I met Bunny zhis ah...weekend.  Now she wants to hop on over and lay..."

'Too much.  What about this Galaxia guy....anything new?'

"Boss, he's been all over zhe ah...place.  I'll get into that in a mo-mento...ha ha!"

'What's so funny?'

"No Boss, it's just zhat zhis week...end, I met zhis beauty at ah...Nikki Beach...and we joked about my Spanish, and I told her zhat was all I knew...and she laughed and then she said she knew some french...and next thing I know it our tongues touched and..."

'Can we get back to Galaxia.'

"Oh.  But ah...Boss.  Julia and um...Galaxia had an argument zhe other day.  A big blowup.  Zhey reminded me of zhat show where zhey fight..."

'U talking about Jerry Springer?'

"No...Zhat show...where..."

'How about Cheaters?'

"No..."

'Basketball Wives LA?"

"Ah...Who??  Anyways, now Julia is all upset, and she's all in with digging up, and telling everything she knows about Galaxia.  She's hot Boss... figuratively and literally.  Boss, is zhat Steely Dan in zhe background.  Are you expecting some..."

'I don't know what you're talking about.  So what's been up with this guy Austino?'

"He's been all over zhe place.  Likes he knows we're on to him.  He went up North to zhis Pembroke Pines, but he took zhis ah...weird route.  Kind of scary to take zhose back of a roads, but...Saw him buying zhis toy of zhe Riddler."

'From Batman?'

"Yeah, I don't know how he got it.  It's a rare figure and... ah...difficulty to find.  He also got some CDs that he's been looking for.  According to Julia, she thinks he really was just trying to get some music to ah...throw an 80s party.  She said he's always wanted to throw one, so we shall see."

'Interesting.'

"Hold on Boss...(Would you like more water Sir?)...Alright, where was I?"

'Exactly, where are you at?'

"On zhe pool relaxing before zhe night begins. Oh...Oh  Boss."

'What is it??'

"Remember when I zold you awhile ago about zhat ah...girl."

'Which one?'

"Ah...zhat Manu Ginobilli things..."

'Yes.'

"Well, I saw her and Galaxia really ah...socializing on today.  It was really a nice vibe."

'So...'

"Julia keeps telling me not to read anything into it.  But I thought zhey wouldn't talk again.  Now it's like...And he's also been talking to a few other girls zhat I have a feeling he might be writing about really soon.  At least I would."

'That's nothing new, he says that nobody has seen or been in contact with more beautiful and cool women than him.  So what's your next move?'

"Well...we thought he was going to this concert on Friday, but those plans have been cancelled.  Julia thinks zhat means he's going out and going to be doing something bigger and more fun.  Our angel says he's tough to reads cuz he goes with zhe day...it coulds be ah...washing zhe-car or a flick... Recently he decided to ah...stay in zhe moment."

'You guys dig up something...he's all over the place down there so...go back to his apartment.  I need a scoop.  Can u do that for me Yammi?!  Time is getting short before...'

"I knows Boss....we'll be on it."

'I gotta get back to my project here.  Stay outta trouble tonight, will you please?'

"Boss you have's my word.  I'll do anything zhat you..."

(Click.)

Now.  Getting back to this diary of Galaxia.  How about I start at the very beginning...April of last year is a long time ago...I know things have change, maybe I could find something that would...

(Bur-ringgg...Bur-ringgg!)

Who can be calling me at...

(Bur-ringg...Bur-rin...)

Yeah?

"Boss...it's Julia."

Julia...Are you Ok?

"I'm about to spill some stuff about your subject that will help you with your investigations of sorts.  Is it ok, that I tell you everything..."

'Everything.'

"Boss...Get ready...You have no idea what I'm about to tell you."

'Oh Really...'

'Really.  See...Pooh or Austino as you call him...he's....'

A.G.

Assignment: Love and War

Previously on The New Adventures of Austino Galaxia...Click Here...

And now tonight's latest installment...Enjoy!


(Knock...Knock...Knock)

(Knock...Knock...Knock)

"Coming..."

(Door Opens)

'I'm back...me friend..'

"Oh, it's you."

'Ah...Yes...Zhe Great Yammi at yours ser-vi...cio.  How have's you been since we've last...ah...chatted.'

"Been alright...(Yawn!)...just been trying to clear our mind a little bit.  So what happened with your court thingy over in Paris?"

'Ha...zhe Judge ah...threw zhe case out of zhe courts.  He said that zhe girl was ah...I guess zhere wasn't enough evidence against me.  I a tolds him that I didn't force anythings zhat 4th of July night, but...zhese girls can't resist zhe..'

"I know...I know...The Great Yammi, right?!"

'Yes.  I have what ah...zhe rap-per Nelly says...ah...zhat Pimp Juice.'

"Whatever....so a lot of stuff has gone on since you've been away in regards to my boo..."

'Ah...Who?'

"I mean Sir Galaxia.  Sorry...I did a little research on Galaxia's website.  He hasn't written in a few days, and I know that when that happens, just from knowing him that means that he's not only been busy, but has had a lot of things on his mind."

'U mean like in Who's gonna win zhe Heisman?'

"The What?...No...So I know that whenever he has things on his mind he only goes to one place..."

'A Snow Party at ah...Alexander's house?  Tell him to ah...use zhe back door when zhe coppers show.'

"Where do u come up with this stuff?  No, stupid, he goes to a music store to clear his mind.  So the other day, I sent one of my friends, to scope out this Spec's Music place, that's going outta business.  Music for cheap, will guarantee a cameo appearance by Austino."

'Ah...Go on...'

"So the subject did show up, my girl was hanging out by the record area while watching him do some shopping.  But according to her, he really didn't go into his usual 'buy the bar' routine, only settling on two items and left.  Kind of strange."

'Huh.  It is, just by me sneaking around his place before I left, I could tell  zhat he's a recovering shopaholic.  He should be on zhat show MTV ah...True...True....'

"MTV's True Life."

'Yes!'

"Well, he claims he's a funaholic now but I know it's still in him.  Something's wrong, I just sense it."

'Why don't you just call him?  Ask him what's up...ask him is he ok...ask him if I can get a visitior's parking pass for zhis South Beach.  Me tired of parking in zhe Parking Garage at zhis Fresh Market, and walking 2 miles.'

"I just might...you don't think it'll be too much.  I know he's about to be out and about, so...."

'Calls him.'

"Ok.  Here goes..."

(You're Like My Favorite song...Just Wanna Turn You On and Rock You all Night Long...Cuz I....I...Just Wanna Be Your Man...You're Like My...)

'Hello.'

"What's up, Babe!"

'Oh, I'm so glad to here from you doll.  It's been one of those days.'

"What's up?"

'It seemed like nothing went right on today. I tried to do this video thing for my website via YouTube and...'

"Wait!  You're back on YouTube?!!  Pooh it's been like ages since that's happened.  Like the whole world has changed.  I think the last time you did that we were togeth...yeah...continue."

'Yeah, girl.  But we were doing that for like 3 hours messing around with our computer that's been acting up. While dealing with that, I didn't even go shopping like I wanted to.  I had plans to..'

"Told You."  (Whisper Voice)

'Huh?  Did you say something?'

"Nuh-uh."

'But in doing that I couldn't even go shopping for music or get up North to Fort Lauderdale like I wanted to. That got me heated...Then I began to think about all the complexities of life, and why this and this is happening...or why does it just have to be so hard.'

"Babe.  I told you that sometimes it just doesn't happen as fast as you like it too.  I was watching the Lakers/Thunder game last night and the commentator Jeff Van Gundy said that as well.  You just have to remain patient and everything will work itself out."

'You always said that, but when does enough become enough.  Sometimes I just feel like everything is on me, you know.  Like perhaps I've created something that's so much bigger than ourself.  You feel like you should be done paying the dues needed for success, and you sometimes just get fed up with having to wait or having to bite your tougue when you feel like u should be doin' the fool...'

"Or at least The Dougie."

'Julia...I'm not joking.  It's serious.  Sometimes I think people get bored with excellence or with the same old same old, maybe I should just change everything about me and just fit in like everybody else instead of talking about having fun and showing love.  It's not easy...It's not fuc...'

"Watch ur mouth, Babe.  Listen....u recall all those tough times I had when we were together, and how you kept me motivated when I didn't get the gig or the cover of a magazine or when they didn't like me just because I was what they said, "too curvy"...u remember what u told me."

(Silence.)

"Well, you told me that sometimes in life you have to pay the ultimate price for the ultimate prize.  I had a hard time understanding that.  It does seem like it's never gonna end and that there's no Lucky Charms at the end of the rainbow, but if u hang in there, there is."

'But when is enough...enough.  I've been through, I feel like everything...Like...sometimes I just feel like I've done all that I can do, and that it's not fair that I have to go through this route when I feel like others are doing whatever they want to do, and getting their's.  Isn't it time, Julia, for us to get ours??'

"First off, relax.  I know you've been working trying to do the right things and stuff, just believe that all the hard work, and the attitude of having fun and being different will pay off.  I think u told me that being different is sexy...right?"

'If it's so sexy, then why did you break up with me?'

"I...I...."

'See this is tha thing...actions speak so much louder than words.  I was thinking the other day about how many girls I have had episodes with.  And all the complexities that have surrounded those relationships.  Whether it was folks who just got divorced...Religion differences...games being played.  I'm not bitter or anything, even by how you left me, but sometimes when u have a day like we've had on today or as crazy of a week we've had, u just wonder has anything, and I do mean anything been worth it?  Everything's blind faith right now...I get tired of thinking about "tomorrow", I want it right now.  And I think I deserve that.'

"That's the problem with you, and when we were together."

'Wait...Wait...I treated you like a queen.  EVERYTIME we were together, so don't you dare begin to say any trouble when we were dating... Cuz all those trips...all those Louis bags, the same brown and tan things, how many did you buy?  Huh...that's what I figu...'

"What u have to understand is that this world or galaxy or whatever doesn't revolve around you all the time.  U don't realize what's going on...you have it good.  U do basically whatever you wanna do.  You live in South Beach, one of the ultimate and hottest zip codes on Earth, I mean, so what if this happened or some girls did you wrong.  You have to move on, and not get so down, just because everybody...Everybody isn't gonna like you.  Your time will come.  In regards to our relationship...I got tired of all the stories I heard about your past love life.  I know you had to tell them, but I felt like you didn't give me any respect.  You never mentioned me in any of your diary posts, it was all this Argentinean girl or this woman who was married...a girlfriend can only be put up with so much of being disrespected."

'I don't believe I'm hearing this right now.  Not from this Brazilian girl who...'

"I think you need to watch yourself before you say something you might regret..."

'I know I'm not hearing this from somebody who messed with every photographer who shot her.'

"Babe..."

'I know I'm not hearing this from a girl...and I do mean... girl, who once went over to a well-known actor's house with his wife inside.'

"You know what...."

'I know I'm not hearing from a girl who slept with...'

(Click.)


'So...how's it go?'

"I can't stand him...I CAN'T STAND HIM!!"

'Wha...?'

"He thinks he's the only one who's going through something.  He thinks he's the only one who had their heart broken.  It's like he's owed something.  (Huge Blow)  This is what you have to understand when dealing with people like this.  When you've seen as much as he has, it's almost as if these people of success thrive on challenges.  They embrace this sort of 'underdog' role when they are really the chased and not the chaser."

'I don'ts under-stands...is zhis some kind of Dr. Phil talk?'

"No, Yammi.  It's just that, when you have gone through the struggles, u realize that the challenges have made you better."

'Yeah, but I don't underst...'

"So, once you reach a certain success you make up all these things to put you back in the mindset of what go you to the moutain in the first place. It's like you've won the Powerball, got the winning ticket in your hand, but you are still waiting at the gas station wanting to buy 20 tickets."

'Zhat's ah...true.'

"I've dated so many men like him, but he just continues to think that the world is against him.  Or that the laws of life have him in a corner when he's really in a better place than he thinks.  I think that if he really got the bank account or if he were to meet the girl he wanted to in the past, we wouldn't see the man we see right now.  It's like he wouldn't have survived cuz that feeling of being cursed was actually the feeling of being gifted.  Many of us have that go on within us...but when u deal with Galaxia, it's a whole nother level."

'And you look good too.  There is a God!'

"Shut up, Yammi!  The thing this guy doesn't know is that I know him better than he knows himself.  I know what turns him on...what makes him tick...what to wear and say...and now I'm gonna make him pay for treating me like he did on today.  He's created something he can't handle, and I'm gonna exposed him for who he truly is, and not what he thinks he is."

'So what do you have in mind?'

"Yammi...meet me downstairs in the lobby, we're gonna go get some breakfast and...talk."

'You sounds like you's have...a plan.'

"You have no idea....and neither does he."

A.G.

Assignment: A Commercial

A word from our sponsor...

Assignment: An Angel Talks

Last seen on The New Adventures of Austino Galaxia:

"...Boss...I going to be straight as a lightning bolt with you's...I may be going to jail."

'...You know you're putting me in a tough situation, right...Yammi.'

"Oh, how I love me's Boss.  Galaxia.  Zhis Court Case.  Julia...Zhis is one of zhose nights..."

And now tonight's episode...Enjoy!


December 4th, 2012.

I have like, no idea what to do.  I don't know if I can even trust these guys.  The Boss is somebody who seems cool, but I've never seen his face.  He reminds me of Doctor Claw from Inspector Gadget, yet I haven't even seen his paws.  Then you got this Yammi fellow, who is nothing but a playboy and I know he wants to bean bag me and he's gonna make a move on me sooner or later, but I'm just gonna put on my Brazilian swag, and ignore him...Then again, it would be nice to get some attention, and he is kinda cute.  Oh, I can't fall for a guy like that, besides yesterday he had a court case all the way in Paris.  At least he's traveled...Oh, man, what should I do.

How did I end up in this situation, down here in Miami Beach?  I guess only two words come to mind...Austino Galaxia.  When I first met him at that party , I just knew it was just something different about him, but I didn't know what.  I shoulda known that when he dissed me over those gold and purple Louboutin shoes my Mom got me, that he was just trying to get to me.  But I guess it worked.  I recall so much and he told me so much.

I remember on our first date he told me that I wasn't his "type".  Which was alright, but he went on to tell me how at the time he was digging those blond, tan girls with, let me see how did he put it...with a 'Cali...fornia Personality'.  What in the friggin' Golden State is that supposed to mean?  And then on top of that he told me name after name, and I was like, "He's such a conceited creep."  If that wasn't enough, he continued to talk about how not only girls like him, but guys too.  So??  I mean who cares.  He acts like he's the only hot guy in the planet or excuse me, in tha galaxy or whatever.  Guys and girls hit on me all the time too.  The minute I tell somebody that I'm from Rio Day Jay, their eyes light up.  I probably can get anybody I want, but I'm not that type of person, and with people, or me being in the spotlight, and folks recognizing me I have to watch out.

Wow!  This is some type of view of the Atlantic Ocean from this hotel room.  I wonder if I could see myself living here...and if so, could me and that guy ever get back together again.  Rumor has it, that he's a free agent & on the market.  This afternoon, my girl Almond called me with all kinds of tidbits on his love life.  She told me how, him and this one girl were in the same room, and how just a few days ago they were cool, and feeling each other, to now, they barely had, or Pooh...I guess I'm the only one who calls him that still...Austino barely even spoke to him.  I told Almond, that's just like him...it's not that he holds grudges but it's just that he doesn't forget, when somebody has given the effect of 'rejection' towards him.  He knows he has the ultimate lifestyle so when somebody doesn't want to join in on the fun, it blows his mind like Eve and Gwen.  The guy has an ego the size of Antarctica, he just doesn't show it all the time.  But that's what I lov...I mean like about him.  He's confident.  And he wants things a certain way...it's almost a gift but sometimes it feels like his appetite for sharing fun can seem like a curse cuz others just don't understand.

That's my girl, Almond.  She keeps it so real with me all day, e-very day.  She was telling me how somebody like scratched Pooh's car the other day.  I don't know how she gets her info, maybe she should be on this case instead of me!!  But how Galaxia was a little hot but not like some times past.  I remember not too long ago, he called me in Brazil to tell me of this wacky incident that unfolded right before his eyes. He's seen and done so much.  No wonder he speaks on dating nothing but '10's', and only dealing with models and actresses and those girls who know both sides of being...different.  That's why we clicked so well.

Austino always tried to make me better.  Whenever we spent the night together we would just spend hours in bed, just talking.  He would tell me about the books he read.  Let me tell you, he has quite of a collection. I bought him a few...I know he loves autobiographies, so I got him some on Madonna, Willie Mays, The Rock, a bio on Elvis.  He only wants to read about people who either have reached or are going where he wants to be.  Which is the top.  I remember this one night, I had a video shoot here in Miami.  He took me to one of his secret love spots in Brickell.  I don't know how many other girls he's taken back there, off of Brickell Ave., and right behind the Four Seasons hotel, it has such a private walkway, and the view is so heavenly.  But he told me how, he didn't want a girl that he could look in her eyes all day.  He said his new focus is to find a "beautiful and cool" gal who not only looks in his eyes, but looks in the same direction as he does.  I later found out that he got that from the Ice-T book I let him use, but it fits.

I remember all those days of me coming to South Florida on a model shoot or magazine article.  Whenever I got off from work, he was waiting for me with 'Sasha' (His ride, don't ask!) and we would just drive, and laugh and put on some Pitbull or N.O.R.E or even some old jams from Sean Paul.  He just knew how "Get Busy" would get me all wound up!  I guess he had a hidden message in his musical choice.  We would just ride up outta of the city, he likes to get away from the wildness of South Beach where he lives, and I like to see new things as well.  We would go vintage shopping in Fort Lauderdale.  Out of The Closet has some of the coolest deals.  I gotta visit the one in Los Angeles next time I'm out there!  The one in Sobe is nice as well.  Our trips up to Boca Raton are also legendary.  He calls it, "My Hamptons South".  He loves it up there, and has told me that if he didn't live in Miami, he would live up there.  I remember going up to some Publix grocery store up there, except it was so different because it was nothing but healthy foods or a natural foods grocery store.  Pooh told me he hadn't seen one like it down in South Florida.  He's so...he goes too far really.  I mean, no butter...no sugar...I've seen him eat Eggo waffles with no Syrup.  Just plain...Now I'm a sexy nut when it comes to health, but I just didn't think I'll ever meet my equal.  Oh...he can't stand that sweetner either, just this Natrataste stuff.  He says that anything else makes him pimple out...how could I have ever fallen for this guy??

So many memories huh?  What to do?  Should I continue...c'mon Diary tell me something!  Don't just let me get all emotion writing all this stuff.  For some reason I think I'll continue, not for those guys like The Boss and Yammi, but for myself.  Maybe his diary online, and the stories he told weren't so far fetched after all.  Although the first time I read about him talking about this Columbian beauty, I had to put my hands over my eyes, cuz he's so up front about the whole ordeal.  I wonder if he's gonna write about what happened or is happening between me and him.  I told him I don't care if he does or not...but I'm not sure if he'll take me up on it.  Especially all the fun we had behind...

(Don't talk...Baby just move with me...Take a...)

See.  There he is now.  Should I pick up this call and talk to him.  It's late.  I'm just so....

(Don't talk...Baby just move with me...Take a...)

Sorry, Galaxia.  If it's important you'll leave a message.  Maybe this was my last chance though...Why do I let this guy drive me so crazy.  I've dated so many guys, athletes, rappers, actors, heck I even dated Dr. 90210, but this guy is the only one who...I don't know.  Anyway....I have to get some rest.  This is about to get real crazy in my life.  I'm just gonna ride the wings of uncertainty and hope that everything will work itself out.  And it real.  It has to.  Besides, I'm Julia Angelica Guiterrez.  If he or anybody wants me they're gonna have to chase me.  Whoever is willing to do that, will get the gem that I am.  And besides I expect a guy who  loves challenges like Pooh to do his best to win me back, even though he won't admit it.  I just know him.  Watch...if it's important he'll leave a message...and in 4....3...2....1....

(Beep.)

Told ya.  I got him.  For now...I think I better cherish these moments though.... I just have a funny feeling it won't be long before the rest of the world will as well.

Love ya!!
XOXO!!

Julia

A.G.

Assignment: Courting A Boombox.

Previously on The New Adventures of Austino Galaxia...

And now today's newest episode...Enjoy!

Dear Monsieur:

You have been summons to appear at the League of Justice courts, in Paris, France on 3 December 2012.  Your summons is in regards to the incident involving Mademoiselle Chanella Jacque on the 4th day of July 2012.  A failure to appear for this court case will result in a physical placement of you on a plane to our location.  In addition to a fine up to 1,000,000 Euros.  Our address is attached on the back of a coupon for a McDonald's French Fry carton...This is your final and only warning.

   Au Revoir.

"You's gots to be kidding...right?  Zhis cannot be's happenin....I have's to call zhe Boss.."

(Ring...Ring...Ri...)

'Hello.'

"Ah...Boss...it's a me."

'Yammi, do you know what time it is?  You're not in jail again, are you?  I told you South Beach after dark is a whole nother level from your days up in Canada.  A few years ago, when I was down there I thought everything was cool until I met this one dame...next thing I knew it, I woke up with my hands cuffed up in saran wrap, an apple lying next to me, my money all taken except for some Canadian pennies, and that wasn't even the worse of it...'

"Ah...Really?"

'Yeah, kid...to make matters worse the broad had the nerve to leave me with the sounds of an old rap cassette of Kris Kross, all while the TV was showing the Director's Cut of the movie, Gigli.   That stuff will kill you!'

"Ri....ght...Boss...I'm in trouble."

'Give me the...wait, let me sneak out of my bed first, don't wanna wake up...I don't even remember her name.  Geez...Kid don't ever chose your love for the night by saying, "A-E-I-O-U" at a bar...they're wild bro...wild!  Alright, I'm on the deck...what's going on?'

"Well...Boss...I going to be straight as a lightning bolt with you's...I may be going to jail."

'What?'

"I'ves just been given a letter by zhis ah... concierge telling me zhat I must be in court by's tomorrow or else...Me...ah...Gangnam Style...ah...fi-nessh!"

'What is this all about, Yammi?  How did they even find you?'

"I don't know's Boss...Zhis has something to do with zomething zhat happened in Pair-rey several months ago when I was on ah...va-ca-shone.  I met zhis..."

'Tell me the details later on...When do you have to leave?'

"I have to be zhere on zhe 3rd...or else?"

'You can't leave now...this is a big weekend involving Galaxia.  You know you're putting me in a tough situation, right...Yammi...Yammi....'

"Boss, I know...I've been following zhis Galaxia, and I'm seeing some wild stuff...check zhis out...I was following him in his ah...ride, which needs a wash, but...no one but me could ah...tell.  He was on zhis street Canary Road or I'm sorry, Bird Road...and he came to a light of zhe stop.  He was chilling, and I was behind, and he was jamming to zhis Michael Jackson song called 'Ghosts', which reminded me of when I had a layover in...ah...Chicago and zhis beauty told me about a party on zhe Gold Coast.  I went... Oprah was zhere...Ah...Her BFF Gayle got on zhe piano to sing Brandy's "Best Friend" and these two Ford Models wanted to Facebook me...I told zhem I ,'don't do zhe book, but I'm on Insta..ah..gram.'  Zhey said zhey will give me a live audition, so zhey came back wearing zhese La Perl..."

'WILL YA GET BACK TO GALAXIA!!'

"Sorry, Boss...So he's stopped.  And zhis guy with a Mohawk, and sleeveless top comes next to him in zhis white Sienna van.  And begins to try to get Galaxia's attention.  Using zhat special microphone you sent me, I could hear him yell, "Put on 91.9."  Galaxia did.  Zhe guy says..."Zhat's raw...zhat's Christian Rap...he gives him zhe peace sign, and he was Audi."

'Yammi...(Yawn...)...that's cool and stuff.  But, once again, if you've been doing your homework, you woulda learned that it's a known fact of how many crazy interactions this guy has with total strangers.  He's wrote about it several times.  But you're trying...what else?'

"Well, Boss...zhere's been a lot of stuff.  He's about to finish his music run of ah...like 25 albums added to his collection within zhe last 6 weeks.  I think zhe last one is Zhe System...Oh, and  some John Mayer, guy."

'Now, The 80's that's real music!  The System!  I don't even have that one...that's when I used to rock and sock 'em, Yammi.  Sunset in LA...Studio 54 in NYC...Hey...you don't happened to know what else he's been listening to, do ya!  I might have to have ya...take a few...you know...pictures, that is.'

"Boss....I's a have a list.  Check zhis out...

John Legend's ah...Once Again

Brownstone

Jamiroquai...I had zhis one too.  Dynamite is zhe name of it...

Zhe Black Eyed Peas...Zhe Beginning...I love zhat Dirty Bit song...so many ah...memories...

Elgin or Ginuwine...one of zhem...

Robin Thicke...Zhe Bachelor Ginuwine...Hey ain't zhat zhe same guy?... 

Wham!"

'Hold on, Yammi.  This guy has Wham!?  The one with my song,  "Everything She Wants"?  But that's from like 1984, did they even make CD's back then?'

"Yeah, Boss.  Zhis guy has it all!  Zhis list is long, do you want me to tell you zhe rest later?  I knows it's late..."

'I'm up now!  Plus....(Yawn...)...I just looked back inside the loft and Lavalife just ran this wild commercial.  It's amazing what comes on during the wee hours of the night.  Go ahead...wait...don't be alarm by beeps alright.'

"O...Kay??"

(Beep...Beep-Beep...Beep....Beep...Beep...Beep....Beep-Beep-Beep...Beep.)

'And...Save.  Ok...Sorry, about that Yammi, but I had to get that number in my phone, the way Cindy was looking in that commercial, it was like she was talking directly to me.  What else, Yammi?'

"Alright Boss...He's also got...

Ah...Usher...zhat Here I Stand album.  A slept-on Canadian favorite....He's also got Robbie Willi..."

(Thank...You... for calling Lavalife!  Where you can talk to life singles right now, and all of your dreams and desires can....)

'Shiver Me Timbers!  What tha...? I must have hit the wrong button...Yammi, you know how to save on these new IPhones? I waited in line for almost 3 hours, well, actually I paid somebody to wait in line for me, but in actuality and according to General Tso Saucy way of thinking, I was really in that 5 year old kid's shoes!'

(For Cindy press 1.  For Diana press 2.   For Lakeisha press ...)

"You gotta get the new Galaxy, Boss.  Ah..."

(You have chosen Diana.)

'But my IPhone now has updated their IPhone Maps App, so now...'

(Hi!!!...I like walks on the beach...Dogs...Organic Jolly Ranchers...Wait... Hello....Hello?? Is anybody there?)

"I know it's hard...but Boss...zhe charges in Canada..."

(Hello!!!  I like cell phones...)

'Alright...what else does this guy have in his a la vault.'

"Boss, I'm just gonna name zhe names, zome you may not even ah...knows.   Lorenzo ah...Owens...Janet.  Only one name needed for her.  Oh, how I wish she would perform in zhe Super Bowl again.  Greatest game ever!  Zhe Best!....Lloyd...When Harry Met Sally..ah..soundtrack.  How romantic...Kelis'...Kale...Khaled..."

'Kelis's Kaleidoscope Album.'

"Yes, Boss, how's... did you knows?"

'My ex-girlfriend was crazy about those Neptunes producers so...Plus she played that I hate you or "Caught Out There" song when we broke up.  She almost put my Ferragamo's on fire in my bathroom tub.  Not cool, Kid.'

"Oh....Kay....3T...Sting...MC Hammer...Ah...Cheryl 'Pepsi' Riley...Curio...Black Eyed Peas, zhe Bridging Zhe Gap album...Kylie's an Aphrodite ....The Cranberries..Cathy Dennis..."

'Didn't she write, "Toxic" by Britney Spears, and Kylie's "Can't Get You Outta My Head"?'

"Why yes...Boss.  Impressive.  Speaking of which, he has two Britney CDs in zhe bunch as well.  Ah....what else...George Michael, zhe CD with 'Freedom'...Ashanti...you know's I used to have a crush on her.  But zhat Ja Rule.  He was like in every video, I had no chance...Ultimate Kylie a two-disc set...Zhe Boomerang soundtrack...Zhat Eddie Murphy!..."

'Any Jazz?'

"Ah...US 3, zhat had that one song everybody dances to but nobody knows zhe name of zhe group.  Classic song!  Ah...Ne-Yo's Libra Scale, it was missing, I think Galaxia's been listening to that right now...Tara Kemp, you's gottta get zhat one Boss.  Ah...Real McCoy...Jasmine Guy...Another Black Eyed Peas.  Zheir Monkey Business CD...The Time...Levert...Lada Gaga's last one...Chris Gaines' or is it Garth Brooks' CD? Zhat was a good one...and he has my future wifey."

'Who's that?'

"He has two CDs from my fellow Canadian, zhe beautiful Nelly Furtado.  Oh, I'm in love....I actually had to ah...borrow..zhat one, since I don't have mine down here in Miami."

'Yammi, what have I told you about stealing while on an assignment....make me a copy.'

"U's a got it, Boss."

'Alright, so you know since you have this court thing in France, you must make sure that Julia stays on the job.  We need her more than ever.  Where is she right now?'

"Oh, she's at some pre-Art Basel party for next week.  I gotta to get back for zhat...zhe art...zhe parties...all zhe beautiful wo...Boss, you gotta help me get back...please-ah...Boss!"

'Let me sleep on it...It's getting late and this girl just woke up...and she looks...."IT'S MY MOM ON THE PHONE!!"....check this out Yammi.  Don't worry about this court dig...I'll make some calls...I know this guy  name Perry Mason, Jr...he's tha freakin' best!  I once saw him win a court case for Andy Warhol against the Campbell's  soup company.'

"Boss, how he do zhat?"

'He claimed that...(Yawn...Man!)...claimed that the soup company...you know when they stack the cans on the grocery store shelves...'

"Ah...yes..."

'Well, Mason claimed that when those cans are stacked on top of each other, that is actually a copywright infringement against Warhol and his famous paintings.'

"But zhat doesn't make sense, he only painted one, and he copied Campbell's ah...em-mage...So how..."

'Kid, that's why he's Perry....Mason... Junior.  Alright.  We'll talk in a few, this girl's coming out here...(Cough, Cough!)...Mom, I'll talk to you in a few, and please get me Galaxia...bye...Love ya!'

(Click.)

"Oh, how I love me's Boss.  Galaxia.  Zhis Court Case.  Julia...Zhis is one of zhose nights I wished I had a Dirty Diana in my life...Oh.."

(Hello?...My name is Diana.)

"Who is this?"

(My name is Diana...I like walks on the beach...Dogs...Organic Jolly...)

"Forget zhe ah...zhe small talk.  Let me ask you a question zhat I ask all zhe girls of beauty..."

(I'm wearing a yellow American Apparel tank top, some Seven cut-off boyfriend shorts, my lip stick is hot pink, my hair is curly with...)

"No...No...something more ah...important."

(Oh...What is is?)

"Ah...What is your sign?"

(Click...Dial Tone.)

"I was nice when I asked!!"

A.G.

Assignment: Yammi Zhe Inspec-tour.

This was a favorite old school cartoon of mine!

On the previous episode of The New Adventures of Austino Galaxia....

...that's Austino.

'Put him's on zhe phone of zhe spea-ker.'

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?"

Cuando amor no es locura, no es amor.

"...IF IT WAS SO SICK, THEN WHY DID WE BREAK UP?"

I don't know...you keep calling me.  I think I just need some time to think about me...

'You's...ah...still loves a him don'ts you?'

I don't know, Yammi...

'...Do you still want to do zhis?'

And now...the latest and much anticipated newest episode...Enjoy:


"Ah...what's are we's a going to do's now?  Julia's not's in zhe right frame of mind to do this Boss."

'Yammi.... has she told you, "no"? If she hasn't give her some time, these girls get all caught up and lovey dovey with these type of guys, and next thing you know they wake up to their senses.  Give her a minute, and then we'll go from there, alright.'

"I's ah...know Boss, but zhere's just so much goings on down here in zhe Miami Beach, and just following zhis Austino Galaxia guy is a tough."

'That's why I have both of you down there to find out more about him.  What else have you all come up with?'

"Boss...it's been tough.  Last night, Julia and myself got a tip that he was supposed to be at this place called Super Wheels.  And..."

'What the heck is a Super Wheels?  Was he buying a new car...if so, I hope he got that new Aston Martin, it purrs like a pussycat.'

"Ah...no, Boss!  It is a...roller skating place."

'This better be good.  So what happened when he showed up?'

"Well...Boss, zhat's zhe problem...he didn't.  Something happened, and he never showed.  But Julia and myself had a great time.  We skated and danced to...ah...zhe Bee Gees!  I...ah...felt like a...John Trovolta on skates.  We had a ball!"

'I'm not pay you guys to go down there and have a ball...I'm dishing out these Ching-a-lings so that you can do your job and get some information on our subject.  Got it!?!'

"Yes...Boss."

'I've been doing some reading of this Galaxia fellow's diary, and he does remind me of that Alfie character.  But from what I'm hearing on my end, I hear that something's been on his mind.  That he hasn't been his usual self.  What do you guys know, down there?'

"We knows zhere has been stuff going on in his life...and not just involving Julia, although she can take your mind off of some of zhe...ah... intricacies of life.  (Cough, Cough)  I know's he's thinking about his finances and is more than likely gonna open up a new bank account in zhe next few days..."

'Big money, Yammi?'

"Just a little bit for zhe fun he has down here...Could be To-tal Bank...or ah's...Charley Schwab...He's been interested in zhe international market, and he's always been intrigued by zhe Chinese bank of...ah...H...S...B-See...we still don't know, but we'll find out's for-you...Boss."

'Good...very good.'

"A..neighbor at his home has also given us some...ah...infor-ma-shone....concerning Monsieur Galaxia....He's been hearing a lot of noise from his place."

'Headboard knocking?'

"No...or I'm not sure...maybe...but a lot of activity for sure.  I got a holds of his ah...Dish satellite bill...and he's been watching some movies the last few days...alone or with someone...not sure."

'What was he watching...or should I even ask?'

"Zhese movies like Ar-thur with Russell Brand...which if I recall during zhe movie, Russell and his nanny had zhis part where she was wearing zhis Dark...ah...Vador mask on in bed.  Which is mighty interesting, Boss...cuz...I heard Galaxia talk to Julia during there last chat, and he mentioned two years ago, on lover's holiday, how he wore a Dark Vador mask as well!  Amazing, Boss!  It's somezhing about Star Trek, huh?!!"

'Yammi...you do mean Star Wars don't you?'

"Exactly Boss...zhe one where zhey had Dr. Spock and zhe Captain, Boss!"

'Oh, Boy...what am I gonna do....what else?'

"And the neighbor distinctively heard zhe movie ah...Friends with Benefits, with zhat cute girl from Zhat 70's show...and..."

'Oh, I love those old days of TV...Which 70's show, Yammi?'

"Zhat 70's Show."

'I know, that's why I'm asking you, which one?!!'

"No...no...I'ms a talking 'bout Zhat 70's Show?"

"I KNOW!!!  WHICH ONE...never mind."

'Me don'ts understand...whatever...but it had zhat Justin Timber-river guy in it.'

"Did he dance in it?  Like did he do The Charleston?  I used to do that one!"

'Ah...no!! A clap here or there...mostly zhe dancing was in zhe covers, how I like it too! but..ah...he's alright, and he may have brought sexy back, got girls over him...I heard he's stoned out on love now so once zhese guys begin to get ah...hooked on those drugs...it's over.  I remember zhis famous singer, Preston Le Floor.'

"Who??!"

'Ah...Boss.  You's don't know Preston Le Floor?  He's only zhe most famous Canadian singer of my generation.  He once put on a show before zhe Edminton Oilers hockey game...back when The Great One was still on skates...Let's just say ah...he broke zhe ice zhat night, and what I hear, at zhe after party following zhe game... zhe creme de la creme met up at his hotel, and he ah...gave a whole 'nother definition of ...zhe hat trick!  If you know what I a means Boss!  He's a legend!'

"Is this groupie love all you think about, Yammi? I mean, really does it consume you?"

'Ah...'

"No need for an answer...I'm pressed for time.  Anything else, you got Yammi?"

'Well...some zhings Boss...I know's he studying zhis book on zhe Rolling Stones...it's a history of zhe group, but in cartoons.  I read zhat book myself, and actually had it, until zhat Jennifer came a over's...Boss, she took it, I know it!  After I fed her some good porridge...'

"Calm down, Yammi..."

'And I's ah...cooked Boss...Carrot Stew with beans, rice, and slices of Bananas...'

"Calm down, Yammi..."

'And after I showed her my private collection of...'

"Good-Bye, Yammi."

(Click.)

'...Collection of...Chello?...Boss?  I was just gonna tell him about my collection of Hotel Matchbooks.  Oh's well...let me see...I should check on Julia, shouldn't I?  I must admit, she is a looker...why did ah...she and zhis Galaxia fellow break up?...She says it's because of zhis di-a-ree, but...I's a figure, zhere's something else....'

(Boom, Boom, Boom)

'Who is zhis knocking excessively at my...'

(Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom!)

'I'M COMING...I'M COMING...(Door Opens)...Oh, it's you again...zhe concierge.  (Hand fling in zhe air)  What do you want zhis time?'

"Well, it's great to see you again to sir?  (Sarcastically Spoken)  If I recall, the last time you and me met, we had a little altercation of sorts."

'You had an attitude and were in a-rush... and you's had to go and watch ah...Jay Low on, some Nuestra Latina show or ah...zome-thing...'

"Ah...you remember!  Ain't it funny...I couldn't miss that bro...tonight, Sofia Vergara is gonna be making a guest apperance, so I have no time to be shucking and jiving with ya!  Here, take this..."

'What is zhis?'

"Like, I know...dude, like I said, I got to go, I ain't got no DVR, and everybody know that Univision is funky fuzzy without cable.  It's my turn to foil up and  then set the antenna to the East so me and tha fam can get our laugh on...so why don't you just sign this paper, and have a good one...Chef!"

'Chef?...I'm not a che..'

"JUST SIGN!!!"

(Scribble...Dot!)

"Thank you...these guys...they come to Miami, and just because they ride in an Aston they think..."

(Door Closes)

'This is odd...and envelope...with no writing on the outside...I wonder who zhis could be from...an enemy?...from ah...Boss?...I hope it's not from zhat girl I met two nights ago at ah...Cameo...Me don't wants no Maury..."You ARE zhe fa-ther"...No...Please, No...Not's...ah... now...I wonder zhen...just wonder...who???'

A.G.